Flitting through the fields I let the warmth rush through my nostrils. I keep my eyes shut and get carried away.

The gruff surfaces of wheat tickle my hands, I felt heavenly.

Flying through them, another warm sweep fluttered my dress. 

The ethereal light felt so welcoming.

The crops caressed me, one by one. I hummed with the breeze.

"Elijah!", a sweet voice called me.

I searched around bewildered.

"Come here!".

My ears directed the sound.

I gawped at Lisa, who spread her arms wide, slowly.

"Come, baby!", her voice resonated.

"Come!", she said again.

My cheek curled to one sound.

Abruptly, low growls echoed, surrounding me. 

Lisa looked woeful.

The growls grew louder. 

Blood started thrumming in my ears. Thick and hot.

"H-help me!", I stammered.

"Help yourself"

I gasped awake, panting hard.

My breath hitched. Trying to drag my heart in place, I wiped sweat off my forehead with my sleeve. It felt scratchy.

"Ah, I didn't change clothes. What the hell happened last night?".

The whole night was deleted from my memory. Completely erased. Vanished. I must've drunk too much.

This feeling makes me nauseous. I don't know what I did. I don't know if I ended up being awful or crazy or mental.

Please nothing bad. Nothing stupid, I prayed.

Then my body became aware of an unwelcomed pain in my stomach. I rolled my shirt up to find it ugly with purplish black bruises.

What the hell happened?

Now I really need to worry.

Where was I?

I crinkled my left eye at the light ray, evading from the curtains, the actual source of warmth in my dream.

My head felt weighty and my body felt like I've been I'll or something.

I propped on my soft pillows, tugging my hair in a ponytail, I clambered out of bed.

Dawdling to the bathroom, I felt dizzy.

Slapping water on my face, I gaped at my chalky hue, my softly upturned nose and my ravenous black hair. Like I said I doubt my existence so I find something really magnetic in mirrors.

The worry of not remembering anything hits me again. Ok I went to the pub. Maybe I got drunk. Maybe too drunk to end up in bruises by falling somewhere. Or maybe someone did it.

I rub my face in exasperation. I hate myself for getting too drunk.

After washing and changing, I skipped downstairs and strolled past the living room, where Merissa is huddled on a couch, painting her nails purple.

"I made you breakfast" she said to her nails.

"I can smell that" I felt worse thinking about bacon and toasted bagle.

Oh, how much I hated them.

Viewing my expressions meticulously, she smirked.

"Hurry else they'll get cold" it sounded queer as she said it.

"When will it stop escalating" I mumbled while reaching for the plate and cleared it in the food bin.

Stretching up I tucked out a box of cereal and thrusted the firidge hilt for milk but what should I do Merissa? The fridge clutched back because it was LOCKED.

I bubbled up in fury. 

"Get a grip, Lij... Get a grip. This is what she wants; to see me unhappy. You won't give it".

When I finally felt a bit steadier, I walked out.

"Key!" I extended my arm out.

And I swear she was drop- dead surprised that why I didn't just throw a tantrum and ruined my morning.

"You ain't like it?", she spoke in her sore- throat voice. 

Let me describe her to you. She has gingery brown hair with a huge body and wears wife beater t shirts.

"Give it up Merissa I'm not in the mood to fight", I said smiling wryly.

"What are you preserving it all for? Posterity?"

She groped it out and handed it in more of a throwing manner.

"You need to focus on your flippant behavior, young lady", she called from behind.

Such plain spoken.

"And maybe you should focus on how the hell are you treating me rather than bitching about how am I reacting".

I know right now, right this moment that she wants to cross my face with a red marker. I remember how she'd do it and sit to see how lovely I looked.

"I don't know if eight months in county lock up can't make you behave then what the fuck can!" I said, my voice shaking with anger.

I began to tease her, "Remember all you experienced there? The pissed off inmates? The shitty food?"

She jabbed her index at me. Thought of something to say, didn't come up with anything and dropped her finger in defeat.

I was eight when Aunt Merissa overwhelmed with my responsibility, grew outrageous.

How could monsters be like? They are relentless, they rumble, beat and torture. In short, they physically and mentally maim people.

I know that no one can affect our future through our pasts but do you agree that they don't affect at all? I don't. No matter how much I struggle with my past, I still end up half sunk in a sea of stupid latched memories.

She used to lock me out sometimes while having a party, hungry and worthless. Whenever she felt like not looking after, an evil would latch on her and she'd confine me in the crypt, a place worth my chastise for existence.

Once locked outside, I'd beat the door because of the fear gripping my heart. I knew every single time that she won't open even if I batter the door until that evil departs.

Then I'd follow the next step when outside: touring around the house and checking if the backdoor is open. But again it's MERISSA we are talking about. She made sure about everything.

Once she returned, all aggressive and flinched. Smiling malignly, she clambered upstairs.

"Aunt Merissa_ you?"

She grabbed my hair and towed me out. I didn't know what I did or why is she so off today but it was that day when I got to know she can do anything without any reason. ANYTHING.

She made me stand on my feet and thrusted me forward on the staircase.

I not whimpering, struggling or grunting once broke my nose, one tooth and sternum.

"Dearly beloved! We're gathered here to mourn Ms. A****n".

That's what Lisa used to call me. A****n.

But I can tell that a miracle happened that day. I started to believe in miracles after that moment.

Eva crashed in. She just gagged at the sight ahead with her hand frozen on the door knob. Looking shaken to the core.

What will you do now, Merissa?

Merissa trying to conceal her panic, queered, "Oh, she fell... Poor thing!".

"Stop right there! I never took bruises in consideration, my bad", she shook her head in disappointment.

"At any rate, kids fall", she crossed her arms without a note of guilt in her voice.

"Who are you fooling, huh? Nobody lands on face until thrown. You're toast this time!".

"Oh, yeah! Way to go but remember I'm the only one to look after her!", she yelled at Eva like she owns me or something.

I closed my lids. The words rang in my ears.