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Keenan
Keenan
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Novels by Keenan

My God Is a Clumsy Disaster

My God Is a Clumsy Disaster

When the apocalypse hits, everyone gets a God to protect them. Kenji gets the God of Lost Socks, and his survival is officially the biggest joke in the wasteland.
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Chapter: Chapter 10: The Divine Glitch
The blade cut through the heavy-gauge steel of the vent like a hot wire through wax. Metal screeched—a long, agonizing tear—and then the roof of the shaft was peeled back, exposing Kenji and Ares-Minus to the dim, strobe-like light of the burning hallway.Vax stood above them, the silhouette of a predator framed by the chaos of the collapsing Menagerie. The white glow of their sword cast long, distorted shadows that danced against the walls of the vent."Well, now," Vax said, their voice calm and chillingly polite. "You two really are persistent. I admire the effort, truly. But you’ve turned my home into a scrapyard, and I’m afraid I’m going to have to deduct that from your life expectancy."Kenji scrambled backward, his heels catching on the rough edge of the duct. He looked at Ares-Minus. The god was shaking so hard his toga looked like it was vibrating."Any ideas, you useless divine battery?" Kenji hissed, his voice cracking. "Because unless you have a plan that doesn't involve us
Last Updated: 2026-08-16
Chapter: Chapter 9: Chaos in the Compound
The sirens were not merely loud; they were a cacophony of screeching, digitized agony that felt like someone was sandpapering the inside of Kenji’s skull. Sparks rained down from the ceiling like a firework display designed by a pyromaniac, and the floor vibrated with the rhythmic thuds of escaping deities kicking their way out of heavy-duty containment units.Kenji hauled Ares-Minus through the wreckage of the laboratory, the god’s feet dragging uselessly across the electrified grating."I think I’m going to be sick," Ares-Minus wheezed, his face a shade of green that matched the failing security monitors. "Do you have any idea how much energy that static surge took? My soul feels like a dry sponge.""I don't care if your soul is a desiccated husk, keep moving!" Kenji barked, vaulting over a fallen cooling rack that was still venting pressurized nitrogen. "If we get caught in the middle of these gods’ breakout, we’re going to be collateral damage. And I have a strict policy against b
Last Updated: 2026-08-16
Chapter: Chapter 8: Inside the Lion's Den
The iron gate slammed shut with the finality of a guillotine. Kenji winced, the vibration of the impact rattling his teeth as the heavy bolt slid into place behind them. The Menagerie smelled of ozone, burnt rubber, and a lingering, metallic scent that Kenji could only equate to a dentist’s office run by a sadist."Cage selection is a delicate process," Vax said, their voice echoing against the corrugated metal walls of the compound. "You want something with good ventilation but high security. I’m thinking the north wing. It’s where I keep the... loud ones."Ares-Minus stumbled forward, his toga snagging on a piece of protruding rebar. He yanked it free, the fabric tearing with a sound like a wet scream. "Loud ones? You mean, like, people who talk too much? Because I can be very quiet. I’m practically a librarian. A mute librarian."Vax stopped, their head tilting at an angle that suggested they were listening to a frequency Kenji couldn't perceive. "I don’t want quiet, little god. I
Last Updated: 2026-08-16
Chapter: Chapter 7: The Collector's Interest
The silence that followed the stranger’s arrival was heavier than the concrete slab that had nearly crushed them. Vax stood like a statue carved from shadows and aircraft-grade steel, the sword in their hand pulsing with a rhythmic, steady light that made Kenji’s own flickering mustard-colored aura feel like a dying candle in a gale."I asked you a question, kid," Vax repeated, the sword tilting just enough to catch the light. "I don’t like repeating myself. It’s bad for my blood pressure. So, what’s the story?"Kenji didn't stand up. He couldn't. His legs felt like lead weights, and his heart was performing a frantic, irregular tap-dance against his ribs. He gripped the heavy-duty flashlight—his only weapon, if you could even call it that—and stared up at the stranger."It’s not a story," Kenji rasped, his voice sounding like dry gravel. "It’s a disaster. We’re just trying to get across the river. We didn't know this was a nesting ground."Vax took a step forward, the sound of their
Last Updated: 2026-08-16
Chapter: Chapter 6: Freefall Comedy
The concrete abutment didn’t just crack; it disintegrated. One moment, Kenji was hauling himself onto solid ground, and the next, the world lurched downward, turning into a vertiginous blur of rusted rebar and pulverized stone."Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" Kenji screamed, his voice swallowed by the roar of the collapsing bridge."Gravity is just a suggestion, Kenji! Use it! Influence it! Make it inconvenient for the ground to be so hard!" Ares-Minus shrieked, his grip on Kenji’s jacket tightening until the fabric groaned."How the hell do I influence gravity?" Kenji roared, wind tearing at his clothes as the plummet accelerated. He looked down at the dark, roiling surface of the Sumida River, which was rushing toward them like an executioner’s blade. "I’m not a god! I’m a guy who just wants to go home and sleep for a week!""Visualize! Manifest! Think about something soft! Think about something bouncy!" Ares-Minus yelled, his eyes squeezed shut, his mustard-colored aura flicke
Last Updated: 2026-08-16
Chapter: Chapter 5: The Bridge of Sighs
The moonlight didn’t look right. It was too sharp, cutting through the smog-choked air of Tokyo like a surgical blade, illuminating the jagged ruins of the cityscape in a pale, sickly silver. Kenji stood at the edge of the Sumida River, his chest heaving. Across the dark, oily water, the great suspension bridge stretched out like a skeletal hand reaching for the horizon."Remind me why we’re going over the water," Kenji wheezed, wiping a smear of grime from his forehead. "Water is where things with too many legs usually hang out."Ares-Minus kicked a stray piece of rubble, his toga fluttering uselessly in the humid breeze. "Because, kid, the city blocks are turning into literal labyrinthine hellscapes. Every time we turn a corner, the geography changes. Bridges? Bridges have a fixed start and a fixed end. It’s the only thing that makes sense in this broken-physics disaster.""Everything is a broken-physics disaster," Kenji muttered, trudging onto the bridge’s rusted pedestrian walkway
Last Updated: 2026-08-16
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