Chapter 11: The Secret of the Seventh Beacon and the Most Dramatic Hedge Maze EverMarvin didn’t realize how much he hated hedges until one tried to slap him in the face.“I think it’s sentient,” he said, rubbing his cheek.“Of course it is,” Relka muttered, eyeing the towering walls of leafy green. “This is the infamous Labyrinth of Lawnlor, rumored to have swallowed a dozen adventuring parties and at least one extremely confused wedding planner.”Bartholomew huffed and adjusted his satchel. “Why is it always a maze? Why can’t ancient magical beacons ever just be hidden behind a polite curtain?”“Because polite curtains don’t build character,” Marvin replied, quoting something a wizard once yelled at him before accidentally setting himself on fire.They stood at the entrance to a massive hedge maze, the walls ten feet tall and pulsing with a strange shimmer. At the center of the maze—according to the magical napkin map Marvin had acquired from a questionable goblin stand—was the Seve

Chapter 13: The Cavern of Complaints and the Bureaucracy Beast By the time they reached the next location, Marvin was beginning to suspect the universe was actively pranking him. Possibly with great enthusiasm. Standing before them was a towering obsidian cave mouth shaped like an open mouth mid-sigh, with a sign out front that read: “Cavern of Complaints – Take a Number, and Don’t Expect Miracles.” Bartholomew stared at it. “Is this… is this actually a line-based dungeon?” Relka rubbed her temples. “I swear if I have to fill out a form again, I’m going to enchant someone’s pants to scream insults.” Marvin, who had been cheerfully humming and trying to see how far his voice would echo down the cave, paused. “You mean we don’t want to face the mighty Bureaucracy Beast of Botherland?” “No one wants that, Marvin,” Relka said. “No one.” The Line That Time Forgot Inside, the air was thick with the scent of paperwork and passive aggression. They were immediately handed a glowing

Chapter 15: The Screaming Skies and the Symphony of StormsAs far as ominous floating islands go, this one was particularly dramatic.Suspended above a sea of lightning, the Isle of Screaming Skies was shaped like a goat mid-yodel, with thunderclouds constantly swirling around its hooves. It rotated slowly in the air, occasionally letting out a loud BEEEAAAAHHH that echoed across the land like a magically amplified barnyard opera.Marvin clapped his hands with glee. “This is the most beautiful disaster I’ve ever seen!”Bartholomew adjusted his glasses and grimaced. “I can actually feel my hair frizzing from here.”Relka stared up at the floating isle. “How do we get up there? There’s no ladder. No portal. Just… goat.”“Don’t worry,” Marvin said, pulling out a flute. “I read a scroll once. It said: 'When the sky bleats, play the tune of ascending sheep.'”“You just made that up,” Relka said.“Probably,” Marvin agreed—and began to play anyway.Enter: The Sky-YaksThe flute’s tune—somewh

Chapter 17: The Beacons Combine (and So Do Their Problems)It began with a humming.Not from a creature, nor a bard, nor Marvin attempting to sing his theme song again (thank the stars), but from the ten magical beacons now floating around him like confused, glowing ducklings.Each pulsed a different color—ruby, emerald, sapphire, topaz, and a particularly aggressive shade of “don’t-touch-me” magenta.Bartholomew looked like he was about to faint. “Marvin. Did you… accidentally activate all ten beacons at once?”Marvin beamed. “Yes! But on purpose!”“You faceplanted onto them while fleeing a ballroom.”“I chose that landing. It was graceful.”Relka snorted. “You screamed, ‘My spine!’”The Glorious Glowing MistakeNow they stood atop a hill overlooking Castle Umbra—which was no longer a castle so much as it was a pile of flaming irony—as a swirling vortex of magical light spiraled into the sky.“Just to be clear,” Relka said, dodging a low-flying beacon, “what exactly are the beacons d

Chapter 19: The Epic Fight Against Me, Myself, and I (and I, and I, and I...)Or, “Echo Chamber of Explosions”1. The Merge-pocalypse BeginsUltra Echo Marvin hovered thirty feet above the ruined Crags of Cringe, bathed in an aura of sheer narcissistic power. Nine echo beacons pulsed across his body, radiating chaos magic in shades of regretful lime green and smug mauve.“Behold!” Ultra Echo Marvin thundered. “I am what happens when self-esteem is left unsupervised!”Marvin shielded his eyes. “Okay, I take full responsibility, but also, that glowing cape is too much.”“It’s a statement piece!” Ultra Echo Marvin declared.“It’s a screaming piece,” Bartholomew corrected.Relka leaned toward Marvin. “So how do we fight… you? Times nine?”“I was hoping one of you had ideas,” Marvin muttered, pulling out his spellbook. “All I’ve got is a deflect charm and three ways to conjure soup.”Jeffrey the Goose, still perched dramatically on a rock, flapped his wings with an ominous honk that transl