All Chapters of Stargrave's Guide to Galactic Blunders: Chapter 11
- Chapter 20
137 chapters
Chapter 11: The Green-Scented Hull
"I don't care if it's an aesthetic choice by some dead corporate board, Vela, make the floor stop looking like an infinite drop into lime sherbet!" Orion shouted, gripping the back of the pilot's chair so hard his knuckles turned the color of bleached bone."I can't just tell the gravity plates to stop hallucinating, Cap!" Vela yelled back over the deafening, bass-heavy thrum vibrating straight up through the soles of their boots. Her fingers flew across the secondary console, leaving faint trails of residual light in the air like sparklers. "The atmospheric scrubber intake is sucking in whatever neon fog is clinging to the hull. It’s mixing with the oxygen recirculators. Unless you want us all to asphyxiate, I suggest you get used to the floor breathing at you!""It’s not just the floor," Theron whimpered from the ceiling conduit he was still clinging to like a frightened loris. His eyes were wide, tracking invisible, geometric shapes that drifted past his nose. "Do you see those tri
Chapter 12: Burnt Sourdough and Briefings
"Are you out of your absolute mind?" Orion slammed his palms down onto the grease-stained metal table, his voice cracking against the low-frequency hum vibrating through the bulkheads. "We are trapped inside a collapsing pocket-space that’s leaking psychoactive fumes into our life support, and you’re standing here lecturing me about bread?"Magnus Stargrave didn’t even flinch. He carefully extracted a blackened piece of synthetic sourdough from the ancient heating element using a pair of scorched needle-nose pliers, blew on it lightly, and took a deliberate, crunching bite. Crumbs cascaded down the front of his heavily patched flight jacket, settling among a collection of grease stains that looked old enough to vote."It’s not just bread, Orion. It’s the principle of the matter," Magnus replied, his voice a gravelly baritone that hadn’t lost its infuriatingly calm edge. He pointed the pliers at his son like a disapproving schoolmaster. "A man who loses his culinary standards in a spat
Chapter 13: Singing Bulkheads
"I don't care about the principle, I care about the fact that the walls are literally vibrating in B-flat!" Orion shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the reinforced steel ribbing of the galley.The entire Star-Skipper was shuddering. A deep, resonant hum—somewhere between a whale’s mating call and a dying tractor engine—was clawing its way through the ship’s frame, shaking loose flakes of aged paint and rattling the remaining silverware in the drawer.Magnus didn’t look up from his charred bread. He chewed slowly, his eyes fixed on the ceiling paneling as if he were grading the acoustics. "A-flat, actually. Notice the slight harmonic wobble on the downbeat. Classic nineteenth-tier terraforming architecture. They used acoustic resonance to keep the sub-level laborers from falling asleep on their shift.""They're going to keep us from sleeping by melting our eardrums!" Orion pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a familiar, blistering headache bloom right behind his eyes courtesy
Chapter 14: A Ghost in the Circuits
"I swear to the stars, if this screen flashes another rotating rhomboid at me, I’m going to take a plasma torch to the entire navigation console," Vela muttered, her eyes bloodshot and wide as the main monitor erupted into a cascade of violently bright, neon-pink geometric patterns."Just bypass the primary logic gate, Vela!" Orion snapped back, pacing the narrow confines of the cockpit so fast his boots left squeaking scuffs on the worn steel plating. "We don't have time to admire the corporate architecture. The exterior hull temperature is rising by two degrees every minute, and if we stay in this pocket-space much longer, our heat signatures are going to fry every circuit board on this rust bucket!""I am trying to bypass the gate, Captain Anxiety, but the system isn't using standard binary anymore!" Vela jammed her fingers into the open access panel beneath the console, sending a shower of orange sparks dancing across her knuckles. She hissed in pain, jerking her hand back, but im
Chapter 15: The Blue Vein
"I don't care if it's speaking ancient corporate binary or reciting interstellar poetry, just rip the cord!" Orion shouted, whirling away from the cockpit entrance as the ship gave a sudden, sickening lurch that sent a cascade of loose tools rattling across the deck plating.Before Vela could fire back a retort from the grease-streaked depths of the navigation console, a sharp, metallic clatter echoed from the narrow corridor leading back toward the galley. It wasn't the rhythmic, structural humming of the bulkheads or the high-pitched whine of overstressed circuitry. It sounded heavy. Final. Like a collapsed bulkhead door hitting the floor."Lyra?" Orion froze, his boots sliding half an inch on the slick metal as he spun around. The anger that had fueled his frantic pacing a second ago evaporated, instantly replaced by a cold, prickling dread that wormed its way down his spine. "Lyra!"He didn't wait for an answer. Pushing past the threshold of the cramped cockpit, he sprinted down t
Chapter 16: Surgery in a Sub-Zero Corridor
"Magnus, drop the bread and get your tools! Now!" Orion’s voice cracked, raw with a terror he hadn't felt since he was ten years old watching his father pack a single battered duffel bag and walk out the airlock.Magnus didn't drop the charred piece of sourdough. He calmly took another bite, chewing with maddening deliberation while his pale, sunken eyes flicked from Orion’s panicked face down to the floor of the sub-zero corridor. There, sprawled awkwardly against the riveted steel plating, lay Lyra. Her breathing was a shallow, rattling hitch. The neon-blue veins from the Hegemony dart had violently branched out, creeping past her collarbone and locking up the rigid muscles of her neck in an unnatural, frozen arch."The med-bay is offline," Orion shouted, dropping to his knees beside her. He grabbed Lyra’s ice-cold shoulder, shaking her gently before his hands hovered uselessly over the pulsating, luminescent tracks glowing right beneath her skin. "The anomaly’s power drains fried t
Chapter 17: Breaking the Surface
"Magnus, move!" Orion snarled, shoving his estranged father hard against the frost-rimed bulkhead of the sub-zero corridor. The charred piece of sourdough clattered uselessly onto the frozen deck plates as Magnus finally dropped his aloof act, his expression hardening into a look of absolute, clinical focus."Stop shaking her, Orion, you're only accelerating the toxin's spread through her lymphatic system," Magnus snapped back, dropping to his knees beside Lyra with surprising speed for a man his age. He unclipped a heavy, dented multitool from his belt, its laser-welder attachment clicking as it powered up with a high-pitched whine. "Vela! Get down here with the secondary manual override lever and hold her shoulders flat against the deck. If she spasms while I'm cutting into the clavicle regulator, she’s paralyzed for life."Vela scrambled out from the cockpit access panel, her face streaked with black soot and neon-pink grease. Without a word, she dropped her weight onto Lyra’s uppe
Chapter 18: Out of the Frying Pan
The viewport of the Star-Skipper flared into a blinding wash of slate-gray and stark industrial white."Hold on!" Cassian roared from the secondary station, his hands flying across the terminal as alarms began to shriek like dying machinery. "We just dropped out of the pocket-space fold, and the spatial displacement vector is pushing us sideways!"Orion slammed his palms against the primary flight yoke, fighting the violent shudder that tore through the deck plating. The retro-thrusters whined, protesting the sudden transition from the neon-soaked surrealism of the anomaly into the cold, jagged vacuum of regional space."Where are we?" Orion demanded, squinting against the glare of the main display screen as the ambient fog cleared from the optics. "Tell me we cleared the anomaly's outer perimeter. Tell me we're safe.""Safe?" Cassian let out a harsh, jagged laugh, his fingers still hammering against the damp keys. "Look at the long-range scanners, Captain. We didn't just clear the pe
Chapter 19: The Rust-Belt Port of Call
"That's not a civilian transport," Cassian muttered, his voice dropping into a tense, breathless register as he stared at the massive silhouette filling the main viewport. "That's the Iron Sovereign. Class-M military freighter. The exact heavy cruiser we used as a shield six jumps ago, and by the look of their forward rail-guns, they've been waiting right here for our spatial wake to stabilize."Orion slammed his hand onto the console, the warning lights flashing a harsh, pulsing amber across the cramped flight deck. "They tracked our displacement vector out of the anomaly. Cassian, tell me you have a ghost-ping ready. Tell me our transponder isn't broadcasting our real registry right into their tactical loop.""Working on it!" Cassian snapped, sweat plastering his dark hair to his forehead as his fingers blurred across the manual override keys. "The quantum spoofing array is still sluggish from the anomaly's residual EMP discharge. If I dump the secondary coolant lines into the buffe
Chapter 20: Trading Scraps for Hydrogen
"The tank is bone dry, Orion. Not a single drop of refined hydrogen left in the reserve cells," Vela announced, her voice echoing sharply against the scarred, graffiti-tagged bulkheads of Sinker’s Drop docking bay four. She kicked the base of the refueling umbilical, a hollow, metallic clank ringing out in the pressurized subterranean cavern. "If we try to jump out of this sector on raw plasma combustion, the engine manifold will literally melt into liquid slag before we clear the belt."Orion wiped a smear of dark engine grease from his cheek, glaring at the massive, rust-encrusted fuel pump standing dead beside them. "We just survived a military freighter ambush and a collapsed corporate pocket-space. We are not getting stranded on a lawless mining rock because our fuel lines decided to quit.""Then I suggest you and your father start turning his 'priceless historical artifacts' into currency," Theron muttered from the top of the boarding ramp, leaning casually against the hydraulic