3 Feet Tall but I’m the Dragon God

Chapter 3- The Lawn chair

Su Qing’s eyes were locked onto him, her gaze sharp enough to cut glass. "Where were you, Lin Fan? And why do you smell like a slaughterhouse?"

Lin Fan didn’t even blink. He just reached up and scratched the back of his neck, adopting the exact posture of a scolded, clumsy idiot. "I was walking home from the bus stop," he lied smoothly, keeping his voice perfectly meek, "and I took a shortcut behind the night market. Some guy dropped a crate of live crabs, and I slipped right into a dumpster full of fish guts. I tried to wash it off at the public tap, but you know how that smell gets into your skin."

Su Qing stared at him for a long, agonizing moment. She wanted to be mad, she really did, but the image of her three-foot-four husband tumbling into a pile of rotting seafood was just too pathetic to be a lie. It fit his useless persona perfectly. She let out a long, exhausted sigh and rubbed her temples. "Just go take a shower, Lin Fan. Please. I have a headache."

"Right away," Lin Fan said, turning toward the hallway.

But before he could take three steps, the front door violently banged open, slamming against the wall with a deafening crash.

Su Qing jumped, knocking over her coffee mug, while Lin Fan just stopped and slowly turned around.

Stumbling into the foyer was Su Hao, Su Qing’s younger brother. He was completely, utterly wasted. His expensive designer shirt was unbuttoned halfway down his chest, his tie was wrapped loosely around his forehead like a sweatband, and he reeked of top-shelf whiskey and cheap perfume. He was the classic second-generation trust-fund brat—tall, handsome, and entirely devoid of a work ethic or a moral compass.

"Look who finally crawled out of his mouse hole!" Su Hao slurred loudly, swaying on his feet as he pointed a wobbly finger at Lin Fan. "The great Lin Fan! The dwarf! The leech!"

"Su Hao, you're drunk," Su Qing snapped, standing up and glaring at her brother. "Go to sleep. We don't have time for this."

"Shut up, Qing'er, I'm talking to the runt!" Su Hao bellowed, ignoring his sister entirely as he staggered toward Lin Fan. He loomed over the MC, using his six-foot frame to cast a massive shadow. "Do you know how much money I lost at the casino today, you little freak? Two million! Two million dollars! And Dad told me it’s because the family’s luck is cursed by having a genetic defect living in our house!"

Lin Fan just looked up at him, his expression completely blank. "If your luck is tied to my height, Su Hao, then you should have bet on the jockeys."

The room went dead silent. Su Qing’s eyes widened in sheer horror.

Su Hao’s face turned a violent shade of purple. The alcohol in his system instantly converted his embarrassment into blinding, murderous rage. "You little bastard," he spat, his voice dropping to a dangerous, slurred growl. "You think you can talk to me? I’m gonna stomp you flat! I’m gonna fold you up and mail you back to the circus!"

"Su Hao, no!" Su Qing screamed, rushing forward to pull him back.

But Su Hao was already swinging. He pulled his arm back and threw a massive, drunken haymaker aimed right at Lin Fan’s face, putting all his two-hundred-and-twenty-pound frame behind the punch. He fully intended to take the little dwarf’s head off.

Lin Fan didn’t dodge. He didn’t even raise his hands to block. He just stood there, perfectly still.

*CRACK.*

The sound of bone snapping echoed through the foyer like a gunshot.

Su Hao’s fist connected squarely with Lin Fan’s forehead. But instead of Lin Fan’s skull caving in, it was Su Hao’s knuckles that instantly shattered against the titanium-dense bone of the Primordial Asura Physique.

"AAAAARGH!" Su Hao shrieked, his eyes bulging out of his head as he clutched his mangled, bleeding right hand to his chest. He stumbled backward, completely off-balance from the recoil, his left arm flailing wildly in the air to catch himself.

Lin Fan just sighed, brushing a speck of dust off his shoulder. "I told you, Su Hao. My head is hard."

"I'll kill you! I'll rip your arms off!" Su Hao roared through his tears of pain. He lunged forward with his good arm, his face twisted in a mask of pure, drunken fury, completely off-balance and swinging blindly.

Lin Fan didn't even use a martial arts stance. He just casually stuck out his index finger and poked Su Hao hard right in the center of his chest, right over the sternum.

It wasn't a lethal strike. It was just a precise, localized injection of his condensed internal energy, hitting the exact nerve cluster that controlled the body's motor functions.

The effect was instantaneous.

Su Hao’s forward momentum completely stopped. His eyes went wide, and his mouth froze open in a silent scream. Every single muscle in his body locked up at the exact same millisecond. He didn't fall over gracefully; he just went completely, rigidly stiff, like a plank of wood.

Because his center of gravity was already messed up from his broken hand and his drunken stumble, the rigid Su Hao simply tipped forward.

*THUD.*

He hit the hardwood floor face-first, completely paralyzed, stiff as a board, with his arms locked awkwardly in the air and his legs straight out behind him. He looked exactly like a rigid lawn chair that had been dropped from a second-story window. He couldn't move a single inch, but his eyes were darting around in absolute, unadulterated panic, and he was making a muffled, vibrating *mmph-mmph-mmph* sound through his gritted teeth.

Su Qing stopped dead in her tracks, her hands covering her mouth. She looked at her brother, who was currently frozen in the most ridiculous, undignified pose imaginable, and then she looked at her tiny husband, who was casually putting his hands back into his pockets.

"He... he just fainted," Lin Fan said, his voice completely deadpan. "Drunk too much. Hit his head on the floor. You should probably call a doctor, his face is turning blue."

Su Qing stared at him, her brain struggling to process the sheer absurdity of what she had just witnessed. Her brother had just punched Lin Fan, broken his own hand, and then instantly locked up like a robot and face-planted.

"Lin Fan..." Su Qing whispered, her voice trembling. "What did you do to him?"

"Me? Nothing," Lin Fan said, stepping carefully over his paralyzed, vibrating brother-in-law. "Like I said, he tripped. I'm going to take that shower now. Don't wait up."