Throne and Revenge

I was just a girl

Ukaria 

I was furious and confused about everything happening around me. The kind of confusion that sat heavy in my chest and made my head spin. 

Once again, my father had said no after pleading with him for a long time. I was not allowed to go hunting with him and my brothers but this time, I wanted answers for the usual refusal.

Romeo and Leo were my older twin brothers, they were born three years before me. They were always included in every outdoor activity, they were always out there doing the real stuff while I was stuck at home.

Over time, I decided to interpret the message myself.  I was not one of them besides , I did not have a twin so maybe that was it, that was the difference.

I tried to make sense of it making me list every excuse I could think of be it age, skill and rules but none of them felt right.

Eventually, the frustration took over and I did the only thing that gave me peace. I locked myself inside the old barn and sat there in silence hugging my knees and trying to calm the storm in my chest.

Footsteps crunched outside the door and I grabbed the rod leaning near the doorframe and opened the door half way expecting trouble. 

It was only Mama and her face softened the tension in my shoulders but I did not put down the rod.

She asked me what I was doing in there alone but I did not answer. I could not answer her because obviously, she wasn't in my shoes. She sighed and did not pressurize me but rather invited me to the kitchen.

I didn't hesitate because I needed someone to speak to even though I was acting though.

I sat picking through grains but my mind refused to settle neither did the questions  settle and I could not hold them in anymore.

"Mama, why does papa leave me behind", I said to her and it seemed as if the burden in my heart reduced.

She paused as she was staring the food on fire and slowly turned around. She looked me in the eyes for long before she said, "Is that what has been eating you up inside?"

I nodded as I to tried to explain how unfair it felt and Papa always preached fairness but did not practice it when it came to me. 

It was not just about hunting anymore but it was about the meaning that came with it. 

Her response only made things worse just as if it was some ancient law carved into stone.

"I know you are eager to go out there with them to hunt but leave it to the men. Women should tend the house and not engage in men's activities" she responded to me and my heart sank.

I stared at her being unable to speak at first because her words felt like a slap I did not seen it coming. 

She said it with such ease as though being excluded was natural. Like girls were not meant to lead, to run and to fight beside the boys.

Then she added another layer to the insult by saying women's skin is so delicate and too fragile.

I nearly dropped the grains in my lap because I wanted to scream out the pain I was feeling. I didn't say anything after that, all I did was just nod and pretend as if her words sank in, even though they felt like thorns in my chest.

I didn't bother arguing or prolonging the discussion because I knew i would get angrier so, I let the topic die.

 

"My daughter, tomorrow is a big celebration in the pack", she said to me and I perked up at that because I loved celebration and I never missed any on purpose. My whole excitement melted when I learnt that it was John's birthday.

I hissed before I could stop myself because I did not care. She laughed like I had told a joke but I frowned cause it wasn't funny at all.

But then she added something that caught my attention and that was the hunting event during the celebration. That part made my heart race because now, she really had my interest.

We spent the rest of the day in better spirits. We bother were laughing and chatting while we cooked together. It was strange how quickly things could turn around.

When evening came, Papa and my brothers came back from their hunting trip. They looked so proud because their arms were full of meat and their faces lit with triumph.

I could not just stop smiling even though I wasn't there, I still felt the pull of excitement in me.

I hovered around Romeo and Leo as I tried to pull details out of them cause I was so desperate to hear about their adventure.

They both ignored me completely, too busy reliving their glory between themselves and not a single word for me.

It made me sad and I felt like strangling them but I was not built like that. I was built into a weak and fragile girl but still, I could not let this go. 

I stormed off and found Papa with a strong face and that caught his attention instantly. "Who did it?" he asked, assuming my brothers had bullied me again.

"You," I said flatly and his eyebrows raised in surprise.

I didn't waste time to tell him exactly how I felt and how I hated being left behind.

I told him how I hated being treated like I did not belong just because I wasn't one of the boys.

He looked uncomfortable probably he felt guilty but instead of apologizing and promising to do better, he said the same thing mama had said and the only difference was that he was.

"The world out there is dangerous, I'm keeping you safe." he said. 

I was pissed that everytime he tried to wrap up the conversation, I opened it wider and every soft excuse he made, I countered it immediately because I was not backing down.

Finally, papa was exhausted, he folded his arms and said, "If you would not listen to us, then prove yourself. Show the whole pack."

I immediately accepted the challenge the he took a breath and added, "The last girl who tried was banished. She challenged the Alpha and now, she is lost."

That stung me but I did not flinch. I walked away angry and sad but oddly hopeful because I now had a challenge.

I decided to stay moody through the night because I knew papa would probably come around as he always did and even if he didn't, I had already made up my mind and I would not wait for permission anymore.