All Chapters of The Ultimate Epic Fail Influencer: Chapter 11
- Chapter 20
94 chapters
Chapter 10
Marshall slammed his palm flat onto the coffee table. The ashtray jumped. "Shut your mouth. Look at how put together your cousin Joel is. Real degree, real skills. You couldn't even scrape into a community college, and you think you belong inside a Fortune-500 firm? On what merit? You'd walk in there with nothing to offer. You'd embarrass your uncle. You'd embarrass me." He took a long, ugly drag on his cigarette, smoke curling around the lines etched deep into his face. "I don't care what you think about it. In a few days, you're packing your things and reporting to Joel's company. He's already promised to put in a good word. He's getting you on as a security guard at the gate." He said it the way another man might announce a Christmas gift. Pleased. Magnanimous. As if the conversation were already over. "A security guard." Sam actually laughed. The sound came out thin, almost amused. "Wow." He had nothing against the job itself. People worked honest hours, they put food on tabl
Chapter 11
Battery Avenger, of all things. Sam's mouth twitched at the corner as he read the nickname twice over. He could live with the second word well enough, since "avenger" at least carried a hint of dignity. Stick "battery" in front of it, however, and the whole title started to feel like the universe was workshopping insults at his expense. Was this honestly what passed for a flattering nickname now?He was still chewing on the absurdity of it when a small red dot bloomed on the platform's home page. He tapped it, and the trending list unfurled across his screen in a neat column.【#DeliveryRiderRamsClassAFugitive】【#HeroicRiderBlocksRunawayCriminalPositiveEnergy】【#FolkHeroWithHiddenSkillsTurnsTheTide】【#ClassAFugitiveSentFlyingByScooter】【#RiderUnderdogStoryTheCrashScrollYouCannotMiss】He scrolled into the first thread and quickly realized that clips of his livestream had already been carved up and reposted across half the internet. The whole feed was
Chapter 12
Joel's voice carried that snide and sarcastic edge that always lived two inches behind a smile. The mockery wasn't even subtle. Sam's father chimed in next, voice clipped with disgust. "Don't even get me started," Marshall typed, then dropped a voice note. "Sam picked a fight with me earlier, going on about how that office job was supposed to be his. Pathetic. He couldn't even crack into a college, and now he wants a desk? Let him dream about it." The reply chain lit up with laughter from a dozen relatives Sam had barely seen in years. Joel rolled in right behind to twist the knife. "Uncle, you nailed it," Joel said, voice oily. "Sam doesn't even have a real job, and now he turns his nose up at the security position I lined up for him. I really did try to do him a favor, and look at the thanks I get." The group, which had been dead quiet for weeks, suddenly came alive. Aunts and uncles Sam could barely place by face piled on one after another, each comment dressed up as concern, ea
Chapter 13
Sam hurried through the slick streets and reached Central Park with rainwater dripping from his sleeves. Under the awning by the front gate, a figure in a delivery uniform was already perched on a bench, head bowed over a phone. Alex Cheek."Damn, here early?" Sam said, dropping onto the bench beside him."Big internet hero summoned me," Alex said, lifting his head with a tired half smile. "Can't keep a man like that waiting."Big internet hero. Sam turned that over in his head. The clip was scrubbed and blurred across every platform, faces and voices scrambled. So how had Alex put it together?"You figured it out?" Sam asked, eyebrows lifting."Bro," Alex said flatly, "that scooter is mine. Your riding style is insane. You drift after a fugitive without ever once touching the brakes. I almost choked on my noodles when I saw the angle.""Right. Right." Sam scratched at his hair, sheepish. "Forgot the bike was technically yours."The fact that Alex
Chapter 14
Sam very nearly lost his footing. Beside him, Alex stood with his eyes wide open, staring at the paper house as if it had personally insulted him. A house made of paper, painted curtains and all, going for five hundred fifty dollars."That much?" Sam said. "What's the delivery address, heaven?""Naturally," the shopkeeper said, unfazed. "Our trade handles the final dignity. Don't let the paper fool you. This unit comes fully appointed, central air, wifi, even a mahjong table tucked into the back room. Five hundred fifty buys you peace of mind, top to bottom. You won't find a better value anywhere."The pitch came out so polished it sounded rehearsed. Sam felt the corner of his mouth twitch into a flat line. Buying it was the only way to actually feel cheated.He let his eyes wander across the shelves. Paper sports cars, paper villas, even a row of paper pets, every single tag started in the high three digits."This trade has obscene margins," he muttered. "A
Chapter 15
The words had barely cleared Sam's mouth when a thread of wind slid through the cemetery. The paper talismans strung from the central tree rustled in soft, dry whispers, and somewhere out beyond the broken wall, a stray cat let out a long, fraying cry. Alex felt every hair on his arms stand at attention."I'm starting to think," Alex said in a low voice that wobbled at the edges, "we might actually summon something out here.""Relax," Sam said with a grin, slapping him on the shoulder. "Even if a real spook showed up, it would have to hit follow before it floated off. House rules."With the props finished and the staging set, the two of them retreated to the rusted gate and opened the broadcast.The follower count had crept past five thousand in his absence, though the climb had clearly slowed. Looking at the new framing in the preview, Sam had to admit the upgrade was worth every dollar. The picture was crisp enough to see individual blades of grass swaying alon
Chapter 16
Watching the gift icons keep blooming across the top of the feed, Sam felt a giddy little surge in his chest. This, right here, was the road to real money.Alex had simply stopped processing. He filled his off hours with other people's livestreams the same way most people scrolled videos, so he knew exactly how much each of those animations cost the senders. What gutted him was the timing. Sam had been live for barely ten minutes and the gifts were already stacking up like firewood. If Alex had tried this himself, he wouldn't even have made it through his first delivery run before the room emptied.He was still chewing on the unfairness of it when the rusted iron gate groaned as Sam pushed it inward, the hinges letting out a long thin scream of metal that scraped right across the chat's spine. Inside, the thin pale fog drifting along the ground curled higher around their ankles, swallowing the gravel path and lending the whole Derelict Cemetery an even more uncertain look.
Chapter 17
The grin froze on Sam's face mid-stretch. The shopkeeper. The shopkeeper had said it himself. These were single use items. Burn them after, dump them in any convenient ditch, no one would notice. Cheap construction, cheap materials, the lowest possible bar. Sam hadn't given the warning a second thought at the time, since this whole stream was meant to be a one-and-done bit anyway. He'd assumed he would simply chuck the props after.He had budgeted for everything tonight except the one detail that mattered most. The forecast had called for scattered thunderstorms."Oh no," he managed.He hadn't even finished the syllable when a hard gust ripped through the cemetery and tore half a dozen paper talismans clean off the central tree. A few of them slapped wetly across his own face, the soaked yellow paper folding around his eyes like a very stupid blindfold. He clawed them off, and when he glanced down at his palm, several streaks of black ink had already smeared across hi
Chapter 18
Across town, inside the Ravenport PD, Ella Rogers stretched at her desk and let out a sigh long enough to have its own zip code."I was supposed to be off tonight," she muttered to no one in particular. "I was going to visit my aunt. And here I am."Her face had settled into that flat, pre-coffee expression of someone who had clearly drawn the worst shift on the rotation. Every time her thoughts drifted, they stumbled right back to that ridiculous afternoon on the corner where she had first met the boy with the runaway scooter."What kind of luck does that kid have," she muttered. "Slamming into a Class-A Most Wanted by accident."Anyone else would already be sitting in the Detention Center sipping bad tea while detectives took turns asking the same questions. Not him. He had walked away clean, and somehow walked away with a four thousand dollar bounty in his pocket."A delivery rider doing thirty over the limit," she said under her breath. "I should have wr
Chapter 19
【No way the streamer is acting this hard.】【Here we go again, you really are addicted.】【Stop it, the script is showing through.】【Are you running a soap opera now or what.】【Wasted talent, you should be in drama school.】【Go shoot a web series, stop polluting the streaming category.】The chat scrolled at full speed, every line meaner than the last. Sam had no spare attention to throw at any of it."Who, who are you?"His voice came out a half octave higher than he wanted. He took a careful step back, then another, keeping a steady gap between himself and the figure in the rain. Beside him, Alex had unconsciously matched the retreat. Both of them were already silently negotiating the same plan, the second a real opening showed itself, they were turning around and running.The figure stopped, lifted one knotted hand, and pushed the brim of the straw hat up off his face.A flushed, weather-worn face emerged underneath, the cheeks ruddy