All Chapters of I Clean Gods to Pay the Rent: Chapter 1
- Chapter 10
17 chapters
0001 Job Hunting Ain't Easy
"Here for the application? Name?" "Leo... Cassius Thorne." Thorne? At the familiar-sounding surname, the bored interviewer behind the desk arched a brow and looked up at the pale, skinny young man standing before her, asking with a hint of surprise: "Thorne... as in the Duke of Boarheart's Thornes?" "No, no..." The young man seemed well used to the question. He gave a small shake of his head and rattled off the explanation like he'd given it a hundred times: "It sounds the same, but the Duke of Boarheart took his from the black boar on the family crest — that 'Thorne.' Mine comes from Thornfield. Way back, our family was nothing but commoners from there." "Oh. Figured as much." The red-haired woman nodded in easy understanding, privately amused at her own jumpiness. That insufferable family, so proud of their pure gold hair, had hardly produced a member with any other color in generations. A black-haired, black-eyed descendant? One who'd sun
0002 Home and Family
And a partner, too... If I can't find work soon, I won't even be able to afford a loaf of bread! Face dark, Cassius left the House of Buer and joined the long line outside the Public Sanitation Bureau. Staring at the shiny new badge glowing on his virtual panel — [42 Job Hunts, Zero Offers] — he let out a long, miserable sigh. The good news: he wasn't just a guy anymore. He was a guy with a system. The bad news: the system seemed pretty much useless for now, and every so often it even slapped him with some bizarre DEBUFF... He studied the pitch-black [42 Job Hunts, Zero Offers] badge, along with that lovely little "matchmaking success rate -80%" line, for a while longer. Then, shuffling forward at a snail's pace with the queue, he turned his attention to the other two badges currently in their "worn" slots. The virtual panel that had come over with him to this world had three badge slots in all. In the middle slot sat a badge glimmering a dull teal, radiating a
0003 The Second Visit
Scrambling out of bed at midnight, hauling his sister — her face shading toward purple — to the hospital on his back, and enduring a good dozen-plus hours of chaos afterward, Cassius sat bleary-eyed at the edge of a filthy hospital cot with the sunset at his back, watching his sister, who had finally stopped choking. In a low, complicated voice, he asked: "Mira. Tell me the truth. When did you stop taking your medicine?" He so rarely used her name that the pale, thin girl on the cot flinched. She knew: her brother might look calm right now, but inside he was probably mad enough to lose his mind. Head dipped, she came clean: "About... two months ago?" Two months ago... Cassius did the math, and his fists clenched hard, nails — still edged with grime — digging into the meat of his palms. Two months ago was the day he turned sixteen. The day he came of age. That was when the War Office's pension officer showed up right on schedule for his follow-up visit,
0004 The World Beneath the Surface
With the mindset that he'd fight like hell to stay alive — and if he couldn't, at least his family could still con a survivor's pension out of it — Cassius walked into the Oddity Cleanup Bureau, gloomy as any haunted house, followed the wrinkled direction placards down the corridor to the big office tucked deepest inside once more, and knocked hard on that familiar door. "Anyone in there? I'm here about the job!" *Creak.* With the stiff rasp of metal hinges, the blackened door swung open from within — only, the one who came out wasn't that red-haired woman interviewer. It was... a black goat, standing on its hind legs? "What are you looking at? Never seen the Soot Bishop before?" Seemingly taking deep offense at the shock plastered all over Cassius's face, the black goat — cigarette dangling from its mouth — blew a practiced smoke ring, then curled back its lips, crusted with suspicious white foam, glared daggers at Cassius, and growled viciously: "I'm hone
0005 The House of Buer
"Now, the Oddity Cleanup Bureau may technically sit under the Police Department as an off-the-books arm, but we don't answer entirely to the Kingdom's police — we're a relatively independent, loosely knit outfit that spans countries, with branches all over the world. Each one takes assignments and direction from its host nation, handling certain... special situations. "Set aside Headquarters, whose whereabouts nobody knows: the Oddity Cleanup Bureau runs 71 branches in all, each assigned a Seal of Solomon as its code name. The one you've just joined is the Tenth Seal branch, coded to the Seal of Buer — also called the House of Buer." Having laid out the Oddity Cleanup Bureau's basics at a leisurely pace, and watching Cassius visibly relax, the red-haired woman — taste for mischief now sated — hooked the corners of her mouth up, then pointed a finger at the black goat beside her: "As for our work — it's putting down the types who drag trouble behind them, before it can
0006 Level-3 Incident Handler
This Hidden Trait... so, designated fall guy? Staring at that big bold word "fired," Cassius — who'd only just crawled up out of "hell" — gave an involuntary shudder. His first instinct was to rip the badge off, but the feedback that came back was "cannot be removed for now," so he gave up helplessly and switched to praying in silence. May the Bells protect us — for these two months before the badge hits bronze, please, PLEASE let nothing big go wrong at the Oddity Cleanup Bureau. His whole family was counting on this job to turn their fortunes around — and then there was his little sister Mira's illness... Oh, right! Mira! Thinking of his sister, still waiting on a hospital bed for treatment, freshly-hired Cassius hurriedly asked for leave, then rushed out of the Oddity Cleanup Bureau, ready to put his brand-new benefits to work and get Mira better care. And after he'd hurried off, the Soot Bishop — which had been watching in silence this whole time — clucked
0007 Anomaly
Matches the job description... wait a second — did I ever actually ask what the Oddity Cleanup Bureau's job description was? As if someone had wiped the condensation from a pane of glass, or drawn back the masking curtain of a theater, the "job description" he'd inexplicably forgotten eerily broke through the red-haired woman's blockade of smiles and surfaced from the depths of Cassius's mind. Otherworld demons out to scavenge souls, maddened evil bells scheming to make their will descend, radical gods preparing to seize control of the world, special weirdness born of human obsession, undying wraiths escaped from the normal order of time... ugh... A dense crop of sweat beads broke out across Cassius's face almost instantly, and with every item of the job description the red-haired woman had described that he brought to mind, the sweat thickened by another degree. Some near-instinctive intuition kept firing warnings at Cassius: that gorgeous-but-dangerous red-haired
0008 A Functioning Member of Society
Bolting out of the hospital room a second time that day, Cassius didn't hesitate for a second: he skipped the packed reception area entirely, climbed out a second-floor window, and tore off at a dead sprint toward the Oddity Cleanup Bureau. Since taking Mira out of there was off the table, that left exactly one choice: get to the Oddity Cleanup Bureau this instant and report in — then bring back whoever could handle that "runaway Contaminated"! Maybe his nerves were wound so tight that time seemed to slow, or maybe "running to the Oddity Cleanup Bureau to report in" counted as job description too, and picked up a boost from the [Employee, Money-Back Guarantee] badge. Cassius, who hadn't slept all night, was dead tired — and yet he was far faster than last time, and before long he was skidding to a stop below the Oddity Cleanup Bureau's building. But when Cassius, enduring the furnace-burn in his lungs, staggered into the innermost office, all that met him was a bar
0009 Slots and Fire
Wait three days... would there even be time left by then? He hadn't expected the friendly bandaged woman to refuse to act. Sick with worry over the hospital, Cassius gritted his teeth, bowed his head, and tried begging one more time: "If you'd be willing to act, then I could..." "I'm sorry. This isn't a matter of price." Cutting Cassius off, the bandage-covered woman shook her head and said, looking sorry: "The reason I've lasted six safe years in the Oddity Cleanup Bureau is precisely that I never act when I'm not certain. "I do sympathize with what you're going through, but I have my reasons for never staking my neck lightly. I hope you can understand my decision." "..." Understand? Of course I understand — what else could I do about it, honestly? Drag you over there by force? Hearing that refusal with no room for argument, Cassius's hand slipped open, limp, and a pale gray of despair slowly crept into his eyes. Cold as it sounded, she had
0010 Turning Point
So this is the power of an anomalous object... Through his link with the Soot Bishop, having observed the world through its "eyes," Cassius understood, dimly, how it had locked onto the bandaged woman's position from two whole streets away. Within his own "soul sight" — a radius of roughly two kilometers — every person's soul wore a distinctly different color. Not the physical, red-orange-yellow-green kind, but a marvelous shade beyond naked eyes and the light spectrum, reachable only by souls. The joyful, positive souls showed shades pure and blazing; the dark, paranoid flame-sprouts showed shades murky and dim. The tall, bandage-covered woman before him, though — her "brightness" was astonishing, and at the same time her dark side was unfathomably "deep." Light and dark were carved apart clean as a border, yet at every single moment they were madly tearing at each other. Among a crowd of drab gray souls, one glance was enough to pick her out. Warm-hearted, ge