2026-11-09 09:51:21"Now, the Oddity Cleanup Bureau may technically sit under the Police Department as an off-the-books arm, but we don't answer entirely to the Kingdom's police — we're a relatively independent, loosely knit outfit that spans countries, with branches all over the world. Each one takes assignments and direction from its host nation, handling certain... special situations.
"Set aside Headquarters, whose whereabouts nobody knows: the Oddity Cleanup Bureau runs 71 branches in all, each assigned a Seal of Solomon as its code name. The one you've just joined is the Tenth Seal branch, coded to the Seal of Buer — also called the House of Buer."
Having laid out the Oddity Cleanup Bureau's basics at a leisurely pace, and watching Cassius visibly relax, the red-haired woman — taste for mischief now sated — hooked the corners of her mouth up, then pointed a finger at the black goat beside her:
"As for our work — it's putting down the types who drag trouble behind them, before it can splash over into ordinary people's lives.
"Specifically, including but not limited to: otherworld demons out to scavenge souls, maddened evil bells scheming to make their will descend, radical gods preparing to seize control of the world, special weirdness born of human obsession, sea races itching to take back the land, prehuman civilizations frozen in the polar glaciers, undying wraiths escaped from the normal order of time, ancient creatures surviving deep in the Earth's crust, natives flourishing and multiplying behind the moon, and so on..."
...
Holy crap... the world's THIS complicated? Here I was thinking it was just the 19th century with its tech tree grown sideways — who knew this much danger was buried underneath?
"How are you actually falling for this?!"
Watching Cassius — eyes brimming with awe, nodding along thoroughly conned — the red-haired woman looked for all the world like she'd found a new toy; she raised a hand to veil her glistening, upturned lips, soft waist bending forward as a giggle slipped out despite her.
And as that lush figure swayed, a pretty flush crept across the woman's already three-parts-tipsy face — like a cluster of bright, tender oleander blossoms quietly unfurling in the dim corridor, faintly breathing out their sweet, faintly poisonous perfume...
Oh — she was messing with me. Nearly gave me a heart attack...
Looking at the red-haired woman laughing so prettily in front of him — even after getting played like that — somehow the crushing weight his sister's relapse had loaded onto Cassius's heart lightened, just a touch. And yet...
Wait — what did I just ask her? Did she ever actually answer?
In the shine of the red-haired woman's radiant smile, a pale fog drifted through Cassius's mind, and one patch of what had been crisp memory blurred over, eerie and wrong — as if something had been wiped away without a sound.
He stood there a moment with words dying on his lips; no amount of head-scratching produced a reason, so at last he simply detoured around the strange fog and asked after the question closest to his heart.
"Um — about the Oddity Cleanup Bureau's pay and benefits..."
"The benefits are excellent, actually."
She studied Cassius's eyes a moment, caught that familiar thread of blankness, and answered with a smile:
"Pass your probation, and you'll be an assistant-level public servant of the Kingdom — but paid on the clerical scale. Take-home should run about three pounds ten shillings a week."
Three pounds ten a week? THAT much?!
Hearing the Oddity Cleanup Bureau's pay grade, Cassius's whole body gave a jolt — and that little itch of doubt was flung clean out of his head.
One pound = 20 shillings = 240 pence, so three pounds ten came to 840 pence a week; times the 52 weeks in a year, that was 43,680 pence (182 pounds)!
By Smoke City's cost of living, a genuinely lavish breakfast ran all of two or three pence — so once he made full-time, pulling a hundred-eighty-some pounds a year, he'd have vaulted out of the slums and clean over the middle class's threshold in a single step!
No more needed saying. From this day forward, the Oddity Cleanup Bureau was my frickin' second home!
"And beyond the salary, you'll enjoy a few other perks."
Glancing at Cassius, whose breathing had audibly picked up, the red-haired woman went on, smiling:
"A normal clerical-level public servant gets two 10-day vacations a year, plus Saturdays and Sundays off — call it 160 days of rest once you fold in the public holidays.
"But the Oddity Cleanup Bureau's work is special: we're on call at all hours, so those vacations are off the table. On the other hand, since you're not a wanted criminal but a volunteer signing onto a dangerous department, you'll be pulling in a good few special extras on top.
"Past the standard public-servant benefits — pension, home-purchase discounts, and the like — paid out at double, you, your spouse, and every one of your immediate family members get free medical care, with a shared reimbursement allowance of 580 pounds a year across you all.
"Then there's school: once your children come of school age, they may freely choose any public school short of the royal inner academies — rising through the grades without exams, and transferring in at will even from outside schooling;
"And once they turn sixteen, the Oddity Cleanup Bureau will issue letters of recommendation on your behalf. Short of the three very best universities, which still call for a certain academic record, exam-free admission should be theirs — and that clause stays valid even if you die on duty ahead of schedule..."
Die in the line of duty?! I'll die in the line of duty right damn now!
Ah — no, wait! What I mean is: from this moment on, I damn well belong to the Oddity Cleanup Bureau in life, and I'm the Bureau's corpse in death! Cremate me and I'm Bureau ashes! Even if somebody flings me to the four winds, I'm still the Bureau's own dust storm!
After sneaking in two deep breaths, Cassius — Bureau loyalty now bursting through the seams — lifted his head, squeezed his fists tight, and asked, straining to keep his face level:
"So... when do I come in to start?"
"Right now."
Back behind her oversized desk, rummaging briefly through a drawer, the red-haired woman tossed over a palm-sized booklet and said, all smiles:
"Catch. This is your credentials — write your name inside, pin on the badge tucked in there, and the paperwork's done."
That simple?
Catching the booklet, Cassius flipped his brand-new credentials open, half-trusting, half-doubting — then got a proper look at the design of the badge inside and blurted out, surprised:
"So this lady pushing a ball is...?"
"That's the crest of our House of Buer."
The red-haired woman explained: "The Oddity Cleanup Bureau's insignia is a scarab rolling a ball of dung — the idea being that the Bureau, like the scarab, cleans up the things that cause contamination, and draws nourishment and strength from them in the bargain.
"But since members of different branches have to be told apart, every branch's badge is different. Our House of Buer, for instance — coded as we are to the Seat of Buer — went with a Lady Scarab rolling her ball of dung."
...
A Lady Scarab rolling her ball of dung... the Mother Scarab? What frickin' genius dreamed this thing up?
Holding the freak-show badge — less "bold creative vision" than "a design that wants its wearer dead" — Cassius felt his cheek seize up in one hard twitch, ten thousand backed-up rants straining at the gate behind his teeth.
For the sake of the Oddity Cleanup Bureau's generous package, he force-swallowed the entire backlog, silently pinned on the Mother Scarab badge, took the quill the red-haired woman held out, and wrote his name on the booklet's inner page.
*Bzzt.*
[You have successfully obtained a job, and activated the Black-Iron-grade badge [Employee, Money-Back Guarantee]]
[Employee, Money-Back Guarantee: a job-seeker hired by a company or organization for meeting a position's basic requirements, yet still under observation — the lowest-ranking member of any business or government department. Not yet formally hired, such folk are sometimes also known as temps]
[Worn Effect: while carrying out the duties of your post, your work efficiency receives a small boost]
[Advancement Path: if this badge is worn continuously for more than two months, and you are not fired within that time, it will automatically advance to the bronze badge [Employee, Money-Back Guarantee]. It cannot be removed before the advancement completes]
[Hidden Trait (no need to wear): while this badge has not yet advanced to bronze, should your department run into a serious problem, the odds of you taking the blame and getting fired will rise sharply]
[Please note: this badge's traits conflict with the already-obtained badge [42 Job Hunts, Zero Offers]; the two cannot be worn at the same time. The badge [42 Job Hunts, Zero Offers] has been automatically removed]
Previous Chapter
Latest Chapter
0017 He Really Does Deserve the Stew
You're fucking overdue for the stew, is what you are! Using every last ounce of strength he had, Cassius clamped the Soot Bishop's mouth shut, stuffing its torrent of filth right back down its throat. Then he looked up at the red-haired woman — still smiling sweetly — scratched the back of his head, and said, more than a little awkward: "So, um... Director, my sister got badly shaken up yesterday, and she's still laid up in the hospital. If there's nothing else, could I take the afternoon off?" "Mm-hm, go on! You just finished a cleanup job that dangerous — you've earned some rest." She approved the leave with a smile, and waited until he'd hurried out with the squirming goat head tucked under his arm. Then the faint smile slid off the red-haired woman's face. She laced her fingers together, leaned back to stare up at the aging ceiling, and sank into thought. Something was off... She'd veiled Cassius's memory — made him temporarily forget everything about t
0016 Don't Tell Me There's Another Twist?
"Heh. YOU can forget about forgiveness — but the new hire's off the hook, absolutely!" Giving Cassius a once-over that was almost admiring, the red-haired woman's sharp edge softened a touch, and she said, warmth in her voice: "Cassius, don't sweat the intel. You reported the Contaminated the moment you spotted him, you won over that troublesome demon, and you got it to lead you to Agnes. "Then, when Agnes got pinned down, you took out the mission target with one shot and got her out — and along the way you saved a few hundred people from losing too much of their life force. "For a rookie who joined the Oddity Cleanup Bureau only hours ago? More than good enough. As for the intel — that was just an accident nobody could have prevented." "No, hold on! Yours truly pulled off a feat here too! Do you HAVE to play favorites this hard?" Before Cassius could answer, the Soot Bishop — inflamed by the brutally lopsided treatment — burst out: "HE was the one who
0015 The Reward
"Send it to the kitchen to be stewed." Under the Soot Bishop's stare of maximum possible shock, the red-haired woman closed the case file marked [Bellfounder Memorial Hospital Incident], then picked up the goat head, tossed it to Cassius at the desk, and instructed, perfectly breezy: "We share a kitchen with the Police Department. After you drop this thing off, tell their head chef it's goat-head soup this time — same requirements as the last few rounds. "No ginger, no onion — extra rosemary and juniper. Double the dark ale to cut the gaminess, plus a pinch of white pepper and a splash of that Worcestershire sauce shipped in from the East. We're adding a special dish for the branch at lunch today. Off you go." "Wa... wait a minute! You bastard!" It had pulled off a genuine feat of merit, and this was its reward. The Soot Bishop's rage shot straight up past its brows as it lay in Cassius's arms, arguing its case on the merits: "Hes... you stinking woman! Thi
0014 Turning It Back Around (2-in-1)
MIRA!!! The moment the frail girl dropped, Cassius — watching through his scope from the building diagonally opposite — went cold from the inside out, like he'd fallen through ice. His brain hadn't even gotten as far as the concept of death. His consciousness just blanked. His heart felt clamped in a huge invisible fist, the blood supply to his whole body seemingly cut on the spot, and his hands and feet went stiff and numb, frozen solid. The whole world went dead quiet in that instant. Everything in it froze on one small, pale face — thin lips pressed tight, falling, helpless — and the only thing left that Cassius could do was watch, powerless, as his sister tumbled from on high, despair brimming in her eyes! "BOOM!!!" An ear-splitting roar rolled down most of the street. Hard on its heels came the wide crackle of shattering glass, and the low, grating shriek of metal warping under monstrous force. More than half the hospital's windows blew out from the sh
0013 A Sharp Turn for the Worse
Fresh off earning his new badge, Cassius split from the bandaged woman and, without a moment's rest, hauled the "sniper rifle" at a run into the department store diagonally opposite the hospital, making a beeline for the shooting spot he'd picked out — while across the road, Bellfounder Memorial Hospital had already turned into a picture straight out of hell. In the ground-floor lobby, which should have been buzzing with foot traffic, most of the crowd had been swallowed down into the cold tile. The patients, too weak to move, didn't have a prayer of pulling themselves free — all they could do was thrust their arms helplessly up toward the ceiling. Look anywhere you liked, and the whole lobby seemed like concrete mixed through with countless people writhing and struggling in agony — arms shot up desperately on every side, jutting out at every height, groping and clenching without stop. It was a living fresco of hell. Perhaps because of the carpeting — no direct contact
0012 Your Art Style's All Wrong, Isn't It?
Just as Bellfounder Memorial Hospital — something having gone wrong inside it — began devouring its patients bit by bit, Cassius, who had arrived nearby, felt a stab of pain in his eyes, and found the whole world before him going black. "Wait! Don't go in yet!" "What is it?" The bandaged woman, arm caught, turned back in puzzlement — and was startled to find that, as if blinded by some searing light, both Cassius and the Soot Bishop in his arms had their eyes clamped shut, tears even streaming from the corners of Cassius's eyes. "This hospital is alive!" Gazing up at the black flames towering skyward in his soul sight, Cassius — whose "eyes" had been scorched by their glare — explained through a burning, stinging pain, still gripping the bandaged woman's arm: "Just now — the instant you started to walk in — it was like it got some kind of signal. Suddenly it had a soul of its own, and... it's about as strong as several hundred ordinary souls!" The entir
You may also like
Age of the Dragons: Shouken's restoration #1
Bored Panda 🐼3.2K viewsA TASTE FOR BLOOD
Sophiya Rae2.0K viewsHaunting Naomi
Jason Boyce10.6K viewsTHE SAINT OF SHADOWS
Wednesday Adaire1.5K viewsDeath's Narratives
Lawliet_3.9K viewsThe Alpha's Billion-dollar Legacy
Nuel De Third 2.1K viewsMy Classmate Is A Monster
Angelika1408461 viewsBaby Of The Dead
Zuxian5.6K views