Why did I go?

Epic 1

My name is Angel, and the bitter part of my story is that I can't forget what happened to me in 2001. As a young girl child, struggling to survive in the city of Lagos with my blind father who was trying his possible best to put food on the table with his shoemaking business, even as a blind man, my father was still very creative, even with how busy Lagos can be, filled with a lot of traders, papa's own still happened to be the best, Customer's kept trooping in and out of his shop.

I was told that my mum is a great prostitute, she left dad after giving birth to my other sister Chidinma, while Papa was struggling with our survival, he got into an accident that affected his eyes, leading to his blindness. 

While Chidinma stays at the shop with Papa to help him out with the calculation of money, and also to avoid counterfeits. I go up to the big market to trade. Agile and bold, I kept surviving in the dreadful city of Lagos, Lagos is not a place where you survive with cold feet. With one look, one would believe that I am a boy, I never fancied the lifestyle of a woman as they were known to be weakling which I didn't want to be known for. I got into every slightest fight I came across, I got a popular name DENGEL, according to stories, I was no Angel. I was known as a trouble maker, I acted just like the  Devil, in replacement for that, my name was joined with that of the devil which gave them the name Dengel. I was pleased with the firm which I got. Father wasn't pleased with me, he said I have brought shame to the family. I couldn't care less, as I was in the streets of Lagos, so I needed to shine my eyes. Chidinma can be classified as the weakling which every other female Lagos girl was known for. She cried for little things she wasn't strong like me. I so much despise that attitude, she reported every little fight she had to me, I had to beat her on a glorious day when she reported the case of a younger kid beating her. After that, she stopped reporting to me. She would rather keep it to herself while sobbing in pain, instead of having a little thirst for my rot.

In the late 1990s, as a 12-year-old girl, I kept leaving with my attitude and things got worse. In one of my sales, a woman tried robbing me. I was so angry that I nearly beat her to death before I was stopped by a stranger. I was burning in anger, how can someone attempt to rob me?

“Leave me, let me handle this woman, shey you didn't ask a question about me?” I questioned one of my language's brutalized ways of talking.

I was young then, with blood burning like that of a fierce lion. I wanted to devour this woman.

“Easy Okay!”. The strange man who was holding me had said while struggling very hard to keep me in order, while on the same note, I didn't notice his presence as I struggled so hard just to free myself, but the hand of a man and that of an older man is still very much stronger than a newbie. He tried his very best to calm me down, which became a success after so many attempts. My eyes were red and fuzzy, with my breath so heavy and uncontrollable. I managed to get to sit down in a corner while looking into thin air.

“It's fine” I had a strange voice say while tapping me on my shoulders.

“Hello! How dare you touch me? Are you okay? seems you want me to change everything for you?” I had screamed immediately while turning in anger to check who touched me, my eyelashes were shaking as a sign of my anger.

“I am so sorry, I am James by name and I do understand that you are a young lady with a bad temper. But, I am sorry, okay!”. The man exclaimed. With my reddish eye, I just eyed him while standing up to dust myself, I went straight to papa's shop.

“You came back so early, hope nothing went wrong?”. Papa asked when I got to the shop as Chidinma greeted me.

“No! Nothing happened, I just came back to rest” I had said while lying down on one of the benches there. Chidinma did notice my anxiety, but she never mentioned a word.

“Sister Angel, we haven't eaten since today, Papa has been complaining about his ulcer” Chidinma complained in her tiny shaking voice.

“So?, can't you prepare something for him to eat, are you not a girl?”, I asked her while noticing that her eyes were already cloudy.

I so much hate it when Chidinma displays such a disgusting attitude, even with a little question she will start tearing up.

“I will be back Papa, let me prepare something”,  I said while leaving the shop. While I was going home,  I noticed that someone was following me, I immediately redirected to another place, and the person quickly followed me. I became scared, unlike me, it was an unusual feeling, I have never felt so scared in my life. I ran and hid in a corner near the bush. The person passed as my heart kept beating fast, who could it be? Maybe the Woman I fought with, her husband. He immediately turned sharply when he noticed no trace of me. I became very scared. I noticed the face but didn't know who it was. It was a familiar face but I couldn't recognize the particular person. He passed without seeing me, I came out while heading home, I was wondering who it was, then I recalled the strange man who approached me during the fight, he was the one that was trying to calm me down at the park. What does he want? Why will he be following me? I kept pondering over the incident till I got home. While I was preparing our lunch, I heard a knock on our door. I was terrified. Who could it be? Did the strange man follow me down to our house? I peeped through the window and saw that same man standing. I became very scared, my eyes were already cloudy, and there was no one here to save me, not even our neighbors.

“I know you are inside, and I believe you have seen me, so dear Angel, open the door, I don't mean any harm” The man complained. “He even knows my name, God! I am dead! Father, please forgive me for my sins, what will I do if this man does something tragic to me, what if I die, where will I go? God, I am very sorry for my sins, please! I promise not to fight again, just make him disappear”. I kept muttering to myself. 

“It is fine to feel scared, but I only came to deliver a message to you from your mother,” he said while attempting to leave the house.

“mum!!! What better message could my mum ever think of?” I wondered.

I immediately opened the door.

“wait!”. I shouted out to the man who was already leaving.

“What message did you bring?” I asked anxiously. 

“Your mum asked me to come to you, she said you should try your best to come to the big square, very early in the morning, she will be there to pick you up, and make sure you don't keep her waiting, except you want to miss the token she has for you”. The man said while standing up and quietly leaving the house. What token could that wicked woman bring? I kept soliloquizing to myself as I dished out our food. I went back to the market, Chidinma was already sleeping.

“Come on, wake up, why will you be sleeping when I left you with papa? Lazy thing, you better come and eat or forget it” I said angrily while referring to Chidinma, I don't know why she derives joy annoying me, the worst part is the case of her tearing over every little thing.

“Angel, stop being harsh on your sister, she is your only survival, you should treat her as one besides she is just eight years old, you don't expect her to be as strong as you are” papa advised me. I looked at Chidinma as I felt a little touch of what papa said. She quickly removed her eyes which came in contact with mine. I was so surprised. I can't believe I made my sister scared of me. 

“Dinma baby! Sorry okay”. I said while petting her, instead of her cooperating and stopping to cry, she started sobbing more while being choked up with the cry, which caused her a hiccup. I wanted to slap her but realized that is how she has always been, probably very much emotional.

“It is fine, oya take”. I exclaimed in our native tongue while trying to feed her before she finally stopped crying and opened up. 

“Thank you, sister”. She said immediately I fed her.

“I am proud of you, keep being friendly with your sister, teach her what she doesn't know, fight for her, make sure you stand in each other's back, that is the only way you can survive the world” papa advised while eating his food.

“No problem papa, I won't let you down,” I said while concentrating back on the food. 

I didn't go back to the big market again for my evening sales, I was with papa and Chidinma, throughout the day, we got home a bit late, I made the evening meal which I didn't have the appetite to eat as I was lost over thinking about what the stranger James told me about my mother wanting to see me, I hope I still remember what she looks like, or can she remember what I look like. I slept worried, what token could it be? Wow! I hope it is something that will finally change my life and that of my sister and papa forever.

«»«»«»

The night was so fast, I didn't realize it was 5 am. I got up on seeing the time, I hurriedly went and brushed my teeth, while bathing after that, I rushed out of the room, without even telling anyone my whereabouts. 

I got to the big square, I waited for about two hours before a man came and picked me up from there with the demand of it coming from my mother.

When we got to the clubhouse, I was disappointed. The bouncer wanted to throw me out but was stopped by the gentleman who brought me. I almost got choked up with the scent of people who were smoking and some pungent strong smell, coming from some alcoholic drinks.

“Ma'am she is here,” the fierce-looking man who brought me said while talking to the woman who backed us. 

“Oh, my beautiful daughter! How I have so much missed you” the supposed woman said while turning back.

I could barely recognize her, could she be my mum? She changed a lot.

“Oh! You did grow so much, I wasn't expecting you to look this mature. Are you not going to hug mama?”, she questioned while spreading her hands. I slowly walked closer to her and gave her a warm hug while still panicking in fear.

“Ow! Your body is still smooth and the scent is so nice like when I left you”. She said while hugging me. 

I was confused a bit. How is it possible that I smell fresh when I live and hawk under the sun all day, not to mention the series of injuries I got from fighting? 

What kind of lying mother did God give me? I doubt her being my mother because if she was, she wouldn't have said this undesired trash, not to talk of the fact that she hasn't asked about papa or Chidinma.

I stood and smiled wearily over every little thing she vomited. 

“I only came here because of the token which she said she has for us, why is she wasting my time and looking at me strangely,” I thought to myself.

“turn around”, she said in a commanding tone, I was a bit confused but had to follow instructions.

“Ow! I did think your body features must have matured by now, you remain mama's little girl” she said while touching my chin.

“Well, that won't change anything, all I need to do is to groom you,” she said while still observing me.

What nonsense is this woman saying, groom me in what aspect? To join her in her prostitution work!!! God forbid if that is the thought she is harboring” I kept thinking to myself while still smiling sheepishly at her.

“I have an offer of one million naira for you, which you will get immediately if you accept my proposal. Are you ready to be rich?” she asked.

Oh my goodness! One million, with the one million, I will enter college, same with Dinma and papa will go for surgery. I kept thinking to myself, wow! I will be rich, at least I will stop hawking. But, what kind of deal does she have for me?

“I am ready to be rich, but what is the proposal?” I had asked her.

She smiled and answered.

“In a quest for money, you don't ask questions”.

I was quite impressed with her.

“Wow! What a mother ``, I thought to myself.

“By tomorrow you will be starting work, don't be late, you are free to use the whole of today to prepare yourself,” she said while sipping the drink beside her.

I looked at her in disgust, I could not pretend not to know what she was saying.

“I will not be coming tomorrow,” I said slowly.

“I thought as much, but why won't you be coming tomorrow? Don't you want the money again?” she asked while letting out a little smile.

“If money will make me displease my spirit, just to consent in the things of the world, then I choose to rather die poor,” I said boldly.

“Wow! Your father did groom you well, didn't he? Be careful with what you wish for young lady”. She was still smiling.

With pain in my heart, and uncontrollable tears running down my eyes, I ran out of the clubhouse, I walked home crying, with such a long trek, I couldn't count the number of people who stopped me along the road to question me, but I kept ignoring their questions. Some people just walked away with “sorry” after much questioning. As I got closer to home, people were still telling me sorry even though I already stopped crying.

I got really confused.

I got home, I didn't see papa nor Dinma, people kept looking at me pitiably. I felt a strange feeling, a feeling of anguish, a feeling of shallowness. With that, I ran straight to the shop, but it was locked.

“Have you seen my father?” I kept questioning every single person I met on the street. 

But, it was all futile, none of them wanted to talk to me, and some shook their heads in agony. 

“Why did you leave your father and your only sister? Now you see what you have brought upon yourself, how are you going to survive?”. Mrs. Nkiru our neighbor said while running to me with her trembling voice.

I was confused but at the same time, I felt a pierce in me, a piece of deep sorrow.

“Has the awaited time finally come to pass?” I thought to myself. 

I began to hear strange voices. 

“Where are my father and my sister?” I asked Mrs. Nkiru who was adjusting her wrapper.

“You mean even with what is happening, you haven't seen them? They are at the st. Louis hospital” she said.

I immediately ran to the hospital without waiting for Mrs. Nkiru to say any other word. I got to the hospital, the most dreadful thing I ever imagined. I saw Dinma crying uncontrollably while trying to struggle herself out from the nurses.

My instinct already told me what went on, Tears began running down my eyes. 

“How can this be?” I questioned myself.

“Dinma, Where is papa?” I managed to mutter as I got closer to Dinma.

“Papa is dead!” she exclaimed bitterly while coming to hug me.

“Where did you go? If you were around, papa wouldn't have passed away. You left without telling us” she cried bitterly, at this point, she was already tired of crying, she was hiccuping while trying to calm her nerves.

“What exactly happened?” I questioned with my reddish eye.

“His asthma started again, my hand couldn't reach the place you placed his inhaler, so he passed out, even before I could ask for help”. She said before pausing for a while and looking into thin air. 

I stood up and went straight to the doctor's office.

“I want to see my father!!!” I kept screaming as the doctor quickly ordered some nurses to come to take me out of the room. I struggled so hard that they got tired.

“we will show you your father, just calm down ”, one of the nurses had said. 

After much struggle, I was able to calm down. They took me to where papa was. In the physical, I was wearing clothes, but deep down I was putting on a garment filled with goosebumps. 

Tears ran down my eyes flawlessly, how can I let this happen? Where do I go from here? What is the faith of Dinma? God! 

I left the hospital in pain, sooner than I had. My so-called mother's messenger landed.

It was shocking when I opened the letter she had sent to find the most painful thing of my life.