Dragon of the Drunken Lotus

Chapter 4: Drunken Dragon's Breath

"Don't go so fast! My legs are still noodles! Lanqiao! The ten-foot rule, remember? The ten-foot rule!"

Longwei’s desperate plea echoed through the bamboo grove as he scrambled to keep up with the retreating back of the Ice Beauty. Lanqiao didn't slow down, but she did stiffen, her shoulders tense enough to snap a sword. Each of her steps left a faint patch of frost on the vibrant green grass, while Longwei’s footsteps left literal charred patches of dirt.

"Stop shouting my name," Lanqiao hissed, not looking back. "If anyone hears you, I’ll find a way to freeze your vocal cords despite this… this 'bridge' between us."

"Technically, I’m supposed to be your 'Special Meditation Partner,'" Longwei panted, catching up until he was exactly eight feet behind her. The tugging sensation in his chest subsided, replaced by a comfortable, if slightly nauseating, warmth. "We should probably come up with a nickname. 'Lan-Lan'? 'Ice-y'? No, you’re definitely more of a 'Glacier Princess.'"

"If you value your tongue, you will remain silent until we reach the Pavilion," she replied, her voice as sharp as a winter gale.

The Jade Bamboo Pavilion was as advertised—isolated, beautiful, and woefully equipped with only one bed. By the time the sun rose the next morning, the tension in the small house was thick enough to deflect arrows. Longwei had spent the night on a narrow rug three feet from the bed, tossing and turning while pink sparks occasionally shot from his fingertips and singed the floorboards.

The next morning, Longwei stood in the center of the Pavilion’s private courtyard, feeling like a human pressure cooker. Lanqiao sat on a stone bench ten feet away, her eyes closed in meditation, her very presence acting like a portable air conditioner.

"I can't take it anymore, Lanqiao. I’m vibrating," Longwei said, shaking his hands. "If I don't let some of this energy out, I’m going to pop. I feel like a steamed bun that’s been on the fire for three days."

"Then practice," Lanqiao said without opening her eyes. "Move your Qi. Refine it. Don't just let it sit there like the lazy lump you are."

"Fine! I'll practice! Look at me, practicing!" Longwei shouted.

He took a wide stance, trying to remember the 'Azure Mist Palm' basic form. He raised his hand, intending to execute a simple forward strike. Instead, as he shifted his weight, his foot slipped on a patch of frost Lanqiao had unconsciously created.

His body didn't just stumble. Powered by the chaotic Grade-9 elixir, he began to spin.

"Whoa! Whoa! Centrifugal force! Too much force!"

Longwei became a pink, glowing blur. He spun across the courtyard like a top, his arms flailing wildly. He wasn't so much practicing a martial art as he was performing a very violent, very drunken interpretive dance.

"Longwei? Is that you, or did a firework get stuck in a whirlwind?"

A familiar, high-pitched voice came from the entrance of the courtyard. Longwei managed to plant his feet, stumbling several times before coming to a stop directly in front of Guo Wenrui—better known to Longwei as Fatty Su.

"Su! You're alive!" Longwei gasped, leaning on his friend’s shoulder for support. "Wait, how did you get past the guards?"

"I told them I was bringing you 'emergency sustenance,'" Su said, holding up a paper bag that smelled strongly of fried pork buns. He looked at Longwei, then at the glowing pink sigil on his forehead, and then at Lanqiao, who was now glaring at them both. "Whoa. You really did it, man. You’re actually living with the Ice Beauty. Is it true? Are you guys… you know… tethered?"

"It’s not as romantic as it sounds," Longwei groaned. "If I go to the bathroom, she has to stand outside the door. It’s a tragedy of privacy, Su."

"Silence, you pig!" Lanqiao barked, standing up. "Guo Wenrui, why are you here? This is a restricted zone."

"I just wanted to see if Longwei had exploded yet!" Su chirped, grinning. "And to see his new 'technique.' What was that move just now? The 'Drunken Butterfly Spin'?"

"It’s a work in progress," Longwei defended, puffing out his chest. "I have so much power right now, Su. I feel like I could punch a hole through the sky."

"Really? Because you look like you’re about to have a very glowing heart attack," Su laughed, poking Longwei’s shoulder. "Go on, then. Show me something impressive. If you’re really a Grade-9 powerhouse now, prove it. Hit that boulder over there."

He pointed to a massive, three-ton hunk of decorative granite at the edge of the clearing.

"Easy," Longwei said. He marched up to the boulder, Lanqiao trailing behind him with a look of pure exhaustion.

He pulled back his fist, concentrating on the heat in his gut. He tried to funnel it down his arm, but the energy was like a stubborn mule. It didn't want to go to his hand. It wanted to go… everywhere else. His stomach gave a violent, audible gurgle.

"Uh oh," Longwei whispered.

"What 'uh oh'?" Su asked, leaning in. "Are you gonna hit it or—"

"URRRRRRP!"

Longwei didn't punch. He let out a massive, soul-shaking burp.

A concentrated beam of neon-pink energy shot out of his mouth. It hit the granite boulder with the force of a falling star.

BOOM.

The boulder didn't just crack. It disintegrated into fine, glittering pink dust that rained down over the entire courtyard.

Silence followed. Su’s jaw hit his chest. Lanqiao actually blinked in surprise, wiping a speck of granite dust off her cheek.

"Did… did you just burp that rock into oblivion?" Su asked, his voice trembling.

"I told you I had a sensitive stomach," Longwei wheezed, smoke curling from his lips. "Man, that brought up a lot of ginger flavor. Do I smell like lilies?"

"You smell like a disaster," Lanqiao said, though her eyes remained fixed on the spot where the boulder had been. "That wasn't even a technique. That was just raw, wasted discharge. If you had actually used a meridian pathway, you would have leveled the Pavilion."

"See? I'm a natural!" Longwei grinned at Su.

"You’re a menace," a new voice interrupted.

A young woman with a sharp bob of lavender hair and robes stained with various colorful chemicals stepped into the courtyard. She carried a steaming jade cauldron and looked like she hadn't slept since the previous century.

"Senior Sister Mei Lianhua!" Su exclaimed, bowing quickly. "The Sect’s resident mad scientist—I mean, Alchemist!"

"Save the flattery, Wenrui," Mei Lianhua said, setting the cauldron down on the stone table. She looked at Longwei with the clinical interest of a butcher looking at a prize pig. "So, you’re the one who ate the Drunken Lotus. Do you have any idea how much that pill was worth? I could have funded my research for fifty years with the ingredients in your stomach."

"I get it, everyone’s mad at my breakfast choices," Longwei sighed. "Can you fix the tether? Lanqiao is starting to look like she’s planning my funeral."

"The tether is a Soul-Binding resonance," Mei Lianhua said, stirring her cauldron with a glass rod. "You can't 'fix' it until the energies are balanced. However, I’ve developed a neutralizing vapor. It’s designed to soothe the Yang-heat in your blood and the Yin-frost in hers. It should, theoretically, make the ten-foot restriction less painful."

"Theoretically?" Lanqiao asked, her brow furrowing. "How theoretical?"

"Ninety percent," Mei Lianhua said confidently. "The other ten percent is just 'spontaneous combustion' risk, which, let's be honest, you’re already dealing with."

"I'll take those odds!" Longwei said, stepping toward the cauldron. "Anything to stop the humming in my teeth."

"Stand close together," Mei said, gesturing for Lanqiao to join him. "The vapor needs to envelop both of your cores simultaneously to create the dampening effect."

Lanqiao sighed, stepping within two feet of Longwei. "If this blows up, I’m killing you first."

"Fair enough," Longwei muttered.

Mei Lianhua pulled a small vial of shimmering silver liquid from her belt and dropped it into the jade cauldron. "Alright, everyone. Deep breaths. This is the 'Dew of the Celestial Calm.'"

PHUT.

The cauldron didn't emit a soothing silver mist. Instead, a thick, cloying, bubblegum-pink fog erupted with the sound of a party popper. Within seconds, the entire courtyard was submerged in a cloud so dense you couldn't see your own hands.

"Cough! Cough! Mei, this smells like… like very intense strawberries!" Longwei shouted, waving his arms.

"That’s strange," Mei’s voice came through the fog, sounding puzzled. "It should smell like sandalwood and old paper. Wait… let me check the label on that vial."

"I feel… weird," Su’s voice drifted from somewhere near the gate. "Why is the air so… sparkly? And why does Longwei look so handsome all of a sudden? Wait, no, scratch that. Why am I feeling so… emotional?"

"Oh, heavens," Mei Lianhua whispered, her voice filled with sudden horror. "That wasn't the Celestial Calm. That was the 'Hundred-Fold Passion Bloom' concentrate. I was supposed to deliver that to the Elders for the… uh… the fertility research project."

"The what?" Longwei yelled.

He turned, trying to find the exit, but he bumped right into something soft and smelling of winter lilies.

"Longwei?"

Lanqiao’s voice was different. It wasn't icy. It was soft, slightly breathless, and dangerously melodic.

The mist began to swirl around them, reacting to their tethered cores. As the pink fog thickened, the golden sigils on their foreheads began to pulse in a rhythmic, synchronized beat.

"Uh, Lanqiao?" Longwei gulped, his heart doing a very different kind of tango now. "You’re… you’re holding my arm. Really tightly."

"It’s… the mist," she whispered, her face appearing through the haze, flushed a deep, beautiful crimson. Her eyes were hazy, the crystalline blue replaced by a soft, shimmering violet. "Everything is… very warm. And you don't smell like angry lemons anymore."

"I don't?" Longwei asked, his brain turning to mush.

"You smell like… sunshine," she murmured, leaning closer.

"Mei! Su! Anyone!" Longwei called out, his voice cracking. "We have a problem! The 'Glacier Princess' is melting! I repeat, the glacier is melting!"

But there was no answer. The aphrodisiac mist had filled the training hall completely, and as Longwei looked at the woman in his arms, he realized that ten feet was suddenly feeling like a very, very long distance.