2025-04-17 19:48:48Chapter 2: Cries of a Reborn Cuntling
(What’s wrong with him? Why isn’t he crying?) Rather than the wails of a newborn shrieking into life, what greeted the chamber was a bizarre, almost offended look on the infant’s face—like a man who’d been teleported mid-sip of coffee into an ancient fucking fairy tale. (Doctor, is my baby okay?) The one in the white robe—clearly some kind of healer—raised his hand and let loose a faint emerald glow. A semi-transparent shimmer of vines and leaves bloomed briefly around his cheeks like the ghost of a forest whispering secrets. He studied the baby as though the child had farted in church. “I’m perplexed,” the healer murmured. “There is no physical anomaly. The boy’s body is sound.” … While his newly acquired parents fretted over him, Elias was still mentally shitting bricks about his reincarnation. He glanced around at the fresh cast of NPCs populating this fantasy sim. The man with the glowing face? Definitely the doctor, or shaman, or whatever the fuck they called physicians in a world without thermometers. The woman laid in bed, her golden hair splayed across satin pillows, her expression locked in that archetypal "what if my baby’s broken?" look. Her beauty was staggering. Idol-tier. If she had existed in his old world, she would’ve been scouted by a K-pop agency before she even got her first period. The kind of woman whose face alone could bankrupt simps. His father stood tall beside her, chin held high, beard dusted in shadow. His uniform looked like it had been tailored from medals and ego. Regal. Militaristic. Definitely compensating for something. They looked like NPCs from a Renaissance fair orgy. Are they cosplaying while I'm crowning from this poor woman’s cunt? Where the hell am I? This isn't a hospital. > [This is now your home.] A home birth? Really? I was told I’d be reborn into the richest family in the world—not shat into a fucking tent with candles and body odor. Where’s the neonatal ICU? The sterile gloves? The WiFi? > [They belong to the wealthiest lineage in this world. However, this society does not utilize modern medical machinery.] So they’re billionaires, but still smell like goat cunt and haven’t figured out plumbing. Beautiful. Then he saw it. The green shimmer. The healer’s hands began to glow again, casting light like swamp fire. What the actual fuck?! > [Detected: examination-class spell.] Magic?! Holy shit. Anime rules confirmed. This really is an isekai! > [Would you like to learn more about magic?] Obviously. Give me the d******d, Nexus-1. > [Analyzing… complete.] [Magical Theory Entry Acquired:] [Medical Eyes] — ★★★ — Attributes: Earth & Light — Description: Enables caster to visually inspect a target's internal anatomy to detect illness or abnormalities. Text flickered into view—floaty and system-like. Like RPG HUD overlays in those light novels he used to read while jacking off under his desk in school. If I’m one of those broken MCs who absorb every power just by seeing it, then I’ve hit the jackpot. This world might be primitive, but it had magic. Magic could do what modern machines could not. Elias imagined flinging mountains with a hand gesture or solving global thirst with a water spell. Yes. This could work. A cunt like me might actually enjoy this. Born rich. Magic-armed. AI-enhanced. He wouldn’t need to go to school or work. Just buy a fleet of mages and butlers, sit back, and live like a smug bastard. > [Your parents will likely appoint a private tutor for you, specializing in administrative training.] Ignore. Irrelevant. My AI assistant can do my homework. I’m here to build a mage-fueled empire, not fill out ledgers. Still, a question nagged him. Where the hell are the TVs? The air conditioning? N*****x? As he scanned the room, dread hit like a dick-slap. No LED lighting. No vents. No hum of refrigerant. Just flickering candlelight and oil lamps. A place that reeked of pre-electric despair. No… The clues assembled like a cruel jigsaw puzzle. A home birth. A house built like a cosplay tavern. Gold-stitched clothes that screamed nobility. Not a single wire or bulb in sight. God reincarnated me into a fucking medieval LARP! Sure, this was the richest family in the world. But in a world where even kings wiped their asses with hay, that didn’t mean much. And then… the smell hit. What the hell is that stench?! > [Scent identified: human feces.] Wait. No toilets? NO TOILETS?! > [Correct. There is a high probability that indoor plumbing does not exist here.] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO— His soul cried out, and so did his newborn lungs. [Uwaaaaaa!] To everyone in the room, it was the first cry of a healthy baby. But only Elias knew: that scream was a wail for toilets lost, for microwaves forsaken, for p**n unstreamed. Still, his parents beamed. The healer nodded with pride. A beautiful boy had been born. A very, very pissed-off boy. A boy destined to rebuild this wretched world from the dirt and shit it festered in. With magic. With tech. With cunning. And with a razor-sharp cunt’s rage. ---
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