Terms And conditions Apply : Invoicing The Apocalypse

Beta Test Dispute

Freza stood tall on green grass that felt too soft, as if he were stepping on a cheap synthetic carpet. He squinted at the gold-masked man, then turned to the flickering hologram screen in front of him.

"Beta Test? Are you kidding me? Earth isn't software you can just reinstall just because the old server failed an audit!" Freza shouted, his voice echoing across the silent meadow.

"Geez, Mas Freza, look at that! Those people... what's wrong with them?" Qoriski pointed toward thousands of Hunters standing stiff like department store mannequins. "Their faces are so blank, Mas! It’s like their souls haven't been loaded yet!"

"That is because they are backup assets that have just been restored, little dwarf," the Gold Mask replied in a very smooth tone, as if he were offering health insurance. "Earth 2.0 is a remedial project. We are removing all 'bugs' from the old system, including unproductive emotions."

"Unproductive emotions? You mean... you're erasing their will?!" Freza stepped forward, his fists clenched tight. "That’s called global-scale psychological malpractice! You don't have permission to mess with the consciousness of living beings!"

The Gold Mask chuckled, his laughter sounding like the scraping of polished metal. "Permission? We are New Management. Under our leadership, efficiency is the supreme law. Oh, and regarding the 'Audit War' starting in four minutes... it is standard procedure to sort which assets are worth keeping and which must be destroyed."

"Mas Freza, look under our feet! It says 'Billable Expense'!" Qoriski screamed, jumping in panic. "Every second we stand here, our Mana points decrease! This rate is insane, damn it! One second costs a hundred Gold!"

Freza looked down. Sure enough, a red digital number was counting down on the grass. "Bastard. You're charging us rent on our own land?!"

"Your land? Sorry, Freza. This land has been seized by the Consortium as collateral for the debt you failed to pay in the previous system," the Gold Mask countered, swinging his cane. "Now, you have two choices. Become server fuel, or prove that you have market value in this Audit War."

"Pak RT! Did you hear that?! We're going to be turned into fuel!" Qoriski tugged at Pak RT’s undershirt, who had been staring blankly until now.

"Oh dear... I'm just resigned to it, Dek. As long as they don't take my broom," Pak RT muttered, clutching his rib-leaf broom tightly. "But Mas Freza, in that masked man's pocket... it looks like there's a key to the central warehouse."

Freza sharpened his gaze. "Warehouse key? Pak, are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Mas. It smells like the lubricant for the backup server engines we were looking for earlier," Pak RT whispered.

Freza looked back at the Gold Mask. "Okay, Gold Mask. You want to play Audit War? Let’s go. But I have one condition. Based on corporate transparency rules, every asset war must have a neutral mediating party. Where is the match supervisor?"

"Supervisor? I am the supervisor, the participant, and the judge all at once," the Gold Mask replied arrogantly.

"No way! That’s a conflict of interest! Article 15 on Intergalactic Business Ethics strictly prohibits organizers from doubling as judges!" Freza raised his right hand, forcibly summoning the system screen. "System! I file an objection to the organizational structure of this Audit War! Status: Gross Maladministration!"

[OBJECTION ACCEPTED]

[AWAITING VERIFICATION FROM CENTRAL AUTHORITY...]

The Gold Mask flinched, his mask tilting slightly. "You... you can still access the system's voice commands on this Beta server?!"

"I’m a Liquidator, idiot! My access rights are attached to my soul, not the server location!" Freza smirked with satisfaction. "Now, since your judge is invalid, this war cannot start until you appoint a competent third party!"

"Damn you, Auditor! Fine, you want a judge? I’ll call the stingiest judge in the entire Andromeda!" The Gold Mask snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, a giant judge's bench fell from the sky, hitting the ground with a deafening Brak! Behind the desk sat three black shadowy figures with eyes shaped like different currency symbols.

"AUDIT WAR: FIRST SESSION. TOPIC VALUATION OF HUMAN LIVES." the three judges' voices echoed in unison.

"We're dead... Mas, the topic is terrifying! Valuation of lives?!" Qoriski trembled until his teeth chattered. "How much is my life worth, Mas? Is it just the price of a snack?"

"Calm down, Qor. In their eyes, life is just a production figure. Our job is to turn that figure into a debt burden for them," Freza whispered while adjusting his shirt collar.

Narrative: The gold-masked man floated backward, providing a wide space in the middle of the meadow which now transformed into a transparent stock exchange floor. Beneath the floor, millions of human souls appeared trapped in wildly moving digital codes.

"Proceed, Management. Present your case as to why the humans on Earth 2.0 should be liquidated," said one of the shadow judges.

The Gold Mask stepped forward, projecting a free-falling graph. "Honorable judges, humans are a species that is very wasteful with Mana. They eat, sleep, and feel anxious, but their production output is zero. On the balance sheet, maintaining them is a pure loss. We propose that 90% of the population be converted into pure energy to cover the server's operational costs."

"Whoa, that's messed up! You really want to turn us into batteries?!" Qoriski shouted emotionally.

"Shut up, Qor! Let me handle this," Freza interrupted. He stepped into the center of the exchange floor, staring at the three judges with the sharpest gaze he had ever produced. "Permission to rebut, Honorable Judges. The data just presented is manipulative and fails to include the value of 'Intangible Assets'."

"What Intangible Assets do these naked monkeys have, Freza?" the Gold Mask mocked.

"Creativity and the Chaos Factor," Freza answered firmly. "Do you know why the old System sold so well in the galactic market? Because humans are unpredictable! Human irregularity is the most expensive entertainment commodity in the multiverse! If you turn them into robots or pure energy, the market value of Earth 2.0 in the eyes of the galactic audience will plummet! That is called intentional asset devaluation!"

The shadow judges began whispering to each other, making the atmosphere extremely tense.

"ARGUMEN DITERIMA. PIHAK MANAJEMEN, APA TANGGAPAN ANDA?"

The Gold Mask looked panicked. "But... but the maintenance costs are still too high! We need profit right now!"

"Profit? You want profit?" Freza laughed cynically. "I have a way for you to get profit without having to kill anyone. How about every human Hunter here is charged an 'Existence Tax' paid with coins from their boss-hunting loot? You get a steady deposit, and your assets the humans remain intact and growing. That’s called Sustainable Revenue!"

"Existence Tax? Mas, you want to shake us all down?!" Qoriski glared at Freza.

"Shh! This is a strategy so they don't kill us yet, idiot!" Freza whispered through the corner of his mouth.

"Hmm... Existence Tax, huh?" the Gold Mask seemed to think. "That’s interesting. But who will guarantee they'll pay? Who will collect from them every day?"

Freza pointed to himself and Qoriski. "The Doomsday Collection Office. We will be your official tax collection agents. We ask for a ten percent commission on every deposit, and in exchange, we’ll make sure not a single Hunter is delinquent!"

"No way! I don't want to be a traveling debt collector!" Qoriski protested, but immediately fell silent upon seeing Freza's murderous glare.

"Deal?" Freza asked, extending his hand for a virtual handshake.

The Gold Mask was silent for a long time, then slowly he reached out his hand. "Deal. But if the target isn't met within one month, I’ll turn you and all your assistants into the first server cables."

Narrative: Suddenly, a siren blared loudly. The calm Earth 2.0 sky suddenly cracked, and a giant shadow in the shape of an iron hand emerged from a black hole in the sky, trying to grab the exchange floor where they stood.

"WHO DARES TO CONDUCT A TRANSACTION WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS?!" The voice was so heavy it made Qoriski's ears bleed.

"Ow! What now?! Mas Freza, why is there another giant hand?!" Qoriski screamed while diving to the ground.

"That... that’s the Internal Audit Unit from Headquarters!" Citra, who had just appeared from behind the bushes, shouted with a pale face. "Freza! They know you're trying to make an illegal under-the-table deal!"

"Illegal my foot! This is called an emergency negotiation!" Freza pulled Pak RT and Qoriski. "Run! The deal is void if we die now!"

"Hey! Gold Mask! Take responsibility!" Qoriski shouted at the Gold Mask, who also looked terrified.

"I don't know you people! I'm not involved!" The Gold Mask immediately vanished into light particles, fleeing and leaving them alone.

The iron hand struck the earth, creating an earthquake that collapsed digital mountains in the distance. The thousands of Hunter mannequins from before shattered into raw data as they were hit by the shockwave.

"Pak RT! Use the broom!" Freza ordered randomly.

"Use it how, Mas?! This is a broom, not a flying broomstick!" Pak RT replied in a panic.

"Give me that broom!" Freza snatched Pak RT’s broom, then jammed it into an open cable hole on the exchange floor. "Qoriski! Channel all your Mana points into this broom! Now!"

"You're crazy, Mas! I'll end up shriveled and dry!"

"JUST DO IT OR WE'LL BE FORMATTED!"

Qoriski held the broom handle along with Freza. Golden light exploded from both of their bodies, traveling through the broom and into the Earth 2.0 circuits.

"What are you doing, Freza?!" Citra shouted while trying to hold back the falling sky with her electric sword.

"I'm... I'm injecting a 'Chain Lawsuit' virus into the heart of the server!" Freza shouted amidst the data storm. "If they want to delete us, they have to delete the entire Consortium debt record too! Let's go bankrupt together!"

The iron hand stopped exactly a few meters above Freza's head. The entire world of Earth 2.0 suddenly froze, its colors turning negative. The flat system voice was heard again, but this time with a much more threatening tone.

[CRITICAL ERROR: DEBT-LOOP DETECTED]

[SYSTEM CANNOT PROCEED WITH LIQUIDATION WITHOUT RESOLVING OUTSTANDING CLAIMS]

[COMMENCING... EMERGENCY ARBITRATION IN THE VOID]

"Mas... where are we going now?" Qoriski asked in a weak voice, his body beginning to fade.

"To a place where no one can run from the law anymore..." Freza answered softly, before his vision went completely dark.

Narrative: Their bodies were sucked into a black hole that appeared in the middle of the exchange floor. As the light began to fade, Freza caught a glimpse of a man standing in the distance, holding a folder with the 'Doomsday Collection Office' logo that was half-burned. The man smiled, and in his hand, he held a pen whose tip was dripping blood...

Their world exploded in total silence, leaving only the sound of a ticking clock counting down in the middle of the endless darkness.

"The contract isn't finished yet, Freza..." the voice whispered in his ear.

This chapter page looked like paper forced into a document shredder, leaving only one word printed in italics at the very bottom...

Bankrupt.