Terms And conditions Apply : Invoicing The Apocalypse

Bangkrupt in the Vacuum

Freza felt as if all his joints were being pulled by thousands of giant vacuums. His vision blurred, leaving behind shards of burnt binary code and a suffocating smell of scorched metal. As he tried to draw a breath, the oxygen felt thin, dry, and tasteless.

"Sir... Mr. Freza! Wake up, sir! Don't die yet, you haven't paid off my back wages!"

Freza choked, spitting up a thick blue liquid from his throat. He slowly opened his eyes. The Jakarta sky was gone. The Andromeda mothership had vanished. All that remained was an endless white expanse, like a giant, empty photo studio.

"Qoriski? Are... are you okay?" Freza muttered, clutching his throbbing head.

"Okay my foot! Look at this, my favorite hammer turned into sawdust!" Qoriski held up the handle of his hammer, which now only had shards of rotted wood left. "Where are we, sir? Why does it feel like we're inside a fridge with the light out?"

Freza tried to stand, but his legs felt weak. He looked around. In the distance, he saw piles of paper, broken office desks, and several shattered heart tubes scattered across the transparent floor.

"This isn't a fridge, Qor. This is the Recycle Bin. The data disposal area before it's permanently deleted from the universe's server."

"Huh? Recycle Bin? So we're trash?!" Qoriski’s eyes widened, his round face turning even paler. "This is insane! I worked overtime like a dog, got beaten by robots, almost exploded, and in the end, I'm just a junk file?!"

"Calm down. If we can still talk, it means the Empty Trash process hasn't started yet." Freza reached into his shirt pocket, looking for his audit glasses. Damn, they were cracked into a thousand pieces.

"How can I be calm?! Look over there! It's turning pitch black, sir! Like spilled ink getting closer and closer!" Qoriski pointed toward the white horizon, which was slowly being swallowed by a dense darkness.

"That's the bit-by-bit deletion protocol. If it reaches us, our existence will be converted to zero," Freza tried to activate his holographic screen, but only noisy static appeared.

"Then what do we do?! I don't want to die yet, sir! I haven't even used my bonus points to buy a house in the heaven dimension!" Qoriski started running around in a panic.

"Shut up, Qor! You're making me lose focus!" Freza snapped. "I need access to the Command Prompt of this space. There must be a loophole. It's impossible for a system this big not to have an asset deletion cancellation procedure."

"Sir, get real! Your Dad... or whoever that was who looked like your Dad, said the world itself was deleted! What law are you going to use if the court itself has disbanded?!"

Freza fell silent. Qoriski's words hit his logic hard. He stared at his palms, which were starting to look transparent at the fingertips.

"If the court is disbanded, does that mean we go back to the law of the jungle? No, that doesn't make sense. Behind every system, there must be a creator. A Developer."

"Where are you going to find a Developer, sir? They're probably enjoying coffee while watching us suffer through a monitor!"

"Exactly. We have to create an error so big that they're forced to intervene to fix the bug. Qoriski, get over here!"

"What now, sir? You want to make me a sacrifice?"

"No! You still have data remnants from the Chief Commissioner, right? The ones you absorbed when he shattered into coins?"

Qoriski felt his stomach. "Well, yeah, I feel a bit bloated, like I actually ate real coins. But why?"

"Those coins aren't just money, Qor. They are the 'Authority of Value.' If you can spit out just one access code from those coins, we can claim that this deletion is an unplanned financial loss for the central shareholders!"

"Sir, are you really going to sue God using the excuse of a 'house loss'?!" Qoriski looked at Freza in disbelief.

"Not God, but whoever is in control of this Recycle Bin! Quick, spit it out!"

Qoriski grabbed his throat, trying to induce nausea. "Ugh... it's hard, sir... I think it's already reached my duodenum... ugh... hold on..."

Suddenly, footsteps echoed in the vacuum. Not human footsteps, but the monotonous sound of a palm broom scraping. From behind the white mist, a thin old man appeared wearing a holey tank top, boxer shorts, and carrying a palm broom and a plastic dustpan.

"Excuse me... pardon me... just passing through, gentlemen. I need to sweep up the remains of this world for a bit," the old man said in a raspy voice, as if this were his daily routine.

Freza and Qoriski stood agape. They looked at each other, then at the old man who began sweeping the shards of an office desk near them.

"Uh... Sir? Who are you? How can you be here?" Qoriski asked with thick confusion.

"Me? I'm just the janitor, kid. Name's Pak RT. I'm in charge of cleaning the server when someone goes bankrupt like this. It's a hassle when a world disbands; the trash goes everywhere," the man replied while putting wood shards into his dustpan.

"A janitor... in the universe's data deletion space?" Freza adjusted his cracked glasses. "Sir, do you have an official assignment letter to clean this area?"

The old man stopped sweeping, looking at Freza with one eyebrow raised. "Assignment letter? Kid, this has been the job for generations. If it's not swept, it piles up and becomes a virus. Who are you? Why haven't you turned into ash yet?"

"I am Freza, a legally recognized External Auditor of the system. And this is my colleague, Qoriski. We object to this deletion process because there was no official announcement thirty days prior."

Pak RT chuckled while leaning his palm broom against the empty air miraculously, the broom stayed upright. "Oh, Mr. Auditor... those announcements are for those who still have an office. This world is in total bankruptcy. All assets have been seized by the center. You two fall under the category of 'Damaged Goods' that are no longer fit for sale."

"Hey! I'm not damaged goods! I'm an important asset!" Qoriski shouted, offended.

"Sir, listen to me," Freza stepped closer, his aura turning serious again. "You said the assets were seized by the center? But my colleague here is still holding remnants of the Chief Commissioner's coins. Legally, that means there is still a remaining balance in the Earth account. As long as the balance isn't zero, you aren't allowed to sweep this area!"

Pak RT rubbed his eyes, then approached Qoriski. He pulled Qoriski's shirt and pressed his ear against the little CS's stomach.

"Hmm... there is a sound of marbles in there. But that's just small change, sir. Not enough to pay the server's admin fees for even a minute."

"It's not about the amount, sir! It's about the account status! In the 'Liquidation' chapter of the System ToS, it states that 'Total deletion may only be carried out if all liability and receivable balances have reached an absolute zero.' With the coins in Qoriski's stomach, the Earth account is still in 'Active but Problematic' status. You sweeping us now means you are committing the destruction of audit evidence!"

Pak RT fell silent for a moment, scratching his balding head. "Well, it's a hassle getting trash that talks this well. But sir, I'm not the one moving that darkness over there. That's automatic. If you can't prove that balance can cover the doomsday debt, then it's goodbye."

"How much is the debt, sir? Give me the number!" Freza challenged.

Pak RT flicked his finger at the dustpan. Suddenly, a grocery receipt appeared, stretching down to the floor and continuing for kilometers.

"Here, read it yourself. The total moral, material, and Mana debt of planet Earth after deducting invasion admin fees. The numbers use exponents; I can't even say them, they're too long."

Qoriski glanced at the receipt and immediately fainted while standing. "Sir... there are more zeros there than stars in the Sudirman sky..."

Freza took the end of the receipt, reading it carefully. His heart pounded, but his brain kept spinning, looking for variables to play with. "Wait... what is this? 'Monster Emotional Damage Fees' amounting to ten trillion gold?"

"Yes, many of the monsters were stressed from being forced into hard labor by the old Admin. That's included as psychological compensation," Pak RT answered as he started sweeping again.

"Insane! Sir, this is invalid! Emotional damage cannot be quantified without an assessment from a licensed dimensional psychologist! I want to file an objection to point number five thousand four hundred!"

"Oh, sir... where are you going to send the objection? I already swept away the post office this morning," Pak RT pointed to a pile of ash in the corner of the room.

"To you! You are the officer here! You are the last representation of authority in this space! I demand you record my objection as an official protest, and automatically, the deletion process must be paused until a final and binding decision is reached!"

The darkness that had been creeping closer suddenly stopped. It was only ten meters from where Freza stood. The terrifying static sound went silent.

"Huh? Why did it stop?" Pak RT looked at the darkness in bewilderment. "Usually, this can't be stopped. What kind of magic are you using?"

"It's not magic, sir. It's called the 'Power of Administration.' Once there is a valid objection, the system doesn't dare proceed for fear of a data malpractice fine." Freza wiped the cold sweat from his brow. "Now, Qoriski! Wake up! Spit out the coins now!"

Qoriski jolted awake, his eyes bulging. "Ugh... blegh! Clink!"

A giant gold coin glowing purple came out of Qoriski's mouth, spinning on the white marble floor. The coin projected a hologram of the Chief Commissioner in a mini, crying form.

"Now, this is our ticket," Freza picked up the coin. "Pak RT, look at this. This coin doesn't just contain money, but 'Transaction Log Access Rights.' Recorded inside is the fact that the Andromeda Consortium actually owes Earth back because they used our human resources to mine Mana without a Dimensional Environmental Impact Assessment permit!"

"What do you mean, sir?" Pak RT approached, curious.

"I mean, if you calculate it net-off, it's the Consortium that owes us! Earth isn't bankrupt; Earth is just experiencing cash flow congestion because its assets were stolen illegally! So, you can't sweep us. You should be sweeping that Commissioner!"

Pak RT looked at the coin, then at his giant receipt. "Wow... if that's true, does it mean I've been sweeping the wrong things all this time? No wonder the trash keeps increasing every day; turns out the management is corrupt, huh?"

"Exactly, sir! You've been played by your bosses all this time!" Qoriski egged him on while rubbing his relieved stomach. "How can a hardworking officer like you only be given a palm broom? You should have an automated cleaning robot!"

Pak RT looked offended. He slammed his palm broom onto the floor. "You're right! I've worked for millions of years, but I've never been promoted! Instead, I'm told to clean up after their corruption!"

"That's why, sir. Help us," Freza handed the coin to Pak RT. "Use this coin to open the 'Backup Server' door. We'll restore Earth's data from there and create an audit report that will put the entire Consortium Board of Directors in dimensional prison!"

"But sir... the backup server door is guarded by 'The Archiver.' He doesn't like strangers, especially those bringing up legal articles like this," Pak RT looked hesitant.

"Let me handle him. I'm used to dealing with clients scarier than The Archiver," Freza said with full confidence.

Suddenly, the darkness behind them surged again. This time, a giant hand made of thousands of cables and cassette tapes emerged from the darkness, trying to grab the gold coin in Pak RT's hand.

"WHO DARES TO TAMPER WITH THE FINAL BALANCE?!" a heavy voice that sounded like thousands of grinding broken hard drives shook the white space.

"There he is, the Archiver! Scary, right?!" Pak RT immediately hid behind Freza's back.

"Mr. Freza! That hand is going to catch us!" Qoriski screamed.

"Don't run! If we run, we're considered to be admitting guilt!" Freza raised his right hand, holding the remaining ash document. "According to the Data Protection and Trade Secret Law, you are prohibited from touching this evidence without a search warrant from the Galactic Supreme Court!"

The cable hand stopped exactly a few centimeters in front of Freza's nose. The cold air emanating from the hand made the hair on Freza's neck stand up, but he didn't back down an inch.

"LAW DOES NOT APPLY HERE, HUMAN. HERE, THERE IS ONLY BINARY. ONE OR ZERO. LIFE OR DEATH."

"You're wrong, Big Cables! Between one and zero, there's something called a logic gate! And I am the most annoying Logic Gate you've ever met!" Freza shouted defiantly. "I challenge you to a joint audit! If I can prove there's a discrepancy of even one coin in your balance sheet, you have to give me access to the Backup Server!"

"AND IF YOU FAIL?"

"If I fail, you can delete me, Qoriski, and the entire memory of humanity without a trace. How about it? Do you dare to bet your integrity?"

Qoriski tugged at Freza's shirt. "Sir! Are you crazy?! Don't drag me into the bet! I'm just a tag-along!"

"Shut up, Qor! This is an All-In!" Freza whispered sharply.

The giant hand slowly changed shape, shrinking and solidifying into a tall, faceless figure whose body was wrapped in black magnetic tape. He held a giant calculator made from the skeletal remains of typewriters.

"VERY WELL, AUDITOR. LET US CALCULATE YOUR UNIVERSE'S FINANCIAL SINS."

The figure flicked his fingers, and suddenly Freza, Qoriski, and Pak RT were sucked into a vortex of data spinning like a whirlwind. They landed at a long table covered with millions of papers flying around.

"Crazy... this is like seven lifetimes' worth of my workload..." Qoriski muttered weakly, seeing the piles of documents.

"Focus, Qor! Look for documents with the 'Andromeda' stamp! We have to find proof of their dimensional tax evasion in ten minutes, or we'll all be formatted!" Freza ordered while starting to grab the floating papers.

The craziest audit battle in the history of the apocalypse began. Freza read at the speed of light, comparing impossible numbers with his legal logic. Meanwhile, the Archiver kept throwing fake data to deceive him.

"Found it! This is it!" Freza held up a sheet of paper glowing with a faint blue light. "Look at this, Archiver! It lists expenses for 'Earth Natural Disasters' amounting to five trillion Mana, but the transaction date occurred three days BEFORE the invasion began! That means... these disasters weren't natural events, but budgeted expenses! This is corporate premeditated murder!"

The Archiver figure fell silent. His magnetic tape body began to vibrate violently, emitting sparks of static electricity.

"THAT... THAT WAS JUST A DATA INPUT ERROR..."

"There are no input errors for a number that big! You conspired with the Consortium to manipulate data so this deletion process would look legal! You're not a data guardian; you're their money launderer!" Freza slammed the table hard.

Suddenly, the entire room began to crack. A siren much louder than before echoed from all directions.

[CRITICAL ERROR: INTEGRITY BREACH IN SYSTEM LOGS]

[COMMENCING EMERGENCY LOCKDOWN OF RECYCLE BIN]

"Sir! The room is going to explode!" Qoriski shouted, pointing at the white walls that were starting to crumble into digital shards.

"Pak RT! Where is the backup server door?!" Freza asked in a panic.

"There! Under your table, sir!" Pak RT pointed to a small hole glowing with golden light.

"Quick, jump!" Freza grabbed Qoriski's collar and pushed him into the hole, followed by Pak RT.

Tepat saat Freza hendak melompat, tangan Sang Archiver mencengkeram kakinya dengan kuat.

"YOU... WILL... NEVER... GET... OUT... OF... HERE..."

"Let go of me, you rotten cables!" Freza tried to kick the hand, but the grip tightened. "I just sent this audit report to the central server via Pak RT's emergency line! You're finished!"

"IF I AM FINISHED... YOU ARE FINISHED TOO!"

The Archiver figure pulled Freza into the dense darkness that was beginning to swallow the entire room. Freza clung to the edge of the golden hole, his fingers slowly starting to slip.

"Mr. Freza! Grab my hand!" Qoriski reappeared from inside the hole, holding out his broken hammer handle.

"Pull, Qor! Pull with all your might!"

"I'm pulling! One... two... THREE!"

With one powerful jerk, Freza managed to escape the Archiver's grasp and fell into the hole of light just as the entire Recycle Bin exploded into an absolute void.

However, when they landed on the other side, they didn't find the backup server they expected. Instead, they stood in the middle of a vast green meadow under a sky with two suns. And before them stood thousands of people wearing Hunter uniforms, but with faces that looked... empty.

"Sir... this isn't Jakarta, is it?" Qoriski whispered in fear.

Freza looked at his holographic screen, which had suddenly started working again. However, instead of displaying his Hunter status, the screen only showed a single short sentence:

[WELCOME TO THE BETA TEST OF 'EARTH 2.0' - PROPERTY OF THE NEW MANAGEMENT]

Freza felt a chill run down his spine as he saw someone walking toward them from a distance. Someone wearing a gold mask and carrying a staff topped with... the head of the Chief Commissioner, which had now turned to stone.

"Welcome, survivors," the masked person said in a very soft yet deadly voice. "I have been waiting for my new auditor."

Freza clenched his fists, realizing that the contract he had just won... turned out to be only the beginning of a much deadlier clause.

Suddenly, the ground they stood on began to shake, and a system announcement echoed throughout the new world.

[ANNOUNCEMENT: THE FIRST AUDIT WAR WILL COMMENCE IN 5 MINUTES]

[SURVIVAL IS NO LONGER OPTIONAL - IT IS A BILLABLE EXPENSE]

Freza looked at Qoriski, then at the masked person, realizing that in this world, even death...