The Corporate Apocalypse: Jakarta's Survival Guide to Cosmic

Chapter 17: Fatal Flash Sale and Limited Edition Branding

The sky over Senen was no longer a dull gray; it had shifted into a neon orange that blinked like a midnight mall clearance light. The electric blue fire Giko sent didn't burn asphalt or concrete in the usual way; it devoured the very texture of reality. Everywhere it touched, the old buildings of Pasar Senen transformed into stacks of giant empty cereal boxes or limp, hanging data cables.

"RENDY! FLOOR IT, YOU IDIOT! THE FIRE IS ABOUT TO OVERTAKE US!" Alana screamed, glancing back. In the rearview mirror of the HRD Recon SUV, the wave of blue flames crawled forward rapidly, deleting the shops behind them into hollow white pixels.

Rendy slammed his foot on the gas. The SUV's engine roared, making a sound more like a high-speed photocopier than an internal combustion engine. "Cool it, Al! The clutch is lagging! I think Chaos Dynamics is hijacking our transmission!"

In the back seat, Gondrong and Squinty white-knuckled their seatbelts. Outside the window, things were getting even crazier. The zombies, who had been melancholy and quiet, changed drastically the moment they were exposed to the orange light from the sky. Their milky-white eyes now glowed with percentage symbols (%).

"Boss, look at them! What's happening?!" Squinty pointed at a group of zombies that had been sitting in deep thought but were now sprinting wildly into the street, trying to block the SUV with their bare hands.

"They've been hit with Consumerism v.2.0!" Rendy glanced at the book open on the dashboard. The pages flipped wildly until they landed on a chapter with a title written in a vibrating, neon-red font.

'Chapter 18: Surviving the Fatal Flash Sale. Tip #5: "During a massive clearance event, the most sought-after items are those that look luxury but have bottom-tier prices." You are currently being hunted because this SUV still carries the "HRD Recon" logo, which is considered a limited-edition luxury item in the post-apocalyptic market. Immediately initiate the "De-Branding" procedure or you will be treated as clearance stock to be fought over.'

"Are you kidding me? We're being hunted because this car looks like it's on sale?!" Alana's eyes bugged out. "No wonder those zombies look like Karens fighting over the last bottle of cooking oil!"

Suddenly, from up ahead, a shipping container truck that had lost its color texture—turning into a flat gray like an unrendered 3D asset—slid out to block the road. Atop the truck, Giko's hologram appeared, clutching a gold microphone.

"HELLO DEAL HUNTERS!" Giko's voice boomed through speakers that seemed to come from everywhere. "Welcome to the 12.12 End of the World Flash Sale! Our doorbuster deal today is one HRD SUV containing four original, organic humans! 99% off for anyone who can snag it! GO GET 'EM!"

The roar of thousands of zombies erupted along the TransJakarta lane. They leaped from pedestrian bridges and crawled out from under busway stops, all of them swarming toward Rendy's SUV.

"Ren! Left! Left!" Alana shrieked as a cluster of zombies pounced onto the hood.

"I can't! The road is blocked by a giant 'BUY 1 GET 1 FREE' banner!"

Rendy yanked the wheel to the right, slamming into a row of road barriers that suddenly transformed into squishy promotional balloons. "Al, pop the trunk! Grab some spray paint or mud! We have to make this car look like a total wreck!"

"There’s no paint, Ren! It’s just sardines and that imported ramen from earlier!" Bang Gondrong yelled in a panic.

Rendy checked his book again. New text scrolled across the page: "Alternative Strategy: If you can’t look like a piece of junk, become an 'Item Too Expensive to Touch.' Initiate Exclusivity Protocol."

"Change of plans!" Rendy shouted. "Gondrong! Juling! Grab the gold duct tape in the glove box! Slap it on the windows and write 'COLLECTOR’S EDITION - PRICELESS'!"

"Where are we supposed to get gold duct tape, Boss?!"

"Just look! This book definitely manifested it!"

Sure enough, inside the previously empty glove box, a roll of blindingly shiny gold tape appeared. Bang Gondrong and Si Juling scrambled to tape up the SUV’s windows while Alana used a permanent marker to scrawl an insane amount of zeros on the door—making the car look like it cost trillions of dollars.

It was a miracle. The second the "COLLECTOR’S EDITION" sign went up, the zombies that were aggressively clawing at the glass stopped dead in their tracks. They backed away slowly, staring at the SUV with a mix of reverence and hesitation, looking exactly like broke shoppers who had accidentally wandered into a high-end designer boutique.

"Wait, why did they stop?!" Giko’s hologram screamed. "That’s just a marketing gimmick, you idiots! Get them! It’s a knock-off!"

However, the Chaos Dynamics algorithm hardwired into the zombies' brains was apparently too strong. To them, a "Collector’s Edition" was sacred. They would rather be consumed by blue flames than damage something with such an astronomical price tag.

Rendy’s SUV tore through the zombie line and sped toward North Jakarta. The blue flames behind them began to fade, but the sky ahead toward Tanjung Priok grew darker. Massive data cables dangled from the clouds toward the sea, looking like they were vacuuming water straight out of the bay.

"We’re almost at Priok," Rendy muttered, his breathing finally steadying. "I need that water to put out Giko’s digital fire if he tries to jump us again."

"Ren, do you see that at the harbor gate?" Alana pointed toward the main entrance of Tanjung Priok.

It wasn’t security guards or freelance zombies guarding the gate; it was a ten-meter-tall monstrosity. It looked like a robot constructed from a stack of shipping containers, but its face was a massive monitor displaying a woman’s face. She was smiling so sweetly it was terrifying.

A neon sign flickered above its head: "CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE - LOGISTICS SECTOR".

"Good afternoon, Valued Customer," the woman’s voice boomed, shaking the SUV. "We apologize for the inconvenience. To enter the harbor area, you must provide a valid 'Tracking Number.' Would you like to file a complaint or simply inquire about the status of your soul’s delivery?"

Rendy slammed on the brakes and opened his book. Page 78 now showed a diagram of the container robot with a footnote:

"Chapter 19: Negotiating with the Giant CS. Warning: This Customer Service agent is programmed to give circular answers that solve nothing. Do not ask for a solution, or you will be trapped in the 'Queue Loop' forever. Use the 'Viral Threat' technique."

"Okay, Al. Hand me that party mic from earlier," Rendy said, taking the microphone from Si Juling. He hopped out of the car and stood before the giant robot with his hands on his hips.

"Listen here, sweetheart!" Rendy yelled through the speakers. "I’m here to report a major service failure! I ordered 'World Salvation' last night and the status is still 'Processing'! I have video proof and I will upload this to every social media platform in the universe if you don’t open this gate right now!"

The woman’s face on the monitor shifted instantly from a sweet smile to pure panic. Glitches flickered through her eyes. "W-we apologize, sir. Please, there’s no need to go viral. We can settle this like a family. Would you like a discount voucher or a free life-extension trial?"

"I don’t want a voucher! I need access to the Main Cooling Pipe at Pier 3!" Rendy barked. "Open up, or I’m giving you a one-star review on Universal G****e Maps!"

The container robot shuddered violently. The massive harbor gates, which had been locked with red data chains, slowly groaned open.

"Access granted... Please leave a positive review after this," the robot whimpered.

Rendy scrambled back into the SUV. "Let’s go! Before she realizes Universal G****e Maps isn’t a real thing!"

They sped into the eerie silence of the harbor. But as they reached the edge of the pier, their hearts dropped.

The water in Jakarta Bay was no longer murky brown. It had turned into a thick, glowing silver liquid—it was the massive Liquid Cooling used to chill the Earth’s central servers. And in the middle of the bay, Giko was waiting on a superbike that had transformed into a rainbow jet-ski.

"Welcome to the elimination round, Four-Eyes!" Giko shouted. Behind him, dozens of Diver-type zombies emerged from the silver sea, wearing aluminum wetsuits and wielding fiber-optic spears. "You think you can use this water to douse my flames? Too bad this water belongs to Chaos Dynamics now. And you... you’re just returned merchandise I forgot to incinerate!"

Rendy looked at his book. The pages were damp from the silver mist of the sea, and one final sentence appeared at the bottom:

"ANNOUNCEMENT: IF YOU CANNOT EXTINGUISH THE FIRE, BECOME THE FIRE. BEGIN SOUL OVERCLOCKING PROCESS."

"Al, Gondrong, Juling..." Rendy looked at his friends with dead-serious eyes. "I think we need to do something very, very unproductive again."

"What is it, Ren?" Alana asked, readying her last arrow.

"We’re going to overclock this system until the server melts. We’re going to be the most expensive 'Virus' in the world."

Rendy held his book up toward the silver sea. Instantly, their HRD Recon SUV began to glow with a blinding light, preparing to slam itself into the most sacred data center on the planet. This apocalypse might be insane, but Rendy had just decided to be the cause of its most beautiful total crash.