The Laughing King

The Man Who Laughs At Death

The train was five minutes late, which meant the men with guns were right on time.

I counted four of them. Two by the doors, one near the driver's cabin, one walking the aisle. Cheap masks, new boots, and that smell. You know the one. Fear mixed with cologne they bought this morning because they wanted to feel professional.

People did what people do. They screamed, then got quiet, then tried to become small. A woman near me clutched her kid and whispered prayers. The kid stared at me. I was wearing a white clown mask with a crack down the left eye. It makes kids stare.

The man walking the aisle stopped at my row. His gun wasn't shaking. That was good. Shaking means scared. Scared means mistakes.

"You," he said. "Phone. Now."

I looked up at him. The mask has a permanent grin. It helps. People listen to a smile more than a frown. "You sure?" I asked. "It's mostly memes and a few bad photos of my lunch. I don't want to embarrass you in front of your friends."

He blinked. "What?"

"Your friends," I said, nodding to the other three. "You rehearsed, right? You've got the timing down. Train leaves Statton at 7:02. You board car three. You wait until the tunnel so the cameras cut out. That's smart. But you didn't account for delays. MTA's a joke on Tuesdays."

His grip on the gun tightened. "Shut up."

"I'm just saying," I kept going. "You're on schedule, but the world isn't. That's the problem with plans. They're rude."

The kid was still staring. I winked at him. The mask doesn't move, but I hope he got it.

The man by the doors yelled, "Drell, quit talking! Get their wallets!"

So his name was Drell. Good to know. Names are leverage.

Drell shoved the gun closer to my face. "Wallet. Phone. Now, clown."

I raised my hands slow. "Okay, okay. No need to shoot the entertainment." I patted my jacket. "Wallet's in the inner pocket. Mind if I reach?"

"Do it slow."

I did. I pulled out a wallet. Black, plain. I tossed it to him. He caught it with his free hand, eyes still on me. Amateur move. Never catch.

"Now the phone," he said.

I sighed. "This is where it gets awkward." I reached again and pulled out a red rubber nose. I put it on. It squeaked.

Drell stared. "The hell?"

"Prop comedy," I said. "It kills at parties. Speaking of killing, you guys aren't here for money, are you?"

The train rocked. We were in the tunnel now. Lights flickered like they do in movies. Real life stole that from movies first.

Drell's jaw worked. "Last warning."

"Look," I said, leaning forward a little. "You've got four men, four guns, and one problem. You took the 7:02 because it's the lightest commuter load. Less witnesses. But you took car three because car one has a transit cop who rides to the end of the line. You knew that. What you didn't know is that he called in sick today."

Drell's eyes flicked to the front of the car. Just for a second.

"But," I continued, "if he was here, he'd be sitting right there." I pointed to an empty seat. "And he'd be texting his partner, who's waiting at the next station with six more cops. Because that's protocol for hijackings. Station lockdown, no exits."

One of the men by the doors shifted. He was listening now.

"You're lying," Drell said, but his voice went up half an octave. Liars hear lies.

"Am I?" I tilted my head. The mask's crack made a small shadow. "Train's about to hit the emergency brakes. Three, two..."

The brakes screamed. People fell into each other. Drell stumbled. I didn't. I'd been holding the rail.

In the noise, I moved. Not fast. Fast draws eyes. I just stood and stepped into the aisle. Drell tried to bring the gun up. I tapped his wrist with two fingers. Nerve trick. His hand spasmed. The gun clattered.

I caught it before it hit the floor. I don't like guns. They end jokes too early. I ejected the mag and tossed both pieces in opposite directions.

Drell stared at his empty hand like it betrayed him. "You..."

"Me," I agreed. "Now, you've got three options. One, you tell your friends to drop their guns and we all wait for the cops who are definitely not waiting at the next station. Two, you try to fight me, which is funny because I'm wearing clown shoes and you're not. Three, you run."

The man by the doors raised his gun. He was smarter than Drell. He didn't talk.

I was already moving. I dropped low and kicked the edge of a seat. The seatback snapped forward and caught his knee. He yelled and went down. The gun fired into the ceiling. Sparks and screaming.

The third man charged. I sidestepped and let him meet the pole. He met it hard.

The fourth man froze. Smartest of the lot.

I picked up Drell's radio from his belt. It was crackling. "Drell, report. Drell, what's happening?"

I held it to my mask. "Hi," I said. "Drell's busy. He's rethinking his career. You should too. Construction's hiring."

The radio went quiet.

I looked at the passengers. All eyes, all fear, all waiting for me to do the next bad thing. I hate that look.

"It's over," I said, loud enough for the car. "These idiots watched too many movies. Nobody else gets hurt today."

The train shuddered and stopped. Emergency lights came on. Red and dim. The doors didn't open. We were between stations.

The kid was still watching me. His mom held him tight. I knelt a little so I wasn't towering. "Hey," I said to him. "You okay?"

He nodded, quick.

"Good," I said. "Because you're the brave one here. You didn't scream. That's important. Screaming's for later, when you're safe and you need to let it out."

His mom's eyes were wide. "Who... who are you?"

"Nobody," I said. "Just a guy who hates bad punchlines."

Drell was on the floor, holding his wrist. "You're dead," he spat. "You don't know who we're working for."

I tilted my head again. "Let me guess. A man with money, a basement, and a god complex? They all have those."

The doors finally hissed. Not opened. Hissed, like the train was bleeding air. Then they slid apart. No cops. No partner. Just tunnel dark and a cold wind.

I walked to the door. I didn't look back. Looking back turns moments into scenes. I don't do scenes.

"Wait," Drell called. "What's your name?"

I stepped onto the gravel. "If you're still breathing, the joke isn't over."

I walked into the tunnel. My shoes didn't squeak. They were regular shoes. The clown shoes are for later.

I was three blocks from the station when my phone buzzed. Unknown number. I answered because unknown numbers are the only honest ones.

"Did you like the show?" A voice asked. Male, old, smooth like oil. "You're all over the news already. 'Mysterious clown saves subway'. They're calling you The Joker."

I stopped under a streetlight. Moths were committing to the bulb. "I didn't ask for a name."

"Names are given," the voice said. "Yours suits you. You laugh at death, Mr. Veyn."

My blood went cold. Not my name. My real name. The one I hadn't used in six years.

"Who is this?" I said.

"A fan," the voice said. "And a talent scout. You've been selected for an opportunity. Check your door when you get home."

The line died.

I ran. I don't run unless I have to. I had to.

My apartment was on the fifth floor. Walk-up, bad plumbing, good view of nothing. The door was closed. No signs. I keyed in, slow, listening. Nothing.

On the table was a black envelope. No stamp. Sealed with red wax. The seal was a smile. A wide, carved grin.

I didn't touch it. I got a knife from the kitchen and slit the edge. Inside was thick cardstock, black as the envelope. Words in silver ink:

THE CARNIVAL

You are invited to play.

Win, and the world is yours.

Lose, and you were never here.

No address. No time. No signature. Just that smile.

I laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh. It was the kind you use when the room is too quiet.

I took the invitation to the sink and burned it. The wax melted first. The smile ran. The paper curled and turned to ash. I washed the ash down the drain and watched it go.

Then I went to bed. I don't sleep much. I slept worse.

Morning came like it always does. Uninvited.

I made coffee. I checked the news. There I was. Shaky phone video, me in the mask, talking to Drell. The caption read: "WHO IS THE JOKER?"

I turned it off.

On my table was a black envelope.

I didn't move for a long time. The coffee went cold. The fridge hummed. A car alarm started and stopped.

Finally, I walked to the table. Same envelope. Same red wax smile. Same cardstock.

I opened it.

THE CARNIVAL

You are invited to play.

Win, and the world is yours.

Lose, and you were never here.

72:00:00

Numbers now. A countdown. Three days.

I flipped the card. On the back, in smaller silver writing:

We know about Statton. We know about the fire. We know about Subject 07.

Subject 07.

I hadn't heard that in a long time. Not since the doctors. Not since the tests. Not since I was a kid who was good at puzzles.

I put the card down. My hands were steady. They're always steady. That's the problem. People think steady means calm. It doesn't. It m

eans you're used to it.

I looked at the cracked mask on my counter. The grin looked back.

"Fine," I said to the empty room. "You want to play?"

I picked up the mask.

"Let's play."