WHY THE WORLD'S LAST HOPE IS A CAN OF PEACHES

Chapter 6: Laser Sights and Low Stakes

The red dot didn't waver. It was a perfect, malevolent ruby, boring a hole through Roderic’s sweat-slicked glasses and right into the center of his panic-stricken mind.

"Kaia," Roderic whispered, his voice vibrating with a frequency usually reserved for dogs. "There is a laser on my face. I’m pretty sure this is the part where the laser turns into a bullet. My brain is not ready to be a mural on this planter."

"Stay. Still," Kaia hissed. Her eyes were darting toward the upper floors of the twin towers flanking the sky-bridge. "Marius, can you scramble the optics?"

"With what, Kaia? My hopes and dreams?" Marius whispered back, his hands trembling as he clutched his rucksack. "I need a dish or a transmitter to bounce a signal that far up. Right now, I’m just a guy with a soldering iron and a high probability of being collateral damage."

"I have peaches," Roderic whimpered. "Maybe they want peaches? It worked with the birds!"

"The Sniper Sisters don't eat peaches, Roderic. They eat people who move without permission," Kaia said. She slowly raised her hands, palms open. "Hey! Up in the North Tower! Selene! Is that you?"

The red dot flickered for a fraction of a second, then stabilized back on Roderic’s forehead. A voice boomed from a hidden loudspeaker somewhere above, cold and amplified.

"You’re trespassing, Everlast. And you brought a scavenger and a tech-leech into a restricted zone. That’s three counts of 'getting shot in the head.'"

"It's Roderic!" he shouted, his survival instinct finally overriding his common sense. "I'm a logistics coordinator! I'm not a scavenger! I'm a civilian caught in a series of very unfortunate events!"

"The civilian is vibrating," the cold voice—Selene—observed. "It’s making it hard to line up the shot. Tell him to stop moving so I can finish this."

"Don't shoot him!" Kaia yelled. "He's with me! We’re heading for the relay station! We have the codes, Selene!"

"Everyone has codes until the pressure starts," Selene replied. "Amara, deal with them. I'll keep the twitchy one in my sights."

"Wait, Amara?" Kaia’s eyes widened. "Is she—"

A sudden, rhythmic vroom-vroom-vrrrooooooom echoed from a shattered storefront twenty yards ahead. It was the sound of a combustion engine being pushed to its absolute limit, followed by the screech of metal on asphalt.

"Oh no," Marius groaned. "Not the chainsaw. Anything but the chainsaw."

A woman burst from the shadows, vaulted over a rusted car, and landed in a crouch. She was a whirlwind of spiked leather, neon-pink hair, and a motorized pole-saw that looked like it had been salvaged from a nightmare. The blades were spinning, throwing off sparks as they grazed the concrete.

"Fresh meat!" Amara screamed, her eyes wide and wild. "Selene says I get to keep the boots!"

"I am not giving up my boots again!" Roderic shrieked, backing away until he hit the planter. "Why is everyone obsessed with my footwear? There is a literal apocalypse happening!"

"Nice boots, pretty boy!" Amara laughed, revving the chainsaw. The sound was deafening, a mechanical growl that vibrated in Roderic’s teeth. "I'm gonna carve you like a Thanksgiving turkey and hang your laces from my belt!"

"Amara, stop!" Kaia jumped in front of Roderic, her pistol lowered but her stance firm. "Look at me! It’s Kaia! From the New Vegas Sector!"

Amara skidded to a halt, the tip of the chainsaw inches from Kaia’s knees. She tilted her head, the engine idling with a wet, guttural chug. "Kaia? The one who blew up the fuel depot?"

"The very same!" Kaia said, a desperate grin plastered on her face. "Long time no see, right? How’s the... uh... the murder business?"

"It’s steady. Keeps the lights on," Amara said, her gaze shifting to Roderic. "Is he yours? He looks like he’s about to have a heart attack. It’s making me want to rev the engine just to see if he pops."

"Please don't pop me," Roderic gasped. "I’m very fragile. I’m mostly made of anxiety and syrup at this point."

"He’s my lucky charm," Kaia said. "And more importantly, Amara... you still owe me five dollars."

The silence that followed was broken only by the low hum of the chainsaw and the distant whistling of the wind through the shattered windows.

"Five dollars?" Marius whispered. "We’re in the middle of a sniper standoff and you’re collecting a debt?"

"It’s the principle of the thing!" Kaia snapped. "The taco stand at the 4th Street outpost, Amara. You said you’d pay for the extra guat and you didn't. I had to trade a clip of ammo for that meal."

Amara stared at Kaia. Then she looked at her chainsaw. Then she looked back at Kaia. Slowly, she reached into a pouch on her thigh and pulled out a crumpled, grease-stained five-dollar bill.

"I forgot," Amara muttered, her aggressive posture deflating. "I didn't think I’d ever see you again. I figured you were bird-food by now."

"I’m hard to kill," Kaia said, snatching the bill and stuffing it into her vest. "Now, tell your sister to move that laser off my friend’s face before he loses what’s left of his mind."

Amara looked up at the tower and tapped a comms unit on her shoulder. "Selene, stand down. It’s the Debt Collector. She’s with some tech-guy and a human panic-attack."

The red dot on Roderic’s forehead vanished. He collapsed against the planter, gasping for air as if he’d just run a marathon.

"I’m alive," he whispered. "The dot is gone. I can see colors again."

"Get up, Peach-Man," Kaia said, patting his shoulder. "We’ve got company."

A shadow moved at the edge of the sky-bridge. A woman in a sleek, grey tactical suit descended on a rapid-deploy rappelling line, landing with the grace of a cat. She carried a long-range rifle slung across her back, and her face was a mask of cold, professional indifference.

"You’re lucky my sister has a conscience about five dollars," Selene said, her voice just as icy in person as it had been over the speaker. "The Syndicate is paying a lot of money for anyone trying to reach the relay station."

"The Syndicate can suck a lemon," Kaia replied. "We’re turning that thing on. We’re calling for an evac."

"Evac?" Selene arched an eyebrow. "From who? The ghosts in the sky? Nobody’s coming for this sector, Kaia. It’s a graveyard."

"The offshore havens are listening," Kaia insisted. "We just need to hit the right frequency. And we need your help to get past the bridge. The Scav-drones are thick on the other side."

Selene looked at Roderic, then at Marius. "The tinkerer looks useful. The other one looks like he’ll trip over his own feet and set off every alarm in the district."

"I have a name!" Roderic protested, finally standing up and brushing the dust off his jacket. "It’s Roderic Ashborne. And I didn't trip. I was tactically recoiling from a chainsaw."

"He has the luck of the gods, Selene," Kaia said. "He survived a Deadzone Pigeon swarm using nothing but a can of peaches."

Amara’s eyes lit up. "Peaches? You have real fruit? Not the dehydrated stuff that tastes like cardboard?"

"I have two cans left," Roderic said, clutching his bag protectively. "And they are strictly for emergency use only."

"This is an emergency!" Amara laughed, revving her saw again. "I’m hungry, and I’m bored! That’s a code-red emergency in my book!"

"She’s joking," Selene said, though she didn't look like she was. She turned toward the north, her eyes narrowing as she scanned the horizon. "Mostly. But we have a bigger problem than your fruit."

"What now?" Kaia asked, her hand going back to her holster. "Stalkers? More Pigeons?"

"Worse," Selene said, pointing toward the crumbling highway that led into the heart of the district. "Look at the dust clouds. That’s not wind."

Roderic squinted. In the distance, through the haze of smog and falling ash, he could see a line of flickering lights. It wasn't just a few scouts. It was a massive, rumbling convoy of armored trucks, spikes gleaming in the moonlight.

"The Syndicate?" Marius asked, his voice trembling.

"No," Selene said, her voice dropping to a grim whisper. "That’s the Iron Tithe. They don't want the relay station. They want to level the whole block."

"They’re coming here?" Roderic asked, his heart sinking. "Now? I haven't even had a chance to organize my thoughts!"

"They’ll be here in twenty minutes," Selene said, unslung her rifle with a practiced click. "If you want to reach that station, you’d better start running. Amara and I will give you what cover we can, but once that convoy hits the bridge, we’re out of here."

"You heard the lady!" Kaia yelled, grabbing Roderic by the arm. "Move it, Peach-Man! We’re on the clock!"

"I hate the clock!" Roderic screamed as they sprinted toward the towering shadow of the Apex Building. "I hate the convoy! I want my pantry back!"

"Save the breath for running!" Amara cackled, her chainsaw roaring to life behind them. "The party’s just getting started!"