Apocalypse Tutorial System

Rendi sat at his cramped desk, the blue light of his monitor reflecting off half-empty cans of energy drinks. Without warning, a white-hot spike of agony lanced through his skull, forcing him to drop his mouse. He clutched his temples, his breath coming in ragged gasps as the air in his apartment seemed to thicken.

“Yo, deadass, my brain is literally about to melt,” Rendi groaned, his voice strained. “What is this? A stroke at twenty-two? That’s high-key unfair.”

[ NEURAL PATHWAY REGISTERED. ]

A translucent blue window shimmered into existence three inches from his nose. Rendi froze, his fingers digging into his hair.

“Bruh, what?” Rendi squinted at the floating text. “Am I hallucinating? Is this some next-level migraine aura or did someone lace my coffee?”

[ ENDGAME TUTORIAL INITIALIZED. USER: RENDI. NINETY DAYS REMAIN UNTIL ‘THE REAL GAME’ BEGINS. ]

“The Real Game?” Rendi barked out a nervous laugh. “Fam, I’m barely handling the demo of adult life. Reset. Exit. Shift-Delete. Go away.”

[ FIRST TASK: ASSESS INITIAL MOBILITY. ACTION: PERFORM A TUCK-AND-ROLL FROM THE SECOND-STORY BALCONY. ]

Rendi stood up, his chair screeching against the floorboards. He walked slowly toward his small balcony, looking down at the concrete below.

“No shot,” Rendi said, crossing his arms. “That’s a huge L. I’m not yeeting myself off this building for a hallucination. My health insurance is mid at best.”

[ WARNING: TUTORIAL TASKS ARE MANDATORY. FAILURE TO COMPLY WILL RESULT IN BIO-RHYTHM TERMINATION. ]

“Wait, termination? Are you capping?” Rendi’s voice climbed an octave. “You’re actually threatening my life over a tuck-and-roll? Big yikes, System. Chill out.”

A sudden, crushing pressure clamped down on Rendi’s chest. He collapsed to one knee, the air trapped in his lungs. His heart began to skip, thudding with the rhythm of a failing engine.

“Ayo, stop!” Rendi wheezed, his face turning an unappealing shade of grey. “Stop! I’m bugging! I get it! You’re not capping! I’ll do it!”

The pressure eased instantly. Rendi gasped for air, his hands shaking as he gripped the railing.

“That was super unnecessary,” Rendi muttered, wiping sweat from his forehead. “You have zero chill. Literally zero.”

[ SIXTY SECONDS UNTIL TASK EXPIRATION. FAILURE WILL RESULT IN TOTAL CARDIAC ARREST. ]

“Okay, okay! Look, I’m moving!” Rendi climbed over the railing, his legs dangling over the edge. “I’m doing it. If I die, I’m haunting your source code forever. No cap.”

[ THIRTY SECONDS. ]

“Geronimo or whatever,” Rendi yelled, closing his eyes. “Don’t let me break my shins!”

Rendi threw himself into the air. The world blurred for a split second before the ground rushed up to meet him. He hit something soft, heard a sickening crunch of plastic, and tumbled forward into a sea of floral-scented fabric. He came to a stop tangled in lace and wet mesh.

[ MOBILITY TASK COMPLETE. PASSING GRADE. ]

“Oof. Everything hurts,” Rendi grunted, disentangling himself from a tangle of metal wire. “Did I stick the landing? Give me the score, you glitchy bot.”

“Rendi? What in the absolute heck are you doing?”

Rendi froze. He slowly pulled a pair of beige, high-waisted undergarments off his shoulder and looked up. Mbak Sari, his neighbor from the first floor, was standing two feet away, her hands on her hips and a look of pure, unadulterated judgment on her face.

“Mbak Sari! Hey!” Rendi offered a weak wave. “Funny seeing you out here in the drying area.”

“You fell from the sky like a sack of garbage,” Sari said, pointing at the shattered remains of her drying rack. “On my clean silk. You were literally wearing my laundry as a cape.”

“Nah, let me explain,” Rendi said, scrambling to his feet. “I was... doing a parkour check? Testing the structural integrity of the balcony? High-stakes content creation?”

“You’re on something,” Sari replied, her eyes narrowing. “You look super sus, Rendi. Is this a prank? Where are the cameras?”

“There are no cameras, I swear on my life!” Rendi insisted, his hands held up defensively. “I just... slipped? No, wait. I jumped. But it was for a good reason.”

“To destroy my third drying rack this year?” Sari stepped closer, her expression darkening. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Or like you’re having a heart attack. Your face is the color of old tofu.”

[ WARNING: USER HEART RATE IS SPIKING. CONCEAL SYMPTOMS TO PREVENT DETECTION. ]

“I’m vibing, Mbak! Totally vibing!” Rendi laughed nervously, clutching his chest as a dull ache throbbed. “Just a little adrenaline rush. Totally normal for a Tuesday.”

“You’re vibrating,” Sari said flatly. “And you’re talking to the air. Are you good? Do I need to call an ambulance or your mom?”

“Don’t call my mom, she’d literally end me,” Rendi said, backing away from the ruins of the silk lingerie. “Look, I’ll Venmo you for the rack. Just give me the price. I’ll double it. Call it a stress tax.”

“You’re paying for the silk too,” Sari snapped. “Hand-wash only, Rendi! Hand-wash!”

“Bet. Whatever you say. I’m just gonna... walk this off,” Rendi said, edging toward the gate. “We’re still cool, right? Neighbors forever?”

“If I see you falling near my balcony again, I’m calling the cops,” Sari called after him. “This isn’t Minecraft, you weirdo!”

“I feel that!” Rendi shouted back, finally rounding the corner into the alleyway.

He leaned against a brick wall, his chest heaving. The holographic window blinked twice before changing colors from blue to a menacing, vibrant orange.

“That was the most embarrassing moment of my life, System,” Rendi hissed under his breath. “I hope you’re happy. I have zero reputation left in this building.”

[ INITIAL ASSESSMENT SATISFACTORY. COMMENCING COMBAT FEASIBILITY MODULE. ]

“Wait, combat?” Rendi’s eyes widened. “Fam, I don’t even like confrontation in restaurant orders. What do you mean combat?”

[ NEW QUEST: CLEAR THE PLAGUE. ]

“What plague? There’s no plague here,” Rendi said, looking around the quiet neighborhood. “Just some stray cats and a lot of humidity.”

[ LOCATION: CENTRAL PARK. TARGET: INVISIBLE WRAITHS (LEVEL 1). ]

“Invisible? Oh, so you want me to look even more insane?” Rendi ran a hand through his hair. “Let me guess. If I don’t punch the air in the middle of a crowded park, my heart explodes?”

[ CORRECT. BIOMETRIC PENALTY ENGAGED IN TEN MINUTES. ]

“You’re actually the worst dev in the history of games,” Rendi groaned, starting a slow jog toward the park. “Who designed this tutorial? It’s high-key toxic.”

[ REMAINING TIME UNTIL PUBLIC SHAMING AND/OR DEATH: 09:59. ]

“I’m going, I’m going!” Rendi shouted, nearly knocking over a delivery driver. “Stop the count! I’m literally moving at max speed right now!”

He sprinted toward the green space down the street, his mind racing faster than his legs. If the system was telling the truth, he was about to start a brawl with things no one else could see, right next to the city’s busiest food stalls.

“This is gonna be a total disaster,” Rendi wheezed as the park entrance came into view. “The internet is gonna see me punching air and I’m gonna be a meme by dinner.”

[ LEVEL 1 WRAITHS DETECTED. PREPARE FOR CONTACT. ]

Rendi skidded to a halt in the middle of the crowded grass. A family nearby looked up from their picnic. A group of students stared at him.

“Ayo, Wraiths!” Rendi yelled, squaring his shoulders while his face burned with shame. “Square up! I guess!”