Eleuthernemis System

Chapter Ten

"Stop moving,” the doctor said, holding the small scissors near my abdomen.

“I'm not moving.”

“You're fidgeting.”

I was. My hands tapped my legs nervously and I flinched whenever I felt the scissors touch me. The doctor snipped carefully at the stitches that had been holding my abdomen together for the past few days.

Park Junho sat at the corner of the clinic, scrolling through his phone, while Woo rim watched the procedure with disturbing fascination.

“Does it hurt?” Woo rim asked.

“A little,” I admitted. More like a sharp tugging sensation that made my eye water.

“Almost done,” the doctor said. One more snip and then he was dabbing at my stomach with antiseptic.

“There. Try not to get stabbed again.”

“I’ll do my best.”

I looked down at my abdomen and sighed. It would definitely leave a scar, at least it wasn't my face I guess.

“You can resume normal physical activity,” the doctor said. “But take it easy for the first few days, no excessive strain.”

“Define excessive.” Park Junho said from the corner.

“Seventeen hour training sessions,” I said.

The doctor blinked. “That would definitely qualify as excessive.”

“Great.” Park Junho said getting up. “Let's go.”

Back at the apartment, they’d cleared the living room furniture to make space. Woo rim had pulled up dance tutorial videos on his laptop.

“Okay,” Park Junho said. “Let's see what we're working with. Just move. Doesn't matter how. I need to see your natural rhythm.

After about thirty seconds, Park Junho stopped the music.

“Huh.”

“That bad?”

“No. That's the thing.” He exchanged a glance with Woo rim. “You’re not…terrible. Your rhythm is actually pretty decent. Better than your pitch at least.”

“Really?”

“Don't get excited. Decent isn't good. But it's something to work with.” He pulled up a basic dance tutorial. “Let's try this. Eight counts. Watch first.”

I watched the video, a simple sequence of steps, nothing fancy. Then I tried it.

I stumbled on the third count, recovered, then tried again.

“You're overthinking it.” Woo rim said. “Stop trying to be perfect, just go with the flow.”

I tried again. This time letting my mind stop thinking too much and letting my body flow with the beats.

“Better.” Park Junho said. “Again.”

We drilled the same eight counts for an hour. Then built on it, adding arm movements, a turn, a slight bounce to the step.

By the end of two hours, I had a full thirty seconds routine memorized.

“Your footwork is sloppy.” Park Junho said said. “But your timing is good and you hit the movements cleanly.”

“So what does this mean?”

“It means we're changing strategies.”

Woo rim pulled up a new song on his laptop. “He should try this.”

The song started playing, it was slower than most idol tracks and the vocals was just within my range. The choreography wasn't too complicated either and didn't require much movement.

The song and dance routine relied more on the expression of emotions, both facially and in movement.

“Echoes by Moonfall.” Woo rim said. “Not very popular, but it's perfect for your range and the choreography isn't technical.”

“Can you do that?” Park Junho asked. “Show emotion while performing?”

I thought about it. Emotion wasn't a new thing to me. It's just that I've been exposed to more negative than positive and I knew I could express that.

Maybe I could even use it as an outlet. To let out the feelings I kept bottled up all these years.

“Yeah.” I said. “I think I can.”

“Then let's work on it.”

For the next three days, we lived and breathed that aong and dance routine.

Woo rim broke down the choreography move by move, which I was extremely grateful for, every gesture had to mean something.

A reaching hand, a turn away, a sudden fall into a crouch. It told a story of loss and longing without saying a word.

“Think of something that hurt.” Park Junho said during one practice session. “Something real. Let that drive the movement.”

I thought of my father's cold face the day I was bleeding out on the floor. The look of detachment hurt more than seeing a look of hatred on his face.

I thought of the pain I felt watching helplessly as a garbage truck disappeared into the night with the only picture I had of my mother.

The next run-through was different. I didn't need anyone to tell me, I could feel it.

“That's it.” Woo rim said quietly. “That's what we need.”

By the morning of the audition, I could perform the routine in my sleep. The vocals still weren't perfect, my voice cracked occasionally and my breath control needed work but it was passable. The dance was solid.

Not impressive. But solid.

“Remember,” Park Junho said as we stood outside the entertainment building for idols.

“You’re not trying to be the best. You're trying to show potential. Make them believe you can improve.”

“And if they don't believe that?”

“Then you’ll have a good story about that one time you tried to become an idol.”

“Inspiring.”

He smiled. “Go and don't overthink it. Though I have a feeling you'll pass.”

The waiting area was even more crowded than what I’d imagined. Guys in expensive clothes, designer sneakers. Perfectly styled hair filled the room.

I found an empty near the corner and tried to blend into the wall.

The guy next to me was trembling. Actually shaking, his knee was bouncing so fast it was practically vibrating. He had round anxious eyes and kept pulling at the hem of his shirt.

“You okay?” I asked.

He jumped and looked so spooked I felt bad for talking to him.

“Y..yeah. Fine. I'm fine.”

He was very much not fine.

“First audition?” I asked.

He nodded miserably.

“I’ve been training for six months but I’m…I'm not ready. Everyone here looks way better than me and I know I'm just going to mess this up somehow…”

“Hey.” I cut him off. “Breathe. You're going to pass out if you keep going on like that.”

He took a shaky breath.

“What’s your name?”

“Lee…Lee Dahyun.”

“I'm Seo Ireum and honestly, I'm more screwed than you are.”

“That's…not very comforting.”

“Yeah. I'm not great at this “ I leaned back in my chair.

“But here's the thing, everyone in this room is nervous. Even the guys who look confident. They're just better at hiding it.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. You think anyone walks into an audition completely relaxed? We’re all terrified.”

He looked around the room, at all the other candidates, then back at me. “Are you scared?”

“Terrified.” I admitted. “I’ve only been training for two weeks. I barely know what I'm doing.”

His eyes widened. “Two weeks? That's…that's insane. Why would you audition with only two weeks of training?”

“Because I'm either desperate or stupid. Probably both.”

Despite his anxiety, be almost laughed. “That's honest.”

“I mean, I've got nothing to lose saying the truth.” I studied him.

“You said you've been training for six months. That's a lot of work you’ve put in. Trust that.”

“But what if I freeze up there? What if I forget everything?”

“Then you mess up in front of three judges in a closed room. Not the end of the world. At least it's not on television.”

“That's true.” He took another breath, slower this time. “Thanks. I'm still terrified…but slightly less terrified.”

“That's good.”

“Number 198! Lee Dahyun.”

His face went pale. “That's me.”

“You’ve got this,” I said.

He stood up on shaky legs and walked towards the audition room like he was heading towards his execution.

I took a deep breath. I needed to calm myself down too.

Ten minutes later, he came back out. Still pale but no longer shaking.

“How’d it go?”

“I…I think I did okay? They didn't say much. Just write things down. They also said they’d get back to me.” He managed a small smile. “But I didn't pass out, that's something.”

“That's definitely something.”

“Number 199! Seo Ireum.”

My turn.

Dahyun gave me a thumbs up. “Good luck.”

I stood, feeling the weight of the past two weeks settle on my shoulders. All those hours of practice. All that pain, frustration and exhaustion.

Time to see if it was worth anything.

The audition room looked exactly like the ones in movies. Five judges, cameras at the back and blinding lights.

“Seo Ireum,” the third judge said, looking up at me. “From what I'm seeing, you have no history with the entertainment industry. Correct?”

“Yes.”

“And you want start now?” The fourth judge said. “At this age? You're 20 right?”

“Yes.”

“And what made you want to suddenly become an idol?” The first judge said, looking at me curiously.

“I was invited.” I said truthfully. “And decided to give it a shot.”

“Really? The second judge said. “By who?”

“Kang Sujin,” I said.

“I see.” He said. “And when did you receive this invitation?”

“Two weeks ago.”

“Two weeks ago?” The fifth said with a look of utter disbelief. “You came for this audition with only two weeks of practice?”

“I did.” I said truthfully.

The second judge burst out laughing. “Damn, I like you already.”

“So, what are you performing?” The fourth judge asked.

“Echoes by Moonfall.” I said.

“Hmmmm. That's not a really popular song. I’m surprised you know it. Alright, let's see what you’ve got.” The third judge said.

I took in a deep breath and started.