Chapter 0 : Prologue

[ TW : Mentions of suicide, please skip this if you're uncomfortable ]

Pain.

All he is feeling is pain. 

Numb.

Is this what people mean by feeling hollow? Feeling as if there is nothing left in the world for you. The feeling which makes you want to fall off a cliff and start fresh in the netherworld. Maybe drown himself in the cold sea.  

Perhaps then, he would be free.

Konnor’s mother once told him, emotional pain has a biological purpose, to teach, to educate us away from unhealthy patterns and relationships. However, he wished he had not suffered from this pain. He wished he was back home, lying on the couch with a cup of warm tea in his hand.

But that was no longer possible. 

Konnor lifelessly walked to a bench nearby and slumped onto it. His bloodshot eyes lost all sparks that once held dreams of the world. His face was ghastly pale, perhaps if you did a comparison with an empty piece of A4 paper, he would be significantly paler. 

Konnor looks up to the night sky. Stars filled the sky like pale corn into freshly turned ground. It was the promise of life in the darkness, a sense of warmth springing from the cold. It was a vastness to bring humbleness and an eternal space to bring gratitude for the coziness of home.

What a beautiful sky. He thought. On a terrible day.

Out of the blue, Connor let out a painful yell. Many passersby stopped to look at him, wondering what the problem was. However, his unwelcoming and cold presence made them cower in fear. No one dared to approach the disgruntled man. They were afraid that he might get aggressive, and they would be caught off guard.

Konnor laughed hysterically. 

Why? Why must the universe be so cruel? 

Konnor’s foggy mind tried its best to push memories of the past hour behind to the deepest and darkest corner. But to no avail, his brain kept replaying the incident, over and over again like a videotape. Blame his photographic memory, which normally is a blessing, but now it is nothing more of a nightmare. One he wished he had the power to wake up from. One he wished someone would shake him and tell him it was all a dream.

“STOP IT!” Konnor yelled as he held on to his pounding head. He started hitting his own head, adding to the pain. 

The passersby looked at him with piety, some even shaking their head with sympathy. This man must have been through some things. They thought to themselves.

“The guy must have escaped the asylum.”

“Should we call the authorities? Maybe he needs help.”

“Poor guy, I wonder if he has family members to care for him. Clearly, he is not in his right mind.”

“Mommy, my teacher taught us about mental disorders today. Does he have them?”

Konnor furrowed his eyebrows as he heard the whispers of the people around him. He has been reduced to nothing but a crazy person. A person who is mentally deranged or insane. A person no one wants to talk to. Where has all of his dignity gone to? Has he got not a single scrap of it left? 

Tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down his face. The muscles of his chin tremble like a small child as he looked back at the people. There was static in his head once more, the side effect of this constant fear. He hears his own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. His father always told him a true man wouldn't cry. Doing this right now, he really felt like he has let down his father.

Konnor clenched his fists. No, this will not be my end. If the Gods are forcing me, I refuse. I have yet to live to find my life, and this will not be my end.

Konnor wiped his tears using the sleeves of his favorite sweater. His eyes glowed with a new life. Not the sparkle of happiness, but with a newfound goal.

This time, I will make my own destiny.

(A/N : The prologue's a bit short, but trust me, the chapters after this are much longer.)

To all the people who are suffering silently, remember, you're not alone.

' If we hear with our hearts, we can care and not scare, we can heal and bring ointment to invisible wounds in the hope they can be reduced to scars and fade in time. '