Hijacking the Three Kingdoms with My System

Chapter 7: Hua Xiong’s Bloody Stage

The air inside the Anti-Dong Zhuo Alliance’s main command tent smelled of expensive perfume, rice wine, and now... the cold sweat of fear.

Just five minutes earlier, Han Fu, Governor of Jizhou, had proudly sent forth his general, Pan Feng. "Pan Feng can cleave mountains with his axe!" Han Fu had roared then.

Now, Pan Feng’s horse returned alone to the camp gates, carrying half of its master’s body. The other half remained impaled on Hua Xiong’s spear outside.

The silence in the tent was so thick that the sound of wine spilling from Yuan Shao’s cup sounded like a bomb blast.

"Pan Feng... dead?" Yuan Shao, the Alliance Leader, slumped in his tiger-skin chair. His handsome face was deathly pale. "That was... that was only one move. Who else? Who dares face this demon Hua Xiong?!"

No one answered.

The warlords who had been busy boasting about their troop numbers and territories now lowered their heads. They pretended to busy themselves adjusting their swords, drinking wine, or counting ants on the floor. No one wanted to send their best general to die a foolish death.

"Pathetic," whispered Jo Fan, standing in the dark corner behind Liu Bei. He was chewing the remnants of his spicy chips to ward off the nausea caused by the tension.

"They are all cowards," Zhang Fei growled softly, his hands gripping the shaft of his Serpent Spear until his knuckles turned white. "Brother, let me go out there and stab that man!"

"Hold it," Jo Fan restrained Zhang Fei’s arm. He glanced at Guan Yu, who stood motionless like a statue of the God of War, his eyes half-closed. "This isn't your stage, Lord Hothead. This is the stage of the Beautiful Beard."

Jo Fan nudged Guan Yu’s waist. "Hey, General. Did you hear that? They need a hero. Or at least, someone who doesn't wet his pants when he hears Hua Xiong's name."

Guan Yu opened his eyes. That cold flash returned. He didn't speak to Jo Fan, but stepped forward into the center of the room, his footsteps heavy and rhythmic. The sound drew everyone's attention.

"I will go," Guan Yu's baritone voice echoed, rattling the wine glasses on the table. "And I will bring Hua Xiong's head back before your wine cools."

All eyes turned to him. A tall, imposing figure, a crimson face, a long beard, and a crushing aura.

Yuan Shao straightened up, a flicker of hope in his eyes. "Who is this brave general? Which army do you command?"

Gongsun Zan, Liu Bei's current patron, stood awkwardly. "He is... Guan Yu. Liu Bei's sworn brother."

"His rank?" Yuan Shu asked quickly, his eyes narrowing in disgust.

"Mounted Archer," Gongsun Zan replied softly.

A moment of silence. Then, a burst of contemptuous laughter erupted from Yuan Shu.

"Mounted Archer?! HAHAHAHA!" Yuan Shu stood, pointing a delicate finger at Guan Yu's face. "Are you joking?! Great generals are dying out there, and you send a lowly soldier?! Are you trying to insult Hua Xiong until he dies laughing?!"

"Insolent!" Zhang Fei moved to step forward but was held back firmly by Liu Bei.

"Get out!" Yuan Shu snapped. "Throw this lowlife out! How dare he speak in front of nobles!"

"Wait."

The voice again. Cao Cao.

The short man in the red robe raised his hand. He looked at Guan Yu with deepening interest. "Lord Yuan Shu, calm yourself. Look at this man. Look at his eyes. Look at his posture. Does he look like an ordinary soldier?"

"But he's just an archer!" Yuan Shu protested.

"If he loses, Hua Xiong won't know his rank. If he wins, we are all saved," Cao Cao smiled slyly, then poured a cup of warm wine from a copper pot. Hot steam rose from the cup.

Cao Cao walked up to Guan Yu, offering the cup. "General, drink this warm wine for courage. Let it warm your blood before the fight."

Guan Yu looked at the cup, then at Cao Cao. He did not take it.

"Just pour it. Keep it there," Guan Yu said flatly, his tone arrogant yet full of conviction. "I will return before the wine cools."

"How arrogant!" shouted another general.

As Guan Yu turned to leave, Jo Fan suddenly stepped forward, breaking the tension with a disturbing rustling sound.

"Wait a moment, General Guan!" Jo Fan shouted, pulling something out of his void pocket.

Everyone turned, confused. What now? Was the trash-talker going to cause trouble again?

Jo Fan pulled out a small portable stove (fueled by solid spirit) and a small wok. Then he took out a bag containing peeled, raw potato slices.

[System Item: Emergency Frying Set]

[Function: Cooking on the battlefield. Effect: The aroma of hot oil increases the hunger of both friend and foe.]

Jo Fan placed the stove on the tent floor, which was covered with an expensive carpet, and lit it with a flint lighter. *Whoosh.* A blue flame ignited. He poured cooking oil from a bamboo bottle.

"What are you doing, you lunatic?!" Yuan Shao glared, his eyes bulging. "This is the command tent! Not a kitchen!"

"Logistical preparation, Lord Yuan," Jo Fan replied casually. He tossed the potato slices into the oil, which was starting to heat up. *Szzzz.* The sizzling sound of the oil was strangely loud amid the tension.

Jo Fan looked at Guan Yu, who had stopped at the tent entrance.

"General Guan," Jo Fan called. "The wine is Cao Cao's business. But these potatoes... these potatoes need exactly 5 minutes to turn golden brown and perfectly crisp. If you return any later than that, they will be burnt and inedible."

Jo Fan stared intently into Guan Yu's eyes.

"Don't make me eat burnt potatoes. I hate the bitter taste."

Guan Yu was silent. The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, a very thin, almost imperceptible smile.

"Watch the fire, Advisor," Guan Yu said. "Prepare the salt."

Guan Yu swept aside the tent curtain and stepped out.

*THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.*

The war drums outside began to beat. The faint shouts of thousands of soldiers could be heard.

Inside the tent, the atmosphere was surreal.

The warlords stood rigid, listening to the sounds of battle outside. But their ears were also disturbed by the *sizzling* sound from Jo Fan's wok. The savory aroma of frying potatoes began to overpower the smell of perfume and fear.

"You... you are actually cooking while our lives are at stake?" Cao Cao asked. He wasn't angry; instead, he approached Jo Fan's wok, observing the deep-frying process with curiosity. "What technique is this? So much oil."

"It's called Deep Fry, Lord Cao," Jo Fan explained, stirring the potatoes with long chopsticks. "The philosophy is the same as war. You need high heat, precise timing, and the courage to plunge everything into boiling oil."

Outside, the enemy soldiers' cheers suddenly grew loud.

"Hua Xiong must be slaughtering him!" Yuan Shu exclaimed with disgusting satisfaction. "See? That archer must be dead already!"

Liu Bei's face turned pale. His hands trembled on the hilt of his sword. "Second Brother..."

Jo Fan did not look toward the door. He focused on the color of the potatoes. Pale yellow... turning yellow...

"Relax, Boss," Jo Fan murmured softly, audible only to Liu Bei. "Listen to the rhythm."

In the distance, the enemy's cheers suddenly turned into screams of shock. Then silence.

The war drums stopped abruptly.

Inside the tent, only the sound of sizzling oil could be heard. The oil bubbles in Jo Fan's wok began to calm down. The potatoes were a perfect golden yellow.

"Perfect," Jo Fan muttered. He lifted the wok from the fire, draining the potatoes into a woven basket. He sprinkled coarse salt over them.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The sound of heavy footsteps approached the tent door. Faster than before.

The tent curtain was roughly swept aside. A cold wind rushed in, carrying the metallic scent of fresh blood.

Guan Yu stood there. His green robe was not stained with dust in the slightest. His hand held something wet that was dripping thick red fluid onto Yuan Shao's expensive carpet.

A head.

The head of a large man with a shattered helmet and a look of eternal surprise on his face. Hua Xiong.

Guan Yu walked in, tossing the head at Yuan Shu's feet. The head rolled, stopping right at the tip of Yuan Shu's silk shoe, its eyes staring blankly at the arrogant noble.

"KYAAA!" Yuan Shu shrieked like a girl, jumping back until he crashed into the wine table.

The entire tent gasped. Total silence. Their hearts seemed to stop beating.

Guan Yu paid no attention to their reactions. He walked toward Cao Cao, picking up the cup of wine he had left earlier. He held the cup.

"Still warm," Guan Yu said flatly. He drank it in one gulp, then slammed the empty cup onto the floor.

CRASH!

Guan Yu then turned to Jo Fan. His eyes glanced at the bowl of freshly cooked potatoes.

"And that?" Guan Yu asked.

Jo Fan smiled broadly, offering the bowl. Hot steam was still rising from it.

"Crisp. Hot. And salty. Right on time, General," Jo Fan said.

Guan Yu took one potato stick and ate it. The *crunch* sound was clearly audible in the silent room.

"Hmm. A little light on the salt," Guan Yu commented critically, then turned and walked back to Liu Bei's side as if he had just finished an afternoon stroll, not beheaded the enemy's strongest general.

Cao Cao looked at Guan Yu, then at Hua Xiong's head, then at Jo Fan who was cleaning up his stove. Suddenly, Cao Cao laughed. A loud, unrestrained, slightly manic laugh.

"HAHAHAHA! Incredible! A Godly General and a Chef Advisor! Liu Bei, you truly possess a treasure!" Cao Cao clapped his hands. "From this day forward, whoever dares insult them deals with my sword!"

Liu Bei sighed in relief, his weak legs finally able to stand firm again. He looked at Jo Fan with deep gratitude.

But Jo Fan was not celebrating the victory. His hands, which were packing up the stove, were trembling violently. He had just gambled his life on Guan Yu's combat ability. If Guan Yu had lost, Jo Fan would have been the next to be executed for being a fraud.

[Mission Complete: Legendary Debut of the Three Brothers.]

[Reward: Alliance Reputation Points (+500). New Item: 'Barbeque Sauce Sachet'.]

[Side Effect: You are now a target of Cao Cao's attention (Status: Initial Obsession).]

"Damn it," Jo Fan thought, watching Cao Cao stare at him with eyes sparkling like a child seeing a new toy. "I just attracted the attention of the number one psychopath of this era."

Jo Fan quickly ate the remaining french fries. They tasted bland because his tongue was numb with fear.

"System," Jo Fan whispered inwardly. "Is there a 'Tranquilizer' menu in the shop?"

[None available. Suggest eating chocolate for stress. Chocolate Stock: 0.]

"Great. Very helpful," Jo Fan cursed, looking at Yuan Shao who was still staring blankly at Hua Xiong's head. "Show's over, gentlemen! Don't forget to pay for your tickets with grain supplies!" Jo Fan yelled internally, before finally giving a sweet (and fake) smile to the still-shocked warlords.