Hijacking the Three Kingdoms with My System

Chapter 6: The Gatekeeper and the Venomous Tongue

The midday sun was scorching, baking the yellow dust into hot granules that stung the skin. Before Jo Fan's eyes stretched a sight that made the biggest music festival in Jakarta look like a neighborhood social gathering.

The Anti-Dong Zhuo Alliance.

Tens of thousands of military tents stood packed across the vast plain of Suanzao. Giant banners fluttered proudly with various family names: Yuan, Cao, Sun, Kong. A forest of spears and halberds glittered, reflecting the sunlight, creating an intimidating sea of iron. The sound of marching soldiers, the neighing of horses, and the thud of training drums created a deafening cacophony of war.

"Crazy..." Jo Fan muttered, his eyes squinting behind a hand shielding the glare. "This isn't just a schoolyard brawl anymore. This is World War, local edition."

"It is magnificent," Liu Bei stared at the sight with sparkling eyes, but there was a trace of sadness on his face. He looked back at his "elite" forces: Three men (him and his two brothers), one depressed horse, and one cart of woven mats.

The contrast was like heaven and a sewer.

"Don't be intimidated, Boss," Jo Fan said casually, chewing mint gum (a System daily login reward). He blew a small bubble. "The number of tents doesn't guarantee victory. History records many large armies dying simply from mass diarrhea."

"Shut your mouth, Advisor," Zhang Fei grumbled, pulling the reins of his skinny horse. "You keep talking nonsense. Better figure out how we get in. Look at that gate guard. His face is more arrogant than a market loan shark."

They approached the Alliance's Main Gate.

The gate was guarded by a platoon of fully armored soldiers bearing the Yuan family crest (Yuan Shao's family, the alliance leader). The captain of the guard, a fat man with a waxed, twisted mustache, stood with his hands on his hips, looking at Liu Bei's group with disgust.

"HALT!" the Guard Captain barked, raising his hand. "This is the military area of the Alliance of Eighteen Princes. Beggars, street vendors, and madmen are forbidden entry. Go sell your mats in the next village market!"

Guan Yu's red face grew even redder with anger. His eyes narrowed sharply. "Watch your tongue, little mouse. My Elder Brother is Liu Bei, He is the Emperor's Uncle, the Magistrate of Pingyuan!"

The Guard Captain spat on the ground, right near Liu Bei's woven shoes.

"The Emperor's Uncle?" The Captain burst into laughter, followed by his men. "Hey, hear that! Another one claiming to be the Emperor's relative! Yesterday a medicine seller claimed to be the Emperor's cousin, now a mat seller claims to be the Emperor's Uncle! If you're the Emperor's Uncle, I'm the Emperor's Father!"

"BASTARD! YOU'RE ASKING TO DIE!"

Zhang Fei's patience snapped instantly.

SRENG!

His Serpent Spear was drawn. Zhang Fei's murderous aura exploded, making the guards' horses whinny in fear. "I'll puncture that fat belly of yours so you learn some manners!"

"Third Brother! Hold!" Liu Bei snapped, restraining Zhang Fei's muscular arm. He looked at the guard with a pleading yet firm expression. "Master Guard, we have come answering the call of patriotism to save the country. Is social status more important than loyalty to the Han Dynasty?"

"Without an official invitation or a minimum of 1,000 troops, you are just trash consuming our food rations," the Captain replied coldly, gesturing to the archers on the wooden tower. Bows were drawn, aiming at Liu Bei's chest.

The situation was deadlocked. Liu Bei was humiliated, Zhang Fei was about to rampage, and Guan Yu was ready to slaughter.

Jo Fan sighed deeply. Typical bureaucracy. It was the same everywhere. Whether in a Jakarta neighborhood or an Ancient Chinese Military Camp, there was always a need for connections or grease.

"System, check inventory," Jo Fan whispered.

[Inventory Opened]

[Items Available: 5x Chili Sauce Sachets, 1x Spicy Cassava Chips (Level 10 - 'Hell's Tongue'), 1x Mini Megaphone (Damaged/Battery Dead).]

Jo Fan's eyes focused on the Level 10 Spicy Cassava Chips. The item description: "Increases speaking courage by 200%. Side effects: Mouth feels burned and words that come out will be as sharp as a razor."

"Perfect," Jo Fan muttered.

He tore open the chip bag, took a bright red chip, and ate it.

CRUNCH.

Instantly, a brutal spiciness exploded in his mouth. His eyes watered, but his fear and doubt vanished completely. His adrenaline peaked. He felt like he could debate God himself right now.

Jo Fan jumped down from the mat cart, walked casually past Liu Bei and Zhang Fei, and went straight up to the Guard Captain's nose.

"Move aside, Gatekeeper Dog!" Jo Fan said. His voice wasn't loud, but it was sharp and cold, piercing the ears of everyone present.

The Captain was shocked. "What did you say?!"

"I said, move aside!" Jo Fan stared into the Captain's eyes while chewing the spicy chip. "Do you know why you're just a gate guard while others are Generals? Because your brain is in your knee and your eyes are blind."

"HOW DARE YOU…."

"SILENCE!" Jo Fan roared, his voice rising an octave, amplified by the burning effect in his throat.

Jo Fan pointed toward the giant banners inside the camp.

"You're proud of this Alliance? Eighteen nobles gathered? Ha! All I see is a collection of cowards showing off their wealth!"

Jo Fan turned to face the watching soldiers, spreading his arms like a mad orator.

"You stop Liu Bei? A man who comes with only three brothers and a sincere heart? While you allow the greedy Yuan Shu and the hesitant Yuan Shao to lead you?! Do you think war is won with silk robes and golden invitations?!"

"Arrest this madman!" the Guard Captain yelled, his face crimson.

"Touch me with one finger, and history will record that this Great Alliance was afraid of one skinny college student and three mat sellers!" Jo Fan challenged, his eyes blazing (the capsaicin effect).

"You aren't soldiers! You're just Event Organizers for a death party! You're busy measuring who's the richest, while Dong Zhuo is burning the capital and raping your women! And when a true Hero arrives, you block him at the gate like mangy dogs guarding a rotten bone!"

Jo Fan's words were so harsh, so modern, and so insulting that the atmosphere fell silent. The low-ranking soldiers, who were actually fed up with their superiors' arrogance, began to whisper.

"Who is this man? His mouth is venomous."

"But he's right... General Yuan just throws wine parties every night."

The Guard Captain trembled with rage. He drew his sword. "I will cut out your tongue!"

"Enough."

One word. His voice wasn't loud, but it cut the tension like a hot knife through butter.

From behind the gate, a troop of elite cavalry emerged. In front of them, riding a pitch-black warhorse, was a short man in a maroon robe.

His face was not handsome, his skin was somewhat dark, but his eyes... those eyes radiated terrifying intelligence and cunning. He smiled, as if he had just watched the best comedy show of his life.

[System Alert: Legendary Figure Detected]

[Name: Cao Cao (Mengde)]

[Status: Hero in Times of Peace, Villain in Times of Chaos.]

[Danger Level: SSS+]

Jo Fan swallowed. The spiciness in his mouth suddenly tasted bland. "Damn it. The Boss is here."

Cao Cao spurred his horse closer, looking at Jo Fan with amusement. "Gatekeeper Dog? Event Organizer? Strange vocabulary, but intriguing. Young man, it's been a long time since I heard someone insult the Yuan Family so harshly right in front of their gate."

Jo Fan tried to remain calm, though his legs felt weak. "Just speaking the truth, Master Cao. The truth often sounds like an insult to deaf ears."

"You know who I am?" Cao Cao asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The man who would rather betray the world than let the world betray him," Jo Fan answered spontaneously, quoting Cao Cao's famous future line.

Cao Cao's eyes widened. A flash of danger appeared briefly, then turned into roaring laughter.

"Hahahaha! Interesting! Very interesting! Liu Bei, is it?" Cao Cao turned toward Liu Bei, who was still standing confused. "I heard your name during the Yellow Turban suppression. Come in. If any dogs bark again, just tell them Cao Mengde invited you."

The Guard Captain immediately bowed, his face pale. "Master Cao! But Master Yuan Shu ordered…."

"Yuan Shu?" Cao Cao cut him off coldly. "He's just a dry bone in a grave. Don't listen to him."

Cao Cao turned his horse back into the camp, but before leaving, he glanced at Jo Fan again. "Young man, what is your name?"

"Jo Fan."

"Jo Fan... Prepare that tongue of yours. We need entertainment inside. The atmosphere is dreadfully boring, full of stiff old men."

After Cao Cao left, the gate opened wide. No one dared to block them anymore.

Liu Bei sighed deeply, as if he had been holding his breath for an hour. He patted Jo Fan's shoulder. "Master Jo... you almost got us killed. My heart nearly stopped."

"But we got in, didn't we?" Jo Fan grinned, though his stomach now felt cramped from the side effects of the spicy chips. "My methods are crude, Boss. But the results are real. Welcome to the main stage."

They entered the large camp.

The atmosphere was far more intimidating than outside. In the gigantic main tent, the warlords sat on chairs covered with tiger skins, drinking wine from golden goblets, and laughing.

Yuan Shao sat in the center, imposing and handsome, but his eyes looked hesitant. Yuan Shu sat beside him, thin and cunning-faced, staring disdainfully at Liu Bei, who entered in worn clothing.

"Who is this beggar?" Yuan Shu scoffed loudly, ensuring everyone heard. "Cao Cao, are you picking up trash again?"

"He is Liu Bei," Cao Cao replied casually while pouring wine. "And he brought along a mad dog who knows how to bark. Be careful, Master Yuan Shu, he might bite your shinbone."

Jo Fan just stood behind Liu Bei, restraining himself from giving the middle finger. The System gave him a notification:

[Mission Complete: Entered the Tiger's Den.]

[Reward: 'Stomach Pain Relief Pill' (x1) & Reputation: "Trash Mouth."]

"Thanks, System. I really need that pill right now," Jo Fan thought, clutching his aching stomach.

Suddenly, the sound of heavy footsteps running entered the tent. A scout soldier, covered in blood, fell to his knees in front of Yuan Shao.

"Report! Disaster!" the soldier cried hysterically.

The music stopped. The laughter of the warlords ceased instantly.

"What is it?" Yuan Shao asked, his voice trembling slightly.

"The General of the Vanguard, Yu She... is dead!" the soldier reported. "His head was severed in a single move!"

"What?! Yu She was my greatest general!" Yuan Shu shouted in shock.

"Who killed him?" Cao Cao asked calmly.

The soldier looked up, his eyes filled with pure terror.

"Hua Xiong... a General from Dong Zhuo's forces. He stands before the gate, carrying Yu She's head on the tip of his spear. He challenges anyone to step forward. He says... this Alliance is filled only with babies suckling at their mothers' breasts!"

Total silence descended upon the large tent. Fear crept across the faces of the nobles who had been so arrogant moments before.

Jo Fan, who was secretly swallowing the Stomach Pain Relief Pill, nudged the arm of Guan Yu, who stood motionless beside him.

"Get ready, Long-Bearded General," Jo Fan whispered, a small grin appearing on his lips, which were still red from the chili. "Your stage is set. Make them wet their expensive silk pants."

Guan Yu opened his narrow eyes. A cold, murderous glint shone out, making the temperature around them drop several degrees.

"Hua Xiong?" Guan Yu snorted softly, his hand stroking his beautiful beard. "His name sounds like a pig ready for slaughter."