2023-03-29 08:15:58THOSE WORDS I said to him.
I’m ready.
Though I said those words, I wasn’t sure of myself whether I am. My heart said I didn’t want to know and part of me wished nothing would change and things will be the same but.... it was so cruel to bear when I knew it was impossible. But what was I supposed to do? I was the person who triggered the way for that change.
“There’s something we hid from you all this time. You must have felt that you’re different and that must be why you decided to leave”
I was amazed how he exactly recited what was going in my mind from a long time.
“Go on Levine.”
Curiosity inside me was killing me. My heart raced to know the words he was going to say next.
“I don’t know how you will react to this Cod but… please, no matter what words come out from me within the next minutes, I want you to know that you’re my little brother and no one can change that. Ever."
I nodded.
“Even though I’m not your real brother…. Please… Cod… You’re still my brother.”
Levine, he was suffering for each and every word he said. I felt like I gulped down a stone. Inside of me always said that my origin wasn't with them but I never thought those instincts were true. More than anything I didn't want to accept it.
“I’m not your real brother?”
I murmured. Not because I didn’t know it but because I never actually wanted to hear those words even though I knew I would have to hear them someday whether I like it or not.
"You kind of expected this, didn't you?"
asked Levine with a faint smile
"Not exactly. I've always felt that I didn't belong here but I just thought those instincts weren't true.”
Levine smiled.
That day, I understood the meaning of the warning look dad... or Christopher gave to Levine on the day I woke up on the bed. He wanted Levine to keep silent about the lie he was saying and he wanted Levine to accept me as his younger brother then and there.
"The main reason we didn't tell you the truth was that we didn't want you to have a dark childhood worrying and feeling lonely about not having your parents around you. Because we believed you deserved an amazing childhood just as all the other kids do."
he paused.
I felt as if a warm liquid is running through my body. I unintentionally felt lucky for meeting dad and Levine.
"Second thing. Even we actually don't know who you are. You were an abandoned child on the street and we just brought you. About your memory as well... We don't know how you lost it but we wanted to make you comfortable with us, so we lied."
he paused and so did I. I was calculating the things going through my mind. I kind of doubted if what he said about my memory was true. Of course, it was a lie but I didn't know it was, because I had no memory.
"So, where are my actual parents?" I asked.
"I'm not sure. We tried to find but we couldn't."
"Where did you find me?"
I questioned again and again in the intention of catching him if he was lying.
"Sleeping under a bridge with rags, in the city." he replied instantly without hesitation which made me believe in him. Levine was not a good liar. Since we were children, he sucked at lying but that day was one day, the only day he was good at it. I was so stupid. I knew him so much. He should have expected, predicted, all the questions I asked from him and how many times he would have practiced the answers that he could answer without hesitation? I do not know. He was saying the truth. That is what I thought.
I smiled.
“When I asked you those questions today morning, at the prison rounds.... you already knew, didn’t you?”
I asked. He smiled.
"You knew I would leave someday, didn't you?"
I asked with the same smile, with tears filled in my eyes.
"Mhm. We guessed. Guessed that you would venture out and believed that you should be strong enough for that. Only thing we could give you was a training to fight and we did that."
His voice sounded so weak and I could hear his sorrow in each and every word he said.
"No. It's not like that. Trust me when I say this. It wasn't. You and dad gave me everything."
I hugged Levine for a long time. Until both of us could suppress back our tears into the eyes again.
"Go on."
He said patting my shoulder.
"And take this with you."
He put the money in my pocket.
"Dad gave that to you thinking that this day would come and hoping that you won't have any difficulties with your life after leaving the territory."
he said. I was right. Dad knew.
"Do you have your gun with you?" asked Levine.
I nodded.
"Gimme that."
I did as he said but at the same time, was curious why.
"You don't need this anymore. Normal people won't use guns. Promise me, you won't ever hold a gun again in your life unless you decide to go on that path of your life to join the Police or the Forces."
He looked deep and strange when he said that, but still he smiled.
"I swear"
I said.
Of course, I had no expectation of holding a gun again and had no intention of joining the Police or the Forces either. So, I was quite sure that I will never hold a gun in my life again.
All I wanted is a normal life.
“Also... Cod.”
“Mm?”
“This....”
said Levine taking a necklace out of his pocket and handing it to me. It was the locket that mom and dad gave to me which I didn’t remember at that moment due to memory loss and which I didn’t even know was existing.
“What is this?”
I said as I brushed my fingers over the three engraved words. “We Love You.”
“Something you may need when your memory comes back or maybe...”
he paused.
“Maybe what?”
“Nothing...”
he replied nervously
“It is nothing.”
he said again taking a deep breathe
“What do you mean nothing? Why did you give this to me?”
he didn’t reply
“Is this mine?”
I asked again. He nodded.
“So... who gave this to me? Who loves me?”
Levine smiled. His smile, I could not understand what it meant. It was definitely not a happy one, neither a sympathetic one but something between both.
"There is always a right time and a right place which thing are bound to happen. You will know when the right time comes. You will know if you are supposed to know.”
he said. I didn’t say anything but instead I instinctively nodded agreeing with him which I still wonder why.
"Great! So… go now"
he said heavily
"Use the Left Line Road to go. Then sneak over the roof of the grey house and jump off the wall. That way, you won't confront any guards and your path will be a lot easier."
he said as I kept my legs on the window ledge again. I nodded.
I looked down. Ready to jump.
"Gonna miss you too, little idiot."
he said. I jumped. I didn't look back or didn't hold back my tears anymore. By that time, holding tears was impossible to me. I let them out. It made me feel relaxed.
I cried as I took over the path my brother told me. He was right as always. I didn't confront any of the guards. My heart ached as I jumped from the roof over the wall without making any noise to make sure that the guards didn't look up. I wanted to sink to my knees when I landed on the ground few feet away from the wall that separated the Catastrophe Territory from the rest of the town.
I turned back. I stared at the buildings inside the wall. One Last Time. Tears. I roughly wiped them off with my hands. I turned myself away. I never turned back in anything I did and I didn't then. It was my decision to leave. I walked away.
Without looking back.
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Chapter 52
MY LIFE IN the prison for six years was a period of time to collect myself together from the pieces that were scattered during the time of 17 years that I was broken; from the time I lost my parents. Though my memory was lost and though I didn’t know I lost them, still… there was a heavy burden inside me which limited the peace in my mind.For me to realize what that burden was, what I had wanted was a pause in my life; a little time to resurrect myself. Until those years, that I sat in the corner of a dark room with the metal bars in front of me, I did not come to the awareness why it felt so heavy. Finally, when the relief flooded in to my life, how much I wished I had that pause earlier? Maybe then… none of these would have happened.Guilt. It was something that was embarked deep within my conscience and when it got dipped with regret, it had the ability of tearing my soul apart. Killing was not the only thing that bought me guilt and regret. I was a person loved by a lot and still
Chapter 51
AFTER I WAS put into the prison, about an hour later, the prison bars opened again.“You have twenty minutes.”said the guard and a figure entered the prison. Levine. I stood up instinctively, I gulped and my mind went blank. He didn’t speak at first. I saw the guards leave, leaving me and Levine as the only people for the yard.I was a prisoner who was prohibited for visitors as a part of the court sentence but he had been specially granted to meet me once and for all for the next six years.“Or maybe… this will be the last time ever”I thought back then. I couldn’t blame him even if it was. What right was there?“Kenneth.”he said. I finally looked at him, it was strange for me to hear my own name.“Finally, I got to call you by your name”his eyes were teary. He had cried, I realized looking at how red his eyes was.No. No. No. He can’t be like this. He can’t be this kind to me. At least he should hate me. He can’t forgive me this easily. Levine. You can’t love me this much.“Ken….
Chapter 50
“ALLISON. SHE SHOULD probably have hated me and still do not know why she didn’t back then. It was a huge betrayal and if I was in her place, I guess I won’t be that merciful. Back then, at the Interrogation Room I wonder who she saw me as? I guess in her eyes, I was a monster... which was obviously right. Up until now, even if twenty-five years had passed, I never had the courage to reach and ask her anything about that past. We never spoke about it. None of us. It was just like, that we have put a rule to ourselves to keep ourselves shut from that experience.When I first agreed with Link to kill, what was in my mind was to bring justice to my parents. But true, whatever my reasons were, I had no right to kill, I had no right to take the law to my hands but… they said my mom and dad was murdered by the law for no reason so, I saw no justice in that law. I had no memory so I didn’t know that they were lying and I didn’t know what I did was all wrong but true, I had conscious and it w
Chapter 49 - Special Chapter : Allisson Narrates Part 3
IT WAS SO clear how everyone of us wanted the same thing. We wanted him to prove that we were wrong, we wanted him to say he was not the killer, we were ready to go through a hell and do an investigation from the beginning if there was at least one single proof saying that he was not the Killer.“No matter whatever the reason, how could you do that to us?”That was the first time I saw Dylan’s voice breaking so hard and I’m quite sure that was the first and the last time in Ken’s life he felt helpless. Ken may have been at a memory loss but he still knew how much we cared for him and trusted him. That day, the Intelligence Interrogation Room had its first official interrogation which made the Intelligence and the criminal party both felt like they were fallen on their knees and… for no doubt that was the last such.Ken didn’t say a single word but his eyes said it all... and I’m so sure the reason behind his silence was that he knew no matter what he said there was nothing he could ch
Chapter 48 - Special Chapter : Allisson Narrates Part 2
KENNETH WAS A killer of 31 humans. One of the best Killers in the history which the Intelligence handled. A perfectionist. A person who got caught by Intelligence only because he wanted himself caught. I don’t think the Intelligence would ever be able to figure out who that killer was if he didn’t reveal it to us that day. He was the best killer and the only killer who didn’t get beaten up in the Intelligence. When he was bought to the Interrogation Room, not a single scratch was on his body and even the scratches from the Link territory fight were healed. None of our people had the strength of raising our hands against him because Kenneth… he was one of us.Out of all, my brother Dylan was in the most pain because I’m quite sure not even for a second, not for a second! he thought that the killer was Kenneth and he loved him so much from deep inside.But when we looked at the big picture, we did realize a lot of things. We realized why the killer was a perfection. Of course, he should
Chapter 47
PATRICK WAS TAKEN aback and his false calm and kind face turned dark. He stared at me with glaring eyes. So, did I.Then his voice cut the dusty air, calm and sarcastic“Then I don’t think I should be telling you how stupid you are.”I felt my anger rising.“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s all over now.”I whisper to myself.30 seconds away. I calculate.“Now! Shut your mouth and work for me asshole! And if not! I won’t think a second to push a bullet through your head!”Deep inside, it did a kind of hurt because I trusted him. Now there’s his real self. I thought and I smirked. 17 seconds more.“You know what? All this time you thought this was your game. But trust me when I say this… You are wrong. I’m the Protagonist here. Now, as much as you used me as a cardboard token of your game, I’m going to use you to achieve the target of my final conclusion. This has always been my game. It’s not Killer Cross Over, it’s Game Over.”I said“What the hell are you talking?”“Too late, mister. They
