My Infatuation With Death

Chapter 1 : A Fine Morning

Perspective : Conrad Garnier

............................... Story starts through Conrad's Narration .........................................................................................................

"Death" is a terrifying word. Everyone is afraid of dying. I don't believe anyone who says otherwise. Even legendary warriors are afraid of death, because to become legends you must surpass death and death can only be surpassed by surviving and surviving isn't possible in a battlefield if you don't have a fear for death. But my question is why is Death considered so terrifying?.

Is it because Death is unknown to us. Everyone is afraid of Dying because it is unpredictable. People don't know what comes after Death. Many people around the world construct various theories and speculations based on religious foundations. Many believe Death is not the end and Death is just an act of shedding, like people change their clothes for a new one , in the same way it is believed that our souls shed their bodies for a new one and the cycle continues. But what if those are all what they are, well theories and Speculations. What if what awaits after Death is a pitch black void accompanied by eternal silence and solitude. And the worse be, what if when one dies he only loses the ability and use of his organs, what if that person gets trapped into his own body but can feel and hear everything. He could feel himself getting buried or at worse he could sense his body being burned to ashes, but that is very unlikely. Like every other folks, I was too afraid of death, because I loved living, enjoying everything to the fullest, as death could take each of those away from me, or so, I thought until I met her.

It was a normal day like any other before , had been a month since I came to this town called the "City of Ustrax", "Ustrax" as in a dragon from legends, It is said that the 3rd king of the "Sovereign of Fasnijan" built this free city over a dying corpse of the legendary earth dragon Ustrax. And due to the curse of that dragon the city itself was surrounded by a freezing tundra 9 months a year. Those city walls mostly protected us from the cold gushing wind outside, but it still gets chilling during the early mornings. As a gentle gust of wind brushed through delicately lifting the curtain in the window of my room, it tenderly brushed against my cheek causing a cool sensation that roused me from my sleep. Someone had opened the window, As I yawned and stretched my hands before opening my eyes, I saw a beautiful woman standing by my bedside, clad in a dress befitting of an adventurer that exuded both beauty and agility, a mark of a true mage, without a doubt it was my fiance Regina Clement an "S" class adventurer. Me being a former Royalty had a bad habit of sleeping till late.

She lifted the curtains and before I knew it the sunlight fell directly on my eyes, rendering me awake.

She said "That's enough now wake up".

I responded with a yawn and turning to the other side, but she grabbed my bangs and woke me up.

After that she greeted me "Good morning" and said "Come meet me at the guild hall ... they have a job for us".

Then she left for the guild herself.

Since, we left my country which was located all the way south of this continent, [The Continent of Guernia], we settled here, in a small yet much significant city of Ustrax. And since the beginning of last month, we have been accepting jobs from the local adventurers guild. Once I was the first prince of my country but now I have become a free adventurer.

Reason?.

I had never been interested in governing a country, all I wanted was to live my life the way I wanted, by enjoying everything it had to offer. so, I gambled my hearts out, I engaged in unsolicited activities with women, and was overall living a carefree life, until my incompetency was called upon, due to that and various other explicit reasons, I was banished from my royal heritage.

My brother Davis was considered the next monarch. However, I had no qualms with my brother being the next monarch , but living In a country where you were considered incompetent, as I would eventually find out, was quite difficult, So, along with my Fiance I arranged some connections, and were able to come here, then we joined the adventurers guild, over the course of last month, we got promoted to S Rank, after all that's happened to me, my life was still on track, by on track, I meant I could do, what I wanted, whenever I wanted.

As, for the reason why Regina followed me, I am not certain, there could be many reasons, the first of which being, In my home country women are not viewed as equal, heck they are viewed as a tool for birthing and continuing one's bloodline. There were no queens in my country nor were there any lady Knights or any lady adventurers, had she stayed there, she wouldn't have any future.

I woke from my bed, gently stretched my muscles and gazed out the window. The world before me, from the streets to the distant horizon, was covered in a pristine blanket of glistening white snow. As, if it was a canvas painting.

I washed up, dawned my clothes and adventuring gear, a silver chainmail, a coat crafted from the fur of a dare wolf that I had slained a few days ago, a scabbard along with a cold-iron long sword, and a belt containing pouches for my throwing knives and potions.

After preparing I headed straight for the guild and on the way I met my companion a trusty duel wielding axe badass, a dwarven warrior with exceptional fighting prowess, Elkdrack Boulderbrow.

I didn't knew much about him, but I knew that if he was watching my back, along with my Fiance casting spells from behind, I am sure that, we could defeat any foe that stood in our way.

We willfully greeted each other and he asked me,

"Mate .. last night I don't remember what happened ... but I am pretty sure that I ploughed someone".

I replied,

"What makes you say that?".

He answered,

"Trust me, mate .... today morning, I woke up with this clarity.. this determination... that I am clearer then ever .. to follow my goals".

"And that only happens when I slept with someone".

I replied, knowing what he meant,

"Isn't that what you would call ... Post nut clarity".

Last night we had a big catch and celebrated, we all got so drunk, that most of us didn't remember anything.

I assured him that even if something like that happened, like everyone else the one who slept with him would too won't remember anything so, there was nothing to worry about.

While chatting with Elkdrack, we reached the guild, and near the guild board, Regina was waiting for us.

Me and Elkdrack met up with Regina, My Fiance. Regina despite being a noble woman, she was exceptional with magic, she had the aptitude for wind, water and Ice magic. The Clement household was the number one retainer of the royal family, so from her birth she had been trained in various combat techniques including magic, probably to be used as a last line of defence if the need ever arises, on a scenario when an attack is imminent over a member of the royalty. Excluding that, she was quite a vixen, her hair, a lustrous shade of blue, flowed straight down to her waist, her lovely face, graced with a charming smile, additionally an ample bosom, and curves on all the right places . For the adventurers she was quite a treat for the eyes. No wonder we felt the gaze of many male adventurers present at that hall.

Regina had accepted a request from the guild to exterminate 3 giant crabs that had made their way in a nearby Iron ore mine, they were paying 25 gold for each crab and besides I was in the mood for boiled crabs, they would be perfect with that weather we were having.

With no time to waste we made off towards that mine.

On the way Regina warned us about those crab's claws, which were unusually sharp and can tear up any person in shreds if they got their claws on them. Seriously, all that talk of crabs had started to make me hungry.

During that time of the year, coldness increases and creatures like that crab, needs to hide itself from snow, so it must have made its way towards that mine. Maybe it was there with its family. Too bad, it was an active mine, and the owner of that mine had officially submitted a request to the guild. At least it would stay warm in my belly after I ate it.

......................... Read this before beginning the rest of the story through Conrad's Narration .........................................................

[Conrad has a twisted personality, The narration is with his point of view, so if you don't understand his personality, you won't be able to really enjoy this story after it's beginning chapters].

Conrad has an extraordinary sense of self restraint. He has complete control over his emotions. To the point, that his mind subconsciously constructs an illusion for himself, which he follows as the real thing. His ideals are also an illusion, and the true emotions, which is how Conrad really feels are locked within himself.

He is forcefully keeping his mind in an illusion that what he thinks he wants and what he truly desires are the same thing. Emphasis on the word "forcefully" here because you may notice that whenever he starts to believe contrary to what he wants to believe, it's when the illusion on his mind starts to break, so he hits himself or does anything to snap out of any feeling that is causing his illusion to fade, hence preserving that illusion. He often forgets or ignores stuff that may cause his mind to break for self preservation.

His ideals are not something that is patriotic, or being able to do the morally correct thing, they are rather self satisfactory. Like

Conrad thinks very low of himself . But he isn't bothered by it, instead he thinks he relishes it, because he presumes himself to be a free man not bound by any responsibilities or any sense of morality.

Which is once again not what he truly desires, but merely an illusion in his mind, that he is forcefully following. That is why he often contradicts himself moments after speaking something completely opposite, because that is the moment when his heart revealed what he truly believes deep inside, but it got overshadowed by what he believes in his mind. (The illusion)

Conrad will not do anything that his mind considers irrational, even if he is dying to do it.

That's when he breaks.

Conrad is alien to himself. His expressions stay the same no matter how much joy or sorrow he feels inside, except for one condition. But his friends can identify the state of his mood by little subtle details, that other strangers miss.

Anyone close to him can.

He sometimes even makes convenient excuses to keep the illusion of what he believes intact.

Since, he thinks of himself as the lowest of the lowest, he often indulges himself in some acts that might appear morally questioning or outright insane, without any second thought. Compiled by the fact he acknowledges those acts as morally incorrect, you will find him often, justifying his own karma, but ignoring it afterwards.

Due to his overly twisted personality he finds regular stuff mundane, even though he seems to be enjoying it.

Therefore he gets drawn to stuff that is otherworldly, Maybe due to curiosity or a yearn to see something that doesn't appeal as mundane.

( To help in simple words....

Conrad has brainwashed himself, due to an event or an action that happened in the past. He has implanted false ideals in his mind, that acts as the base of his Illusion. And he follows it, ignoring his real wishes. )

This won't be mentioned in the story, because most of the story is narrated by Conrad himself. So if you don't understand his personality, you might find some parts of the narration completely absurd.