My Troll System

Chapter 3 : A Wooden Spoon Beats A Sword

Ten pairs of red eyes stared straight at him. They didn't blink once, nor did they move an inch from their spots.

Each of them gripped an iron sword that reflected the morning sunlight. Litchi stood frozen, surveying the ten goblins.

A gentle breeze swept past, rustling the vast expanse of grass stretching between the trees. The scenery was lovely. If not for the ten goblins looking eager to make Litchi their breakfast menu.

Litchi stared back at them. A few seconds later, he looked down at the object in his right hand. A simple wooden spoon—the very utensil that had somehow seen him through defeating a few goblins earlier.

"........."

Litchi let out a long sigh.

"System! Show yourself!"

The blue panel materialized.

[Yes?]

"You see them now, right?"

[Yes.]

"Look at them! Every single one of those guys has a sword!"

[Yes.]

"And I only brought a spoon."

[Yes.]

"Do you think this is fair?"

The panel fell silent for a few seconds.

Litchi started to harbor a sliver of hope.

Maybe this time, the System would feel a shred of pity and grant him a legendary divine artifact.

Moments later, new text finally appeared.

[No.]

"Huh?"

[Life is rarely fair.]

".....???"

Litchi closed his eyes.

"Yeah! I know that."

"BUT WHY DID YOU BRING THAT UP?!"

He drew a deep breath and opened his status window.

Strength : +5 Dexterity : +5 Critical : +5

His gaze shifted from one stat to the next.

"Strength..." "Means my physical output is slightly higher now."

"Dexterity..." "My evasive footwork is a bit quicker, and my accuracy has improved."

"Critical..." "If I get lucky, my strikes are going to hurt a lot more."

He rubbed his chin.

"Conclusion.... I am still nowhere near strong enough to take on ten goblins."

The System added a single line.

[Host's analysis is correct.]

"Thank goodness." "You actually admitted something."

The goblins began closing in.

Litchi took a step back. This time, he wasn't retreating out of fear. He was stepping back to process a strategy.

"Stay calm." "Panicking solves nothing." "Use your brain." "If a plan hits a dead end..." "Right, just improvise."

He scanned his surroundings.

To his left lay a small slope blanketed in loose gravel. To his right stood a cluster of massive boulders, with ancient tree roots snaking across the dirt.

Litchi's eyes darted rapidly, hunting for any scrap of leverage he could exploit.

A faint smile touched his lips.

"If they outmatch me in raw power... playing by their rules is out of the question."

The goblins exchanged glances. One of them let out a low growl.

"Eek..."

Another goblin nodded. They looked like they were holding a tactical meeting.

Litchi nodded along with them.

"Yeah, exactly. That's the spirit." "Team communication is super important." "You guys really should coordinate before getting down to business."

The goblins finished their conference. A moment later, they lunged forward in unison, ready to unleash a coordinated assault on Litchi.

Litchi instantly pointed a finger at them.

"Hey!" "That's unsportsmanlike!"

The panel flickered.

[Host is hardly a model of sportsmanship.]

"Me?"

[Host is actively plotting to exploit the terrain.]

"Heyyy!!" "What I'm doing is called working smart!"

[The line is remarkably thin.]

Litchi let out a dry laugh.

"Fine, let's call it even."

The moment his laughter died down, a goblin rocketed forward, executing a sudden surprise strike straight at him.

Its iron sword raised high.

Litchi jolted, his eyes widening in pure shock.

"Damn! That's fast!" "What the hell?!" "That swing is way faster than I expected!"

Reacting purely on reflex, Litchi thrust the wooden spoon up in front of his face.

"This is it..."

Only a single thought flashed through his mind.

"Let's hope its strike isn't too painful."

CLANG!

A sharp metallic resonance echoed through the woods.

Litchi squeezed his eyes shut. The next few seconds dragged on like molasses.

"........."

"Wait? No pain?"

He slowly cracked one eye open.

When his vision cleared, the goblin in front of him stood frozen in utter bewilderment, its gaze drifting down toward its own weapon.

The wooden spoon in Litchi's hand didn't have a single scratch on it. Conversely, the goblin's iron blade was webbed with fine, intricate cracks.

Creek...

A faint sound rang out as the fractures rapidly spread across the metal.

A split second later...

SNAP!

The iron sword snapped cleanly in two.

Silence swallowed the forest whole.

Litchi and the goblins blinked in unison.

"..........."

Litchi slowly lifted the wooden spoon, tapping its bowl with a finger.

Tap.

"Is this... actually just a regular wooden spoon?"

He even tried nibbling on the tip of the spoon.

"Yep, totally wood."

He looked down at the broken blade lying on the dirt.

"That's iron."

Then he looked back at the spoon.

"How did iron just lose to wood?"

Litchi tilted his head back toward the sky.

"Oh, laws of physics... please forgive me."

DING!

The System panel materialized.

[In this world, nothing is impossible.]

Litchi pointed straight at the spoon.

"If this isn't classified as impossible, then what is?"

The panel blinked once.

[Host is clinging too stubbornly to the logic of his old world.]

Litchi stood paralyzed, entirely at a loss for words. The statement sounded simple enough, but it triggered a cascade of heavy realizations.

"Hmm... fair enough, I suppose..."

"I died." "I reincarnated." "There are monsters roaming around." "And magic exists." "If all of those things are real..." "Why am I still trying to force this world to follow my old common sense?"

A wide grin slowly spread across his face. It wasn't a look of relief, nor was it pure joy—it was the smile of someone who had just stumbled upon something wildly fascinating.

The goblins exchanged wary looks. One of them pointed a shaky finger at Litchi, muttering under its breath.

"Eek..."

Another goblin stepped backward.

Meanwhile, Litchi flashed a wicked smirk.

"Hmmm... I think I'm starting to get the hang of this..."

"So... this spoon isn't an ordinary spoon at all."

He gripped the wooden handle a little tighter.

"In that case... our game is just getting started."

The atmosphere fell dead silent. But that quiet only lasted a few seconds before the ten goblins rallied their shattered confidence for a second charge.

Moments later...

"Eekkk!!"

They shrieked in unison.

The goblin whose sword had broken took two steps back, staring blankly at the pathetic half-hilt left in its grip.

As for Litchi, he lazily twirled the wooden spoon between his fingers.

"......."

"Don't tell me... is this actually a God-tier divine spoon?"

He flicked the surface of the spoon with his fingernail.

Tok! Tok!

Still sounded like ordinary wood.

"System."

The blue panel popped up before him.

[Yes.]

"Is this spoon carved from some ancient divine lumber?"

[Negative.]

[It is made of standard wood.]

"Don't lie to me!"

[The System never lies.]

"If it's just regular wood... why on earth did it snap an iron sword?"

The panel flickered lazily.

DING!

[Please allow the Host to ponder that mystery independently.]

"..........."

"That is not an explanation. I need concrete technical data!"

[Too noisy!]

Litchi let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Wow, it actually got moody!"

Across the clearing, the goblins were running out of patience. They fanned out, surrounding Litchi from every angle. This time, they moved with extreme caution—not a single one dared to rush in alone.

Litchi glanced right, left, front, and back.

"If they all pile on me at once..."

"I'm going to be in deep trouble."

His eyes darted frantically across the terrain.

To my left, a minor slope covered in loose gravel. Behind me, a fallen tree trunk. Draped right over it was a thick cluster of heavy, tangled vines.

A mischievous grin crept onto his face. The surrounding goblins immediately looked suspicious.

"Eek?"

"Eek..."

That human's smile looked way too sketchy.

"Alright then..."

Litchi pointed the wooden spoon right at them.

"Come on! All of you, at once!"

"Let's see who wants to be volunteer number one!"

The goblins surged forward.

"Hey!"

"I didn't expect you guys to be so easy to bait!"

Litchi bolted straight toward the fallen tree trunk. Instead of running away, he leaped directly over it.

The first goblin vaulted after him. The second and third followed suit mid-air. Unfortunately, the clearance above the log was far too narrow.

The lead goblin lost its footing, the second crashed straight into its back, and the third tripped over them both.

Thump!

Thump!

Thump!

In a flash, three goblins piled up like a clumsy human pyramid.

Litchi skidded to a halt, catching his breath. He glanced down at the writhing trio and scratched his cheek.

"........"

"What are you guys even trying to pull off here?"

"Are you practicing synchronized falling?"

The System panel chimed in.

[Evaluation: Environmental utilization. Adequate.]

Litchi smiled with quiet pride.

"There we go, finally a compliment."

Before he could bask in the praise, the fourth goblin closed the distance, bringing its jagged blade down in a heavy vertical chop. Litchi instinctively flicked the wooden spoon upward.

CLANG!

The sword snapped in half once more.

The goblin's eyes bulged out of its head.

Litchi blinked in genuine confusion.

"........??"

"Alright."

"My confidence is officially through the roof now."

Without thinking twice, he used the wooden spoon to tap the goblin lightly on the head.

Tok!

It wasn't a hard blow. But the psychological shock of watching its weapon break for a second time left the creature completely off-balance. The fourth goblin staggered backward—right onto the patch of loose gravel on the slope.

"Keeeekkk?!"

The goblin slid downward like a kid riding a playground slide.

Crash!

It plowed straight into the other two goblins who were just trying to stand up.

Litchi dusted off his hands.

"Much obliged."

"You guys really are a well-oiled team."

The remaining two upright goblins hesitated, muttering unintelligible curses in their gutter-tongue.

"Eek..."

"Eeeek!"

It looked like they were holding an emergency debriefing.

Litchi nodded along.

"Yep. Take all the time you need for your meeting."

"I'll just catch my breath over here..."

The System panel popped up again.

[Host appears remarkably relaxed.]

"From the outside, sure.. but on the inside, I'm panicking like crazy."

[Does not show.]

"Of course it doesn't."

"I'm a naturally handsome actor."

The goblins finally wrapped up their strategy session. They let out a unified battle cry.

"Eekkk!!"

"Huh? Round two already?"

Litchi instinctively grabbed the thick overhead vines beside him, yanking down on them with all his might. Turns out, the vines were anchored to a massive, rotting overhead bough.

Creek...

Creek...

Litchi's eyes widened.

"Don't tell me..."

CRASH!

The heavy branch snapped loose, collapsing squarely across the path right in front of the advancing goblins. Dust billowed, and leaves exploded into the air. Panic-stricken, the goblins scattered wildly in every direction.

Some collided head-on, others tripped over their own feet, and the rest bolted without once looking back. Litchi stood frozen in place, staring at the chaotic aftermath.

"........."

"Now that is what you call pure coincidence, right?"

The panel flashed instantly.

[Fortune is merely another form of statistical competence.]

Litchi chuckled.

"I gotta admit, sometimes your deadpan lines actually sound pretty cool..."

A few minutes later, absolute quiet settled back over the forest. Litchi scanned the area to ensure not a single goblin remained. He let out a massive, soul-deep breath.

"Phew? We cleared it..."

"I survived...! Yeaaayyy!!"

DING!

A blue window flooded his field of vision once more.

Quest Complete!

Goblin Defeated : 20/20

Battle Evaluation... [Calculating...] [Calculating...]

Litchi swallowed hard.

"Let's hope my reward isn't another spoon."

The panel kept blinking. Those few seconds dragged on endlessly. Moments later, new text slowly materialized.

Evaluation Result : A

Reward Granted : Mystery Box ×1

Litchi blinked a few times.

"......."

"A box?"

He stared at the floating blue screen with intense suspicion.

"I wonder what's inside this thing?"

The System replied tersely.

[Just open it.]

Litchi smiled faintly.

"Finally, something that isn't kitchenware."

He reached out toward the glowing box materializing before him.

The moment his fingertips brushed the surface, the box began to violently vibrate. A blinding stream of golden light erupted from its seams.

Litchi instinctively squeezed his eyes shut and threw up an arm to shield his face.

"Hey!!! What is it this time...?"