Authors Note + [1] Chastity/Lust

There is the way of black and white – the way we all perceive things in rights and wrongs, good or bad, devilish or angelic… List goes on and on with opposites.

But what if all of that was part of the same thing – like two sides of the same coin?

Let me go on and most likely taint all the nice there is in the world, for just a bit…

The beliefs that we make, what we decide – the paths taken and desires that drive.

Imperfect human life.

[1] Seven Deadly Cardinals - Chastity/Lust

Walking back home from the part-time work, head in the clouds, thoughts about what would be sufficient for the dinner tonight.

The evening was charming with the endless street lights, the ‘open’ signs in neon and the cars that dash past.

“What was the name of that dish Mary said about? Frosti… Tosti… Rosti?” - Gia muttered to herself.

The screech of the tires woke her up from daydream.

She looked to her left to see a car that stopped. Angry gentleman got out and got in her face: “Are you blind?! Can’t you see the red light?!” - He pointed out the pedestrian lights - red.

Hesitantly, flustered, she came to her senses: “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”.

The gentleman shook his head in disapproval: “Watch where you’re going next time.”

He got back into the car, as the car horns from behind him were audible. People were in need to get back home, or any other destination.

He gave her one last look, as he drove off.

“He sure was mad…” - Gia let out. - “But he was handsome.”

As she walked back - the image of that gentleman was etched in her head. She could not stop thinking about the man. The tall, suited, brown haired, with brown eyes and such a fine jawline. Even though his eyes were oozing the anger, they still were dazzling and captivating. How come some men are so handsome?

Once at home, she was met with Mary’s voice from the sitting room.

“Gia! Is that you?”

“I’m back.” - Gia replied.

“Get that dinner going, or I’ll get the take out! I’m starving here and in need to share some juicy things!”

Gia took out the pack of potatoes. Soon enough - all peeled, all grated and already on a frying pan. Some spices on top along with cheddar.

Mary walks into the kitchen, then gets right next to Gia to see the making of wondrous potato pancake.

“So, this is the swedish take on potatoes. What mad skills they’ve got. So, sweet buns, I’ve got some cool tea to spill. So come on, let’s crack open that chardonnay. I’m in need of some good grape juice in my system.”

Gia opens the cupboard, pulls out the wine glass and the wine.

“Tsk, are you leaving self out of this, you bad girl?” - Mary gives the judgmental stare at Gia. Her eyebrows raised, lips pressed together. - “Girl, you better get that other glass this instant or we’re gonna have some beef to settle.”

Gia let out a sigh, then pulled out another glass. Then gave a disapproving look towards Mary and went back to looking after the potato pancake.

Mary opened the bottle, poured in both glasses some fine wine and tapped her fingers on the counter.

“Ready or not, here I go.” - Mary smirks at Gia.

Gia readily raised her eyebrow, then lowered heat and turned to face Mary.

“Go on. I’m ready.”

“So, I met this hottie in the gym today. He’s all hunky and buff, all that pretty thing. But less did I know.” - Mary clears throat, then has a sip. - “This babe is also an owner of such a deep voice, that the depths I’d go to get it on with him is uff.”

“A dude.” - Gia replied.

“No hun!” - Mary got all agitated. - “He’s the ‘I’ll whisper some naughty things in your ear as I’m deep within you’ type! The shit that I dig! Geez.”

“And have you spoken to him?” - Gia smiles.

Mary pouts, then downs all the contents of glass in one go.

“I mean, there’s some research to do first. There’s the rumors about him being so large down there, that he’s put few girls in hospital, as they were all hot and at it.” - Mary poured herself another glass. - “I mean, I’m in, but kinda worried for the wholeness of my vajayjay. I don’t wanna get into hospital with ‘Help me! My pussy was ripped!’, god it would su-uck.”

“Pfft!” - Gia began laughing.

“That’s not a laughing matter!” - Mary pouts even more. - “It’s not. But I want that guy to go all the way with me. Eh!” 

Gia is laughing hard at the whole story. Then the sizzle attracts her attention.

“Oh shoot!” - Gia exclaims and takes the pancake off the stove. Checked it with a spatula - not burned that bad. Good.

“Food is ready.” - Gia says, as she turns to Mary and snatches the wine away. - “Eat first, you thirsty thing!”

Mary makes a face, slaps the counter with her hands, acting like a kid.

“Then give me food, dammit!”- Mary whines dramatically. - “And that hunky hunk from the gym! I’ll choke, but I’m eating that son of a gun!”

Gia bursts out laughing, as she puts the plates down on the table.

Few hours later, on a sofa, as the two watched some drama, Mary sadly began chatting.

“Hey, when are you gonna go into the adult world of sex and kink? Is it really that necessary for you to be keeping the virginity for that one guy?”

“That’s what I wanna do. Even if that seems odd, but that’s what I wanna do.” - Gia replies.

“Ehh..” - Mary lets out a sigh. - “You do not change in this resolution. All the life I knew you - you just don’t change there.”

“Well, I do think that once I find the one - it’s gonna be on.” - Gia says.

“The hunt!” - Mary makes a face and says words with a dramatic hoarse voice, then laughs.

“You’re unbearable.” - Gia shakes her head.

“Yet you live with me hun. And I love you too.” - Mary sticks out her tongue.

Once after shower and in bed, Gia was thinking back to the man she saw. The image of him somehow could not leave her head. Just stuck there heavily.

“Eh, maybe I’ll see him again.” - She let out a whisper.

The great buzz of the people in and out of the cafe she worked in was unsettling. Somehow the typical flow was boosted. Such a thing was not usual for the area.

“Shit, they did say that after the opening of a new office there might be more people… But this is quite a lot.” - Miguel, the barista of the cafe, leaned on the door frame that led to the staff hall.

“New office?” - Gia spoke.

“Yeah. Some tech company got here. While we have some peace moments...” - Miguel peeled off and walked back to the coffee machine. - “Latte?” - He asked, as he looked at Gia.

She gave a nod.

The coffee was perfect, the art was really the type to be posted online by pretty girls.

She began drinking it and almost choked. The man that almost hit her by a car - just walked into the cafe.

“Oh god! Oh god! Oh god!” - Was on repeat in Gias head.

He approached the counter and requested Iced Americano, paid and went to take a seat by the vinyl plastered wall.

“You’ll take it, right?” - Miguel spoke, as he was making coffee.

“Ah, yes.” - Gia let out.

Once done, the coffee was gently picked up and taken to the table with the gentleman. The cup was put down, and that’s when he looked up to say “Thank you” and tailed off in “you”.

“You’re from yesterday.” - He lets out, as he looks at Gia.

“I’m sorry.” - Gia replies.

He lets out a sigh and shakes head.

“Hope that there will be no next time walking during red lights.” - He speaks, as he pulls out phone to check messages.

“Yes.” - Gia plainly replies, then presses her lips and walks back.

“What’s his problem? Need me to sort it out?” - Miguel comes over and whispers to Gia.

“It’s alright. Really.” - Gia replies.

Next few weeks seem like a dream. He walks in, he gets a coffee, he sits there and does some things on his phone, then goes off.

Gia observed him as much as she could. His eyes, his hands, his fingers and movements. Somehow each time she’d see him - she’d wish that instead of the cup of coffee - he’d hold her with those hands.

These thoughts eventually got to seep out of her.

“I think I fell for a guy.” - Gia tiredly said, during another dinner with Mary.

Mary perked up, looking surprised at Gia. She then pressed lips, then smiled, grimaced a bit, then slapped Gia on the shoulder.

“Is my baby boo growing up, m?” - Mary said with a smirk.

Gia looked at her, with the tired demeanor, as she was mulling over this for a while.

“Ehh… I mean… There’s this guy that comes to the cafe daily. And he’s just… Awh.” - Gia looks at the wine glass. - “The way he handles the coffee cup… I really wanna be that coffee cup. Ehh.”

Mary looked at Gia, with all the quirky in her being.

“Say, honey, wanna approach him the next time he’s in? How about asking him out on a date?” - Mary was wiggling her brows. - “Ye-es, ye-es, that’s it baby boo. You gotta pounce on that hunk. Yees.”

Gia shakes head, but then gets two hands gripping her face and pulls to face Mary.

“Baby boo, you gotta get that d. You better not let him off the hook and swallow that thing whole. Even if your mascara runs. Just yum-yum-yum!” - Mary makes faces.

Gia laughs.

“God, you absolutely were a harlot in your past life!” - Gia exclaims through laughter.

“Tsk, just wait ‘till you get that taste in your mouth, boo.” - Mary presses lips.

Daytime in the cafe was packed. The work was buzzing, just like the staff. Gia was in the kitchen half a day, for it was lacking with all the preparations, due to lunchtime being the most popular and busy.

“Gia! Can you get that delivery sorted for me? The old man just arrived.” - Trish had called out from the end of the kitchen.

“Sure!” - Gia called back and went to the back door, to get the delivery.

Old, grey, chubby man was outside the van, with the van side open and a few boxes of veggies out. Gia approached him.

“Good day.” - She said.

Old man wiped the sweat from his forehead.

“Good day to you too. Need help to get it inside?”

“No, thank you. Um, the paperwork?” - Gia pointed out.

“Oh yes, yes.” - Man pulled out the papers from the side of the box, handing it to Gia, along with the pen.

Gia signed the papers, handling one to the gent.

“Thank you for your business.” - The old man spoke, then closed the van and drove off.

Gia took a look at the four boxes he left on a sidewalk.

“To work.” - She let out and took two of the boxes. Picked up and was trying to open the door back in with her elbow. A hand showed up and pulled the door open.

“Oh, thank you!” - Gia exclaimed, as she took a look at the owner of a helping hand.

It was him. The heartbeat went awol. Uncontrollable. She stood there glued to the spot.

“Going in?” - He asked.

Gia snapped back to reality.

“Ah yes, yes.” - She gave a nod and walked in.

The other boxes she got with the help of another customer came out, holding the door as she was taking those in.

As she walked to the kitchen, she took a notice of where that gentleman sat. Same place as usual. Next to the same wall at the same table.

She got the veggies to the kitchen. Then she was sent to have a bit off, by getting a coffee.

“So, what would you want today?” - Marcel smiled at Gia.

“Hmm… Maybe some vanilla chai latte?” - Gia said, as she checked the menu.

“Coming right up.” - Marcel nodded and went to make the drink.

Gia looked around and once more - her view landed on that gentleman. She bit her lip, then pulled out the piece of paper from the order notebook and a pen. She gave herself a nod and decided to write a note to him.

Once she wrote down on a paper, she walked up to him and put it next to him. Only his eyes looked up from the phone, as he was messaging someone.

“What’s that?” - He asked.

“Um… Just read it.” - She said and walked off.

He looked at her, as she walked back to the counter, then picked up the paper and unfolded it to read: “Hey. I see you here every day. Might I know your name? And maybe… your number?”

He let out a sigh, folded and put the paper down. Then he went back to the phone message.

“Don’t worry, I’ll pick them up from school, as I go home.” - He typed in and sent it to his wife.

Once the coffee was finished, he picked the paper, got up and walked to the counter.

Gias heart was beating fast, as she watched him approach. He got next to her and handed her back the paper.

“Edwin.” - He said. - “And the number is on the paper.”

Gia took the paper. Once she did, he turned around and walked off.

“Oh my god! I got to know his name and number!” - Gia was exuberant, as she got home.

“What are you on about baby boo?” - Mary was in the kitchen.

Gia walked over to the kitchen, all happy and energetic.

“His name is Edwin! And I got his number!” - Gia found Mary and stopped in tracks. There was a man in between her legs.

Gia opened mouth, as she was shook.

“Oh this?” - Mary pointed at the guy. - “Give us like twenty minutes. I’ll be out by then.” - Mary winked at Gia.

Gia turned on her heels and walked back into the sitting room. Shook her head, then went to her bedroom.

About half an hour later Mary came up to Gias room.

“Aww, hun, you okay?” - Mary made a concerned face.

“You had a guy in between your legs. In our kitchen.” - Gia looked at her with a dead-serious face.

“You do know it’s not the first time.” - Mary was trying to be smarty pants.

“Don’t you remember the rule: ‘Not in the kitchen’?” - Gia pouted.

“Tsk. But how would I know when he’d be all hot and ready? We just got in for a coffee. And well, he just made me feel good.” - Mary wiggled brow.

Gia sighed, then shook head.

“You sure have been a harlot.”

“Oh come on! Let it pass. Okay?” - Mary sat next to Gia. - “You were saying you got his name, m? And number?”

Gia gave a deadly stare at Mary. Latter smoked and pecked a kiss on Gias cheek, then hugged her.

“Oh come on baby boo! You know I love you too, but I love sex more.” - Mary was trying to be cutsey.

Gia just let out a sigh.

“Yeah, his name is Edwin and he left me his number.”

“That’s my girl!” - Mary exclaimed. - “You better get him on! Get that d and have it arr!”

Gia just shook her head.

“Text him! Tell him how much you want to ride that guy!” - Mary laughed.

Gia looked surprised at Mary.

“God no!” - Gia exclaimed. - “No!”

“Aww boo you. If not that, then tell him something cute.” - Mary pouted. - “I’ll go get that home delivery sorted. Wanna have some pizza.”

Mary let out and went out of the room.

Gia was left with her thoughts for a bit.

“Should I text him?” - She looked at her phone.

She gave herself a nod.

“Hey, I know it’s a bit late. But this is Gia from the cafe. Just wanted to wish you a good evening.” - Gia pressed the ‘send’ button, as her heart pounded in her ears. She fell onto bed, grabbed a pillow and happily squealed into it.

He did not reply.

Gia sent messages daily.

“Hey, just wanted to say hello.”

“Um, I see that you read messages. Must be busy. Good luck at work!”

“I thought of you the whole day. I hope to see you tomorrow.”

“Just wanted to say that I like you.”

“Um, I do apologize that I’m being so persistent, but I would like to know what you think of it? Me liking you?”

“I wish I’d be closer to you. Maybe we could go out sometime?”

“Would you be available for dinner sometime?”

“Can you please reply?”

“I love you… Please…”

Gias texts grew and grew.

Every day he’d show up in the cafe, yet he never replied to her. He read the messages though.

A whole week passed like that. And then another. Third week rolled in.

He was in, same place, drinking coffee, sitting and being on the phone.

Gia observed him, then alas she got enough courage to approach him.

“Why don’t you reply?” - She asked, as she got in his face.

He looked at her, unfazed. Tilted head, then put the phone down.

“Sit.” - He gestured at the seat opposite. Gia sat down.

“Is there an obligation to reply?” - He asked in a cold tone.

“It’s a form of courtesy - to reply.” - She spoke.

“Heh. Alright. I’ll give you what you want. But it’ll be a one time thing.” - He let out.

“One time thing?” - Gia tilted head.

“Yes, one time thing. You won’t see me again, or have any reply from me. Ever again.” - Edwin looked Gia in the eyes.

She felt hot in own skin. His eyes made her feel weird, odd, but even if for one time - she’d really wish to be with him. Even if once.

Gia gave a nod.

“One time would be fine.” - She replied.

Edwin tapped the phone.

“I’ll give you a message with info. Shall see you there.” - He let out, then got up and left.

Sure enough, a few days later he sent a text. It had a time and an address.

Gia was happy to have that message. Yet the pressing feeling that it’ll be only once was daunting.

She showed up in her best outfit. He was outside. It was a fancy restaurant.

“Let’s go in.” - He gestured, as Gia approached.

“Ah, sure.” - She replied.

They walked in, the reservation was in the private room of the restaurant. Food was exquisite. The atmosphere was romantic.

A bottle of wine was brought in, opened in front of them, poured into glasses and then the waiter left. Once more - they’re in the room alone.

“Thank you for this.” - Gia let out.

Edwin glanced at her, then went back to his food.

“Um, what do you like?” - Gia tried to make conversation.

“I rather not really have any personal questions. You don’t need that.” - Edwin held a glass of wine up. - “Just cheer to you getting your way this once.”

Once the dinner was done, they came out, then took a taxi to the hotel.

Up, a room with a view. Light from the moon. Edwin went to shower, then came out and gestured for Gia to go.

Standing in the shower, Gia felt quite put down. She was happy to be with him, but this… This was painful. This was him putting her ambition for him down without even giving a chance. She came out, sat on the corner of bed.

“You did agree for it. Don’t make me look like a bad guy here.” - Edwin approached her.

She looked up. He only had a towel around his hips, covering the personal parts. His build was athletic, he was handsome with all this fine body. And the voice was just too good.

“I’m alright.” - Gia softly let out.

“Good.” - He said, then lowered himself, as his hand pulled Gias chin up.

They kissed.

Kisses and touches grew hotter and hotter. Eventually Gia moaned his name under him, as he thrusted into her. After such a sweet and pleasing first time, Gia was exhausted. She fell asleep quickly.

Once Gia woke up - there was no trace of Edwin. Just her body and memory.

Days passed. She truly had hoped to see him again in the cafe - but there was no sight of him ever appearing again. The pain began in her heart. The yearning to see him grew.

She tried messaging him - but the messages were not sent - blocked number.

Eventually she had figured an idea - to go into that office and ask for him. And she did go, and she did ask - but there were no men with the name Edwin in that office.

“I’m sure there is! Can you check once more?” - Gia was at the reception table.

“Um, is there a surname I can use?” - Lady at reception asked.

“Surname…” - Gia breathed out.

There was no surname. Gia shook head, apologized and left.

“But why did you agree to one night stand with him, you silly thing?” - Mary was being herself, as she drank wine and pestered Gia.

Gia sat on a couch, mentally torn.

“Honey, it’s aww…” - Mary signed, as she was not sure what to say to her best friend. - “Was the sex good though?”

“It was too good.” - Gia said. - “And then he vanished in thin air.”

“Ah, baby boo, it’s gonna be alright. You’ll get someone else.” - Mary downed the glass.

“But I want him…” - Gia sighed and drank her wine.

With days passing - Gia decided to make it a quest - to find him. And then months rolled, as she was seeking for him. Nothing. Nothing like him…

And then once Mary let out: “Maybe someone similar, but better, m?”, caught the attention of Gia.

“Similar.” - She thought. - “Similar.”

With more and more of her digging into dating sites, places, clubs, spots… She had an idea to work in a hostess club, to maybe, maybe find him there.

And there were few who seemed alike. Just different eyes, just different faces… Yet she went for it.

It felt more and more painful. With each moment of search - it gave more despair.

“Maybe today he’ll appear.” - She thought, on her way to work.

But no. Nothing.

Guys were hitting on her. And eventually she began trying something to soothe her heart. A guy in a club told her that there is a ‘happy pill’ that will make worries go away.

Gia nodded and agreed to try.

Finding herself in toilet stall with this guy later on, having sex. But her body burned, she felt good, for the first time in a while - the only thing she was about - was the action of intercourse, was the heat and the pleasure. She climaxed hard.

The need for the ‘happy pill’ grew.

Gia was requesting this guy to leave her a bunch. Then she bought them herself. She’d take them and go to a club. Trying out different guys she’d pick and have them have her as she pleased. She enjoyed that feeling over and over again.

One day she came to the bookstore cafe. She sat, enjoying the view, battling slight hangover from the night before.

She eyes the people inside and outside, as they are passing by.

“Pff… Still not him.” - She muttered.

“Your coffee.” - A fine looking man brought over her order.

She looked up.

“Edwin?” - She called out.

The man smiled.

“Ehm… Adam.” - He pointed at himself, as he smiled.

“Oh, sorry.” - Gia apologised, yet kept staring. He was a spitting image of Edwin.

He walked back to the counter.

She had her coffee, then went to the counter and exchanged numbers with Adam.

The love bloomed. It went so well that they married soon after.

She changed her job, yet sometimes still would use the ‘happy pills’, as she’d be all hot and sexy with Adam. It was messing with her.

Gia felt like she’s divinely infused with joy beyond reason, once she’d be on those pills and having sex.

A bit later she got pregnant.

The twins were the joy of life. Yet there was something eating at her. She needed that craving of divine joy satisfied, as Adam began working harder and evading the sexy times.

So the new idea to go and stay for a weekend at Mary’s, as an excuse, came up.

“I’ll come back Sunday evening.” - Gia was smiling, as she was leaving.

“Do get some snacks for kids.” - Adam replied, as he was swamped in his papers.

“Sure will do.” - Gia replied, as she checked the pills in her pocket. - “I’m off!”

“Have fun.” - Adam replied.

The nightlife, sexy outfit, makeup, wig, the pills and new people to fiddle with.

Gia kept on going out to try and have more and more of this joy.

At the corner of the street, as she stood smoking. A car approached, stopped, the window rolled down.

“How much?” - A voice of a man resounded.

Gia looked around. She was alone there. Other people stood a few metres down.

“How much?” - The question sounded again.

Gia thought to be offended, usually, but she had a few of her ‘happy pills’.

“Thousand for a night.” - She said.

“Deal. Get in.” - Said the voice.

She got in a car. They drove to the hotel.

Once in a room, she felt a sense of deja vu. She was in the same room. With Edwin.

“Ah, Edwin…” - She thought to herself.

The man got out of shower.

“Your turn.” - He gestured.

Gia went to wash. As she returned - she took notice of his face. He looked like Edwin. He did.

“What should I call you?” - She asked.

“Call me Edwin.” - He replied.

Her heart jumped. It was him. Indeed him.

After that night she began frequenting that club, as she ate away at the pills. She waited for him to come back. Even the daily things she had to do - became pointless to her. She sought for Edwin.

It only took a few months, before Adam came to know where she’d disappear to. In his anger and disappointment in Gia, he took the kids and left her.

Gia tried contacting Mary, as they have not spoken for a while. Futile. Nobody picked up.

Once the car had returned again, same car. The same voice called out and Gia followed.

This time the car drove to a place outside the city.

Far far away.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” - He said.

She shyly turned to him.

“I waited for you.” - She replied.

He snorted.

“What silly thing.” - Edwin said.

Car arrived at the house in the middle of the forest. They came out and walked into the house. The whole setup was quite vintage, with quite the sense of class.

“I’ll walk you to your place. You’ll stay there until I come for you.” - Edwin had said, as he pulled Gia by hand to the basement.

The lights were not on. He asked her to stay there. Then left.

Once he left - the red light lit around the basement.

The walls were concrete. There was no furniture.

“Gia? Gia, is that you?” - familiar voice called Gia.

Gia turned around to see Mary in the corner.

“What happened?” - Gia called out.

“Oh you silly baby boo.” - Mary cried. - “We won’t make it home. He does not let you go home.”

Gia was not sure what to reply.

The sound of the radio began in the room. Then a beep and Edwins voice was audible.

“Today you will enjoy the sounds of Evelyn.”

The muffled shouts were audible, along with the struggle and cries.

“So, we’ll begin with the usual. Now, an incision on the throat.” - Edwin continued, as the choking of another person was audible.

“Now we proceed.” - He kept going. The sound of fly being unzipped, then the wet sounds were in the room. Soon enough, there was nothing besides the wet sounds. Eventually they stopped, as Edwin groaned in pleasure.

“Now the programme is done. Until next time.”

Radio got cut off.

“I’ll be next.” - Mary cried. - “I’ll be next.”

Gia laughed. She hysterically laughed. She pulled out one pack of her pills and handed those to Mary.

“Take those. I’ll make sure I’m the one he fucks.” - Gia laughed.