Terms And conditions Apply : Invoicing The Apocalypse

Forensic Audit at the Edge of the Sword

"Hey, Freza! Don't just stand there dazed! That girl is about to cut us in half, damn it!" Qoriski shouted, swinging his gavel with trembling hands.

"Shut up for a second, Qor! I'm looking for a loophole in the liability sub-chapter! Damn it, why is the page freezing?!" Freza replied in a panic, his fingers dancing wildly over a hologram screen flashing red.

The woman in futuristic armor snorted dismissively, the tip of her electric sword hissing as it touched the concrete of the building's rooftop. "Lawyer up, kid. At level two hundred and fifty, your arguments will just be digital trash that I'll delete in a single slash."

"Heh, Miss Galactic Security Guard! You think a high level automatically makes you right in the eyes of the law?" Freza stood tall, trying to mask his fear with the most arrogant tone he could muster. "You just landed in a zone that was recently validated as a 'Special Economic Zone.' Do you have a Takis Assignment Permit (SIPT) to carry bladed weapons here?"

"I don't need a permit to clean up pests like you," the woman replied coldly. "My name is Citra, Chief of Security for the Andromeda Consortium. And my orders are clear: eliminate elements hindering acquisition efficiency."

"Citra? Your name is pretty local for a dimensional invader," Qoriski mocked while taking a combat stance. "We should talk this out nicely, Miss. When Freza starts talking about legal codes, he can give a dragon a stroke; you'd better go home before you have a civil law heart attack."

"Quiet, lowlife!" Citra lunged forward with speed nearly invisible to the naked eye.

Her electric sword slashed through the air, creating a shockwave that collapsed the water tank on the roof. Freza rolled to the side, while Qoriski blocked the impact with his gavel. The collision of metal and electricity created a small explosion that threw Qoriski back against the guardrail.

"QORISKI! You're still alive, right?" Freza shouted, panting.

"Still... but damn, this girl has the strength of a giant cement mixer! My gavel is actually cracked, man!" Qoriski struggled to stand, coughing up a small puff of smoke.

Citra spun her sword, staring at Freza with a predatory gaze. "Is that all? The auditor who supposedly bankrupted the old system turns out to be nothing more than an office rat scurrying around?"

"I'm not running; I'm looking for a strategic position to see your pay stub!" Freza activated his 'Balance Sheet Audit' skill. His eyes glowed gold. "Forensic Audit: Active! Target: Citra - Chief of Security. Display employment contract details and equipment maintenance costs!"

Suddenly, a giant, transparent Excel sheet appeared above Citra's head. Rows of red numbers flickered rapidly.

"Aha, got you!" Freza grinned widely. "Now, my dear Miss Citra. Did you know that the Legendary Thunder-Slayer sword you're carrying is classified as a 'Rental Item' from the Andromeda Logistics Department?"

Citra froze for a moment, her steps halting. "So what if it's a rental? I have full authority to use it!"

"Yes, you have the authority to use it, but in your contract point four point two it clearly states: 'Any damage to rental assets resulting from use in unverified disputed zones is the user's personal responsibility.' Are you aware that this zone hasn't been verified because your employer just signed an amendment with me ten minutes ago?"

"Don't try to trick me with cheap legal jargon!" Citra attacked again, but this time her movements were slightly more hesitant.

"Qoriski, block the sword! Aim for the hilt that's the most expensive part and insurance doesn't cover it!" Freza commanded.

"Got it, Boss! Eat this gavel of justice!" Qoriski leapt, spinning his body in the air and slamming his gavel right into the hilt of Citra's sword.

KLANG!

Electric sparks flew in every direction. Citra was pushed back two steps. She saw a small crack on the hilt of her sword.

"Damn it... you actually dared to damage this sword?!" Citra screamed in rage, her aura exploding into a deep purple.

"Not just damage it, Miss. According to my calculations, that crack just caused your sword's depreciation value to plummet forty percent in a single second. Do you know how much of your salary will be garnished to reimburse the Consortium? I reckon you'll have to do forced labor for five hundred years without a single holiday bonus just to pay for that hilt alone!" Freza laughed cynically while continuing to type on his hologram.

"Liar! My employer would never be that cruel to their employees!" Citra began to look shaken.

"Miss, Miss... listen to me," Qoriski approached with a faux-friendly air, despite his bruised body. "I used to be a service worker like you. I thought I was a valuable asset, but it turns out I was just a line of numbers in an expense report. You're too pretty to be getting played by a multi-galactic corporation. Better join us the pay is clear, and you even get apocalypse insurance."

"Shut up, dwarf! I have loyalty!" Citra raised her sword again, but this time her hand trembled slightly.

"Loyalty can't buy coffee in the canteen of hell, Miss," Freza cut in sharply. "Look at this! I just sent an 'OHS Procedure Violation Notice' to Andromeda HR in your name. I reported that you forced a fight in a zone with unstable mana radiation without wearing standard personal protective equipment. You'll receive your First Warning Letter (SP-1) in three... two... one..."

Ting!

Suddenly, a hologram screen appeared in front of Citra. A loud notification sound made her flinch. Her face went pale as she read the contents.

"D-Disciplinary Warning? This month's salary suspended for internal investigation?! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Citra screamed in frustration, her sword clattering to the floor.

"See? What did I tell you," Freza walked closer, putting his hands in his pockets like a big boss. "A company like Andromeda doesn't care what level you are. The moment you cost them a single coin, you're trash. Now, do you want to keep fighting, or do you want me to help you appeal so you can get your salary back?"

Citra fell to her knees, bowing her head. Her level two hundred and fifty seemed useless in the face of a cruel bureaucracy. "I... I served them for a hundred years. I cleaned up dozens of planets... why are they so heartless over a sword hilt?"

"Because to a capitalist, Miss, a hero is just an uncut cost," Qoriski replied, patting Citra's armored shoulder. "Hang in there, Miss. It always hurts the first time you're betrayed by the system."

"So, what's it going to be? Want to cooperate?" Freza asked, holding out a new golden document. "The document is titled: 'Witness Protection and Strategic Alliance Agreement.' You become my informant regarding the contents of that mothership up there, and I'll make sure you get 'Wrongfully Terminated Employee' status so we can seize their assets as your severance pay."

Citra stared at the document, then looked up at the giant mothership in the sky with pure hatred. "They have to pay... they really have to pay for this."

"Now, that's the spirit of an auditor!" Freza smiled with satisfaction. "Qoriski, take note! We just acquired a new security asset with zero book value but infinite market value!"

"On it, Boss! Filing it straight into the 'Employee Venting' folder!"

However, their joy did not last long. Suddenly, the entire city of Jakarta shook violently. The mothership in the sky began to emit a deafening siren. The sky, which had been blue, began to distort, turning pitch black with millions of binary codes falling like rain.

"What now?! Freza, don't tell me Citra's boss is pissed?!" Qoriski shouted, clutching his throbbing head.

"It's more than just anger..." Citra stood up, looking up with a face of horror. "That's... that's the 'Asset Liquidation via Total Wipeout' protocol. They don't want to bother negotiating with you, Freza. They're going to delete the entire Earth server and claim total loss insurance!"

"Delete?! You mean the apocalypse is actually starting all over again?!" Freza's eyes widened.

"Yes! They're going to bomb this planet with anti-matter particles so all traces of their corruption vanish!" Citra grabbed her cracked sword. "We have to get onto that mothership right now before the wipeout process reaches one hundred percent!"

"But how do we get up there?! That's way too high, you idiot!" Freza screamed, pointing at the ship hovering thousands of meters above them.

"I have emergency teleport access, but only for one person!" Citra looked at Freza. "You have to go, Freza. Only you have the authorization to stop the wipeout process from the main console!"

"Hey, what about me?! Am I just supposed to stay here and turn into ash?!" Qoriski protested in a panic.

"You're coming with me through the underground logistics route!" Citra grabbed Qoriski's hand. "Freza, hurry! You have five minutes before everything becomes zero!"

Freza felt his body begin to glow, pulled by an immense spatial force. "Qoriski! Guard the documents! If I die, make sure this lawsuit reaches the Universal Constitutional Court!"

"Boss! Don't talk like that! You have to live so you can pay me!" Qoriski's voice began to fade.

White light swallowed Freza's vision. When he opened his eyes, he was in a cold, silent metal corridor. In front of him stood a massive door with the words 'SERVER ROOM - AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY' bolted onto it. However, what made Freza freeze was the voice coming from behind that door.

The voice of a man he knew very well. A voice that was supposed to no longer exist in this world.

"Welcome, my son. Are you ready to see the true final balance sheet of the world?"

Freza trembled, his hand gripping the door handle hesitantly. "Father...?"

Suddenly, alarms blared throughout the entire mothership.

[WIPEOUT COMMENCING IN 60 SECONDS]

[ALL DATA WILL BE PERMANENTLY DELETED]

Freza kicked the door open, and the sight inside made his world collapse instantly, worse than when the apocalypse first began. In the center of the room, thousands of human hearts floated in glass tubes, and in the middle of it all sat a man who...