Terms And conditions Apply : Invoicing The Apocalypse

Subpoena from hell

The cafe floor didn't shatter from a physical explosion; instead, it peeled away like layers of old paper forced from their glue. Freza took a step back, staring at the cracks emitting a deep purple glow. Before him, a figure in black robes stepped out of the shadows with the elegance of an executioner who had just finished his night shift.

"Hey, Qoriski! Who’s this now? Why does his aura smell like overheated photocopier paper?" Freza asked, still gripping his coffee cup tightly.

"Oh, damn! We’re dead, Mr. Freza! That’s Mr. Malphas!" Qoriski screamed hysterically, his body trembling so hard his giant gavel struck the asphalt, creating a loud metallic ring.

"Mr. Malphas? Who’s he? The Operations Director?" Freza narrowed his eyes, trying to read the data appearing above the entity’s head.

"No! He’s the Senior Compliance Officer from the Illegal Enforcement Division! In short, he’s the butcher for people who dare to hack or exploit system loopholes like you, Mr. Freza!" Qoriski began to retreat, trying to hide behind Freza’s much smaller back.

The figure named Malphas raised his head. His face had no eyes or nose, only a flat surface of pale skin with a bronze scale symbol on his forehead. He slammed a large dragon-hide folder onto the cafe table, which was still intact.

"User Number 001-Freza. You are accused of high-level jurisdictional manipulation and incitement of internal System staff," Malphas’s voice sounded like the grinding of two rusted sword blades. "According to the Emergency Contingency Clause, all your legal arguments are declared... invalid."

"Whoa, hold on a second, Boss," Freza interrupted casually, though his heart was pounding. "What do you mean invalid? I already filed a lawsuit with the Universal Constitutional Court. My current status is a protected Whistleblower. You can’t just go around deleting me."

"The problem is, Mr. Freza..." Malphas opened the dragon-hide folder, pulling out a paper glowing with black fire. "Your lawsuit was rejected due to an administrative defect. You forgot to attach a Star Stamp worth ten thousand mana on the third page. Technically, your document is just trash."

Freza was stunned for a moment. He racked his brain, searching for a loophole in his memory, which had just processed tens of thousands of pages of system documents. "A Star Stamp? On what page was that mentioned? I read from page one to eighty-four thousand five hundred; there was no requirement for a stamp for emergency complaints!"

"It’s in Footnote number four hundred and two, sir. Written in transparent ink that can only be seen if you’re wearing special Premium Member glasses," Malphas replied condescendingly.

"Damn! That’s so cheating! That’s a total setup!" Qoriski shouted from behind. "Mr. Malphas, please! Mr. Freza is just trying to claim his rights! You’re going to cancel everything just because of a stamp?"

"Rules are rules, QO-R15-KI. And you... you will be processed disciplinarily for treason. The punishment is a total memory wipe and a soul reformat." Malphas raised his hand. Suddenly, from beneath his robes, black chains emerged, their ends shaped like sharp pen nibs.

"Wait a minute!" Freza slammed his coffee cup onto the floor, shattering it into pieces. "I’m filing a unilateral appeal!"

"An appeal cannot be made for administrative errors, Human," Malphas began to move his chains.

"Yes, it can! Under the Force Majeure Clause!" Freza shouted, his voice echoing through the deserted streets of Sudirman. "How could I buy a Star Stamp if the system shop hasn't even opened for the Jakarta region yet? You’re setting a requirement that’s impossible for a user to meet during the Tutorial phase! That’s called Impossibility of Performance! Under contract law, a requirement that is impossible to fulfill is automatically void by law!"

Malphas stopped his movement. The scale symbol on his forehead flickered rapidly, shifting from bronze to silver, then back to bronze again.

"The System is performing calculations..." Malphas murmured softly.

"Mr. Freza, I swear, you’re so cool when you debate like this! I never would have thought of that!" Qoriski whispered, starting to feel hopeful again.

"Shut up, Qor. I’m holding back my pee because I’m shaking so much," Freza replied in a low voice.

Malphas lowered his hands. The black chains vanished back into his robes. "Your argument is sound in terms of formal logic. However, Central Administration has still ordered a cleanup of this area. Since you are considered a Glitch, I will send the Order Enforcement Units to carry out a physical execution."

"Wait, why? I thought we were playing by the law?" Freza protested.

"The law is a weapon for those who wield it, Human. If the law fails to remove you, then violence is the next standard procedure. Enjoy our 'Field Audit'." Malphas suddenly vanished into black smoke, leaving the still-burning dragon-hide folder on the table.

Suddenly, the red Jakarta sky churned again. Instead of green monsters like goblins, this time, three-meter-tall creatures descended, wearing tight black suits but with heads shaped like hourglasses. In each of their hands was a massive mace inscribed with the word: DEADLINE.

"Oh no, those are Enforcer Units! They’re incredibly strong, sir! Just one hit could drop our levels into the negatives!" Qoriski immediately took a stance, raising his gavel high.

"Qoriski, listen to me! Don’t fight them head-on. They are the personification of time limits. The longer you fight them, the stronger they get!" Freza activated his Audit Balance skill. His eyes glowed gold, seeing rows of numbers and graphs floating around the Enforcers.

"Then what, sir? Am I just supposed to stand here and get beaten up?!"

"Look at that! There’s a decreasing number on their chests. That’s their remaining operational budget! The System can’t keep them here forever without a massive mana cost. You have only one job: Delaying tactics! Stall for time until their budget runs out!"

"Got it, Boss! I’ll lead them in circles!" Qoriski leaped forward, slamming his gavel into the asphalt. "Hey, you debt collectors! Come and get it if you dare face a stressed employee!"

Two Enforcers charged with impossible speed. Their DEADLINE maces swung, slicing through the air with a roaring sound. Qoriski parried the first strike, but the vibration nearly made his hands go numb.

"Crazy! This load is so heavy! It’s heavier than being told to revise a report on a holiday!" Qoriski complained while backflipping to avoid the second attack.

"Hold on, Qor! You have to make them move a lot! Every step they take costs Mana!" Freza shouted while watching his hologram screen. "Audit Balance active! Target: Enforcer Unit 1. Weakness: Excessive tax burden on the left knee joint!"

"Got it! Left knee, right!" Qoriski spun his gavel like a windmill, then with high precision, struck the knee of one of the Enforcers.

KRAK!

The hourglass-headed creature collapsed. The sand inside its head began to flow faster, indicating its energy was being heavily drained to repair the damage.

"Nice! One more, Qor! But wait..." Freza trailed off, seeing a new notification appearing in the corner of his vision. "Wait, what’s this? 'Legal Assistance F*e: 1,000 Gold per minute'?"

"Mr. Freza, don’t tell me you’re getting fined again?!" Qoriski asked in a panic while continuing to dodge the mace swings.

"It’s not a fine! The System is charging a f*e for every second you fight in this dispute zone! Dammit, they want to bankrupt us financially before we even die!" Freza clenched his fist. "We need liquidity right now! Qoriski, we have to seize the nearest asset!"

"What asset, sir? Everything is already destroyed!"

Freza pointed toward the National Monument (Monas), where a massive black dragon was now sound asleep at the peak. Above the dragon was a giant golden treasure chest icon.

"That! That’s not just a dragon; that’s the 'Security Deposit' the System kept for this area! If we can seize that, we’ll have the capital to pay for court until the apocalypse is over!"

"Sir, are you insane?! That’s a Level 100 Dragon! I’m only Level 40 because my salary keeps getting docked!" Qoriski shouted while parrying a mace that almost crushed his head.

"We don’t need to kill the dragon, idiot! We just need to serve a Notice of Asset Seizure based on 'Environmental Damage Compensation'! Quick, lure these Enforcers toward Monas! Let them fight the dragon over a territorial violation!"

"Oh! I get it! I’ll make them report each other!" Qoriski grinned widely. He intentionally let one mace graze his shoulder, then ran as fast as he could toward Monas, followed by the bloodthirsty Enforcers.

Freza ran behind him, his fingers dancing in the air, typing emergency legal documents with a speed impossible for an ordinary human. "System! I am filing a petition for the execution of collateral seizure on the asset 'Black Dragon - Jakarta Region' due to the management's failure to maintain the conduciveness of the workspace!"

[Warning: This action will trigger the wrath of the Regional Boss!]

[Are you sure?]

"Absolutely sure! Charge the f*e to the Admin’s bill!" Freza replied, pressing the 'Confirm' button that appeared in the air.

Suddenly, the black dragon atop Monas woke up. Its glowing red eyes stared down, right at Qoriski and the Enforcers heading toward it. The dragon let out a thunderous roar, shaking all of Jakarta, while the Enforcers paused for a moment, looking confused because, systemically, the dragon now held the status of a 'Seized Asset'.

"Hey, Big Dragon! Did you hear that?!" Qoriski shouted, stopping right beneath the dragon’s feet. "Look, my Boss says you’ve been seized! So now, you work for us!"

The dragon didn’t answer with words, but with a blast of black fire that incinerated everything in front of it. Qoriski leaped out of the way, letting the fire hit the Enforcers chasing him.

"Great! Just as planned!" Freza chuckled, but the laugh stopped abruptly when he saw Malphas reappear right on top of the dragon’s head.

"Did you think I would let you manipulate assets that easily, Freza?" Malphas’s voice thundered from atop the dragon. "I have just issued an Emergency Government Regulation in Lieu of Law (Perppu) stating that your seizure status... is an act of economic terrorism."

"What?! You can just make a Perppu whenever you feel like it?!" Freza glared.

"Here, I am the law. And the punishment for an economic terrorist is..." Malphas raised a massive black scroll. "Summary execution on the spot without trial."

Suddenly, Freza’s body froze. A golden chain emerged from the ground, binding his hands and feet, slowly pulling him toward the dragon’s wide-open, glowing maw.

"Mr. Freza! Boss!" Qoriski tried to run to help, but he was held back by the remains of the Enforcer Units, which had now transformed into binding shadows.

"Dammit... this is so cheating..." Freza muttered, feeling the heat from the dragon’s throat beginning to burn his skin. He tried to find a loophole on the system screen, but everything was locked. Everything was red.

Until finally, he saw a single small line of code flickering in the bottom corner of the nearly dead screen. A code that even Malphas hadn't realized was left behind by the original system developers millions of years ago.

Emergency Protocol: Corporate Takeover Mode.

"Qoriski! Smash... smash your gavel into... my chest right now!" Freza shouted with the last of his strength.

"Huh?! You want to kill yourself, sir?!"

"Just do it, idiot! It’s the only way to... activate the forced acquisition clause!"

Qoriski hesitated for a moment, his eyes tearing up as he saw his boss nearly swallowed by the dragon. However, seeing the look of absolute conviction in Freza’s eyes, he let out a roar, released all the Mana he possessed, and hurled his giant gavel straight at the chain-bound Freza.

The gavel streaked like a meteor, and just before it struck Freza, a blinding white light exploded from the Auditor’s body, transforming the reality around them into...