The God-Tier Commoner

The Quest for Pants

Lex stared up at the Jiggle King. The giant, muscular slime blocked out the sun. Its two white eyes burned with pure anger.

“Okay,” Lex whispered. “Okay, big guy. Let’s talk this out.”

The Jiggle King did not want to talk. It let out a low, wet GLORRRRRGLE and surged forward.

Panic took over. Lex screamed, turned, and threw his stick at the monster like a javelin. It was a weak, pathetic throw. The stick flew about three feet, bounced off a tree root, and smacked him right in the face.

Thwack!

“OW!” Lex stumbled back, clutching his nose. Warm blood trickled between his fingers. “My own stick! Really?”

The Jiggle King was getting closer, vibrating the ground. Lex forgot about his nose, he spun and ran.

His new body was not built for this. In his old life, he had a personal trainer. Now, his lungs burned after twenty steps. He crashed through bushes, thorns scratching his arms and tearing his expensive silk pajama shirt. He was a mess of blood, dirt, and ripped fabric.

He didn’t stop. He ran straight out of the forest and back toward the town, one thought in his mind: Get to the hunters.

He burst into the town plaza, gasping for air. The same groups of hunters were still there, haggling and talking.

“HELP!” Lex wheezed, staggering into the open. “Monster! In the woods! A giant slime!”

The hunters turned. They saw him: nose bleeding, shirt in tatters, covered in leaves and sheer terror. For a second, there was silence.

Then, the plaza erupted in laughter.

“Look at him!” roared the man with the axe from before. “He found a twig too scary!”

A woman in leather armor doubled over. “I told him to go play with slimes! I didn’t think he’d try to cuddle one!”

“A giant slime?” another hunter mocked, wiping his eyes. “Kid, the only giant thing out there is your imagination! And your fear!”

Lex tried to explain, his voice shaking. “No! It’s real! It’s blue and huge and it has muscles! It’s the Jiggle King!”

This just made them laugh harder. “The Jiggle King? Did you give it a cute name while you were running away?”

The laughter was a physical thing, hitting him harder than the stick had. His face, already hot from running, burned with humiliation. In his old life, people fell over themselves to please him. Now, they pointed and howled.

He stopped trying to explain. The laughter followed him as he turned and walked away, shoulders slumped. He went straight back to the inn.

Borin, the innkeeper, was polishing a mug. He looked up and saw Lex’s state. A slow grin spread across his bearded face. “Back so soon from the great hunt? Let me guess. The slimes waved hello and you fainted?”

Lex didn’t answer. He just walked past, up the creaky stairs to his tiny room. He fell onto the hard bed, not caring about the dirt. He stared at the cracked ceiling.

He missed his penthouse. He missed the soft sheets, the city lights, the way people said “Yes, Lex,” to everything. He missed being trusted, being admired, being someone. Here, he was a joke.

A soft ping sounded in his head. The blue system panel appeared.

Quest: First Step.

Reach Level 1 within 24 hours.

Time Remaining: 21 Hours, 14 Minutes.

Failure Penalty: Cannot wear any pants or underwear for 24 hours.

Lex shot upright. “WHAT?”

He read it again. His face went pale, then bright red. “No pants? No underwear? For a whole day? Here?” Visions of being paraded through the plaza, laughed at even more horribly, flashed in his mind. The embarrassment would be legendary. He would never live it down.

Fear of that shame was stronger than his fear of slimes. He jumped off the bed. He had to get serious.

He marched back downstairs. Borin raised an eyebrow. “Back for more laughs?”

“I need gear,” Lex said, trying to sound firm. “A shirt. And a sword.”

Borin let out a snort. “A sword? For what? Scaring butter? You can’t handle a sword, kid.”

“Just give me something! I have to go back out there.”

Borin studied him, then shrugged. He reached under the counter and pulled out a worn, patched-up linen shirt. Then he rummaged in a crate and produced a small, rusty dagger. The blade had more nicks than a chef’s knife.

“This is it,” Borin said. “Two Copper Coins.”

It was a rip-off. But it was all Lex had. He pulled the last two copper coins from his pocket and slammed them on the counter. He put on the scratchy shirt and took the sad little dagger.

“Don’t die,” Borin said, not sounding very concerned. “Bad for business.”

Lex studied his map. He found a route that went around the back of the town, avoiding the plaza altogether. He wasn’t giving those hunters another show.

He slipped into the Whispering Woods from the east side this time. The forest was quiet. He gripped his dagger, his knuckles white.

“New rule,” he whispered to himself. “Never, ever kill the blue slimes.”

He wandered carefully. Soon, he saw a small clearing. In it were about six slimes. But these weren’t blue. They were a sickly green color, and smaller. They pulsed gently.

“Okay,” Lex breathed. “Green is probably safe. Probably.”

He didn’t wait for them to notice him. With a yell that was half fear, half anger, he ran at the first one and stabbed down with his dagger.

Squelch.

The slime deflated with a sad sigh. A tiny notification appeared: +0.2 Exp.

It was working. He moved to the next one, and the next. They were slow. He killed four of them easily, getting covered in splatters of green goo. Then, more green slimes came wobbling out of the bushes. They came in bigger groups.

Lex fought. He wasn’t elegant. He slashed and stabbed and tripped over roots. He was panting, covered head to toe in sticky green slime, but he killed them all. He must have defeated twenty of them.

He leaned against a tree, exhausted. “See?” he panted to the empty forest. “I can do this. I just needed a better class of slime.”

That’s when he heard a new sound. A metallic clink.

He turned. Six new slimes had appeared. They were the size of large dogs, and their bodies were a deep, warning red. And they were holding weapons. One had a small, chipped axe. Another had a short sword made of what looked like bone. The third had a cracked wooden shield.

Lex’s jaw dropped. “What the— these stupid things have better weapons than I do!”

The red slimes did not wobble. They marched. The one with the axe charged first.