System Of Desire: The Mage's Burden

Chapter 9

"It would be months before Mother would wake from her injuries. For those same months, Zena was in the family's custody, being tortured day and night. I've never seen my father so distraught. He called in every favor he could. He even knelt before the gates of the Jareth family for three months straight, seeking mercy for his second wife. Grandfather, however, was barely moved by this. Zena had tried to kill his daughter and she would suffer for it. The only concession he gave, was that he wouldn't kill the woman, instead, he'd leave the choice of whether she'd ultimately live in the hands of the one Zena had tried to kill. If Mother could forgive Zena, then Grandfather would abide by her will.

"It was the first time ever that the man I'd always thought of as my father was kind to me. Aran understood that, given their frigid relationship, he'd never be able to convince Mother to forgive Zena. Instead, he thought to go through me. For a few months, he was the father I always desired. Of course, some part of me knew that it was all a pretense. I knew what he truly wanted. At the same time, however, the bigger part of me that had always wanted a father just didn't care. My sister, Deina, was ten at the time and also understood that her mother's life was hanging in the balance."

"Aran's pretense at being my father, plus Deina's teary-eyed pleading that I convince my mother to show mercy won me over. I promised to do all I could to convince Mother. And so I did. When Mother finally woke up months later, she was appraised of the situation and the decision that was left to her. I did my best to try and convince her to show mercy. Mother didn't need a lot of convincing... or so I thought. With a smile on her face, she told me that she wouldn't have Zena killed and the naïve fool that I was, I believed her. It was the first time in months that my sister Deina smiled. Aran was a little more skeptical but knew that he couldn't push too hard. He just found subtle ways to remind me to get my mother to be lenient."

"Judgement day came when Mother was finally strong enough to move around. The whole family gathered to hear her judgment as to what Zena's fate would be. I'd repeatedly reassured my sister Deina and my father whenever they asked that mother had promised not to ask for her death," Lothar's mind had gone back to that moment when he lost both his father and sister. A self-mocking smile crossed her lips. "In a way, she kept her promise. She didn't ask for anyone to kill Zena. Instead, we all stood frozen and watched as she picked up a saber and walked up to Zena. She first swung at her abdomen, causing the woman's entrails to spill onto the floor before us."

"I felt like I was in some horrid dream at the time so I didn't notice. Months of torture had probably already broken the woman as Zena didn't even scream. She just blankly looked down at the viscera spilling out of her opened abdomen. It was as if she couldn't even comprehend what was happening as her hand idly reached forward to grab at her intestines, probably in an attempt to stuff them back inside herself. A second swing from Mother, however, had Zena's head rolling off her shoulders, blood spurting in arcs from the stump left behind. Even if I were to live several thousand cycles, the scream that tore out of my little sister Deina that day will probably haunt me to my dying day," Lothar's words left him in a whisper.

There was a long silence following Lothar's explanation, neither one of them knowing what to say after that. Eventually, however, Lothar found his voice again. "For the first sixty years of my life, the man I knew as my father had always looked at me with cold indifference. He didn't love or care about me. Instead, like a foul smell someone is forced to endure, he just tolerated me. That day marked the very first time that man looked at me with deep hatred. I couldn't even apologize to him as I knew that no amount or arrangement of words would ever satisfy the deep hatred that saturated the man's gaze."

"Of course, being no fool, Grandfather assigned more guards both to Mother and to Aran. The excuse was for their protection lest someone else make an attempt on their lives. But while this may have been true in the case of Mother, his daughter, everyone knew that the guard assigned to Aran was there to keep an eye on him lest he do something stupid. In the years that followed, nothing much happened with either Aran or Deina. Little Konan, Zena's last-born child, was the only one who still loved me the last I saw of him. Though I suspect that they'd already have poisoned him against me by the time I go back, if I ever manage to that is. I failed them, so they hate me and my mother. But they seemed to have learned their lesson and didn't bother coming after us... or so I thought," Lothar finally concluded as he finally came back around to why Mage Shia had tried to cripple his magic through poison.

***

"How are they?" Roka questioned drawing Lothar out of his recollections. The boy's gaze had moved to his mother and sister who were standing by the railings of the deck looking down at the scenic vista below. There were, of course, enchantments and formations all around the edge of the airship to keep passengers from falling over the railing. Formations such as the no-jump formation ensured that no one caught in their radius could have both their feet off the ground at the same time. As soon as one foot leaves the ground, the other becomes so firmly attached to the ground that you'd sooner push a mountain than lift that leg.

"No different from the last time you asked, still filled with wonder at just how large the world they live in is" Lothar replied, trying to be casual in the way he knew Roka wanted him to be. In a way, the same was true of him. While he wasn't as ignorant about their realm as the two women seemed to be, he too had only known of it in theory. These last six months of travel were eye-opening.

"Any distress?" Roka asked.

Lothar glanced at the boy, not missing the slight guilt in his voice as he looked at his family. Thinking back to his own family, Lothar had to school his features to keep the jealousy from showing as he wondered what it would be like to have family that cared for him the same way Roka seemed to care about his family and they him. "They already know that we are on the run for your safety, Roka. However much you think they love their hometown, they love you more. They aren't going to ask to go back if it'll put you in harm's way," Lothar explained.

"I uprooted their lives and took them away from everything they've ever known. They might not understand it at the moment, but eventually, it'll sink in that there's no going back. That wherever we end up, they'll have to make their new home," Roka stated a rueful smile on his lips. "I just want to be there for them when that reality sinks in," he added more softly.

Lothar remained quiet, not having much else to say on the subject. In his opinion, Roka wasn't giving his family enough credit. He had watched them over the past six months and if the twinge of jealousy he felt was anything to go by, they were everything he'd ever want in a family. The two women loved Roka dearly and from how protective Roka was of them, it was clear that he loved them just as much. More than anything, Lothar suspected that it was Roka's own guilt at having to uproot his family that made him think that they'd eventually blame him for it.

"We'll be pausing for about a week at the next stop before we resume our journey," Roka spoke up after a pause.

Lothar couldn't help but glance in Roka's direction. "Anything I should be concerned about?" He asked.

"Not really. Just something we need to get out of the way before we continue with our journey," Roka answered with an air of calm.

Lothar mulled over his words for a few seconds before shrugging. Well, if we are going to be pausing somewhere, Ethavel, the crown jewel of Farendel, isn't the worst of places," he said with a smile...

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