Chapter 1

I lean comfortably at the highest of tree, feeling the coldness of wind blow harsh to my face now and then, waiting for warm that will not possible yet I consistently ask to embrace me. So far, either for the sake of faith nor of staining the comforting life I have, never once cross my mind to ever consider the both at the same time.

“You're stuck to that time, Arsy,” someone says, lecturing, “you should learn to move forward. Time passes, yet warmth cease to exist. Aren't you tired?” He approach slowly, his white suit stain with dirt all over, he even shivering to the cold. Though I don't think he will stop just to gives me the peace I wanted.

From leaning comfortably, I jump from the highest of trees and landed with a bang. “Aren't you tired of nagging?” I ask as he cough to the dust hurling about to the impact.

“I'm tired seeing you this way,” he said, sure are weary. “Remembering that moment as if happen yesterday? I never find someone as earnestly such you, Arsy.”

“You think I'm stuck then?” My brows furrows, I smile the moment he shaken continuously.

“A-aren't you?”

“I'm-” I cleared my throat, look away. His every stares felt like blade stab through the deepest of my soul. I sighed, slowly lifting my spirit from remembering the things that would never comes back. “It's not what you think I'm doing, Gab,” I said softly, face down, “I'm neither stuck nor remembering. I'm...just trying to get over this.”

“By making yourselves tormented?” He look around with annoyance, the dust continuously blows and falling. “This place kinda give me a creep, Arsy. For your own good, don't blame us from worried sick. You don't listen and continuously visits this godforsaken place!”

“I came here for a reason,” I dismiss him, turn around with a heavy heart. For unknown reason, it cme again, the breeze of the time that slowly faded yet leave a scars in the deepest of my heart. “Tell them I'm fine. You should cease to follow me from now on also,” I added just as I disappear from the surrounding dust covering the whole place.

It's not easy to explain the reason why I even here. The like of him won't understand, he is who stuck to the idea I am strange to even like the climate here in the godforsaken place. Nor the people who show their worry, they won't take my case seriously.

I am who knows the tragedy befall in this place...

I am greeted by the silence of the place. It made one hear his own heartbeat, the kind of which so intense and loud that one will creep and run away for his life.

Yet I didn't felt my heartbeat. It calm as lake, not even a splash will take different. In the distant, one can see the highest abandoned building, wrecked and covered with vines. 

As I approach, I can felt the presence of them, as if the time turn back and that I really stuck to witness their earnest faith. Their voices become clearer and clearer, softly whisper to the winds their prayer. 

“How pity,” I said, voice fill with distance and melancholy, “how estranged to stood finely yet...” There's as if a slum in my throat, and I breathing heavily. 

I look away, reminded of the time that I was away, leaving them behind with their prayer that stabbed through the deepest of my soul. 

It was...the prayer for my soul.

“Arsy, oh, Arsy!” They beg to the diety above, the one that I share name with. “Forgive us, sinners. For staining your name!”

The name they thought I stained about.

I'm a disgrace... don't share the same prayer as them. Though I was name with the diety--the one so highly and pure--yet I am stained with sin.

My heart couldn't even felt anymore the pain upon the sight of the altar. There I can see mother and father, with my siblings, try the hardest to explain why they have to be save from the punishment.

“My only sin was to bear the child like him!”

“I shouldn't have thought on naming him after You, Oh, Arsy!”

“I...”

“Brother,” Gab, with his earnest look and pity, unaware of the going on, looked at the direction I suddenly found myself in the highest of altar, chain and bruises all over. 

I suddenly felt their every stares befall upon me, with hatred and disgust to my very existence. 

“Let's forsake him-”

“-to be able to find forgiveness-”

“Better throw him to the river of cleansing!”

They discuss the fate of my life, and I can only felt numb to the sight of the people I thought can defend me from this nonsense, yet they agreed to the idea, even suggest for exiled.

“He needs to be quarantine.”

The next thing I know, I am drowning. I thought I'm numb enough to not felt the saltiness of the river, yet it happen so sudden I find myself gritted my teeth, moaning to relieve the misery I felt. 

Before I reach the point of suffocation, I can felt the warmth embrace me, pulling me out the river...to the sight of nothingness but abandon.

“Are you nuts?!” 

He is weeping for the first time.

“Gab...” I gulp, blinking numerous time. “W-what... Did you cry?”

Yet it is true. He cry out loud, wipe his tears that fell like trying to contain a river. Then turn his back, determine his position. “I'm not!” He said, yet his voice shaky. 

“Alright, you don't...though your eyes say otherwise-” I pause when he face me, glaring. I laugh to the point I didn't realize the coldness breeze of winds, not even the dust that like fades away and gives me a second to fully immerse to the place I once called home.

The place takes away...by the faith of the people who fail to live their life while seeking enlightenment. 

People who once family...and friend...and they become ashes lurking around the pavement.

“It's my fault,” I thought, grab the only person that left with me. He seems shock, yet smile when for the first time I initiates to leave the place...and leave everything behind. 

“That's a right choice,” Gab said, dreaming inwardly, “Brother.”

My face darkened, remembering.

“For I am a sinner,” I whisper annoyingly, clenching my left hand, “staining the name of the diety above...with my filthy existence.”