The Ultimate Showman

CHAPTER 05

“Don’t worry. I’ve got a plan,” Kevin assured his wife.

“What plan?” Cecilia asked. “Don’t you see how Jordan is staring at her fake breasts and butt? It won’t be easy to retain his attention.”

“Just trust me with this, Cecilia,” Kevin told her.

Cecilia still seemed annoyed. It wasn’t easy for her to convince Jordan and bring him here. Moreover, she was taking a risk by openly showing her support to Kevin. Brielle could oppose Cecilia’s decision, but Cecila still did it anyway.

“This is the new toilet seat we’ve prepared,” Emma was showing Jordan by using a stuffed doll for a demo.

Just then, Emma’s stomach grumbled so loudly that Jordan and everyone there heard it.

“I-I’m sorry,” Emma forced out a smile, but that smile didn’t last long as it felt like her intestines were revolting against her. “E-Excuse me,” she dropped the doll and ran away like her life was on the line.

Kevin quietly smiled, while looking a bit surprised as well.

Cecilia saw that and wondered if he did something to Emma.

Kevin picked up the doll and continued where Emma left, “It has a smart cushion that adapts to body shape and warms only where you sit, Mr. Jordan. You don’t have to use toilet paper, and it can be cleaned with minimal water. You can switch it on and off, adjust the height and lighting with voice-activated controls.”

“Sounds good, but… I want these advanced facilities in squat toilets,” Jordan said, startling both Kevin and Cecilia.

“M-Mr. Jordan…” Cecilia stepped in. “Are you going to use squat toilets in the condos? I’m afraid they won’t sell well, sir.”

“Oh, you don’t need to worry about that. My customers are those who come from the East and settle here,” Jordan said and looked at Kevin. “I will give you one month. Can you show me the demo for a smart squat toilet?”

Cecilia was shocked. One month was too short of a period to do anything.

“I can,” Kevin replied, which made Jordan smile and shake his hand.

Jordan then folded the newspaper in his hand and said, “I saw your company’s ad in this paper. If you want to grab the attention of the rich folk, don’t post ads on small-time newspapers or news channels. Go for the bigger ones. The popular business magazines would be a good start.”

Kevin slightly bowed. “Thank you for your advice.”

“I look forward to meeting you in a month,” Jordan said and then walked away with Cecilia, talking about the paper decorations for interior design such as wall art, ceiling and hanging decor.

Cecilia briefly glanced over her shoulder and looked at Kevin. His body language wasn’t good.

She pitied him.

She didn’t think he’d be able to impress Jordan Wang in a month.

Kevin sat down on the toilet seat and touched his head with both hands. “One month… what the hell am I supposed to do by then?”

A new message rang in his mind.

[Shitty Mission Two: Clean a thousand toilets or cleanse a thousand digestive tracts to get a blueprint for an advanced squat toilet!]

“That’s…” Kevin’s eyes gained light.

[But you need to finish mission one if you want to take on mission two!]

Kevin stood from the toilet seat and tossed the stuffed doll away.

“Cleaning a thousand toilets will take too long, so… I’ll take the second option,” Kevin thought.

Cecilia, on the other hand, escorted Jordan to his Rolls Royce Phantom. After he left, Cecilia returned to Kevin’s office.

Though it was called Kevin’s office in name, Emma used it more than he did.

While Cecilia waited for Kevin, she sat down in his seat and opened the table drawer. There was a photo frame inside. She took it out and was surprised to see that it was a picture of their wedding, with both of them smiling, standing next to each other.

Seeing that, she sighed a bit heavily.

Just then, she heard loud eruptions coming from the bathroom. Her heart shook for a second.

“What the…” She walked over to the bathroom door and bare witness to a full-on brass-band rehearsal.

Every fart erupted like a whoopee cushion on overdrive, as though a blob-like creature was bouncing on the tiles, emanating a wet jelly-splat echo.

One burst started long and moaning, like a tuba trying to whistle while crying.

Another came out as a staccato machine-gun of squeaks, each one sounding more anguished than the last.

And then there’s a devastating finale rumble, a deep, reverberating brrrrr-OOOOM that shook the toilet paper roll and sent handwash bottles quivering in fear.

Cecilia was taken aback, her hands covering her ears from the ruination of her soul.

She took out a mobile and started recording the noises.

A minute later, there was silence.

The door opened, and Emma stepped out.

Emma and Cecilia were both startled to see each other.

Cecilia thought Kevin was inside. She wanted to tease him with the voice recording. “What the hell are you doing in Kevin’s bathroom?”

“Ah?” Emma appeared annoyed. “You expect me to use the common bathroom? They smell like shit. Besides, your husband has never used it. He’s a work-machine. I have rarely seen him drink water, so he doesn’t even take a pee during work hours. So, I’ve been using this bathroom for myself.”

Cecilia frowned. “When are you going to find another job?“

“C’mon, is this how you talk to your classmate and your batch’s topper?” Emma smiled. “If it wasn’t for your parents’ wealth, you wouldn’t have become the CEO of a prestigious company. We both know that. But I never expected you to be so stupid enough to stay married to someone like Kevin. While he’s a hard worker and has a decent IQ, he doesn’t know how to please his superiors, and I mean, your mom. If only he was wiser, he would have licked her boots to get into your bed.”

Cecilia went for a quick slap, but Emma held her hand with effort.

“Not even your husband dares to hit me no matter what I say in his face, so what makes you think you can?” Emma was saying, and her gut suddenly twisted. Her face warped. She let go of Cecilia’s hand. “Dammit. Did the ice cream I ate this morning expired or something?” She ran back into the bathroom.

And then there was another fart musical.

Just then, Kevin entered the office and was a bit surprised by the squeaks and thunders going on and off in the bathroom.

“I don’t know how you’re going to impress Jordan Wang,” Cecilia told him, ignoring the noises coming from the bathroom. She had a serious expression on her face. “I don’t really care about that anymore. What I want is for you to kick Emma out of this company and then make my mom put my hand in your hand. If you can’t do that, then tell me right now so that I won’t be wasting my youth.”

Kevin pursed his lips together.

“Nothing to say?” Cecilia shook her head and walked past him.

He held her hand, surprising her.

This was the first time he held her hand after the wedding day.

She turned and looked at him, hoping he wouldn’t say anything stupid.

“Give me six months,” Kevin told her. “I will set everything right, and then we’ll go on our honeymoon.”