The diary of Lizz

Chapter 01

My addiction to drugs began after my parents separated when I was still a teenager. My mother had just discovered a betrayal that had lasted for a long time.

Since the separation, my father had left home and to forget my problems, I started to use drugs.

Everyone expected me to be the pride of my family, but, in fact, I only brought heartbreak and suffering to everyone around me, well, that's what I thought. Other things could have happened if I had told my mother from the beginning when it happened. I know that my mother feels sadness and pity for what I have become.

I am the youngest daughter, I was known as the fantastic girl, that's only because I was a dreamer, who had dreams like any other and never gave up on anything, but since my addiction to drugs, everyone has turned away and even thought of helping me overcome all of this, people who called themselves my friends and would be with me come what may, and that's how you find out who are real. Your family, too bad it took me a long time to recognize that.

It took me a long time to admit that I had become a chemical dependent and that I could not accept in any way depending on other people for help.

I remember to this day when my mother found out that I was addicted to drugs. I had just finished writing my first book, and yes, I did get it published, but of course it didn't work out. At that time I was getting a great visibility in the literary business, but by then I was already addicted.

If I knew that because of this addiction my life would become a real walking catastrophe, it was obvious that I would try to do everything differently; I wanted to be able to make my family proud again. After remembering everything that had happened, I took a deep breath and dried a few tears that started to run down my face.

Because of my addiction, I had become a cold person because I was afraid to show feelings since I had suffered a lot in my life. I don't remember at all the sweet girl from the past, who wanted to become a famous writer, who was always signing in the corner to live a beautiful love story, and to become a mother was also in the plans, but a tragedy made this dream impossible to be realized, after all dreams like this became more and more distant.

I was a young girl who had everything. A loving mother, who unfortunately had recently become a monster, an older brother who was overprotective, and until recently even had a boyfriend, Mathews was his name, and that despite the break-up he still tries to help me overcome my addiction to drugs.

Even today I have a date with him, and he seems to have an offer that I can't refuse, a kind of agreement. I confess that I don't know what to expect. Mathews, unlike me, had already managed to conquer all his dreams.

After I finish getting ready for my meeting with Mathews. I think before finally leaving the house.

“Now I know what can happen to someone who becomes a drug addict, I need to do everything differently from now on if I want to change. My mother and brother will still be very proud of me, and who knows, Manuel might want to get back in touch with our family.”

And yes, I refer to my father as Manuel, I had lost the desire to have contact with him after everything that had happened, I know that I have a certain amount of guilt for everything that has happened, but I cannot help it with the anger I feel.

Will I ever be able to forgive my father for everything that happened? I hope that I can get out of this damn drug addiction and that I can still dream again. Show everyone that that beautiful little girl still lives in me.

I was sorry for everything that has been happening in my life. Because of this addiction, I ended up developing anxiety, something that I never imagined I could have, and now it is getting even worse since I put in my head that I want to get rid of this evil. Today I had a terrible night, a nightmare that followed me day after day and seemed to have no end. I ended up not sleeping well, I spent the whole night in the dark.

I ended up not doing anything in the morning because I was anxious about what Mathews could propose to me, I looked at the clock that was on my wrist and realized that it was almost time to meet him, so I finished getting ready and finally left the house. He had scheduled our meeting in a restaurant near my house.

After arriving at the place, I go to the reception and announce my arrival.

— Good afternoon!

— Good afternoon! How can I help you? — The restaurant receptionist asks. I look at the name on her name tag, “Susana”.

I smiled at the receptionist and replied.

— Susana, I have a reservation under the name of Mathews.

— Just a moment, I'll check the system here, Susana says, typing on the computer keyboard. “Thank you for waiting, I just saw your reservation here, would you please come with me?

— Susana then gets up from the reception chair to walk me to the table that Mathews had reserved. It was a little isolated from the others, probably because he was concerned about our privacy, since I have always been a very private person.

I sit down on the chair and after a few minutes the waiter comes to serve me.

— Good afternoon! Would you like something to eat or drink? — he asks.

— Good afternoon! At the moment I'll just have a water, please, I'm expecting someone. — I answer his question, smiling politely.

— All right, just a moment and I'll give you your water," he says, leaving the room.

After a few minutes of waiting, the waiter delivers my water, and it's time for Mathews to arrive, he then greets me with a kiss on the cheek and says.

— Did I take too long?

— No, it didn't take long at all, I just ordered some water to drink. Do you want something to eat? — I ask.

— I don't want to eat anything, I'll just have a cup of coffee," he answers and then calls the waiter to bring his order.

My meeting with Mathews was amazing, but he still hadn't told me why he wanted to talk to me, so I decided to ask.

— Matthew, I need to know the reason for our meeting right away. It is not that I am not enjoying it, in fact, I am loving it, I have not had this kind of fun in a long time.

— Gee, if you hadn't warned me, I would have forgotten," he answers, smiling sideways and embarrassed, "So, you still dream of becoming a writer, right?

— Of course I do, this will always be my greatest dream – I answer – You remember that for a while I even managed to conquer it, but I ended up throwing it all away for something stupid.

Mathews, seeing how I was, takes my hands and kisses each of them, a way of calming me down.

— Lizz doesn't have to be like this, you are trying to change, to get out of this addiction, and I am sure you will succeed.

— I know, Math, but you know how hard it's been for me. It's only been two months since I've used anything else, but every day it seems that everything gets worse. I'm afraid I'll relapse, just like the other times I tried to stop using drugs.

Mathews puts his hand on my face and pushes away a little of my hair that insisted on falling in front of my eyes.

— Eliza, you don't know how proud I am of you. That you are managing to overcome yourself," he says now stroking my hair, "and you will manage even more!

— What do you mean? What happened? — I ask, confused by what Mathews could reveal to me.

— Eliza, I managed to get a job interview for you at Monteiro Publishing House., initially you would be a receptionist, but I am sure that with your intelligence you will quickly be promoted.

After this revelation, I take my hands toward my mouth, becoming more and more surprised.

— Mathews, how can you reveal this to me like this? You know that I have always wanted to know Pedro Monteiro's company. How did you get this? — I ask after a few minutes of silence without believing it.

— So, in Mr. Monteiro's company there is an ex-colleague from college, Carla, and once I commented to her about a book I intended to launch, and she asked yesterday if I knew someone who was in need of a job and at the time I remembered you – he answers.

— My friend, I don't even know how to thank you for this help you are giving me. I don't even know if I deserve it," I say, happy and sad at the same time.

I had the impression that I had hurt him too much by not corresponding more to the love he had for me, it wasn't that I didn't feel anything for him at that time, much to the contrary, I just couldn't return that feeling because of this damn addiction. Now, my feelings for him were friends, but I know that Mathews still has feelings for me.

After revealing this, Mathews takes my hands again.

— Eliza knows that whenever you require me, I will be here. I am so happy to see how you are. Happy like this," he says, smiling lovingly at me.

— I know, I'm even happier with your help," I say emotionally, "Now enough crying. How will this job interview go? I need to know the date. I have to prepare myself.

Mathews then lets go of my hands and laughs at what I had said.

— Ok, the interview is scheduled for a week from today. It will be at Monteiro Publishing House and from what Carla told me and Pedro himself will do the interview with you," Mathews reveals.

— But to work as a secretary, would it be for Pedro? — I ask.

— Yes, it would be to work as Pedro's private secretary, making copies of files, scheduling interviews and meetings.

— I don't know what my mother will tell me when she finds out about this job opening, and neither will my brother.

— Lizz, they'll probably love it. You know how sad your mother was about your drug addiction and the way you ended your career," Mathews says.

— Yes, I know," I say, "but I'm trying to change. You know, my mom hasn't been treating me so well lately, I don't even know what she will do when she finds out about the job interview for the Monteiro Company. I never found out why she hates this company so much.

I spend a few more minutes talking with Mathews, and after this wonderful meeting I say goodbye to him and head home.

Will I be able to overcome the addiction? I hope that the job interview really works out.