Throne and Revenge

A beautiful mess

Jason

When John knocked on my door that night, something stirred inside me, it was something warm and heavy at the same time. 

I was happy to see him of course but the timing made me uneasy because it was really late besides, was not the type to come knocking unless something had gone truly wrong.

Still, I did not rush him with questions because I didn't need to rather, I made him feel as if I was pleased by seeing him.

I opened the door then I stepped aside and let my son in like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Make yourself at home," I said as I was already settling to play the role I knew he needed me to play at the moment.

I didn't play the role as the clan's elder neither did I play the role as a warrior rather I played that of a father.

He stood for a moment before sitting. It was as if he was caught somewhere between trying to be strong and not falling apart. 

He looked like someone who was carrying a storm inside him so, I did what any father would do, I went ahead and disarmed him with warmth. 

Teasing here and a light joke there which made him chuckled despite the way he was feeling and I saw the storm loosen just a little.

Eventually, he cleared his throat and admitted there was something on his mind and someone had told him to come talk to me.

I smiled and He rolled his eyes then muttered really seriously. "Don't smile like that,"

I blinked because I was surprised at how mature he sounded. His voice did not waver like that of a kid of his age rather it had edge and command in it.

I wiped the smile from my face immediately because he had truly earned that respect.

He then opened up and told me how the upcoming Hunt had affected him and how his instinct was to run just like he had always done when something seemed too big for him.

He could not this time around because many eyes are watching and there are too many expectations on his shoulders.

The way he spoke so matured and thoughtful reminded me of his grandfather. There was something almost poetic in his words which I knew he didn't even realize how deep his thinking was.

"I feel like you're speaking in riddles but what you are saying is honest and that is what matters." I said to him.

I looked him in the eyes, firm but gentle. "It is okay to be scared son, it's okay to feel nervous but do not let those feelings define you. Fear is natural but letting fear make your choices, that is where downfall begins." I added.

He nodded although his jaw was tight. He heard me even though the weight still clung to him.

I had to lean in a little deeper, the way my father once did with me when I was young and fragile.

"This moment you are walking into is what our bloodline was built for. Your great-grandfather fought for this, he bled for it and led for it. And now, it is your turn to carry that name with pride. If you let your nerves take the reins, you're not just risking failure but risking our legacy." I added.

He went quiet and I could tell my words had landed somewhere deep inside him and it was somewhere sacred.

I began talking about the pack, the way things work, the Hunt and the responsibility that comes with leadership.

"You are not just stepping into the Hunt but you are stepping into yourself. "I said to him."

He took a subtle breath, but I saw the change in him. It was like something inside had shifted into place.

Then I asked him who told him to come find me and he grinned Amelia.

My heart was filled with pride because that girl behaved so much like her mother and it hurts me sometimes.

The memory of Amelia's mother crawled in, it was soft and painful at the same time. 

She had been the anchor of my world and a woman with fire and grace.

Losing her had taken more from me than I could ever put imagine but in that moment, thinking of her and seeing her reflection in Amelia made me feel her spirit sitting with us. 

"I am really proud of her," I said quietly. It was obvious I needed to feel close to the kids a little longer.

It could be nostalgia or it maybe it was fear of time running too fast but it prompted me to do something I had not done in a long while.

I took the both my kids out for a walk under the stars. Amelia joined us although she was sleepy but smiling and for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt whole. 

We trained a little even though it was nothing too heavy but it was enough to awaken our muscles and memories.

I made John do every exercise he used to skipped over the years and every drill he once groaned about during trainings. 

I noticed their weaknesses and their strengths. I learned so much from them in that one night.

It kept taking me back to my own childhood when my father used to train me beneath the same stars and the cycle felt complete somehow.

At some point, I sat them down and spoke about peace because siblings needed unity and not rivalry.

I spoke words that would root in their souls and stay in there long after I'm gone in the plainest language I could

Amelia's eyes opened wide and she whispered "You talk like you're about to die,"

I pulled her close and held her. "Not yet but one day and when that day comes, I want to know I did my part." I said with a small smile.

The three of us sat in silence as we kept staring at the night like it could answer us then John mentioned something new which he called Nirvana.

"It is a state of deep inner peace and place where the world is quiet. Also, you can finally breathe", he said smiling with affirmation.

We decided to try it together and we sat with our leg crossed together pretending to connect our spirits.

The kids took it way too seriously with their faces scrunched in deep concentration and they were breathing like monks. 

I laughed so hard that I had to wipe away tears but eventually, I joined them. 

I did not know if it worked but pretending felt good enough and matched the energy the kids were already giving.

That night did not end with sleep rather it ended with powerful memories. We were laughing and crying, at some point it was frowning and smiling all at once. 

It was a beautiful mess and I would never trade it for anything. I went to bed without rest but with peace and as I looked back one last time at my children who are my legacy, I knew deep down that no matter what happened tomorrow or the next day, they would be okay.

The children had each other and for the first time in weeks, John looked ready not just for the Hunt but for everything.