Pains

Idem rode into his brother's fortress, his eyes darting around, unconsciously analysing the defenses as he had done a thousand times before. He felt anger and irritation sit in his chest like a lead weight and he grit his teeth, supressing the anger that rose in him, familiar, warm, like.an old friend. An old, dangerous friend. He jumped down from his horse and started walking, hands clasped behind him. The soldiers shied away from him, their eyes nailed to the floor. He saw a shadow cover his own and he looked up to see an abnormally large eagle. It glided down, transforming fluidly into a human, into Tuli. The handsome man landed lightly on his feet and walked up to Idem.

"Ah brother, what a delightful surprise. I must say, your presence in my fortress was not expected in the least." He winked and walked forward to accept a long robe from one of his female slaves. He wore it and turned to look at Idem whose face showed none of his anger and frustration.

"Would you like to come inside, brother. It is cooler there and I believe I have some wine from the sand mountains." He said, grinning. Idem clenched his fists and spoke in a calm, restrained voice.

"You have the shader, brother." He said, looking into Tuli's red eyes. The man shrugged.

"Ah, I guess I got to him first. What? You want me to hand him over? Is that why you've come with your Tije and Samza?" He asked, nodding to the woman who sat stiffly upon her horse, scowling. Idem nodded slowly and turned away.

"I see. I want no trouble with you. Keep him, if you wish. But for your sake, keep him safe. Father will be displeased should anything happen to him, considering his....abilities." Idem said. Tuli tilted his head to one side, closing his eyes and he smiled.

"He is safe, little brother. If there's anything I've learnt from centuries of existence, it's how to preserve things. Speaking of father's displeasure, I think you have gained quite a lot of it. I would go to him now if I had the great misfortune of being you." He said and a small fear flashed into Idem's eyes. He erased it quickly but Tuli had seen it and he grinned. Idem nodded and turned to get back on his horse.

"A whip masquerade was seen in the deserted lands yesterday. Thought you should know. Your first battle might be closer than you expect." Tuli said. Idem turned back to look at him, the fire in his eyes showing how hard he fought not to burst into questions. He nodded, jumped on his horse and left with his men. 

Idem rode for a while then he halted. Samza looked at him, raising her eyebrows in silent inquiry. He turned to her and smiled, something that did not even get close to his eyes.

"Take the men to 'ikuku'. I will meet father and accept my punishment." He said and she nodded immediately, her eyes showing understanding. He shrugged off his black cloak and leaped from his horse into the air, pulling on a vine, sending it bursting forth and he leaped on it and flung himself into the air. The wind and the freedom of being above everything soothed his emotions, calmed him. He pulled another and another, flinging himself high and far like a stone from a catapult. 

After a long while, during which he had grown terribly tired, he landed in front of the shallow caves. There were no guards, no Tije. He shrugged. It was not like his father needed them. He stood observing the wide entrance into the cave and he felt fear tug at him. He did not want to endure this torture. He clenched his fist and steeled himself against the fear. He walked in, feeling his father's presence wash over him like a wave. He kept walking in darkness until he came into a wide room that was lit with red Flatlight that glowed brightly, blinding him for a moment. He did not shield his eyes. He would not show such weakness to his father. He felt the terror smash into him and he bit his lower lip, straining against it. His eyes cleared and he saw the man or whatever he was, standing before him, smiling. 

Idem shrank away from him on pure instinct but his father just stepped closer. He was looking at Idem with a softness that Idem knew to be cruel.and deceptive.

"You disobeyed me, Idem. Was that right?" He asked softly, his red eyes glowing. Idem knew from experience that excuses only made it worse and he nodded. 

"I apologise father. I have no excuse and I have come to accept my punishment in full. Both for my lack.of skill and my disobedience." He said, just managing to keep his voice from shaking. The emperor nodded and looked away, his eyes showing deep hurt, like a man who was about to do something he desperately did not want to do.

"As your punishment, you will bear some of my pain. Just for a little while." He said as he always did at times like this and Idem felt his legs begin to shake. It hit him then, like a wall, no, a mountain of utter...nothing. it felt as if everything inside him was gone, as if he were not alive, as if he was not a living thing, as if he was not even a thing. He felt nothing, saw nothing, became nothing and when everything had been taken away, slow, vast pain burned into him. Not the pain of a sword or a whip or a punch. It was the pain of loss, of hopelessness, of powerlessness. A pain that filled his nothingness, a pain that became him. It seemed to him that it took a thousand years for it to be over and when it was done, as always, he found himself huddled on the ground, his body soiled by it's own waste, tears streaming from his eyes and a voice that was too raw and hurt to be his own crying out for mercy and death. He felt a hand fall on his shoulder and his screaming increased. His father pulled him into himself, enfolding him into a hug. He whispered softly to him, kissing his forehead.

"This is it, child. This is a bit of what I have suffered for thousands of years. I already have much pain. I do not want you to contribute with your lack of skill and disobedience. I love you child and though I do not want to hurt you, I must for you must understand." He started to hum a soft tune, slowly rocking Idem like a baby and when Idem recovered enough of his sanity to look at his father's face, tears were flowing from the great emperor's eyes, a beautiful, sad tune tearing through the silence.