I surveyed the pub, everyone is wiggling, the lights chase the bodies below, pointing a hint of people’s movements.

I bustled between them. Gulping from the flask the sweet, sweet champagne which spills a little.                                                                                                               

The silver minidress I’m wearing resembles the disco ball above. Shining green and purple with the lights like a chameleon.

I peered at a boy smiling at a girl my age and then he stretched his arm around her waist. The girl nodded and he ushered her to the back door. I take my plotting eyes away.

It reminds me of Steve.

How we used to go clubbing, we’d make complete fool out of ourselves, we’d chuckle on other people’s stupid dance moves, we kissed and drunk and then he’d take me to his place and make love.

I’m missing those bright green eyes with a hint of yellow in them, the way they glowed luminously at me.

Everything used to be so beautiful. Like in fairytales. Where every magic happens. People with gruesome pasts end up with a happily ever after. But it’s my shitty life not some fairytale.

He’ll forget me_ I’ll just be this one girl, he knew once.

My heart sunk somewhere really deep. They’ll need a fish pole to get it in place.

I pictured him with that bitchie blondie together and died to just the thought of it.

STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!

I must care more about myself and shouldn’t torture myself with their endless thoughts. Believe me when I say ever since I got back, I keep seeing her picture in his wallpaper over and over again. I mean why put her picture on WALLPAPER?

He never put mine for that kind of display. Every time he’d turn on his phone, he’d see her. Would he smile too? Would that puff out his chest in pride?

Someone pushed me really hard, it hurts.

“Oi! Watch where you’re standin’, littlie!” someone said in a gruff voice.

I got so carried away that I didn’t notice where I’m headed. I managed to get away from the drunk crowd. I settled myself against a cold wall. I stuck against it.

Forget about the stupid wallpaper. Maybe he’ll get bore of her after seeing her every other day.

What to do for now?

I really want to chop them limb by limb and throw the chunks in a lake.

Two murders. I giggled.

There’s a part of me that’s dirty and sloppy. But I like it with all other parts of me. Can anyone say the same?

I drunk some more champagne and felt like swaying a bit with the dancing crowd.

I’m getting drunk too. God, this is bad. I should find a place to sit else things, I do really awful things when I’m drunk especially when there’s grief to add.

I get afraid of my own self.

I teetered to the barstools and plonked on one, luckily one was empty. I slapped my face down on the cold, smooth slab. Here people are laid-back and seem almost friendly.

It’s a place where people can hide from embarrassment, from love, from pain, from insecurities and God knows what.

My head hurts and I wonder what Steve is doing right now.

His words rung in my ears.

“Mental!”

“Crazy!”

I can’t remember he ever said that to me earlier. I mean where are the red flags? He used to swear when we’d fight but…it just not feels right. Like when you read a book and you find something missing.

Oh, Steve. What have you done?

I started to cry. I mean I’m drunk you can’t blame me for it. Yes, but I should prevent myself or have atleast a bit self-control to avoid pathetically sobbing in public.

“Anything else?” Frank asked, our good old-fashioned bartender.

After an effort of lifting my head, I said, “You don’t want me to get home?” the words came out slow and weighty.

He laughed. “You look so cute when you’re drunk and crying”.

I gasped.

“Just kidding. Are you okay?” he asked casually like being not-ok is totally ok.

“Yes”. I said irritatedly.

“Now you can’t even take a joke.” he said, “Look around! 70% of these people are pissed off, do you expect me to care for every single one?”

He began making cocktails again with barely diluted eyes.

I don’t reply and survey around.

“God! What’s with people and dancing? It’s like they want to burn it all up on one go!”.

“You saying that because you’re just jealous and hurt.”

I narrowed my eyes at him and caught glimpse of a guy, standing in a corner and what’s weird is that he wasn’t dancing. He seemed different and odd for all this.

He’s looking in my direction, very still and I can see him intermittently. The hat makes it harder to discern. Except for the creepy, fiendish smile, raising the edges of his mouth real slowly.

I squinted my eyes at him.

He tugged his hat from the right, an expression of a muted Hi!

I nodded reflexively and opened my mouth to call Frank, who was busy with stuffing ice cubes in two glasses of beer.

“Hey!” I called with my hurting head.

“What?” he asked the glasses.

“Who’s that? Someone new?” I pointed at him.

Frank gave up the stuffing and looked in his direction.

“Haven’t seen him before” he said with confusion.

I starred at the guy some more, mumbled “Creep” and leaned back. I felt like I’ll sleep anytime even with this heavy, metal music played around.

Maybe I should give up the mourning and go home to sleep like babies.

I began dozing off a bit.

 "Looks like someone got chucked", out of the blue, I heard someone besides me.

"Who's disturbing my good night's sleep?", I mumbled.

I lifted my head up a bit and divulged two bright eyes filled with humor.

"Whao! Old Elijah depressed and drunk. Much appreciated. I like it"

Is this where I'm supposed to swoon with delight?

"Mind introducing yourself?"

He gave me a look as if I'm nuts.

"You're Elijah, right?"

"How the hell do you know my name?", I certainly don't know him.

"We met here two weeks ago. You seriously don't remember?", he shot the guy next to me a move-please look.

"Nope", I shaked my head.

The guy on my left, grumped and gave him his seat. He got on it as soon as the drunk guy left.

Who is he anyway?

"Charlie. The name's Charlie.", he said.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. I thumped my forehead. 

I'm getting disgusting.Spit is dripping out of my mouth. Hate to be drunk.

"The gay guy?", I asked out of confusion.

He smiled. " Not exactly".

"You're the gay guy!" I said louder this time.

"Low." he said, "Keep it low. I'm not gay, I found my son is gay two weeks ago"

"Oh, your son. Yes I remember now".

He settled on the stool a bit more and crossed his legs awkwardly.

"And now you're here. Does anyone in your family even likes women?"

"Me" he said.

There lies ghastly silence between us. I look at him, po-faced.

A smile spreads, a wider one and then it all came out. The pub hooted with my chuckle. Tears of laughter brimmed in my eyes.

A bloody, awkward relief.

"Not funny", he seemed definitely not amused.

"I feel for you", I said while caging his sweaty, dark hand.

"You have one hell of a family, Charlie", I wiped a tear.

"Yeah, it's a house of horrors", he said, "Elijah you're something else".

"Like what", I supported my chin with my hand. Eyeing him with interest.

"I mean just minutes before you sat here all bibulous and sloshed... reminding me, I need a shot".

I signaled Frank, "Put his beer on my tab".

He nodded.

"Anyway, why are you here? The depressing bar thing".

"Nothing", I sighed.

"So, that missy again?" 

"It ain't her"

"C'mon... who then?"

"It's fucking Steve".

"What 'bout him?"

"We broke up", it seemed like I'm talking about some other people. Someone other than me and him. I mean it's not that easy to just put all your broken feelings in two words "broke up".

"What?", he said with a slight note of shock.

"Yeah, it's true".

"But why? I mean you two have been so caught up the last time we met, no traces of an oncoming break up".

"That's exactly why I'm here to think things through but didn't get anything". 

He clutched his swizzle, leaned towards me and said, "I tell you, don't think about him too much. Don't let him win".

He then sat straight and drank his shot.

"I better be off. It's getting late.", I eyed my watch.

I scooted up, my heart pounding with the heavy bass like a wild animal.

As I turned something hit me. I had a sharp, searing pain in my navel as if a killer bee sting. No much much worse than a killer bee.

God!!!

I caught glimpse of a man, brushing people off and making way.

"What happened? Elijah!".

My eyes still kept him under close watch. He was running. Running from being caught.

I tried surging forward but no use. My limbs loosened.

"It's the same guy!", I whispered while Charlie held me in his arms.

I pointed at him like it would help. Never had I ever felt that helpless.

"Who? For heaven's sake. Get a grip!".

"The man with the hat. It's him", my words were no longer intelligible.

Why did he do this to me? 

What the hell did he do?

Questions hollered in my mind.