Left with the guilt

"…♪♪ Can't you see I'm lost in my thoughts and outta my mind

I've been trying to hold on but I've got this void inside of me

Hello, Is it the darkness calling me?

Everyone has these thoughts sometimes

Funny how they worsen at night

When the sound of silence is so loud

And cricket songs are loud ♪♪..."

Emily sang while playing her guitar.  She was still upset about the incident at school. Her head hurts from thinking too much about it. She decided to play the guitar, to numb the pain in her chest.

Emily's dream was to share her songs with the world. It was the only way Emily would express and show her emotions. It was her heart and soul. She loved it so much that she contested for it, but unfortunately, she wasn't qualified.

Nonetheless, it did not weigh her down but strengthened her determination to be the best. Though she never played the guitar in public, she'd play to herself when she was down.

She admired and looked upon other famous guitarists like Jimmy Page, Eddie van Helen, and Jimi Hendrix. Jimi Hendrix was her role model and her source of inspiration. She was inspired to be like him and be known as the greatest of all.

Her father was also a guitarist though he loved the guitar, he never considered sharing his soft tunes for the world to hear. He'd play it for her when she was upset or sick.

She played a soft tune and stopped. Picking up a book, she wrote down some lyrics. There was a brief knock on her door and her mom walked in.

" Dinner's ready sweetie." Her mother informed holding the door handle. There was a faint smile on her face as Emily pretended not to have heard or noticed her.

" Thank you, but I'm not hungry." Emily declined with a wave of her hand. She seemed unconcerned about her mother's sad look as she played the guitar again.

" Hey, that's a lovely tune you know?… You kind of remind me of your father. He loves that guitar." Her mother said with a lit-up smile. She looked proud of her daughter and her eyes welled up with tears. She quickly wiped her face and smiled.

" yea. ok, whatever." Emily replied rudely and wrote down the lyrics in the book. She took the book, read the lyrics, and nodded her head in satisfaction.

" You know a little thank you would be nice." Her mother said with her hands tucked in her pocket.

" Do I get paid, if I act as I care?" She asked while giving her a questioning look. Her hand was frozen on the strings with her head tilted to the side.

" Ok look you can't be mad at me all the time. I did do something wrong and I regret it but…." Her mother paused, shutting her eyes to force back the tears. " He's gone and there's nothing we can do about it," she adds and began to massage her temples.

Emily's lips quivered." You don't regret what you did… Do you?!" She asked and her brows furrowed in anger. " Damn it!.. Can you just leave already?." she said. Her eyes welled up as well, and she quickly wiped out the tears.

" Sweetie…" Her mother stopped as Emily climbed off the bed. She kept the guitar carefully under the bed, took out a headphone from her closet, and wore it on.

" Fine." Her mother said and gave a short bitter laugh. She felt her heart being crushed by layers of rocks. She walked out and slammed the door. Leaning on it, she sobbed bitterly. " I'm sorry." She said quietly and wiping her tears, she walked down the stairs.

As soon as the door slammed shut, Emily took out her headphone. She could hear the sound of footsteps heading down the stairs, probably to the dining below. Leaning on the door, she slowly slides down to the ground. A flood of tears flowed down her cheeks as memories of her father came rushing in. 

She knew it was her mother's fault that she lost her father. A mistake that claimed his life three years ago. She blamed herself more than her mother. She could never forgive herself or her mother, for betraying and hurting him.

It happened on a sunny afternoon. Emily was returning from basketball practice. She looked happy and felt alive back then. Walking into the house, she headed toward the kitchen to have a snack as she was quite famished. She took out a bag of chips and a canned sprite.

She walked to the sitting room and sat to eat. She took out the remote control and switched on the television. Two minutes into the program, she heard a sound that sounded more like a whisper. She knew it wasn't coming from the program. It felt like she wasn't alone, and someone was in the house with her.

She turned off the television and she was right. Someone or some people were in the house with her. The sounds were coming from upstairs in her parent's room. She was scared and a little bit doubtful. She took out her phone and called her father.

" Hello, dad…. Please come home quick, there are burglars in the house." She said with a shaky voice. Her heart pounding fiercely in her chest.

She quickly cut the line off and tiptoed toward the kitchen. She knew that it was dangerous but she thought she'd figure out something. She picked up a flower vase as a weapon, and walked up the stairs, toward her parent's room.

She walked towards the door and placed her ear on the door, trying to eavesdrop. She could hear the sounds of flesh hitting flesh and of moans and grunts coming from the room. Is that mom? She wondered to herself. She could also hear the voice of a male and wondered who It might be.

She quietly tiptoed down the stairs and went outside the house. She could see her father's car drive into the garage. She was sure the sound would be enough to alert her mother and her male sex partner.

Her father alighted the car and ran toward her. He looked anxious " Where are the burglars? Are you ok sweetheart?." He asked her with his hand placed on her shoulder. He noticed the streaks of tears on her cheeks and wiped them off.

" Mom… she's…" Emily began with tears in her eyes. She looked at her father and noticed he was staring at something or someone behind her. He looked quite upset like he would murder someone. She turned to look behind her and saw a male standing at the entrance of the house. He was bare-chested and was holding his shirt with his right hand.

His left hand held onto his pants which threatened to fall off. He looked embarrassed and guilty. They both stared at each other in the eyes, neither moving nor talking. " Uncle Matthew?!" Emily exclaimed in shock.

Matthew and her father were both good friends. Not just any friends but they were best friends. He was considered part of the family, and he was Emily's favorite uncle. They were both guitarists and were in a band called " THE BEETLES" before they disbanded from the group. Unlike Alex, Matthew wanted to share his music with the world.

" Alex, it's not….." Matthew began but Alex ran towards him aggressively. He punched Matthew in the gut and gripped his neck tightly. Matthew was choking and he kneed Alex on the stomach, forcing him to let go. " I'm so…" He halted as Alex punched him in the face.

Alex gripped his neck again." How dare you!!." He bellowed as tears fell from his eyes. His fist clenched tightly and he punched Matthew in the gut.

Emily ran towards them." Dad stop, you'll kill him." She pleaded, tears streaming down her cheeks. She tried to separate them, but her father gently pushed her to the side.

" It's not what you…." Matthew said but was head-butted on the lips. His lips began to bleed and the taste of iron invaded his taste buds. He wiped the blood and his face met with another punch from Alex, which blurred his vision for a split second.

Matthew quickly retaliated with a punch. He kneed Alex again in the stomach, forcing him to fall on his knees, coughing. " I'm sorry Alex… I did not mean to hurt your feelings. Please forgive me." He begged as he was overwhelmed by guilt and shame.

" You...My own best friend." Alex said with shaky hands. He coughed and looked up at Matthew." You slept with my wife." He added as his hand searched for an object to use. He picked up a metal rod and held it tightly.

He Sprang up onto his feet and attempted to whack the rod on Matthew's head. Unfortunately, Matthew evaded the hit and punched him at the back of his head instead, knocking him out.

" Dad!!!" Emily cried out and ran toward her father, who was lying on the ground, motionless.

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