BORN AS A BABY BOY

My environment is warm, and the liquid around me made me believe I was inside an ocean. But during all my earthly sojourn, I have never heard of a warm ocean. 

I tried to open my eye, but it appeared it was glued together, and none of the parts of my body respond to the instruction from my brain.

'What's is happening to me?' I asked in total resignation to my condition and was about to drift into unconsciousness when a large hand jerked me by my two legs and began to pull me out.

"Let me go, please," I cried out, then tried to escape the hard grip. 

Realising fighting against the hand is useless, I sighed and relax my body, then looked shocked when I was pulled through some warm flesh, into a blinding light.

"Hooray!"

"It's a baby boy!"

"But why is he very ugly?"

"Ahh, That's cruel. You should have congratulated the mother first."

"Cut the placenta and stop gawking at a newborn baby!"

"I'm so happy for the safe delivery, doctor. This boy had given us a tough time since yesterday night, and I now understand why... He is ashamed of his ugliness!"

"Hahaha!"

I heard several voices beside me, heard a moaning sound from the woman who they called my mother, and my eyes became red with anger when I find out that I am the source of their ridicule.

"Keep your dirty mouth shut," I yelled louder.

"Oh... He even made horrible sounds when he cried. He must be a monster in his previous life."

"No doubt he was!"

"Where is my baby?" A weak voice asked.

"Over here, madam. You will be shocked to see what you gave birth to."

Two rough palms picked me up and then dumped me on the chest of a woman, and I was surprised when the woman cried out.

"Holy ghost fire!"

"It's okay, madam. That is what you gave birth to... Please, be still while I stitch your virginal back into place. You had some tears because your baby is big," the nurse who was attending to her said. 

"How can I give birth to an ugly baby?" My mother mumbled, peeked into my eyes, shakes her head and tears in balls rolled down her pretty face. 

As for me, I was so hungry that I began to chew my tiny fingers, cried out, and throw my two small legs up in anger.

"Stop crying, ugly baby. Even your mother is scared of breastfeeding you."

"It's okay, Brenda. Stop making fun of this innocent baby."

"Innocent my foot. Only bad karma can make someone as ugly as him."

When my crying evolved into an uproar, my mother jerked me closer, removed one of her breasts and inserted the nipple into my mouth.

'Goddamit!.. I want pizza and a bottle of champagne, and not breast milk.'

"You better eat now before we start attending to your mother." A voice yelled when I refused to suck the breast. 

Having no choice, I draw the milk and began to enjoy the creamy taste that flowed out of her breast. 

"Mother's love. No matter how ugly a child is, it will remain his parent's favourite."

"Not, mine," my mother shrieked back. I will be putting this baby up for adoption. I can't go home with an ugly baby."

"Holy Maddona. I can't be that ugly!" I exclaimed, then cried out when the nipple slipped from my mouth. 

"That's better than being taunted by the whole neighbourhood. I suggest you dump him with the orphanage home as soon as possible."

"Jessica is right. Do this before people heard of your delivery."

I remove my mouth from the nipple and gawked at the ladies in white uniforms, and I would have smacked the grinning off their dumb faces if I have the power. 

'I can't be that ugly, I'm I?'

"What did you think your husband will say? He is a handsome man and you are beautiful."

"What will he say? I deliver what he put in me."

"You are wrong, Andrea. This boy must be a bastard."

"How dare you, Jessica. Are you accusing me of infidelity?"

"I would have thought the baby was swapped at birth if we aren't the ones who attended to you. This is unbelievable!"

"Get rid of him, Andrea. You can't be seen with a horrible baby."

My mother who keeps peering into my face, shaking her head and crying announced, "I want to breastfeed him for the first three days. Breast milk is important for children because it makes them strong and immune to several diseases."

"Is that necessary?.. You need to consider your status as a celebrity. This kind of ugly baby will tarnish your image if he is ever seen with you."

"She is right, Andrea. We were your trusted friends and we will be bad people if we failed to tell you the truth."

"No, Andrea. You can't dump me in an orphanage home because I am ugly!"

"Why is he making such a bizarre sound?"

'Whack... Whack!'

"Stop hitting my baby!"

"This thing is not a baby, but a beast."

'Whack... Whack!'

"Did you agree to dump him at an orphanage home?"

"I don't have a choice, did I?"

"No, Andrea. That is the best decision. And make sure you cut all ties with him. He can't be seen with you, remember this always."

"I wish I can keep him. Even though he is extraordinarily ugly, he is still my baby for heaven's sake."

"Keep him and say bye-bye to all your fame and riches."

After crying from the slaps on my buttocks, I resumed my meal and temporarily forget about my incoming crisis. I need to fill my stomach to the brim, even though I will be dumped in the orphanage home later. 

As usual with all babies, I fell asleep during the meal, woke up, cried, suck more breast and was back in my dreamland.

Hours later, the awful cries of babies woke me up from sleep. And when my eyes darted around the strange room, I realised that I had been dumped into the orphanage home. 

I have to live as an orphan for the rest of my life. 

Being ugly has the greatest of all disadvantages. People will assume you are wicked, just by looking at your dreadful face.