Home / System / Dead End: Hell of Customer Service / Chapter 9 - Minimum Service Standards
Chapter 9 - Minimum Service Standards
last update2026-01-27 19:38:36

The lingering static from the "system penalty" still prickled Mark Miller’s nerve endings as he landed on the scorched asphalt of Residential Sector 4-B. Smoke curled from his charred shoulders, but Mark only grunted, rolling his neck with a sickening crack. Thanks to the mysterious "hacker" from The Underground, the lightning meant to incinerate him had been diverted to recharge the Budget-Cutting Chainsaw in his grip.

[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION: HELPDESK OPERATIONAL]

[Status: Reboot Complete.]

[Message: "Operator Miller, baiting lightning is a severe violation of Workplace Safety SOPs. This has been noted in your behavioral conduct report. Now, please resume asset clearing."]

"A conduct report? Am I back in high school now?" Mark spat, his blood mingled with soot. "I nearly died, and you’re worried about SOPs? Where’s your corporate empathy, huh?"

[Helpdesk System: "Empathy has no exchange value on the galactic stock market, Mark. Efficiency, however, is at a premium. Before you lies a cluster of ‘Failed Employees.’ Execute them, and do not forget: Smile, Greet, Assist... then Annihilate."]

Before Mark, a group of what were once civilians had transformed into mounds of flesh with telephone cords protruding from their mouths. They crawled through tattered laundry lines, emitting a chorus of static: "Sorry... line... busy..."

Mark yanked the starter on his chainsaw. The engine’s roar sounded like a choir of people screaming in frustration after being put on hold for hours.

"Fine. let's settle this transaction," Mark hissed.

He lunged. The first monster, a creature shaped like a photocopier with human legs, tried to spray scalding ink at him. Mark rolled, feeling the heat of the ink pass inches above his head, before swinging his saw in a brutal upward arc.

CRAAAK!

Flesh and hardened plastic split perfectly. Black fluid sprayed across Mark’s face.

[Helpdesk System: "Target Eliminated. Closing Procedure: Please request a satisfaction rating."]

Mark exhaled a long breath, staring at the twitching remains of the monster. "Thank you for choosing our termination services. Please provide a five-star rating for my speed of execution."

[System processing... Rating received: 1 Star. Comment: ‘Operator was too sarcastic. I felt disrespected as a former employee.’]

"What?! He’s dead! How can he even leave a comment?!" Mark screamed at the sky.

[Helpdesk System: "Our system retains a customer's final memory trace for 30 seconds for survey purposes. 1-Star Penalty: Static Electric Shock."]

BZZZZZT!

The ground beneath Mark’s feet suddenly surged with electricity. Mark jerked like a convulsing ballet dancer, cursing with every foul word in his vocabulary. "You bureaucratic piece of trash! I do the dirty work, and you let the corpses punish me?!"

[Helpdesk System: "Customer satisfaction is our priority. To avoid penalties, please utilize the ‘Black Market: Hospitality Script’ feature. Only 150 Points."]

"Keep your script to yourself!" Mark saw three more monsters approaching. This time, they were Stalker Dispatchers—creatures with ten ears wielding telephone receivers as clubs.

Mark didn't charge blindly. He racked his brain. He knew this system was rigidly bound by its own regulations. "Hey, System! If I kill them all in one combo, does it count as ‘Express Service’?"

[Helpdesk System: "Intriguing. Under Article 12, Section 4 of Operational Efficiency, mass-elimination in a single action qualifies as ‘Priority Service.’ Bonus: Satisfaction Survey Waiver."]

"Now you're talking business," Mark grinned darkly.

He allowed the three monsters to surround him. David and Sarah watched from a distance, their hearts hammering. Mark waited until the creatures leaped simultaneously. At the last possible second, Mark slammed his chainsaw into a leaking gas pipe on the residential wall while spinning his body 360 degrees.

BOOM!

A blast of blue flame consumed the three monsters instantly. Mark emerged from the blaze with his jacket half-incinerated, but his face was a mask of grim satisfaction.

[Helpdesk System: "Priority Service Detected. Automatic Rating: 5 Stars. Bonus: 20 Loyalty Points and a 10% Black Market Discount Voucher."]

"A voucher? You’re giving me a shopping voucher in the middle of the apocalypse?" Mark laughed hysterically. "You truly are the stingiest company in existence."

Mark walked through the rubble toward a ruined grocery store. There, a vending machine suddenly flickered to life with an eerie neon-purple glow. This was not part of the Helpdesk system. This was the promised access to The Underground.

[WELCOME TO THE BLACK MARKET: THE UNDERGROUND]

[Slogan: "Because the Official System is too cheap for you."]

Mark pressed a button on the machine. The screen displayed absurd yet lethal items:

 * Bottomless Black Coffee (Effect: Removes drowsiness and humanity for 2 hours) – 100 Points.

 * Alternative Narrator Voice (Effect: Changes the Helpdesk System’s voice to a sultry female tone) – 500 Points.

 * ‘Contract Termination’ Hammer (Effect: Shatters the armor of Elite monsters) – 800 Points.

"A sultry female voice? Who’s stupid enough to buy that?" Mark muttered, though secretly he considered it given how grating the current system voice was. "I’ll take the Contract Termination Hammer. Put it on my tab."

[Helpdesk System: "Warning! Black Market transaction detected. This purchase does not earn reward points, and the corporate warranty is void."]

"To hell with your warranty!" Mark slammed the machine until it dispensed a massive sledgehammer with a large ‘0’ engraved on its head.

As Mark gripped the hammer, he felt his strength returning. But in that same moment, David ran toward him, his face pale with panic. "Mark! Sarah... she’s been taken!"

Mark turned sharply. "Taken by who? I cleared this zone!"

"Not monsters," David gasped, pointing toward an apartment building at the end of the street. "Men in white uniforms. They said they were from the ‘Billing Department.’ They took Sarah because your points are too far in the negative!"

Mark went silent. His eyes narrowed into thin slits. "Billing Department? They dare seize my assets?"

[Helpdesk System: "We apologize, Operator Miller. According to the Terms and Conditions, if your point debt exceeds the limit, we reserve the right to seize collateral. Sarah is deemed ‘Category-B Collateral’."]

"She’s not an object, you scrap-metal bot!" Mark slammed his hammer into the asphalt, cracking it a meter deep. "Where did they take her?"

[Helpdesk System: "To the 50th Floor: Billing Headquarters. Warning: Entering that area without an invitation is considered a ‘Severe Disciplinary Breach.’ Penalty: Salary Deduction (Life)."]

"Good," Mark smirked—an expression so terrifying that David recoiled in fear. "I was planning an unannounced visit anyway. Tell them Mark Miller is coming for a ‘Counter-Audit’."

Mark looked at his new hammer, then toward the sky, which was shifting into a cold, corporate hue. He knew he was walking into a trap, but the hunger for vengeance against this bureaucracy was far greater than the pain in his body.

"David, take my saw," Mark commanded. "We’re going up. And this time, I’m not asking for a five-star rating."

"Then what are you going to do?" David asked, trembling.

Mark stepped forward, shouldering his giant hammer. "I’m going to give them... a one-star review that will tear this entire system apart."

Will Mark Miller succeed in reclaiming Sarah from the Billing Department, or is he about to be swallowed whole by an even more labyrinthine bureaucracy of death?

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