Last man on earth when there is no earth?

Ch 01.3

Standing there while flashing my manhood to an armed girl, I prayed in my heart that she wouldn’t turn out to be a tsundere of the violent type. If she really is one then this situation would have either one of two endings:

One: she accidentally kills me.

Two: she accidentally turns me into a girl.

Her reaction, blushing to the point of steam rising from her head, made me realize what a shameful first impression I was giving right now.

I covered my crotch with both hands and turned away. For some reason, it felt like one of those dreams where you go to school just to notice you weren’t wearing any pants.

The humiliation... I would never wish it on the worst of my enemies.

Turning my back to her wasn’t any good either. Again, I had nothing on at the moment.

Now, all that’s left is to wait for her to scream. If I’m lucky enough she wouldn’t resort to violence. Best case scenario I would be labeled as a pervert and it ends there.

Please don't be a tsundere!

As I waited for the verdict something fell over my head. I try to grab it in a panic and realize it was a sheet of cloth, or a cloak, maybe? The one who threw it was none other than the golden-haired girl. She was still keeping her distance with her spear at the ready.

I took the sheet and examined it. Turns out it’s a cloak after all. It had a dark green color and went a little below the knees when equipped. The fabric was thick but smooth, and though I wasn't an expert on the matter, I could still tell it was of quite a high quality. I didn’t expect it to do much about the cold but in just a few seconds I was feeling warm.

Facing the horned girl once again I was about to offer my thanks, but when our eyes met I immediately averted my gaze.

“… Thank you…” I said as I scratched my left cheek.

Wait, where did all that confidence I had a minute ago go? This is a new me! I shouldn’t be scared of talking to girls anymore!

While I tried to gather my courage the golden-haired girl looked at me with the same amount of surprise as before, only this time there was no steam coming out of her head, and her weapon was lowered for a few moments.

“You spoke…” She said then came back to her senses and pointed her weapon at my face again. “Good, I will have you answer some of my questions… if you don’t mind…”

Quick advice, asking people whether they do or don’t mind doing something for you while pointing a spear at them is a little pointless.

“Um… can you lower that thing first?" I bury the nervousness I felt and do my best to speak up. "I don’t feel too comfortable with a blade that big pointed at me. Well, not that a smaller one would make a difference...”

Like any sane person facing a naked man in a cloak, the demon girl just ignored my request and tightened her grip on the spear.

“First of all, what are you? What is this place and what is its purpose? Most importantly, how do I leave?”

“Um… uh… one question at a time… please?”

This girl doesn’t seem to handle sarcasm well as the glare she had at the start returned to her eyes.

“Okay okay… let’s see…”

Taking another look at my surroundings I was hit with one of the questions myself.

What is this place?

The walls had what seemed like mold growing on them. I spotted a few cracks in the ceiling too. The floor is soaked in some liquid that clearly wasn't your everyday H2O. Pieces of shattered glass were scattered all around me. They probably came from the broken cylinder-shaped container to my left.

Tubes of different sizes and shapes passed from one end of the room to the other. Electric cords hung everywhere. Something is wrong here. This place has way too much technology for a fantasy world.

“Huh?”

A few feet away from where I stood, a number of skeletons were scattered here and there. I step toward them for a closer look but quickly pull away. Those seem awfully realistic for this to be a prank.

Yep, I sure as hell don’t know this place.

“Um…where am I?” I ask, smiling awkwardly and rubbing the back of my head.

Wow, my hair sure is long… as that thought ran through my head the sharp glare the girl gave sent a chill up my spine. The tension increased despite me trying to sound as friendly as I could.

“I will ask you again, what are you?”

I stare back at her, unsure what she meant. After turning the question in my mind a few times I felt my brows coming together.

“Hey, Isn’t that a little rude?” Asking what instead of who? I know she’s really gorgeous but my simp level isn’t so high that I would overlook her dehumanizing me. “I should be the one asking that. What in the world are you? And what the hell are you wearing!?”

Secret techniques: Mad Talk.

Speaking to girls can be extremely difficult, especially the cute ones, but when they show clear animosity toward me I’m able to activate this skill to retaliate. It’s a useful skill to have. However, when the other party is holding a massive spear to your face the effect is drastically decreased.

Actually, a normal kitchen knife is enough to shut most men up. Really, women and knives aren’t a good combination. Who was it that had the brilliant idea of telling them to stay in the kitchen?

“Eh?” She blinked a few times, the intensity of her glare vanishing. She nervously examined herself without lowering her weapon. “Is… is something wrong with my clothes? I think I did a pretty good job up to this point.”

Is she for real…?

Calm down, there is still a high chance that she is a demon. I must fight this evil charm attack. Then again, I have to admit, she IS beautiful. The more I look at her the more I’m captivated by her looks, and I could feel my metapod use hardening again and again.

Noticing my stare the horned girl raised her weapon once more, sounding a bit flustered this time.

“Answer my question!”

“….Sigh… even if you ask me, I don’t know what to say. Am I supposed to tell you that I’m human or something?”

“Human…?” She took a really good look at me. and after a long pause, she suddenly snapped. “HAA!!!? A human, you say? Don't look down on me! Even I Know what a human looks like!"

Hey now. I know I’m not the most handsome dude out there, and I didn’t give the best first impression just now, but denying my humanity out of nowhere just like that? It hurts my delicate feelings, you know?

“Well, I haven't met one before, but...” She added.

"Then that means this is your first time meeting one." This time it was my turn to glare at her. "How the hell would you know what one looks like, then?"

“The news!" She retorted. "I remember seeing them on the news! And in books too!”

Ok, that makes more sense. I don’t think my face is that well suited for television...

Now hold on for a moment! Are you telling me that, after suffering through my short previous life and dying a miserable death, I still don’t deserve a mildly good-looking face? Or are her standards simply way too high? I need to see for myself.

“Th-that’s right!” While I was busy panicking over my new face the girl seemed to get a bit shaken. “Your chest is way too flat! And y-you have th-th-the th-thing! There is no way you are a human!”

“I can’t say I’m following…”

“Your ears are short, you don’t have any horns, you have no wings, no feathers, no fur, no claws, no fangs. Your skin is white and your eyes are small. You are a male, but you don't resemble any of the sentient races present in the known universe… wait, could it be… are you a Synth?”

I wait for her rant to end, unsure what she meant by all of that. Wings? Claw? Are all sentient species supposed to have at least one of those?

“Like I said, I’m a human.” I sigh and feel an illusory pain in my head.

It's like I’m about to remember something, but nothing came to mind except an advanced level of depression.

Surely I went through this kind of situation before… what was it again?… if I remember right it was back when… huh? I can’t remember…

“You say you are human but…” She posed for a second before hitting me with a shocking revelation. “Humans are a unisex species! They don’t have males!”

“…”

“…”

“What did you say?”

They don’t have males?... What?

“…”

“…”

“Really?”

“Really.”

A minute passed, then two. We just stood there and neither of us spoke a word.

Five minutes passed, and the horned girl finally lowered her weapon.

“Huh?” Her lips curved into a doubtful smile. “Seriously?”