My Sweet, Accidental Dark Lord

Chapter 2: The Master of Slip and Slide

"Seriously, my window?" Felix yelled, waving his hands frantically. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a landlord to fix anything in this neighborhood? I literally just moved in thirty minutes ago!"

"Silence, demon!" Serena shouted, brandishing her glowing daggers. "Do not try to deceive me with your domestic lies! I saw the purple light of the abyss! I saw the crimson blood ritual!"

"Crimson blood ritual? Lady, that was rusty water from a ninety-nine-cent valve! Look at my shirt! I smell like a bucket of old nails!"

"A likely story!" Serena declared, her eyes flashing with righteous determination. "Your dark soul ends here!"

"Wait, wait, don't jump! The floor is—"

"Hyaaa—whoa! Oh crap!"

Serena’s boot hit the slick, soapy puddle of rusty water. Her leg shot forward like she was on ice.

"Ahhh!" she shrieked, her arms flailing wild, desperate circles in the air.

"I told you!" Felix cried, lunging forward. "Hold on, don't hit the radiator!"

"Stay back, foul beast!" Serena screamed, swinging her daggers wildly as gravity completely betrayed her.

"I'm trying to save your head from getting cracked open!" Felix shouted, throwing his hands out to brace her fall. In his right hand, he was still clutching his heavy, bright yellow plastic toolbox.

CLANG!

The flat, reinforced side of the plastic toolbox smacked directly against the hilt of her left dagger. The heavy vibration rattled up her arm.

"Ah! My hand!" she cried, her grip failing.

"Oops! Sorry!" Felix yelled. He slipped too, his sneakers losing all traction on the wet linoleum. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

As Felix fell backward, his flailing left hand snagged the cord of the tactical grappling hook hanging from her utility belt. He yanked it hard to keep his balance.

WHIIIRRRR.

"Wait! Not the automated recoil!" Serena screamed.

The high-tensile line zipped out of her gear, wrapping around her waist and arms like a high-tech lasso.

"What kind of telekinetic binding is this?!" she gasped, completely immobilized.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but watch out for the—"

THUD.

"Oof!"

SPLASH.

Serena landed perfectly flat on her back inside the old, rusty bathtub. The grappling line finished its recoil, tying her arms securely to her sides.

Felix landed hard on his butt right next to the tub, his plastic toolbox clattering to the floor.

Silence fell over the bathroom, save for the slow, agonizing drip... drip... drip... of the newly shut-off faucet.

Felix groaned, rubbing his lower back. "Ow... My tailbone. That's definitely going to bruise."

He slowly pushed himself up, looking over the edge of the tub. Serena was lying there, completely bound, her face pale, staring up at him with wide, terrified eyes.

"Are you... are you alive in there?" Felix asked, leaning over the edge. "You didn't break anything, did you?"

Serena swallowed hard, her chest heaving as she panted. He's staring down at me, she thought, her heart racing a mile a minute. He didn't even break a sweat. He defeated me with a yellow plastic box and a single flick of his finger. He didn't even use a real weapon. He just humiliated me.

"Just do it," Serena whispered, her voice trembling as she braced for the end. "Finish it. I know your power now, Reborn Master. I won't beg for mercy."

Felix stared at her, utterly baffled. "Reborn Master? Mercy? Lady, I'm an unpaid intern at a graphic design firm. Who do you think I am?"

"Do not play dumb with me!" Serena snapped, though her voice lacked its earlier confidence. "You suppressed a Class-A cataclysmic mana leak with a single lever! You deflected my blessed daggers with a toy! And now... now you have me bound in your ritualistic basin!"

"Ritualistic basin? This is an old porcelain tub with rust stains!" Felix said, throwing his hands up in defeat. "And this 'toy' is a heavy-duty storage box! Look, you're clearly having a very intense hallucination. Did you inhale the dust out there? Because honestly, I think there's mold in the hallway."

He stood up, shaking his head. He offered his hand down to her. "Come on. Let me help you up. Let's get those ropes—or whatever those are—off you."

Serena stared at his outstretched hand. His skin was pale, his fingers long and elegant. Despite the red rust stains on his hands and shirt, he looked... incredibly handsome. Up close, his dark eyes had a soft, concerned warmth that didn't make any sense for a harborer of the apocalypse.

Is this a trap? Serena wondered, her heart pounding against her ribs in a very non-combat-related way. If I take his hand, will he curse my bloodline? Or... is he offering me a pact? A chance to serve him instead of being destroyed?

"Well?" Felix asked, tilting his head. "Are you going to let me help you, or do you prefer lying in a rusty tub?"

"I... I will not submit to your dark will," Serena muttered, though she didn't pull away.

"I don't want your submission, I just want to make sure you don't sue me for breaking my window and then falling in my bathroom!" Felix said, sighing. "Just take my hand."

"Fine," Serena whispered, her voice barely audible. "But if you try to steal my soul, I'll bite you."

"I don't want your soul, I want some peace and quiet!" Felix grumbled, firmly grasping her gloved hand.

He pulled, but because the floor was still covered in soapy, rusty water, his foot slid backward again.

"Wait, not again—!" Felix gasped.

"Ah! Do not cast another spell!" Serena yelled.

With a sudden lurch, Felix lost his footing completely, falling forward. Serena, still bound by her grappling line, couldn't move out of the way.

Oof.

Felix landed directly on top of her in the bathtub, his chest pressing against hers. His face was barely inches from her own. He could smell the faint scent of gunpowder and jasmine on her, while she was hit with the overwhelming scent of lavender laundry detergent, sweat, and copper.

They both froze, staring into each other's eyes.

"You... you are incredibly heavy for a dark lord," Serena whispered, her face turning a deep crimson.

"I'm sorry!" Felix stammered, his own cheeks burning as he realized how close their lips were. "I swear I didn't do this on purpose! This bathroom is cursed, I swear!"

"Is this... is this the punishment for my failure?" Serena asked, her voice trembling as she looked at his lips. "To be crushed by your physical vessel?"

"No! It's gravity! It's literally just basic physics!" Felix cried, scrambling frantically to get out of the tub, only to slip once more and land right back on her shoulder. "Oh my god, I am so sorry!"

Serena closed her eyes, her heart hammering so hard she was sure he could hear it. He's mocking me, she thought, a strange, warm shiver running down her spine. He has to be. But why... why is he so warm? And why do I want him to stay right here?

"Just... get the line off me first," Serena muttered, refusing to look him in the eyes. "Then we can negotiate terms of my surrender."

"Surrender?" Felix muttered, finally managing to sit up on the edge of the tub. "Lady, I just want to know how I'm going to pay for that window."

Serena looked up at his stressed, adorable face, convinced that if she didn't play along with his bizarre 'civilian' act, he would disintegrate her soul.

"I... I can pay for the window," she said softly, her voice shaking.

Felix blinked. "You can?"

"Yes," Serena whispered, swallowing hard. "Just... please don't banish me to the void."