Programmer in Another World

EPISODE 21 - Acceptance

He cries.

"God... I'm pathetic..."

He stares at the ground.

Inside his mind, thoughts of regret lingers, "I shouldn't have come to school... I shouldn't have tried..."

Someone knocks on the door of the stall he was in.

"Hello? Phize?"

It was Hazel.

"P-Please leave me alone for now..."

"I'm sorry..."

"What for... I don't understand why you should be apologizing to me..."

"You're going through something aren't you? Sorry for being so passive about it. I was just..." she stops in between her words, "...I was going through many problems at the time as well."

"It's okay..." he says with a forced tone.

"NO, IT'S NOT! To be honest, I didn't feel much at the disappearance of Pallitra because we weren't close. But from the looks of it, the two of you were very close and something bad must've happened to her."

He wipes his tears.

The bell rings.

"Oh, the bell rang."

Utter silence is formed between them.

Click. He unlocks the door and opens it. His eyes were numb.

"I know it's kinda weird to see someone like me care about you when we barely know each other, but it's because a best friend of mine taught me something, and... maybe it was time for me to do the same. I wouldn't want the same thing to repeat again anyway..." she muttered.

She approaches him, closing their distance, and holds his hand.

"Now... let's go back to class."

He rubs his teary eyes.

"Sure."

They go out of the boys' bathroom.

"I know this is out of topic but... wasn't that the boys' bathroom? Why did you go in?" he interrogated while sniffing his nose.

"Uh, I just got kinda used to it... ALSO, DON'T MIND THAT! There was an emergency so it didn't matter."

"Huh, I didn't get it," he thought.

They head back to class and onto their seats.

"She... seems like a nice person. Someone I genuinely respect, like Pallitra and Ansgar, I feel like the two of us would get along but..." his train of thought pauses.

Hazel hands him a handkerchief. It was made out of cotton, colored pinkish-white with a flower design on each corner, and a line of tough thread embraided along with the offset of its square structure.

"Wipe your tears with it. If you use your hands, they'll get more numb."

"O-Ok."

He wipes his tears with the handkerchief.

"Thank you."

"You can blow on it. You can just return it to me tomorrow," she suggested.

"Alright, then."

...

..

.

He musters his courage and decides to apologize to her.

"Sorry for what I did earlier."

"It's alright. But I'm the one who's actually afraid of ghosts."

"Oh, really?"

"I feel kind of secure with her," he thought.

"But you don't even believe in them."

"That sounds ridiculous."

His tone was slowly rising.

"I'll make you believe me, I'VE SEEN THEM!"

"Oh really now."

"She's totally bluffing," he thought.

"I remember I had a friend who believed in them."

He recalls his memories of the past world. "Yeah, it was Ansgar, whenever we played games at his house, he'd always point out random things, saying there was something behind me or maybe it was somehow similar like that. Of course, that was until he shut himself from the world."

"Really now? What was he like?"

"When we were kids, he would be the only one willing to come to me, he liked my hobbies, and he hoped I'd be able to... create a game for him."

"Hm, but aren't you a kid right now? What do you mean by 'when we were kids'?"

"Oops."

"Oh, AHAHHA," he shrugs it off like it was simply an error, "my bad. I guess you know what I mean, but he's still my best friend."

"He sounds like an interesting and a caring friend."

"I'm not introducing you to him, he's not available at the moment."

"I wasn't thinking of anything of the sort."

"For some reason, talking to her isn't stressful, she seems easy to talk to," he thought.

He arrives at his home. He is resting on his bed.

"I still wonder... why does it feel wrong? Why does it hurt more than it does to heal? It doesn't make any sense," he questioned it, still frustrated about not knowing.

His little sister opens the door and comes inside.

"Oh, Lizia."

"Big brother, are you feeling ok?"

"Hmm, I've been better and I've been worse."

Lizia hops onto Phize's bed.

"Lizia, do you think it's wrong to try and replace something like, let's say, like a problem, and try to resolve it with looking at something else."

"Hmmm..."

"What am I doing asking a child? Of course, she wouldn't answer," he pondered thinking about how ridiculous of an act he has just done.

"I think, if you try to skip the question, then you'll never be able to answer it with a heavy mind. That's what mommy says."

"Hm..."

"I couldn't answer the math problem so mommy let me rest, but I wanted to try to answer the question, but mommy just said that if I don't get enough rest, I won't be able to concentrate either way. Hmph!" she says with a pout.

"Thank you, Lizia."

He kisses Lizia on her cheek.

"I think... I think... I think I understand now..."

"I think the reason why it felt wrong... was because I'd expected another friend like Pallitra by trying to replace her with another friend."

He glares at the wonderful scenery of the road and buildings out of the window.

"I expected someone like her to fill the empty void in my heart. But she's gone..."

He touches the window pane.

"I have to accept the fact that she's gone. It doesn't mean I'm moving on from her, but... I need to first accept the fact that she's gone and I shouldn't expect that the next person to come into my life would be another her. So..."

"I think I finally get it."

At school the next day...

The bell rings.

Inside the classroom, as usual, the students are seated. Hazel stretches her arms out to prepare to get up for lunchtime.

"Let's go to the cafeteria," she invites him.

"Hazel, I think..."

"Hm?"

"I have something to talk to you about."

"Hm, okay, sure thing. LET'S GO!" she states with an oddly enthusiastic tone.

They head to the cafeteria. They go in line to buy their lunches. Hazel was first to buy her lunch so she picks a table and sits on it. He buys a mayonnaise sandwich once his turn was reached and then proceeds to sit with Hazel.

"So what was it that you wanted to talk about?"

"Um, I-I think... we shouldn't be friends anymore."

"Huh? B-But why..." she panics, "did I do something wrong? I-I'm sorry if I did..."

"No... no... it's not like that."

"Then what is it?"

He explains his reason, "I-I don't think I'm ready yet. My heart is still hurt and I still can't accept yet that Pallitra is gone and I tried to replace that hole with you, expecting it might be filled. But the only one who could ever fill it is her, and you're not her. And I think if I continue to be friends with you this way, I won't be able to see you for who you are because I would expect something that Pallitra does that isn't you and I wouldn't be able to move on if I do this."

"B-But..."

"It's alright, I'll try to accept the fact that she's gone, but until then, will you wait for me? And become friends with each other... the right way?"

...

..

.

Hazel nods.

"Okay then. As of this moment, we are not friends for the time being, but 2 strangers who managed to be in the same class."

"Yeah," he said with a smile.

END OF EPISODE 21