I woke up on Monday morning at five thirty without an alarm. Before I could step out, I took a deep sigh. The room was still dark so it allowed me some time to do some reflection.
I had slept better than I thought I would even though I had woken up two times in the night but apart from that, I do feel relieved. I got up and went to the bathroom, I didn't want to overthink this morning so I decided to replace intruding thoughts with actions. I got up and went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror while the water ran cold over my hands. I looked older than nineteen. Not in a bad way. It just meant that for a while, I've had a lot in my head and I was still unsettled about a lot of things. I got dressed carefully. Not the way I had dressed for the Sunday coffee dates where I changed my shirt three times because I was nervous in a way I did not want to admit. Just carefully. I wasn't dressing because I wanted to look good but because I wanted to be confident. The dark suit Henry had laid out the evening before. The white shirt. The tie that I still was not entirely comfortable with but had learned to manage. I looked at myself in the mirror one more time. Then I went downstairs. Lily was already at the breakfast table. She was not supposed to be up this early. Her school did not start until eight thirty and it was barely six. But she was there in her school uniform with her rabbit on the chair beside her and a bowl of cereal in front of her that she was not eating. She was just sitting with her hands in her lap looking at the table. She looked up when I came in. I wondered why she was up this early and thought maybe she had an early class. She looked at my suit for a moment. Then she looked at my face but she did not say anything. I sat down across from her. Mrs Park appeared from the kitchen side and put a plate of toast and a cup of coffee in front of me without being asked. She looked at me briefly with the expression she had sometimes that said everything without saying anything. Then she went back to the kitchen. Lily and I sat in the quiet kitchen together. I ate some toast even though I was not very hungry because I knew I needed something in my stomach. Lily picked up her spoon and moved her cereal around the bowl without eating it. After a while she put the spoon down. She reached across the table and took the purple ribbon that had been tied around her own wrist since her birthday party. She had been wearing it for weeks. She had replaced it twice when the first one got worn but she always had one on. Purple. Always. She untied it carefully. She reached across the table and took my hand and tied it around my wrist instead. She did not look up while she was tying it. She concentrated on the knot the way she concentrated on everything. Making sure it was right. Making sure it would hold. When she was done she looked up at me. She did not explain it. She did not need to. I mean I understood her perfectly and I was grateful that I had her by my side. I looked at the purple ribbon on my wrist, then I looked at her. "Thank you," I said. She went back to her cereal and didn't say anything. She actually ate it this time. It was weird watching Lily not talk. I mean Lily was a talker, she loved talking and that was why she was. Henry was in the hallway by six forty five. He was dressed in the formal version of himself. The suit he wore for serious occasions. The one that was slightly darker than his usual suits and that he kept specifically for days that required that particular level of formality. Why did it seem like everyone was suddenly serious since today. He looked at me when I came downstairs with my jacket on and did not say anything for a moment. Then he said: "Are you ready?" "Yes," I said. He nodded once. "Then let us go." The car was waiting outside. Brandon was standing beside it. He was in his work clothes with his earpiece in and his full security posture on. He opened the car door when he saw me. It's been a while I've seen Brandon but the fact that he was here, right here, supporting me even by just bring present meant a lot to me. "Everything is in place," he said quietly. "Route is clear. Team is at the courthouse already." "Thank you Brandon," I said. I got in the car. Henry got in beside me. We pulled out through the Blackwell gates and into the Monday morning city. The courthouse was on the east side of the city. I remember that I had driven past here before without even thinking about it or ever thinking that I'd one day show my face. It was a big building that has been here for such a long time, the exact kind of building that must have experienced so many great and important occasions. When we arrives, I want surprised to see that people were outside and they weren't normal people. They were press, journalists, camera and then people who had come to watch and possibly gossip. The story was everywhere given the fact that Clara Mensah's article had been published and now the world knew the full shape of it and everyone wanted to see what happened next. Brandon's team moved with fast efficency thru made a path for me from the car to the building entrance and made sure no one touched me. I walked through without much hassle even though some of these people wanted a piece of me. I didn't look at the Camera, there was no need to. After all, all the answers they were throwing at me would be responded to. I just walked. Inside was calmer. The security check. The marble corridor. The particular indoor silence of a building that is doing something important and knows it.Latest Chapter
chapter 96
I came home that evening with nothing left inside me. Not in a bad way exactly. Just empty. The way you feel after carrying something heavy for a long distance and finally putting it down. My arms felt lighter but everything else in me felt tired in a deep way that sleep alone could not fix. I went straight to the study. I did not turn on the big light. I just sat in the chair near the window with the small lamp on and looked out at the garden. The butterfly garlands were moving slowly in the evening wind. I watched them without really watching them. My mind was somewhere else. I kept hearing Marcus's voice in my head. I had built a life. Everything I had was connected to my wife. I was not willing to pay that price. I thought about how strange it was to finally hear t
chapter 95
I came home that evening with nothing left inside me. Not in a bad way exactly. Just empty. The way you feel after carrying something heavy for a long distance and finally putting it down. My arms felt lighter but everything else in me felt tired in a deep way that sleep alone could not fix. I went straight to the study. I did not turn on the big light. I just sat in the chair near the window with the small lamp on and looked out at the garden. The butterfly garlands were moving slowly in the evening wind. I watched them without really watching them. My mind was somewhere else. I kept hearing Marcus's voice in my head. I had built a life. Everything I had was connected to my wife. I was not willing to pay that price. I thought about how strange it was to finally hear the truth from him. For so many years I had wanted him to say something honest to me. Even one sentence. And today he had said many honest things in front of strangers in a courtroom but it still did not feel like
chapter 94
The courthouse felt different on Wednesday morning.Not the building itself. The building was exactly the same. The marble corridor. The security check. The particular indoor quiet of a place doing something important.But the energy in the courtroom was different when I walked in. Like everyone in the room already understood that today was going to be the kind of day that sat differently in the memory from the other days.I found my seat.Henry on my left.Yemi on my right.She looked at me briefly when I sat down. She did not say anything. She did not need to. She just looked at me with those steady eyes of hers that always seemed to know the exact right amount to say without words and then she looked forward.That has recently been the habit she did. To always look at me like she was reassuring me. Like she was promising me to be strong and that everything would turn out well. I looked f
chapter 93
The next day, which was on a Wednesday, was going to be hectic, I already knew judging from the way I felt. After the call with Yemi, I was calm but after that, a few minutes later, the anxiety returned.Tomorrow was different. On Monday, it was the beginning, today was Dr. Chan who truly made me proud but Wednesday is very personal in a way that the other two days weren't. According to Patricia, another witness was coming up and it was Marcus. My father even though I don't regard him as one anymore. He was the one who had chosen not to stand by his wife or his son even when they needed him. He was the one who made me hate him so much. The man who should have protected my mother but chose not to.I finally slept that night but that was after 5 hours of turning and twisting on the bed. I was already having a headache when I got up. It wasn't surprising since I was thinking so much last night. When I went downstairs for some hot tea, I saw Lily at the table again. It was still ver
chapter 92
She was growing and it was the best thing I had ever watched happen.After the table was cleared she sat back down and looked at me."Are you going to call Yemi tonight?" she asked.I looked at her."Why would I do that?" I said.She blinked at me slowly."Because you always do," she said. "And because you look like you need to talk to someone and Henry has already done his talking for the day and I am going to bed soon."Henry made a small sound."You are extremely observant," I told her."I know," she said. "It is one of my best qualities."She stood up and collected her rabbit from the chair beside her.She came around the table and stood beside me.I looked at her.She reached up and put her small hand briefly on my shoulder the way an adult might do it. Just once. Like she was patting down something that had come loose.Then she said goodnight to Henry and goodnight to Mrs Park and went upstairs.I sat at the table.Henry drank his tea."She is remarkable," he said quietly."Yes,
chapter 91
Carver paused for a moment.Then he sat down.Patricia stood for a brief redirect.She asked only one question."Dr Chen," she said. "In your twenty years of medical practice before and after this case, have you ever seen the compound you identified in Sarah Blackwell's blood occurring naturally in any patient?""No," Dr Chen said. "Never.""Thank you," Patricia said. "No further questions."Dr Chen stepped down from the stand.She walked past the defence table.Victoria did not look at her.Dr Chen did not look at Victoria either.She walked to the exit and was gone.I watched her go.I thought about her sitting across from me in a dark park handing me an envelope. About the guilt she had been carrying for twenty years. About the decision she had made as a young frightened doctor that had cost my mother everything and had cost Dr Chen her peace of mind for two decades.She had come. She had told the truth. Whatever else was true about her that was also true and I had not forgotten it
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