Terms And conditions Apply : Invoicing The Apocalypse

Audit of Heaven's Legacy

"Crazy! I just landed in Jakarta, haven't even had a chance to catch my breath or drink an iced tea in a plastic bag, and I'm already slapped with a million-year bill! Do you think I'm some Fossil that just woke up?!" Freza screamed while jumping back, dodging the massive hammer blow from the Due Date monster that cracked the asphalt of the Bundaran HI roundabout.

"Master Freza! Don't just scream! That monster is about to crush us! Look, the numbers on that hammer are ticking up, and they're getting redder by the second!" replied Qoriski, who had already taken a defensive stance, even though his legs were shaking violently on the shattered sidewalk.

"Miss Collector! Hold on! I want to see the breakdown! Since when are the operational costs of heaven and hell charged to an individual?! Do you think I'm the CEO of the Afterlife?!" Freza pointed at the woman in the black suit standing calmly in front of Plaza Indonesia.

The woman adjusted her glasses, her fingers sliding across a holographic tablet screen with cold precision. "Mr. Freza, based on Article 777 regarding Global Entity Succession, whoever takes over the management of a bankrupt planet automatically assumes all past obligations, including moral debts and the dimensional rental fees where your human souls have been parked all this time. The total is nine hundred quadrillion Gold. Do you want to pay the first installment now, or should I seize your magical kidney?"

"Magical kidney my ass! I just found out humans even have magical kidneys!" Freza exclaimed in frustration. "Qoriski! Hold off that hourglass monster! I need time to audit this draft bill! Pak RT, where's your broom?! Use it to wedge the monster's foot!"

"Oh, Master Freza... my broom is already snapped in two! I'm lucky if I can still use it to scratch my back!" replied Pak RT, who was hiding behind a large trash can, his face pale as he watched the black-winged tax officers beginning to surround the Jakarta sky.

The Due Date monster roared, its voice sounding like the screech of an old typewriter forced to work at high speed. The giant creature raised its hammer again. In its hourglass head, black sand flowed rapidly, signaling the approaching deadline.

"EAT THIS, ADMIN SMASH!" Qoriski jumped high, slamming his gavel toward the monster's ankle. An explosion of golden light occurred, but the monster only shifted a few centimeters.

"Hey, Qor! Are you hitting it or giving it a massage?! Hit it harder!" Freza shouted, his eyes bulging at the holographic tablet floating in front of him. "Wait... Miss Tax Lady! Get over here! Look at point number four thousand six hundred and twelve!"

The woman in the suit floated closer, her face expressionless. "What now? Do you want a discount because it's your first time being the ruler of the world?"

"Not a discount, you idiot! This is a fatal data entry error!" Freza pointed to a line of numbers blinking blue. "It says here 'Hell Management Services' during the Mesozoic Era. Do you realize humans didn't exist back then? There were only dinosaurs! Why are the operational costs of dinosaur hell being charged to a human account?!"

The woman paused for a moment, her eyebrows knitting together. "Dinosaurs also have the right to be processed in hell if they commit excessive predatory sins, Mr. Freza."

"Then go bill the T-Rex or the Raptors! Not me! I'm the representative of humanity, not ancient reptiles!" Freza slammed his virtual desk. "I'm filing an objection on the grounds of 'Wrong Legal Subject'! Delete that point now, or I'll countersue for bureaucratic extortion!"

"Master Freza! Focus on the monster first! This hourglass hammer is coming down again! I can't hold the weight anymore, dammit!" Qoriski screamed, holding the monster's leg with all his might until the veins in his neck bulged.

The red Jakarta sky began to crackle with black lightning. Thousands of winged tax officers started aiming their spears at the skyscrapers. They were ready to conduct a mass asset seizure if the execution order was issued.

"Listen, lady. If you delete this dinosaur point, my debt drops by forty percent! And according to the Galactic Bankruptcy Law, an inherited debt sent to the wrong target automatically voids the entire bill until it's revised!" Freza smirked slightly, his cracked audit glasses gleaming in the light of the explosions.

"System is re-verifying..." the woman said, her tone becoming hesitant. "Mr. Freza, you are indeed very annoying. However, even if the dinosaur point is deleted, your remaining debt is still enough to buy ten small galaxies. You still lack the liquidity to pay the first installment today."

"Who says I don't have liquidity?" Freza reached into his pocket and pulled out a giant gold coin he had received from the Chairman. "This is the collateral! The Value Authority Coin! This is a liquid asset that can be cashed out anytime on the central stock exchange!"

"Mas! That's the coin for our office startup capital! Don't give it to them!" Qoriski protested, panting.

"Shut up, Qor! This is called an out-of-court settlement!" Freza whispered. "Miss Tax Lady, take this coin as temporary collateral. But in exchange, withdraw all your forces from the Jakarta sky right now! I need peace and quiet to prepare Earth's profit and loss statement for next month!"

The woman in the suit stared at the gold coin in Freza's hand with hungry eyes. "Fine. Collateral accepted. Troops, cancel the stage one seizure procedure. But remember, Mr. Freza... we will be back in thirty days. If your balance is insufficient for the accrued interest, I will personally dissect your heart to harvest its energy."

With a snap of her fingers, the woman and the thousands of winged tax officers vanished, swallowed by a black portal. The Due Date monster crumbled into digital dust, blown away by the Sudirman wind. The atmosphere suddenly turned silent, leaving only the sound of car horns starting to function again at random.

"Hah... crazy... I thought we were really going to become server batteries today," Qoriski slumped onto the asphalt, his gavel shrinking back to its small size. "Master Freza, you're really reckless. What if she hadn't accepted the coin?"

"Then we'd probably run toward Bekasi. They say Bekasi is another dimension; maybe they don't have jurisdiction there," Freza joked, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "Pak RT! It's safe, sir! Come out of the trash can!"

Pak RT emerged with his head covered in banana peels. "Is it really safe, Master? Are those black-winged people gone? Good Lord... the apocalypse these days is so complicated, even having taxes and all."

"This is just the beginning, sir. We need to open the office immediately. We need a lot of legal experts, accounting experts, and if necessary... bureaucratic sorcery experts," Freza said, looking toward Monas, which still displayed the words 'Under New Management'.

"Mas, but look at that..." Qoriski pointed toward the Bundaran HI roundabout. The people who had been standing stiff like mannequins began to move, but their movements were strange. They didn't speak, they didn't laugh; they just walked straight toward the large buildings with vacant eyes.

"Wait, why are they still like robots? Didn't they say their emotions would be returned?!" Qoriski asked in confusion.

Freza checked his holographic screen again. His face suddenly hardened. "Dammit... The Liquidator lied again. She returned the world, but the emotions are still being held in the 'Accounts Receivable Warehouse' as additional collateral! They won't go back to normal until we pay the first installment!"

"So you mean these people in Jakarta are now just emotionless laborers?!" Qoriski stood up, his emotions boiling over. "That's so evil, Mas! Even more evil than my old boss in the System!"

"That's why we have to move fast. We have to find out where that warehouse is," Freza said, starting to walk toward his old office building. "Citra! Where are you?! You're still alive, right?!"

Citra's figure emerged from behind the ruins of a TransJakarta bus stop. Her armor was destroyed at the shoulder, but her electric sword still glowed dimly. "I'm here, Freza. But I have bad news. That Andromeda mothership that crashed earlier... it wasn't just full of robots."

"Then what was in it?" Freza asked.

"It was full of 'Junior Liquidators' who just graduated from the Galactic Academy. They were sent here for an internship... and their internship task is... to harvest every stagnant asset on this planet," Citra answered with a tone of dread.

"An internship?! So my planet is being used as a field study site?!" Qoriski's anger almost exploded.

Suddenly, a very high-pitched laugh was heard from atop the Grand Indonesia building. A teenage boy with neon hair and overly glamorous clothes sat on the edge of the building, holding a device that looked like a giant remote control.

"Whoa! So this is the planet they say has the legendary auditor? Nice to meet you, the name's X-Ray, Rank One Intern Liquidator!" the teenager shouted while waving. "My task today is... to perform creative asset deletion! Get ready, big brothers and sisters!"

X-Ray pressed a button on his remote. Instantly, the buildings around Bundaran HI began to melt, turning into hot liquid metal that formed new monsters with highly abstract shapes.

"HEY! DON'T BREAK THE BUILDINGS, YOU IDIOT! THOSE ARE MY ASSETS!" Freza screamed in fury.

"I'm not breaking them, big brother! I'm just performing Asset Recycling!" X-Ray replied with a giggle. "Ayo, prove that you're really good at debt collection! Fight this, my custom-made Inflation Monster!"

The liquid metal formed a giant figure whose belly kept expanding and contracting irregularly. Every time its belly expanded, the air around them felt hotter and more suffocating.

"Qoriski! Citra! Get that brat!" Freza ordered while opening his document bag. "I'll find a clause to cancel his internship status! No intern is allowed to damage public facilities without the supervision of a licensed mentor!"

"On it, Boss! I'll give him a lesson in work ethics!" Qoriski lunged forward, but suddenly he was stopped in mid-air by a web of binary code that appeared out of nowhere.

"Master Freza! I'm caught! This web is as sticky as superglue!" Qoriski shouted, struggling to free himself.

Freza stared at his holographic screen, trying to find X-Ray's weakness, but instead, a massive new warning message appeared, covering his entire field of vision.

[WARNING: SYSTEM OVERRIDE BY 'THE DEVELOPER']

[ALL LEGAL ARGUMENTS ARE CURRENTLY SUSPENDED]

[REASON: UNPLANNED SERVER MAINTENANCE]

"What?! Maintenance in the middle of a fight?! Are you crazy, System?!" Freza screamed at the sky.

The world around them suddenly began to lose its color, turning black and white. The movements of X-Ray, Qoriski, and Citra froze mid-action. Freza tried to move his hand, but his body felt heavy, as if encased in cement.

From behind the creeping darkness, a simple wooden door appeared in the middle of Sudirman Street. The door opened slowly, and a man in a t-shirt that read 'I HATE MONDAYS' stepped out, carrying a cup of steaming instant noodles.

The man looked at Freza, then let out a long sigh. "Freza, Freza... You're really giving the dev team a headache, you know that? Do you know how many lines of code I had to rewrite because you sued over that dinosaur point?"

Freza glared, trying to speak, but his voice only came out as a hoarse whisper. "Who... are you?"

"Me? Just call me 'The Dev.' And I'm not here to collect a debt," the man approached, then whispered something into Freza's ear that made the auditor's heart feel as if it had stopped beating. "I'm here to tell you... that your father wasn't actually an auditor. He was..."

The man's voice was suddenly drowned out by a very loud static noise. The entire world around Freza shattered into pieces like glass hit by a sledgehammer. He fell into an endless black hole, only catching a glimpse of a piece of paper floating by with his father's handwriting...

Freza, don't believe the numbers you see...

Reality around Freza completely vanished. No more Jakarta, no more system, no more Qoriski. All that remained was absolute darkness and the sound of a heartbeat getting faster, until suddenly everything stopped abruptly, as if the power cable of the entire universe had just been forcibly pulled from its socket...