The Accidental Adventurer's Guide to Chaos

Chapter 2: Sword Points and Misunderstandings

The tip of the silver blade remained pressed firmly against the hollow of Rangga’s throat. Up close, the woman was even more terrifying. Her eyes weren't just grey; they were the color of a storm cloud about to ruin a weekend picnic.

"I’m going to ask you one more time, spy," she said, her voice dropping to a dangerous, silky whisper. "Who sent you? Was it the Dark Lord’s vanguard? Or are you a scout for the Iron Duchy?"

Rangga gulped, feeling his Adam’s apple bob against the cold steel. "Look, lady—I mean, Officer? Knight? Ma'am? I’ve already told you. I’m not a spy. I don’t even know where I am. I was at work. In an office. With cubicles and a very subpar coffee machine."

"Cubicles?" She narrowed her eyes, the blade shifting slightly. "Is that a province in the Forbidden Lands? Speak clearly!"

"No, it’s—it’s like a tiny room with no walls where dreams go to die," Rangga groaned, his hands still raised. "Listen, I’m just Rangga Alvero. I work in customer service. My biggest crime is occasionally taking an extra ten minutes on my lunch break when the line at the deli is too long. I don’t know anything about a Dark Lord, and I definitely don't know why this pebble is glowing like a cheap disco ball."

The woman’s gaze flickered to the gold stone on the ground, then back to his face. She looked genuinely confused for a split second before her expression hardened again.

"You possess the Pebble of Eternal Destiny. Only a high-ranking agent or a legendary hero could even touch it without being incinerated," she argued. "And looking at you... you’re clearly not a hero."

"Ouch. First the squirrel, now you? My self-esteem is taking a beating today," Rangga muttered. "And for the record, I didn't 'possess' it. I tripped over it. It’s an occupational hazard of being remarkably clumsy."

"Tripped over a Grade-S Artifact," she repeated, her tone dripping with disbelief. "You expect me to believe the heavens dropped the key to the Crystal City in front of a man who looks like he’s wearing a sack of wrinkled rags?"

"It’s a cotton-poly blend!" Rangga snapped, his frustration finally outweighing his fear. "And it’s very breathable! Look, I died because of a vending machine. Do you even know what that is?"

The woman lowered her sword an inch, her brow furrowed. "A... vend-ing ma-chine?"

"Yeah. It’s a giant metal box. You put money in, you press a button, and it gives you a snack. Only mine didn't give me the pretzels. It just gave me a one-way ticket to... whatever this place is."

She stared at him for a long beat, the silence broken only by the grass giggling somewhere behind them.

"An Iron Altar," she whispered, her eyes widening. "You were sacrificed to an Iron Altar of Offerings? And it spat you out here?"

"I mean... that’s a very dramatic way of putting it, but sure. Let’s go with that. The 'Iron Altar' was hungry for my three dollars and my life."

The woman finally sheathed her sword with a sharp clack. She didn't look convinced, but she looked less like she was going to turn him into a kebab. "I am Sirinya Chaweng, Third-Class Knight of the Silver Aegis. And you, Rangga, are either the most brilliant infiltrator I’ve ever met, or you are a complete idiot."

"I'll take 'complete idiot' for five hundred, Sirinya," Rangga sighed, finally letting his arms drop. They felt like lead. "So, are you going to arrest me, or can I go find a way home now?"

"You aren't going anywhere," Sirinya said, reaching down to grab the glowing pebble. As her fingers neared it, the stone emitted a sharp zap, and she hissed, pulling her hand back. "It... it rejected me."

"It did what?"

"The Artifact has bound itself to you," she said, looking at him with a mixture of awe and pure annoyance. "The System notification you saw—it means you’re the carrier. If I try to take it by force, the Quest will fail, and according to the laws of Aetheria, we’ll both probably explode."

"Explode? Nobody said anything about exploding!" Rangga shouted. "The box said 'Permanent Deletion'! That sounds way cleaner than exploding!"

"It’s the same thing!" Sirinya snapped. "It means your soul is erased from the code of the world! Do you have any idea how serious this is? We have to get you to the Crystal City immediately. If the Dark Lord’s minions find out a 'Customer Service' worker has the Pebble, they’ll hunt you across every realm."

"Wait, 'we'?" Rangga stepped back. "I don't even know you! You just tried to shave me with a sword!"

"It is my duty to protect the carrier of a Main Quest," she said, though she looked like she’d rather be doing literally anything else. "Even if that carrier is a man who fights with snack boxes."

"I told you, I didn't fight it! It was a draw!"

Before Sirinya could respond, a strange sound drifted through the air. It was a high-pitched, bubbly barking, like a thousand rubber ducks being squeezed at once.

Yip! Yip-yip! Squish!

Sirinya froze, her hand flying back to the hilt of her sword. "Did you hear that?"

"Sounds like a dog show in a swamp," Rangga said, looking around. "Is that another talking squirrel? If Barnaby is back to insult my shoes, I’m leaving."

"Quiet!" Sirinya commanded. She scanned the horizon where the neon-green grass was waving frantically. "Those aren't dogs. They’re Slime-Puppies."

"Slime-Puppies? That sounds adorable," Rangga said, relaxing a little. "What, do they just bounce around and lick you?"

"They’re carnivorous gelatinous organisms that use their cuteness to lure prey into a false sense of security before dissolving their flesh with acidic enzymes," Sirinya said flatly.

Rangga’s eyes went wide. "Okay, so not adorable. Definitely not adorable."

Suddenly, the grass parted, and a dozen blobs of glowing blue goo hopped out. They had stubby little legs, floppy ears made of translucent jelly, and big, glistening black eyes that took up half their faces.

"Oh, come on," Rangga said, his heart melting despite the warning. "Look at them! They have little wagging tails! How can something that cute be dangerous?"

One of the Slime-Puppies hopped toward Rangga’s foot, letting out a tiny, melodic mewl. It looked up at him, tilting its head.

"See? It likes me!" Rangga reached down. "Hey there, little guy. You want a—"

"Don't touch it!" Sirinya lunged forward, grabbing Rangga by the back of his shirt and yanking him backward just as the puppy’s mouth opened.

It didn't have teeth. Instead, a spray of neon-green acid shot out from its gullet, sizzling as it hit the spot where Rangga’s hand had been a second ago. The laughing grass in that area let out a final, horrified scream before turning into a puddle of black goo.

"Holy—!" Rangga scrambled up, hiding behind Sirinya. "It’s a Xenomorph! A cute, jiggly Xenomorph!"

"Draw your weapon!" Sirinya yelled, stepping into a defensive stance.

"I don't have a weapon! I have a ballpoint pen and a half-eaten stick of gum in my pocket!"

"Then use your magic! You’re the 'Chosen One', aren't you?"

"I’m the 'Chosen One' of getting the wrong order at Starbucks! I don't know how to do magic!"

The Slime-Puppies were surrounding them now, their bubbly barking turning into a low, vibrating hum. The lead slime, a slightly larger one with a tiny crown-shaped bubble on its head, bounced forward. It growled—a sound like a dishwasher struggling with a heavy load.

"Stay behind me," Sirinya commanded, her sword humming with a soft white light. "I’ll try to carve a path. Just don't trip over your own feet again!"

"I’ll try, but no promises!" Rangga shouted over the noise.

Sirinya moved like a blur, her blade whistling through the air. She sliced through the first two slimes, their bodies popping like water balloons. But for every one she popped, two more seemed to wiggle out from the tall grass.

"There’s too many!" she shouted, kicking a slime away. "Rangga, do something! Activate the Pebble! Use an ability! Check your interface!"

"My what? How do I check an interface?" Rangga panicked, waving his hands in front of his face. "Uh... Menu? Settings? Help? Customer Support? I’d like to speak to a supervisor!"

[ ERROR: SUPERVISOR NOT FOUND. ]

[ ADVICE: TRY NOT TO DIE. ]

"Thanks for nothing!" Rangga yelled at the blue floating box.

The lead Slime-Puppy saw its opening. While Sirinya was busy parrying three of them at once, the Alpha Slime leaped. It flew through the air, its mouth gaping wide, aiming straight for Rangga’s face.

Rangga froze. He could see the swirling acid inside the creature's translucent throat. He could smell the ozone and strawberries. His nose began to tickle. All that silver dust he’d inhaled when he tripped—it was finally catching up to him.

"I... I..." Rangga’s face twisted.

"Rangga, move!" Sirinya screamed, turning her head.

"I... I... HHHH-ACHOO!"

The sneeze was tectonic. It didn't just come from his nose; it felt like it came from his very soul. A shockwave of pure, golden energy erupted from Rangga’s face, propelled by the sheer force of his sinuses reacting to the silver dust.

The golden light hit the Alpha Slime mid-air.

POP.

The creature didn't just burst; it disintegrated into a cloud of sparkling glitter. The shockwave continued, rippling outward in a golden circle that sent the rest of the Slime-Puppies flying back, their bodies dissolving instantly upon contact with the light.

Silence returned to the Whispering Fields. Even the grass stopped giggling, seemingly stunned into a hush.

Rangga stood there, rubbing his nose with his sleeve, his eyes watering. "Ow. That really hurt my throat."

Sirinya stood frozen, her sword halfway through a swing. She looked at the empty field, then back at Rangga, her mouth slightly agape.

"What... what spell was that?" she whispered. "The Golden Gale? The Breath of the Creator?"

"It’s called 'seasonal allergies,'" Rangga wheezed, wiping his eyes. "And I think I just blew a blood vessel."

DING!

The blue window appeared again, right in front of his face.

[ ENEMY DEFEATED: ALPHA SLIME-PUPPY (LVL 5) ]

[ EXPERIENCE GAINED: 150 XP ]

[ LEVEL UP! ]

[ CURRENT LEVEL: 2 ]

[ NEW SKILL UNLOCKED: CRITICAL SNEEZE (RANK: F-) ]

[ NOTE: PLEASE CARRY TISSUES. ]

Rangga stared at the screen. "Level two? I got a level for sneezing on a puddle?"

Sirinya walked over, her expression a mix of terror and begrudging respect. She poked him in the shoulder with her finger, as if checking to see if he was still solid. "You... you just annihilated a pack of predators with a bodily function."

"In my defense, it was a very powerful sneeze," Rangga said, trying to regain some dignity.

"We need to get to the city," Sirinya said, her voice urgent. She grabbed his arm, her grip tight. "If you can do that much damage by accident, I can't imagine what you'll do when you actually try. You’re a walking catastrophe, Rangga Alvero."

"Hey! I prefer the term 'Unconventional Specialist,'" Rangga countered as she began to drag him down the path.

"Just keep your mouth shut and your nose clear," she muttered. "I’m not dying because you decided to have a hay fever flare-up in the middle of a boss fight."

"Fine! But if we see a dragon, I'm holding it in!"

As they hurried down the shimmering silver path, the golden pebble remained on the ground for a moment before magically vanishing into thin air, reappearing inside Rangga’s pocket with a faint, satisfied hum.

Behind them, a single blade of grass whispered to its neighbor. "Did you see that? He sneezed them to death! How tacky!"

"Totally," the other blade replied. "I hope the Ogre eats him."