The Shameless Urban System: Chaos and Laughter

Chapter 1: The Beginning of Misfortune

"We’re done, Rendy!"

The bitterness of the cold latte soaking into the fibers of his jeans was nothing compared to the sharp ache stabbing at Rendy's chest. Before him stood Bintou, the woman he had worshipped for the past three months, the woman he had been feeding with his meager savings, staring at him as if he were a pile of talking filth.

"Don’t ever contact me again. You have absolutely no future. You’re literally counting coins in your wallet just to pay for this coffee. It’s pathetic," Bintou hissed, her voice loud enough to make two men at the nearby table, Amadou and Samba, turn their heads while suppressing a laugh.

Rendy stood frozen. His face burned, reddening to the tips of his ears. He wanted to lash out, to tell her he had just lost his monthly bonus due to a coworker’s sabotage, but his tongue felt heavy and paralyzed. Bintou turned on her heel, her scented hair fluttering in the cafe’s air conditioning, leaving Rendy slumped in his seat with a large, island-shaped coffee stain right over his crotch. It was a truly humiliating and compromised position.

Just as he was about to take a deep breath to steady himself, the phone on the table vibrated violently. A text notification popped up on the spider-webbed screen.

From: Mariam (The Boss from Hell)

Content: Rendy, the audit report you submitted is absolute trash. I don’t care about your excuses. If you aren't at the office by 8:00 AM tomorrow with the new contract from the client, don’t bother showing up. You’re fired.

"Perfect," Rendy whispered bitterly. "Rejected by a woman, humiliated in public, and now unemployed. All that’s missing is a lightning strike."

He rose from his chair, ignoring the cynical gaze of the cafe waiter, and stepped out onto the city sidewalk, which was still stifling from the leftover heat of the afternoon sun. His steps felt heavy, as if every inch of asphalt were trying to swallow his worn-out shoes. The world around him blurred; the roar of engines and the distant honking of vehicles sounded like a symphony of failure celebrating his collapse.

However, as he passed through a narrow alley flanked by concrete skyscrapers, something strange happened. A sudden ringing filled his ears, a high-frequency pitch so sharp that he reflexively covered his ears and dropped to his knees.

"Argh! My head!" he rasped.

Ding!

A mechanical voice, possessing an oddly... sensual tone, echoed directly inside his skull. It wasn’t like the flat, robotic voice of a typical virtual assistant; it was a husky, provocative female voice, as if she were whispering a forbidden secret right into his ear canal.

[Brainwave Synchronization: 10%... 45%... 100%]

[Congratulations! The most pathetic host with the deepest repressed desires has been found.]

[Initiating Installation: 'Shameless Urban System']

"What... what is this? Who’s talking?" Rendy panted, cold sweat soaking his back. His vision began to shift. Before his eyes, a neon pink, translucent window flickered coyly.

[Host Status: Rendy]

[Level: 0 (Society’s Trash)]

[Charisma: 2/100 (Even stray dogs don't want to look at you)]

[Stamina: 5/100 (Tires easily, 'finishes' too fast)]

[Special Skill: None]

"Society’s trash? Low stamina? What do you mean by that, huh?!" Rendy shouted at the empty air, causing a pedestrian named Ibrahima passing by to quicken his pace, assuming Rendy was just another local lunatic.

[Don't complain so much, Host. This system was created to turn a loser like you into an unashamed ruler of the city. Because in this world, only those who dare to cross moral boundaries get everything.]

Rendy felt a surge of heat crawl from his tailbone, creeping up his spine until it exploded in his brain. The pain shifted into a terrifyingly pleasurable sensation that made his knees buckle. He could feel his heart beating with an unnatural rhythm.

[WARNING: System energy critically low due to installation process. Immediate recharge required via 'Vital Energy' from the opposite sex.]

"Vital energy? What are you talking about? I just want to go home!" Rendy tried to stand, but his body refused his command. His chest felt tight, as if an invisible hand were crushing his heart.

Ding!

[EMERGENCY MISSION: LIFE OR DEATH!]

[Target: Kiss the hand of the first woman you see within 60 seconds.]

[Failure Penalty: Instant heart failure and a humiliating death in a state of permanent erection.]

[Reward: Survival and 10 Basic Attribute Points.]

"What the hell?! You've gotta be kidding!" Rendy's eyes widened. Death with a permanent erection? That was the most shameful way to die in human history. He didn't want to make the crime section of the paper with a headline like that.

[Time Remaining: 55 Seconds...]

Rendy’s heart raced wildly. The pain in his chest became tangible. He crawled out of the alley, his eyes darting everywhere. The street was quiet, with only a few cars passing by. Where was a woman? Where?!

[Time Remaining: 40 Seconds...]

"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" Rendy ran with all his might toward the intersection. His lungs burned. Every ticking second before his eyes felt like a death knell. His logic screamed that this was insane, that kissing a stranger’s hand out of nowhere was harassment that would land him in prison. But the choice between prison and dying in such a shameful state was easy to make.

He spotted a luxury black Mercedes-Benz parked in front of the lobby of an elite office building, not far from his position. The back door opened, and a woman stepped out.

From this distance, Rendy could see the perfect silhouette. Her jet-black hair was tied in a neat bun, revealing a long, smooth, fair neck. She wore a formal business suit—a dark gray blazer that hugged her body, accentuating her waist, and a pencil skirt that draped over her toned hips and thighs. Her high heels clicked rhythmically against the asphalt.

[Time Remaining: 15 Seconds...]

Rendy didn't have time to think. He pushed his legs, leaping over the road divider with his last remaining energy. He felt like a predator chasing its prey, though in reality, he was more like a desperate man chasing his last breath.

"Sorry! Forgive me!" Rendy screamed internally.

The woman paused for a moment to adjust her handbag, her back to Rendy. Her scent hit him—an expensive, intimidating sandalwood perfume. Rendy was only three meters away.

[Time Remaining: 5 Seconds...]

[4...]

[3...]

Rendy lunged forward. He didn't care if he looked like a criminal. Just as the woman turned around, alerted by the hurried footsteps behind her, Rendy grabbed her smooth, cold right hand.

"Huh?!" The woman’s voice was sharp and startled.

Rendy didn't hesitate. With his eyes shut and his heart nearly exploding, he pulled her hand to his face and planted a deep, wet kiss on the back of her hand. He kissed it as if it were the last oxygen tank at the bottom of the ocean.

Ding!

[Emergency Mission Successful!]

[Vital Energy Absorbed. Heart Function Returned to Normal.]

[Reward: +10 Charisma Points have been added automatically.]

Rendy let out an immense sigh of relief. The weight on his chest vanished instantly. But the relief lasted only a second. He slowly opened his eyes, still holding the woman’s hand with both of his, and looked up.

The world seemed to stop spinning.

The face before him was more than just beautiful; it was a face he knew all too well. Those sharp eyes behind thin-rimmed glasses stared at him with a mixture of extreme shock and simmering rage. Her lips, painted in a deep red shade, were parted slightly, trembling with emotion.

"Rendy?"

The voice was cold enough to freeze water in the middle of a desert. Rendy felt all the blood drain from his face.

The woman was Mariam. His boss. The 'Ice Queen' of the marketing department. The woman who had just sent him a termination text ten minutes ago.

"Rendy... what are... what are you doing here? And why are you kissing my hand like a madman?" Mariam asked, her voice rising an octave, thick with lethal authority.

Rendy remained kneeling before Mariam, in the middle of an office lobby that was beginning to fill with employees heading home. He could feel the stares of the receptionist and the security guard, Boubacar, who had already begun gripping his baton near the entrance.

"I-it's... um, Ms. Mariam..." Rendy tried to pull his hand away, but his internal system started acting up again.

Ding!

[Follow-up Mission Detected: 'The Lethal Touch'.]

[Target is in an emotionally unstable state (Angry/Shocked). Use this opportunity to lick her palm to soothe her nerves.]

[Penalty: Impotence for 30 days.]

[Reward: Active Skill 'Golden Tongue'.]

"You've got to be kidding me!" Rendy shouted, his voice finally coming out aloud.

"Kidding?" Mariam yanked her hand away forcefully, but because Rendy was gripping it too tightly in his mission-induced panic, Mariam was pulled closer toward him. Their position was now incredibly intimate; Rendy's face was only a few centimeters from Mariam's flat stomach, and he could smell the intoxicating scent of her luxury soap.

"Let me go this instant, Rendy! Or I will call the police!" Mariam snapped, her pale face now flushing red with a mix of embarrassment and fury.

Rendy trembled. Thirty days of impotence? That was a punishment crueler than death for a young man. He stared at Mariam's palm, open right before his eyes. His logic screamed Run!, but his system screamed Lick!.

Sweat beaded on Rendy's forehead. He looked at Boubacar, who was starting to walk over with a menacing look. He looked at Mariam, whose eyes were flashing with pure hatred.

"Forgive me, ma'am... this... this is for my health!"

Rendy took a deep breath, preparing to do something that might land him behind bars or six feet under, but his 'Urban-Lecher' system had just begun the real game. Mariam had no idea that in the eyes of the system, she was no longer just a terrifying boss, but an 'S-Rank' target with a reward that would make Rendy the most powerful man in the city.

Just as Rendy's tongue was about to touch Mariam's soft skin, a luxury sports car screeched to a halt right beside them, and a muscular man named Modibo, Rendy's fiercest office rival, stepped out with a mocking grin on his face.

"Rendy? What are you doing to Ms. Mariam's feet... ah, hand?" Modibo asked, intentionally raising his voice so everyone could hear.

Rendy froze. Mariam also froze. The situation had just gone from bad to a total disaster.