Tour with Thaziit

Jasper threaded his way through the crowd moving toward Big Market’s main gate. It really was pretty impressive—tall, wide, with gold stones on one side and a sturdy metal door open in the center. Jasper wondered how many people thronged through it daily. He ambled amiably toward a group of tourists, nonchalantly attaching himself to the edges of the cluster. The slender Siirt employees of the tourist trap were handing out the equipment necessary to fully appreciate “the premiere place for galaxy-sized bargains,” as Big Market brazenly advertised itself. Jasper accepted his own set of shopping gear: a lightweight yellow and black helmet with a large visor, gloves equipped with sensors, and a bulky belt. The employees were loaded down with sets designed for humans, as his species was among the most avid tourists and, apparently, extremely fond of tchotchkes. The herd of eager shoppers that Jasper had joined tramped through the gate, and it closed behind them. They were within the market’s walls, along with other clusters of shoppers, but the four walls that enclosed several square miles contained absolutely nothing else. “Welcome, everybody!” came a cheerful voice. Jasper turned to behold one of the most outlandish things it had been his honor—or misfortune—to witness… and it was a human. A thin, tall, lively man with an enormous smile, wide eyes, scrawny beard, and an outfit straight out of a third-rate theater troupe, lifted his arms expansively. His robes were long and flowing, striped in orange, yellow and red… because, you know, desert. Huge hoop earrings dangled from his ears. But what was most arresting about him was his turban. It was about three times the size of one that was usually utilized in hot climates, and presently it perched atop his head like a brightly colored beehive. He was now waving for silence, and the excited murmuring of the throng died down. “Welcome, everybody!” His voice could not be any more cheerful. “I am thaziit, and I have the honor of being your guide for today.” He bowed, hand on his heart. “So, whose first time is this at Big Market?” Half the tourists raised their hands, tentacles, or other appendages, but not Jasper. He listened with half an ear as he frantically examined the market’s map, prominently displayed on a nearby wall, trying to locate Section 4, Aisle 122.

"Wonderful!" Thaziit exclaimed. "Let me remind you that there are nearly one million stores in Big Market, so I'm sorry - we won't be visiting them all!"

He feigned sorrow, and a chorus of "awwwws" went up. Then he brightened.

"But! But, but, but. We will try to get to the most interesting ones! But before we go, just a few reminders so you can stay safe and shop happily! Remember that for each section, you will pass under a portal."

Jasper saw no portals. The living giant turban continued, "Important safety tip! Watch the letters on the top and verify that the 'U' for human is fully green. That's for your own security. Big Market cannot be held liable for any mishaps humans encounter if the 'U' is not green. Now!"

He clapped his hands together and rubbed them excitedly, his eyes so wide open the pupils were completely encircled by white.

"There are seventy-eight sections and more than five hundred streets. We're going to see amazing sights! Find incredible bargains! But above all, we're going to try not to get lost!"

Knowing laughter rippled through the crowd and Thaziit laughed the loudest. Jasper, still perusing the map, felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle, as if he were being watched. He spun around, staring through the visor of his helmet, but he saw nothing.

"So!" the ebullient guide was saying. "Everybody needs to keep together right behind their guide, whose name is...?" He spread an arm expectantly and held his other hand to an ear completely enveloped by the brightly striped turban.

"Thaziit!" the tourists replied in unison, exchanging smiles and chuckles. "Glad to see that some of you are paying attention," thaziit approved, glancing around meaningfully at others whose eyes were fixed on their gauntlets or busy reading the map—like Jasper. Again, there came the friendly ripple of laughter that conveyed that this was a group of happy people filled with anticipation.

"You can activate your systems… now!" Jasper, along with everyone else, hit the button in the middle of his belt buckle. Light streaked and sparkled across his field of vision as he observed thaziit, the tourists, and the walls that enclosed the empty Big Market compound.

Then, suddenly, the guide, the tourists, and Jasper appeared to be surrounded by a staggering variety of stalls, run by vendors who seemed to represent every alien species Jasper knew. A murmur of delighted amazement rippled through the crowd of bargain-hungry tourists.

"Welcome to Big Market!" announced thaziit, and grinned.

Eliza sat with her cheek pressed to the grimy window of Major Gibson’s bus. The view was of the massive red wall that delineated the space of Big Market, but she didn’t see the stone barrier, and she wasn’t thinking about shopping.

She wasn’t even thinking of the mission right at this moment, which was completely out of character for her.

She was thinking instead about what Jasper had said, and wondering if her next step after this mission would be to kiss him on the lips, or kick him… elsewhere.

"If you’re joking, Jasper…" The smart money would be on that, she mused. Eliza knew, after serving beside him for two years, that there was much more to the young major than met the eye. She was well aware that despite his antics, he took his position very seriously and with a great deal of respect. He was courageous, dedicated to his job, and more intelligent than his frequent goofiness would let on to those who didn’t know him well.

But there were also things that he didn’t take seriously or with respect, and the sort of traditions and rituals that Eliza valued deeply were among that number. Relationships for him were so fleeting and insubstantial that Eliza didn’t think she could even grace them with that name. Flings, she thought, would be a better word.