Chapter 1: To You, From Another Me. To The Perspective Of You.

Different noise, different topics to pass the time. The combined idiocracy of having to talk with each other about themselves. The chattering sound of the students in one classroom talking about many things from their personal lives and sharing it with their friends alike, happily smiling with each other, laughing together.

Students talk to each other as if they were friends a long time ago. They greeted and waved at each other with different handshakes. Changing their aura and the tone of their voice to fit into a circle of friends. Voicing out their likings to one another and smiling alongside trust of knowing the greatness of life.

“Hey! Have you heard of that latest game that is so trending right now!?” A boy with blonde hair said as he happily talked with another boy in front of him.

“What game? Ah! Are you referring to that game!? Moonlit Saga 2?” A boy came rushing from the entrance.

“Yes, that one! You know it, Kira?”

“Yes, yes! Of course, I know it! I’m a fan of it!” Akira said happily. He showed his portable game.

“Woah!” The students were in awe as they saw what was inside Akira’s game.

I stared at them. Jealousy? Maybe so… I don’t think I have the time to do that.

“Haa…” I sighed heavily. I turned my head from the window and stared at the setting sun.

Students who share their lives with other people are happily laughing together. Students who put a lot of trust into that classmate was the time when they put all their faith into building up that trust that will last for a long time.

{Well, middle schoolers shouldn’t worry about stuff like ideals or life. We focus more on having that wonderful dream.}

We don’t worry. We don’t care. Middle schoolers are all about the type of games we will play or what personality we want to have to become a celebrity in that school.

“Huff~” I took a deep breath and sighed.

Life of mine. It’s boring. Nothing makes me happy or smile. The sky looks pale in my eyes. Everything looks flat. This Life is such a dull rhythm note that I compose from my perspective.

“Haaa……….” I sighed heavily again. It's like every sigh felt a little bit lighter.

A loud footsteps come running down the hallway. Everyone looked at it while I stared into the afternoon sky, wandering thoughts as I thought of something fun to do in a lonely life.

“Heyas!” The voice of a girl suddenly greeted me. It was such a loud greeting that I flinch.

I turned to my side to see who it was to see that they’d arrived with a heartfelt greeting and a broad smile of non-flaunting of lies.

“Oh…” I uttered a single word. My mouth was agape as I stared at them. My mood suddenly turned brighter as I saw them.

I noticed behind Mirai’s back that Flure was running towards me. I closed my eyes.

“Hehehe…” I could hear Flure giggling in front of me. “Hey, hey, hey!” He suddenly yelled so loudly into my ear.

“Haa… What is it, Flure?” I looked at him with a disheartened look.

“Nothing. You look like you’re thinking very deeply.” He smiled. He put his hand on my desk and laid his chin on it. “So. Were you thinking of a beautiful girl? Have you found someone you like as you stare at the window during lecture time?”

"Flure..." Flure is such a cheerful person. Personally, he is an annoyance to me. Someone who is obnoxious. Despite my dislike for this type of personality, I am soothed by his nose. He also happens to be Louis' twin brother.

“Flure! Stop bothering! I always tell you not to do that since Ataru couldn’t take you!” Louis looks mad.

“Sorry, brother…” Flure looks dismal as Louis said that.

Louis was the twin brother of Flure, a minute older, in my knowledge. They are twins, but for some reason, the calmness, mannerisms, and gentleness were all poured into him. He’s a good guy since he always stops Flure for me. He’s also part of the student council. Everyone respects him and adores him. I’ve seen many female students ask him to be his girlfriend, but I think I’ve heard him say no every time.

Everyone looks at him with such a look. They were eyeing him since he was a good-looking person. Although he’s good when he’s in school, in actuality, he actually acts like a baby, which I find adorable. That’s why I like him.

“Are you also thinking about girls, Ataru? Aren’t I a girl also…” Mirai looks at me with a sad look.

“No. I’m not looking for someone right now." I said. Mirai happily smiled as she heard that. She looks adorable whenever she smiles.

Mirai… Mirai… I don’t know what to say to her. If I have one word to describe her, maybe it’s cute. Mirai is like a good friend to me. She’s the first one to talk to me; she’s the first one to approach me. If I ever dared to confess, maybe I had already done so and got rejected.

“Hey, hey, hey! What are you daydreaming about? Why are you staring for too long at Mirai’s face!” Flure forcefully turned my head in his direction.

“Stop it already, Flure. I’m so sorry about this, Ataru. I can’t control him.” Louis said. He bowed twice and tried to remove Flure’s hand on my face.

“It’s okay, Louis. I don’t really mind.” I say.

“See! He doesn’t mind! So can you look at me now, Ataru?” I took a quick glance at Flure to see him use his technique. He has this pleading look in his eyes right now. I turned around in his direction.

“So…? What is it?” I said.

“Can we go to your house now? I really wanted to go to your house. Can I? Can I?” Flure said.

“No.”

“Eh? Why? Doushite?” Flure started speaking in a Japanese tone.

“Maybe next time.” I smiled.

“Eh… Next time again…” He looked disappointed as I said that.

“What are you even gonna do in his house, Flure?” Louis said.

“I’m going to play with Mori! A sleepover!” He said happily.

Louis took a long, heavy breath as he turned to his face sideward. He was sweating heavily and panting.

“You know… You’ve already said the same thing last time, and Ataru told me that you just bothered him while he was studying.

“Eh? Really, you said that to him, Ataru?” Flure looks at me with his pleading eyes.

“Haa… yes,” I replied.

Flure started trashing around, making weird faces. He looks distraught.

“Sorry about this, Ataru. He’s always like this.” Louis said while apologizing. He grabbed my hand and bowed into it. He really does this a lot.

“Should we head out now?” Mirai said. She looks at me deeply into my eyes. Staring with a smile.

I turned around again and took a quick glance at the window. Seeing everyone inside the school leaving already for the day. Happily talking with their friends as they left.

“Sure!” I smiled at Mirai. She looks pleased.

Flure was still making a fuss on the floor. He had already toppled a bunch of chairs and tables as he wailed. It was funny that I captured the sight into my eyes and embedded it deep into my memory.

This kind of scenario with your friends. A scenario that only happens once in a lifetime. Leaving together with a smile.

“Haaa…” I took a deep sigh as I grabbed my bag.

I turned around again at the sight of my friends.

{I’m happy to be together with them.}

I looked back and happily smiled.

******

The Streets Near My Empty House

It’s already near my street. This conversation will stop as we get there. A sense of sadness builds up as I part ways with my friends.

My smile was always tense whenever I was with them, but every time we reached this point, I always faltered with regret for not showing my true self to them. I’m afraid… Afraid that if I return to myself. Then, my dreams will never appear again.

This dream… This self dream… My dream… A repressed memory… A distortion.

With one step, tears started to build up. With two steps, I’ve faced that maybe I’ll see them again. With the third step, I remembered this was not the same thing I did in my final step in front of my house. I don’t know what is fake and what is real. I forgot. I repressed it. I distorted it.

This… Memory… I don’t know if we’re always like this…

{Who am I?}

“Haa… Goodbye now, Ataru. We’ll see you again tomorrow.” Louis said.

“I think I will miss you already. I… I don’t want to part yet.” Mirai said. She looks like she’s about to cry for some reason.

“Heh. I’ll see you again tomorrow, Ataru. I hope I can play in your house again..” Flure said. He was posing in a cool way.

“Sure. If I have the time, I’ll invite all of you, and we’ll have a party.” I said with a smile on my face.

They waved their goodbyes as we parted in front of our house. I continued to wave until their figure disappeared on sight.

I always feel this… This dread… This constant regret of not having to spend more time with them again… Though I know that we’ll return from this time point again. A continuous repetition that will never stop.

{The constant anguish that I’ll never forget.}

******

In My Room: (***********)

Darkness enveloped this house. Our first floor looks devoid of light as darkness continuously consumes it. I fear the dark, yet I can’t embrace the light either. I feel… Tired whenever I stare at the void.

I lay down on my bed. Face flat on my comfortable bed. Smelling the sun that passed through my open window. It’s refreshing. Taking a deep breath in, it always has the smell of old rust. Everywhere I peered my eyes on, there was always something dark. The comfort of warmth always fades away whenever night comes.

The loneliness that always eats me up, sucking my soul.

Was there anything? A something… that could cheer me up? This house… created with illusion. These memories are made by distortion.

“Haa…” I took a deep sigh while under my blanket.

- Oh? You’ve returned now.

“Yeah. Just now.”

- So what do you think? Was this day worth it?

“Surely.”

- Did you have fun?

“Probably.”

- But are you satisfied?

...

“No.”

- Can you talk to me about it?

“No.”

“In a second, I don’t mind telling you.”

- Cool! I’ll listen to your story.

“It’s normal. Probably the same thing that always happened to me.”

- Uh-huh.

“Listening to the lectures and stuff, listening to the conversation of my classmates, listening to the announcements. Hmm... What else? Oh! Talking to my friends and stuff."

- What about your friends?

“They’re always there.”

- Are you still my friend?

“You’re the first friend I created, right?”

- Hehe. You’re probably right.

“You’re the only thing that can make me feel at ease during these nights. It’s always great to talk to you. Even though… I’m just talking to you inside my head. It’s amusing.”

- Really?

“Yes, really. Though I wish I could touch or see you.”

- You know that’s impossible, right?

…

“Yeah. It’s impossible.”

- Do you want to sleep already?

“Yeah.”

- Then you should hurry then. It’ll come back already.

“I know.”

- You don’t want to remember the truth, right?

“Yeah…”

- I’ll save you. Every time.

“Yeah…”

I took my prescribed medicine in the medicinal cabinet. Emptied sleeping pills that are stacked up in the garbage. The taste of iron that comes out of the very water I drink of.

I swallowed a lot of it. Pills that could help me sleep. Though… I’m not sure… If I’ll ever wake up again… Though… I’m not sure if I’ll repeat this again, but it helped me calm down and felt at ease.

I lay down on my bed. I tucked myself up, stared at the ceiling, and reminisced about the happiness I received that day. This happiness.

This… Memory… This… L…I…E

- Goodnight… Myself…

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