Ascended by Accident: My Luck is a Joke

Chapter 4

"Put that thing away, Mei. You’re going to give yourself a cramp if you keep tensing up like that," Dimas said, gesturing loosely at the inch of steel gleaming between her fingers. "And honestly? Threatening the guy who just saved your sect from becoming demon-flavored glitter? That’s bad karma. Really bad."

Mei Lin’s jaw tightened, her knuckles white on the hilt. "You called me by my name again. And you... you tricked me into doing that... that ridiculous hand gesture. My dignity is currently in shambles, Dimas."

"Dignity is overrated. We’re alive, aren't we?" Dimas stepped back, holding his hands up in a mock surrender. "Besides, you were a natural. If this 'General' thing doesn't work out, I think you’ve got a bright future in idol management. We just need to work on your stage presence. A bit more smiling, a bit less 'I’m going to murder everyone in the front row.'"

"I am going to murder you," she whispered, though she finally clicked her sword back into its scabbard. She looked out over the cheering disciples, her expression a mix of bewilderment and irritation. "They’re actually doing it. Look at them. They’re all crossing their fingers like fools."

"It’s called a trend, Mei. I’m a trendsetter," Dimas chirped, his heart still doing a nervous tap-dance against his ribs. "Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go... uh... meditate. Deeply. Alone. In a room with a lock. Possibly some snacks."

"Wait," Mei Lin commanded, stepping into his path. The height difference was still annoying. "The demon is gone, but the energy you released... it wasn't normal. There was no spiritual circulation. No dantian activation. How did you do it?"

Dimas let out a long, dramatic sigh, leaning against a marble pillar. "Mei, Mei, Mei. You’re thinking too hard. You’re trying to use logic on a guy who literally breathes the Void. It’s like trying to explain color to a bat. You just gotta feel the vibe, you know?"

"The 'vibe'?" she repeated, the word sounding alien in her elegant voice.

"Exactly. Don't worry about it. Go tell the kids they did a good job. I’ll be in the North Pavilion if the universe decides to explode again."

*

Dimas didn't go to the North Pavilion. He bolted for the most secluded training hall he could find, a dusty room filled with wooden practice dummies and the smell of old incense. He slammed the doors and slumped against them, breathing hard.

"Okay, System," he hissed, the neon-blue window flickering into life before him. "Talk to me. What was that? I almost died of embarrassment, and then I almost died of a sword to the face."

[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION: USER HAS REACHED LEVEL 2]

[CURRENT SOUL-SHAMING POINTS: 540]

[NOTE: THE CELESTIAL REALM IS HIGHLY ENTERTAINED BY YOUR SHAME. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.]

"Entertained? I'm out here fighting for my life, and the gods are watching me like I'm a reality TV show?" Dimas paced the room, his cheap pajamas rustling. "And what’s with the glow? Mei Lin is suspicious. If I don't show her something 'martial' soon, she’s going to turn me into a kebab."

[SUGGESTION: TO MAINTAIN THE FACADE, THE USER MUST DEMONSTRATE 'PHYSICAL CULTIVATION.']

[NEW TECHNIQUE UNLOCKED: THE WIND-SHAKING HEAVEN METHOD.]

"Wind-Shaking Heaven? Okay, that sounds cool. Is it a punch? A kick? Do I get to throw fireballs?"

[LOADING VISUAL DEMONSTRATION...]

The stick figure appeared again. It stood still for a second, then began to swing its arms rhythmically side to side, hips jerking in the opposite direction.

Dimas stared. "That’s the Floss. You’re telling me the 'Wind-Shaking Heaven Method' is just the Floss?"

[CORRECT. THE RAPID REPETITIVE MOTION DISRUPTS THE LOCAL ATMOSPHERIC ETHER. ALSO, IT LOOKS INCREDIBLY STUPID, WHICH GENERATES MAXIMUM CRINGE ENERGY.]

"I hate you," Dimas whispered. "I hate everything about this."

"Ancestor?"

Dimas jumped nearly three feet in the air, spinning around to see Mei Lin standing in the doorway. She had moved so silently he hadn't heard a thing. Her icy blue eyes were narrowed, tracking his frantic movements.

"Oh! Mei! Hey! I was just... uh... warming up," Dimas stammered, smoothing down his polyester dragon.

"I came to apologize for my earlier... aggression," Mei Lin said, though she didn't look particularly sorry. She stepped into the room, her gaze lingering on the wooden dummies. "But I also wanted to see your private training. Elder Feng says the Ancestor’s movements are a map of the stars. I wish to learn."

"Learn? Oh, no, no. This is... this is very dangerous stuff, Mei. Very high-level. If you do it wrong, your arms might fly off. It’s a whole thing."

"I am a Master of the Seventh Realm," she said, her voice dropping into that dangerous, silky tone. "I think I can handle a 'warm-up.' Show me, Ancestor. Show me the power that banishes demons."

Dimas looked at her. She looked back, her face a mask of stoic determination. He looked at the System window, which was flashing a 'PROCEED' icon in bright pink.

"Fine," Dimas groaned. "But don't say I didn't warn you. This is the 'Wind-Shaking Heaven Method.' It’s all about... uh... centrifugal soul-rotation."

He took a deep breath. He planted his feet. And then, with the grim resolve of a man walking to the gallows, he started to Floss.

Left, right, behind, front. His arms swung like frantic pendulums. His hips snapped back and forth.

Mei Lin’s expression didn't change for a full ten seconds. Then, her eyes began to widen. Her mouth parted slightly. "What... what are you doing?"

"I'm shaking the heavens, Mei!" Dimas shouted, his face turning a deep shade of magenta. "Can’t you feel the... the tension? The absolute disruption of the status quo?"

"Your arms," she whispered, stepping closer. "They are... moving behind your back, yet your torso remains stationary. The logic is... it’s impossible. It defies every law of skeletal structure I know."

"That’s the point!" Dimas gasped, starting to break a sweat. "It’s a paradox! I’m a living paradox!"

[CRINGE DETECTED. SOUL-SHAMING POINTS: +10, +10, +10...]

[ACTUATING ATMOSPHERIC DISRUPTION...]

Suddenly, the air in the room began to stir. A light breeze picked up, circling Dimas’s feet. Then, it grew stronger. The dust on the floor began to whirl in a miniature cyclone. The heavy silk banners hanging from the ceiling started to flap violently.

Mei Lin gasped, her hair whipping around her face. "The air... it’s reacting! You’re not even using spiritual energy, but the world is literally trying to get away from you!"

"It’s working!" Dimas yelled, actually impressed for once. He sped up his movements, his arms becoming a blur of cheap black polyester and golden dragon scales. "Look at me, Mei! I’m a human fan! I’m the AC unit of the gods!"

The wind grew into a howling gale. A wooden practice dummy was lifted off its feet and tossed across the room, shattering against the wall. Mei Lin had to plant her feet and unsheath her sword just to use its weight to stay grounded.

"Such... such chaotic power!" she shouted over the roar of the wind. "It has no center! No flow! It’s pure, unadulterated madness!"

"Exactly!" Dimas stopped abruptly, striking a final pose with his hands on his hips.

The wind died down instantly. The silence that followed was deafening. Dimas was panting, his hair standing up at odd angles.

Mei Lin stared at him, her chest heaving. A single strand of hair was draped across her nose, and for the first time, she looked genuinely rattled.

"You..." she started, then stopped. She stepped toward him, her hand trembling as she reached out. She didn't grab her sword. Instead, she gingerly touched the fabric of his sleeve. "How can something so... so ridiculous... produce such a result?"

"It’s the secret of the universe, Mei," Dimas said, his voice dropping into a low, faux-serious register. He took a step closer, noticing the way her eyes flickered. "The more you care about looking cool, the weaker you are. True power... is being okay with looking like a complete idiot."

Mei Lin looked into his eyes. For a second, the 'Icy General' was gone. There was just a girl who had spent her entire life trying to be perfect, looking at a guy who was the exact opposite. The space between them felt charged, not with wind, but with something far more dangerous.

"I don't think I could ever be that strong," she whispered, her gaze dropping to his lips.

Dimas felt a surge of genuine warmth—the non-System kind. "Hey, I could teach you. We’ll start with the Macarena. It’s a very spiritual journey."

The moment was shattered by the sound of a heavy brass gong echoing through the mountain pass. BONG. BONG. BONG.

Mei Lin snapped back to reality, her face flushing a deep crimson as she jumped away from him. "The alarm? But the demons were defeated!"

The doors to the training hall burst open. Elder Feng was there, looking pale.

"Ancestor! General!" Feng cried out. "An envoy has arrived from the Black Vulture Sect! They heard of the 'Ancestor’s Awakening' and have come to... 'pay their respects.'"

Mei Lin’s eyes turned back into ice. "The Black Vulture Sect? They’ve been trying to swallow our territory for decades. They’re not here for respects."

"They have brought their 'Young Master,' the Prodigy of the Iron Claw," Feng added, wringing his hands. "He has issued a formal challenge. He wants to duel the Ancestor to 'verify' his divinity."

Dimas’s stomach did a backflip. "A duel? Like, with weapons? And hitting each other?"

"It is a challenge of honor, Great One!" Feng said. "If you refuse, they will claim we are harboring a fraud and use it as an excuse to launch a full-scale invasion!"

Dimas looked at Mei Lin. She was looking at him with a mix of concern and expectation.

"Well, Ancestor?" she asked, a small, teasing smirk playing on her lips. "Are you going to show them the 'Wind-Shaking Heaven Method'? Or should I go get the broom to sweep up what’s left of the Young Master?"

Dimas swallowed hard, looking at his 'Dragon' pajamas.

"Tell them I’ll be there," Dimas said, trying to sound brave while his knees knocked together. "But tell them I’m very picky about the music. If they don't have a good beat, the heavens might not shake as much as they'd like."

Mei Lin laughed. It was a short, sharp sound, but it was the most beautiful thing Dimas had heard since he arrived.

"God, I'm going to die," Dimas muttered as they walked toward the gate. "I’m definitely going to die this time."

[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION: NEW MISSION]

[OBJECTIVE: DEFEAT THE PRODIGY USING ONLY 'DANCE-BASED' COMBAT.]

[REWARD: A PAIR OF DIVINE SNEAKERS (LED LIGHTS INCLUDED).]

"Divine sneakers?" Dimas whispered. "Okay. Now we’re talking."