Beast Tamer's Damned Regression

Chapter 6: The Weight of Secrets

Varek woke to the sound of Marta moving around in the kitchen below and the weight of the Gnarl curled against his chest. For a long moment he did not move. He lay still and stared at the cracked ceiling and let the memory of the throne vision settle into his bones like cold water finding its level.

Aurelius had known his name. He had looked directly at him across the impossible distance between the present and the future and called him a little moth tapping at a window. Every time he borrowed a memory, the Lightbringer felt it. Every vision pulled him closer to the man on the throne of bones and there was nothing he could do about it yet.

The Gnarl stirred and opened its red eye.

[You are thinking too loudly. I can feel it.]

"It's good that you can feel it, at least you know what exactly I am thinking about."

[You are thinking about telling someone, you are thinking about walking into the Academy and finding a master you can trust and telling them everything you know.]

Varek turned his head on the pillow and looked at the creature. Its black fur gleamed in the grey morning light. It was bigger now, nearly the size of a small dog, and its limbs had grown longer and more solid. It did not look like a pest anymore, It looked like something waiting to bloom and transition.

"Yes," he said. "I was thinking about that all that, its mind draining."

[If you ask me, I will say it is a bad idea because If you tell anyone, Aurelius will definitely find out within a day. He has spies everywhere. He has been building his network for centuries. The Academy masters report directly to him. The city guard reports to him also. Even the beggars on the street corners might be on his payroll.]

"Then what am I supposed to do? Fight him alone?"

[For now, yes. Until you are strong enough to find allies you can trust and trust is a rare thing in a world where memories can be traded and stolen.]

Varek sat up and rubbed his face with both hands. He had known the answer before he asked the question. He had seen what happened to the elders who tried to expose Aurelius. They had died with their mouths full of light. He had seen what happened to his father. He knew too well the price of telling the truth.

So he would hide all of it. The Regression Gift and the borrowed visions and the beast that was growing stronger in his narrow room while the world outside laughed at him. He would walk into the Academy and wear the mask of the broken boy, he would let Draven mock him and let Vespera smile her innocent smile. He would be so unthreatening that no one would ever suspect what was growing behind his eyes.

"Marta will ask questions," he said. "She already knows something is wrong."

[Then lie to her. Lie to everyone for your own sake. The truth is a weapon you cannot afford to hand out yet.]

A knock came at the door and Varek flinched before he could stop himself.

"Master Varek?" Marta's voice was muffled through the wood. "You did not come down for breakfast. I was starting to worry."

He stood up and opened the door. Marta stood in the hallway with a tray of bread and tea and a look of deep concern on her lined face. She peered past him into the room and her eyes lingered on the Gnarl, which had closed its red eye and now looked like nothing more than a small black creature curled on the pillow.

"You have been in here all morning," she said. "You barely touched your supper last night. And you look like you have not slept in a week."

"I slept."

"You slept and yet you look worse than when you went to bed. What is happening to you, my boy? And do not tell me it is the old nightmare again. I have seen you after nightmares. This is different, talk to me… what's happening?”

Varek took the tray from her hands and set it on the wooden chest. He did not want to lie to her because she was the only person left in the world who loved him unconditionally but the truth would put a knife in her hand and point it at her own throat.

"I am just tired," he said. "The ceremony took more out of me than I thought and the way they all laughed and made mockery of me. The things they said, I keep hearing it over and over in my head."

Marta's face softened. "They are cruel people with small hearts. Your father used to say that the loudest mockery comes from the emptiest souls and he was right."

"I know. But knowing does not make it stop hurting."

She put her hand on his cheek the way she used to when he was small. "Give it time. The city will find someone else to gossip about soon enough. And you are still a Soren, you are still your father's son. No amount of laughter can change that."

Varek nodded. "I was thinking of enrolling in the Academy. Classes start soon. If I hide in this house forever, they will say I am a coward."

Marta's hand dropped to her side. "The Academy? With those wolves? They will tear you apart in no time boy."

"Then I will learn to bite back."

She stared at him for a long moment. Then she let out a slow breath and shook her head. "You sound like your father when you say things like that. Stubborn to the bone…Fine. Enroll in the Academy but promise me you will be careful. You are all I have left of this house."

"I promise, I will be extremely careful."

She left the room and closed the door behind her. Varek sat on the edge of his bed and stared at the bread on the tray. He was not hungry, he was never hungry anymore.

[You lied well. She believed you.]

"I hate lying to her."

[I know. But you are also protecting her. Sometimes love means hiding the truth from the people you care about most.]

Varek looked at the Gnarl. Its red eye was open again, watching him with that ancient patience that still made his skin prickle.

"You said you need to feed. You said the dead beasts in the graveyard will make you stronger. How much stronger can you get from them?"

[Strong enough to protect you from anything short of Aurelius himself. But I need more than dead things. I need live prey. Beasts that still have their magic intact. The graveyard has the remains of creatures that were strong once, and the echoes of their power are still there. It will be enough for now.]

"And when it is not enough anymore?"

[Then we will find bigger prey, but tonight, you will take me to the graveyard after dark.]

Varek nodded. He had a plan now though it's a small one, but it's still a plan… way better than nothing.

For now he will hide everything, wear a mask when needed, and feed the beast in secret… grow stronger one night at a time until the cold table came and he was ready to flip it on its side and burn the whole room down.

He spent the rest of the day in his room. Marta checked on him twice and both times he told her he was just resting. When the sun finally sank below the rooftops and the house went quiet, he pulled on his coat and tucked the Gnarl against his chest.

"Are you ready?" he whispered.

[I have been ready for centuries. You are the one who needed time to catch up.]

He slipped out the back door into the cold night. The streets of Ironhold City were empty and dark. The moon was a thin silver claw hanging low over the rooftops. He kept to the alleys and the shadows, moving toward the eastern gate, toward the graveyard where the dead beasts lay waiting.

No one saw him and he made sure that no one followed him also.

But somewhere in the back of his mind, he felt the Lightbringer's gentle smile pressing down on him like a thumb on a bruise.

Keep borrowing, little moth. When you arrive, I will be waiting.

Varek walked faster than ever…